Queen of Swords. The independent woman.

   Drawing the Queen of Swords completes for me the court cards of the suit of Swords. As with all the Queen cards she represents the feminine aspect of rulership. In this set she is the active competent while the King is the passive.
     The Queen herself is obviously an independent woman quite capable of taking care of the matters of the kingdom. She is facing to the right on the card and looking to the future, her hand raised as if bidding another to rise, or to gesture onwards or upwards.
   She wears a cloak of clouds which indicates that she is still connected to her feminine intuitive nature, even with the mantle of leadership placed upon her. The White robe beneath it shows the clarity and purity of her thoughts, but don't confuse that with naivete or innocence. The upright swords represents martial power and is reminiscent of the Justice card, showing she is quite capable to meting out force when necessary. One thing to notice is that the sword is creating a barrier between herself and whomever she is addressing.
    This figure still feels it necessary to keep people at a distance with a show of naked steel (her intellect). The clouds and wind behind her show there is still a great deal of emotional content, even though she is quite capable of rising above it when necessary (the gesture indicates this). The bird above her head shows that she occupies this space a lot of the time and can be solitary in nature. These aspects indicate the need to rise above emotional situations in order to advance.
    Again we can see a lot of butterfly symbolism showing transformation and evolution. In this instance I feel it indicates being able to transform emotionally volatile situations by rising above them. She is much more connected to her intuitive side than the King, shown by the face of the Cherub on the side of the Throne. In his card the cherub is small, whereas here he occupies a large place on the side of the throne and therefore in her methods of rulership.
  She wears a head scarf of orange and the lining of the cloak is also orange, though these are a subdued colour. This indicates she is still in touch with her emotions, even if they are somewhat hidden or covered by the trappings of rulership.
   In general this card I feel shows the modern ideal of a personally liberated woman as viewed by society. That she is able to hold her own in arenas that are often (myopically) seen to be the sole province of men. She is still able to firmly keep hold of her femininity in spite of the phallic nature of the suit of swords. Both this suit and that of wands are typically male elements (fire and air) and both Queens in those decks have mastered this energy without losing their innate nature as women.
      Whenever I have drawn this card before it has often symbolised my own wife Zoe. The idea of being an independently minded woman has figured very large in her life and like for many of us is a work in progress. Her chosen career is that of a writer, which fits in with the indications of this card, along with her Libran nature (again connections to the Justice card). At the moment she is reading a book which she is finding empowering for her femininity in a way that has not been present in her own life.
      I do think that there are a great many challenges to women who chose to rise above the legacy that patriarchy has left behind. I like to hope that there are less obstacles to women achieving a  level of personal liberation than there has been previously. It takes a level of courage, for both men and women to step beyond the roles that society defines for us. A good female friend of mine wishes to raise a family and struggles with the idea of being a mother and primarily a mother. She was a strong feminist for some years and the idea of setting down and raising a family somewhat chafes at her, even though she would make a great mother.
      It seems that for many women, that there is a constant struggle in many roles and regardless of what they choose have lots of extra barriers to overcome. I think her choice to be a devoted mother is a totally valid choice and a sacred trust. I see that this new-found independance for many women leaves them in a place in which there is no safe ground in which to feel comfortable, either they become career women and face the danger of trying to fit an old patriarchal model. Or if they decide to become a mother who wishes to raise their children they supposedly fly in the face of their independence.
         In the end the Queen of swords is showing us just one facet of female empowerment and it not so much matters if we are male or female, but whole.

Ace of Wands. Creative flowering.

   The Aces represent primal elemental energies. In this case it is fire. This is the first wand I have drawn so far and is one of the most potent wands.
   The Wands represent creative energy in its purest form. When an Ace arrives it heralds the dawning of something new and in this case it is usually a creative endeavor.
   The wand itself is very phallic in nature and looking at the symbolism of the card it is very difficult to ignore that. The vitality of the wand is so great that even though it is no longer attached to a tree, it is still sprouting leaves.
    This card is one of awakening and there is something that I read while researching about this card which seemed relevant.

And the day came

when the energy it took to remain tight in the bud

was more painful than the risk

it took to blossom.

 
        The card is one of awakening from limitation in a fiery column, bursting bonds with a strength that can only be understood by the way in which a tiny plant can push its way through solid concrete, cracking it open as it grows.
      In the card a glowing divine hand proffers the wand as it emerges from a cloud. That signifies a divine gift that has been offered directly from the universe itself. In the background of the card one can see a lush backdrop, verdant and green with a river running through it. Atop a hill stands a white castle, similar to the symbol of the lost Camelot. The white symbolising purity and the castle itself as being an end point and representational of prosperity, spiritual treasures and fulfillment.
      Powerful emergence is one way to describe this card, explosive flowering is another. Avoiding the sexual connotations of this card is almost impossible, as sexual energy is understood to be at the root of creativity and spirituality. It is not the staid passionless religion this card speaks of, but the vibrant, vital and the very much alive passion found in living creative essence.
     Similar to the Magician's wand, the wand in this card is a conduit for heavenly creativity. When one receives this card it shows that very soon there is going to be a creative rebirth occurring, a breaking free of the bud, so the flower can bloom in all its glory. There maybe a feeling of tension present which shows the need for the expansive release.
       There is a tendency to look for immediate correspondences in ones life when one draws a card. But in my experience the Aces tend to represent energy that is about to emerge into our lives breaking old patterns with their vitality.
    In my own life, things have been snowballing with my own progress of awakening. The kundalini energy is awakening and before it my old life is falling away, even if it is a scary process for me to behold in some areas of my life. But, in others I can only look with growing joy as the staid way of living is falling to pieces. At times it can be a little much, as over the previous weekend I woke up seeing migraine auras, with a headache and my eyes looking (According to Zoe) as though I had been given black eyes even though I had slept for over 11 hours. I have been taking a physical beating as this energy awakens. On Sunday I woke to a dream of someone getting their legs mangled and by the evening after a game of soccer I could barely walk.
    Another instance of this has been the increasing number of synchronicities that have been occurring in my life and even in the lives of others around me. Today, Zoe, M and I went down to Sedona to enjoy a day out in nature. M drove us to Red Rock Crossing and walked along the side of the creek...this of course is another synchronicity as you can see a river running through the lush green of the card.
     The entire area was buzzing with nature and animals. We saw spiders, lizards, bright green grasshoppers, damsel flies, ants and best of all for me a hawk. As we returned to our vehicle I saw a hawk land in a tree not 20 feet from us in the car park. It is unusual to see such a bird of prey in the sky, but for it to land next to us in a car park was a very unusual experience. It even allowed us to walk up and take several photographs of it as it flew down to eat a worm not 10 foot away from us. The hawk has always been my own particular spirit animal, often appearing during meditations or on shamanic journeys. So for it to appear so close to us and pose for pictures was a profound moment for me.
    The test for me in this is not to panic and to fall into old ways of thinking which have only held me back as the energy creates new opportunities for me in my life. The Ace of Wands asks us to grasp these new opportunities as they are presented.

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I- The Magician

  The Magician card stands near the beginning of the Major Arcana (The Fool is actually first). He is a primal masculine energy, that of the active principle. He is the Fool's first encounter along the path, that of the first conscious step forward.
    Let us have a look at some of symbolism before we look in greater depth. He stands facing forward with one arm raised to the heavens holding a vertical wand to serve as a divine lightning rod. The wand is phallic in nature, which would actually fit in well with this card given its links to active energy. His left arm points to the earth below in which he is going to ground the energy. He himself is simply a conduit for the energies of heaven passing through him to the ground. His arms create a slanting angle which is reminiscent of the kabbalah's lightning flash.
     The lightning flash is the way in which energy travels through the tree of sephiroth from high to low in a zig-zag fashion. This lightning flash shows how heavenly energy moves through the layers of creation from idea to construction to completion. Every single act of creativity requires that these steps are followed. First there must be space in which an idea can be born, then comes the flash of inspiration which fills that void. This in turn is followed by a process of limitation which defines the concept with realistic boundaries before it can make its way into the world. It is then follows the zig-zag of expansion and contraction, until it is fully constructed.
     The Magician card represents that instantaneous generative force, completely active in nature, the flash of inspiration which is then channeled into form. The magician himself is the conduit or channel for that power.
    He wears a white robe, which represents his purity of purpose along with a red cloak above it symbolising vitality and the connection with the material. White and red are often seen as powerful symbols of creation. In the Grail legends Merlin was believed to have remarked on the forces of creation as being a white and red dragon eternally locked in twisting battle. They are also the colour of blood, milk and seminal fluids, which are all connected with the act of creation.
     Above the Magician's head is a lemniscate, which is a the symbol representing infinity. This symbol actually appears over the heads of several of the figures in the Tarot. It represents the divine forces sublimated into the characters of the cards and the universal binding of forces. The energy systems of the body create a upright lemniscate, circulating universal life force around our beings.
   Around the Magician's waist is a belt in the form of a snake biting it's own tail also known as an Ouroboros. This symbol is known to represent the eternal ring of life, where the end is only the beginning and so forth. Anyone who has seen the Neverending Story will have seen this before! In the Nordic legends Yggdrasil the World Tree's roots are encircled by a huge snake or dragon called Nidhogg whom holds its tail within its mouth. When it wakes it will evoke the end of the age through Ragnarok.
    The table represents an earthly plane on which all the four elements are lain out before him. A Chalice representing the element of water. A pentacle representing earth. A staff representing fire and a sword symbolising the mental plane of air. This shows the magician's mastery of all the elements in the service of the divine. It is also connected with the use of ritualistic magic, through the careful application of elemental energies.
  Beneath the table flowers bloom, both lilies and roses..again the red and white. They represent divine love, purity and innocence.
   The card holds a great deal of symbolism and each aspect could be taken further and further. There is a great profusion of information here and just absorbing the symbols within this card gives some clues to its many mysteries. The main element revealed within this card is that of the connection from heaven to earth. The Magician himself is a very strong archetype that is found within mythology and stories the world over. Just think of Gandalf, Merlin or Dumbledore! He is the active principle of the divine, able to conjure flowers or fire from the very air through his knowledge of the workings of the cosmos. He is not the passive mystic who sits and ponders and asks the universe for its bounty. Instead he is the active element who literally draws forth the elements to do his bidding.
   One may be tempted to believe that the modern scientist is an example of this card, but this archetype has one distinction that the modern scientist is yet to understand. His will is also that of the divine and that is why he is able to draw forth such power. He is cosmically connected and serves through his application of will.
    For me, that is the essence of this card and what it has to teach me. I have taken mainly the path of the mystic, who follows in the pathway that is shown to me. That one should remain open and passive in order to best serve.
   The Magician is the complementary of that. He applies his will and force knowing that because he is a servant of the divine that the way will be opened. He is placed where he needs to be in order to function effectively. His acceptance of ritual magics shows he does not doubt his own effectiveness and is capable of changing elements to suit his will, which is tied to the divine. In doing so he becomes the very elements themselves.
    Another important principle within this card is that of the linking of Above and Below. Hermes Trimegistus (The Thrice greatest) was reputed to have created the Tabula Smaragdina (Emerald Tablet) in which he wrote "What is above is also below and what is below is also above". This linking principle connects the heavenly and earthly realms, that there are correspondences both in heaven and earth. Through the Magician's application of this knowledge he is able to alter one to influence the other.
     Of course, outside of all this symbolism what is one to take from this card? It shows a great deal of the mysteries, but how to apply this knowledge in the earthly realm we live in? Once we are done with looking at the symbols, what can we then take home?
     For me it shows it is time to apply the knowledge one has to create something in line with the divine. It does not mean waiting for the universe to hand you the solution, but to take the tools you have at your disposal and do something with them. It means taking a step forward and actively using what you have to achieve what you want.
   I find that this card brings up a feeling of trepidation. I am so used to waiting for the correct time, or waiting for the right opportunity, that to act without "waiting" carries a seed of fear.
   Yesterday I spent the day playing football (soccer) with some friends. I happened to find that there was a muscle that was very tight in my right leg and I was unable to stretch it out fully before the game began. As the game went on it got worse and worse. I found myself unable to kick with any power or to move with any speed. It was as though every time I tried to move, there was a delay or hesitation before I could get moving. This second of slowness meant that my opponents could run circles around me and I would miss simple passes because I couldn't get started quick enough.
    This injury reminds me of my own hesitation before embarking on any endeavor of my own making. Every time I want to take action I hesitate to make sure it is the right thing and often end up messing up my footing. Some people are so confident that whatever they do is the right thing that they never stop to consider it, much less fumble their footing trying to decide which way is best to go. The Magician is the perfect example of someone so attuned and confident in their own actions that there is no hesitation and their timing is right because of this. For some, life is a constant hesitation as they try and figure out the best way to move without stepping on toes, crossing someone's line or upsetting emotions.
   It is not a constant for me, but it is enough to cause me to often question my instinctual impulses so that the moment is lost. The balance between active and passive is weighed too heavily on the passive side for me and the Magician is here to remind me that that balance needs to be redressed. That I am aligned with the universe, I do have the tools necessary and there is no need for hesitation....Lightning does not ponder before it strikes!

7 of Swords. Deceit and dishonesty.

  This card is called the card of dishonesty and is the latest in a run of swords I seem to be pulling out of the deck. This rather innocuous card has open up a Pandora's box of different ideas and emotions in me. Before we get into that, I would like to look at the general theme of the card.
    The suit of swords as been established is related to the mental realm, thoughts in particular. The large number of swords is at this point still an unwieldy amount and creates an element of density in thought. The character  in the card appears to be in the process of making off with a bundle of swords from a camp. He is clearly sneaking away while the others are gathered in the distance unaware of his actions. The colour of the card..a sickly yellow suggests cowardice and his polka dot robe is reminiscent of a clown's attire, or the spots of the pox.
   Rather strangely his eyes are closed and an expression of pleasure is pasted over his face, almost as if his deceit is giving him a thrill. His face is pressed close to the blades and his hands and fingers clutch the naked steel in a way that would likely cause cuts and pain. There is an air of sadistic pleasure from this betrayer as he steals away what is not his.
    He wears a rather unusual hat, similar to a Morrocan fez which adds to his somewhat comical appearance. There is definitely an element of the trickster in this card, although it is without the wisdom of that archetypal being. His closed eyes show that he is not conscious of his misdeeds and may in fact say it was a joke or that he was not meaning to do harm, although the glee evident of his face suggests a sadistic pleasure in taking the power of others.
   The card suggests trickery, betrayal and malicious mischief. It can mean dishonesty and in-genuineness in someone you are dealing with, or in the way you are dealing with others.
   I drew this card late last night, just before I went to sleep and was asking for guidance with an issue that I am discovering with the Sahasrara chakra (Crown) which is at the top of the head. I have felt a great deal of issues bubbling to the surface after I have open up to the kundalini energy more and started to feel greater motivation. Doing this blog also brings things up almost continuously for examination.
   The issue with my crown chakra goes back a long way and in all honesty I have grown so used it that I have somewhat ignored the issue. I used to work for a bank in the UK and it was a job that was very stressful, my job was answering calls relating to the bank software which was usually failing to run people's wages. This meant most people who called were already stressed from their employees wages not being processed and often I had to inform them it was actually their error in not using the software correctly. At one point I was moved to a new section for which I was not trained because of some issue within the corporation. I was forced to deal with high value payment transactions with a very small window of time to fix them. I got calls from major corporations, often from all over the world trying to trace their lost payments which usually were valued in the millions. I was unfamiliar with the software and with the protocols and there was little to no supervision with managers passing off the problem. These calls would come in continuously, one after another with no break allowed between.
      I woke up one morning to find my pillow covered in hair and realised that I needed to get out of there. I walked in and found the head manager and told her either I get moved to a new department, or I would walk out. She moved me to another section and the hair loss stopped. From that point on the hair on the top of my head is a little sparser than I would like.
     This is what was connected to the issues with my crown chakra, but I could not work out how to remedy it. There is no reason why the hair should not grow back. There has been instances of hair loss in my family due to stress and I had passed this off as being the same thing. They had not found solution by leaving the job behind and neither had I..I gave it no further thought. Until now that is.
     That this card would appear in conjunction puzzled me. I could see no immediate connection between dishonesty and my situation. Yes, the bank had treated me badly..but they were hardly dishonest in their actions (those actions anyway!). I could not see me being dishonest in this either. I poured over the books I have on the cards and one detail stood out to me which was about in-genuineness. Did I really genuinely believe it was the right place for me to be? No..I didn't. It was in fact as far from being genuine to myself as I could get. Coming from an artistic and creative perspective, it was nothing like what I would hope for myself.
    With that I realised that I was being in-genuine with myself and that has never stopped. Sure..I understand my tolerances a little better now and know when to lay off a job that is no good for me before it develops into illness or stress. But that is hardly being genuine, it is simply flying under the wire of dishonesty with myself. All I was doing was flitting from one ill fitting position to another until I became too stressed to continue in any of them. This was not remedying the problem, but simply avoiding letting the symptoms get to an unmanageable level.
   The hair will not grow back, until I find something that genuinely fits with me. I can feel the heaviness on my crown chakra and I have felt the stagnant energy flow passing through that region. This of course leads to want to find out what it is that IS genuine for me. I already have a clue simply by where the issue is located...the crown...and no it is not being a King...even if I am a Leo...

King of Swords. Pure mental awareness.

 The King of  Swords is the culmination of the court cards for the suit of Swords. Looking at the line of characters from the Page to the King one can  see a progression, as though the court cards mature.
   The King sits upon his throne looking straight at the viewer, the only court card in the deck to do so. This suggests a level of awareness not present in the other cards and therefore present in whomever the card may represent. The winds behind him are indicative of the air element, so strong in the other cards now stand still in this card .This stillness of mind is indicative of awareness. It is not the blank stillness of a dullard, but the pure awareness of the moment. His posture on the throne is one of confident relaxed authority, his sword resting on his shoulder and no longer in a threatening position as one finds in the other air Court Cards.
      The sky is a brilliant blue as are his robes and the strength of these blues represents the King's ability to communicate his ideas in a precise and straightforward manner. The cloak of red suggests his ability to move quickly and with passion, should the need arise. The purple cloak above it shows that his is more likely to use his royalty and divine authority before it comes to taking aggressive action.
    His crown has a cherubic face adorning the front showing his divine ordination, even though his attributes are more mental in nature. His realm is that of air, thought and connection to divine mind through his mastery of stillness. He is a fellow you would not want to play chess against!
    The butterflies and faeries on the back of the throne link him to transformation and magical realms, even though this is clearly behind him and he not a fellow to be lost in idle daydreaming. He accesses them as a resource to augment his already considerable mental faculties. Such dreamy connections are better left to the court of cups, for him they are a source of potent information.
      For me the card represents the witnessing quality available to us when the mind has quietened and we are no longer blown by the winds. That stillness of mind cannot be overlooked as it permits a great level of control over ones reactions to inner and outer stimuli. Last night I met with a metaphysical meet up group and was pleasantly surprised by the quality of the company and the thoughtfulness of all present.
     One element that came up several times was the difficulty in keeping ones feelings and boundaries intact when venturing into the deeper territories of the psyche. For me I have been grateful for the fruits of my own meditation practice as this has given me the tools to quiet my own mind and find space to look upon every factor without being unduly influenced. The King of swords is the perfect teacher of that state. You cannot imagine him being ruffled by anything that appeared before him. He would simply look upon it as a phenomenon and act accordingly, be it a fairy or a fearsome beast from the subconscious.
    I spent a while trying to find an example in my life to date that  I could put my finger on and state he or she is like the King of Swords. In the end he is a perfect exemplar of that mind state of stillness that can serve so well, in inner or outer life.

The Necessity of Negativity.

   Negativity gets a lot of bad press. There is always someone going on about how bad it is for you.
    I honestly think this needs to stop. At first this may seem like a bad idea...but read on and you may just change your mind...
  Most of us have enough trouble feeling emotions without someone telling you there are certain ones we shouldn't feel.
   The idea that your body produces emotions that are bad for you is rather silly and quite a regressive idea. I too have fallen into this trap over and over again, this is especially true if you decided that you are someone who has decided that goodness is your chosen route.
     We have been told that such emotions as jealousy, anger, hatred, pity, sadness and disgust are all to be avoided as much as possible. Most of the religions are pretty much behind this message, polarising people one way or another. Buddhism for example is quite happy to tell us that ignorance, anger and lust are totally off limits, while suffering is a-okay. Christianity is alright with self-flagellating martydom, sacrifice and poverty, but you can't feel pride, envy or any form of desire relating to something that is not "yours". We get these mixed messages all the time. I picked some of the major religions there, but it is just as endemic in the new age philosophy in which hatred is giving a thorough drubbing along with fear.
    These are totally natural emotions to feel! All of them! There will definitely be periods in your life where you  have to feel them or risk dangerously suppressing them in order to remain OK with which ever philosophy you have chosen for yourself or the way in which you are living your life.
   All these emotions are giving us vital signals about things that are wrong with the way we are living. You feel jealousy that your lover is lusting after another..great! It means that you are getting a signal that things are not going the right way. You feel hatred your boss has fired a great co-worker? Wonderful!..now you can see that there is something up. You feel sad that you are single? Spot on! It is showing you that there are parts of a relationship that make you feel good.
     Now don't take what I have said the wrong way,  what the real message is, is that you should not let these feelings dictate your actions. Feeling hatred for your boss's callousness is all well and good and allows the emotion to pass through you, but throwing him/her out of the window is no good for any one, because face it, they will just hire another.
    What is really important is allowing yourself to really feel these negative emotions, let them up...let them out of whichever part of you that you have been squirreling them away in. Let the anger or the sadness rise up. Yes, you may feel bad for a while, but it is going to leave eventually once it has all come up. Once this is done then you will feel much better and maybe when it is all gone you can see what the real reason is that caused it in the first place. If this is a particularly powerful emotion, you may want to seek professional help in releasing it or finding a safe place to do so.
     This squirreling away of negative emotions is what causes those raw wounds that never heal, because you are not allowing the puss and foulness to leave your body so it is constantly fighting it. Another scratch in the same area and you feel it all over again! This is why we armour ourselves in the places we have been hurt so much. But if you let it out..then you won't need the armour!
    This has been a process for me and I am still learning to be okay with negative emotions surfacing. I let myself be angry for almost a whole year...that was pretty good for me. I now have my fire back. I had to warn people away of course, so I did no un-necessary burning. I recently let myself be okay with self -loathing..so now it doesn't have to slink around like a bad dog and try and avoid my gaze and in return it gave me back my motivation. Today self-pity meekly raised it's hand to be noticed. I don't know what gift it will give to me once I am cool with it, but I am looking forward to my new relationship with it. Maybe tomorrow disgust will wave a slimy tentacle and we can be friends too...
 

XVI- The Tower

  The Tower is one of the the Major Arcana and is often presumed to be an ill omen-ed card to draw because of the imagery on the card. There is a tendency to think that it is a "bad" card when it is drawn. In spite of this, it is actually one of my favourite cards to find in a reading!
    The Major Arcana speak of strong currents and powerful archetypes, of things set in motion beyond our understanding and this card is one of the most dramatic of those. The Tower itself represents our ego consciousness, the sum total of the structures we build for ourselves in order to keep us "safe" from the dangerous forces that lurk beyond our understanding. It is all the social, moral, legal and personal values that we cement around the core of our beings..our armour if you will. We crown our egos King and Queen and let them preside over all they survey from the safety of their ivory tower. It is the smugness of the egomaniac, the certainty of the scientist, the legal fortress of the lawyer and the presumption of mankind. It is our own Tower of Babel, defying all around to prove us wrong while we sit safely (so we believe) behind the walls of our own flawed understanding.
       The lighting strikes the tower dissolving this egoic structure in one devastating blow, liberating those within from the confines of their own prisons. The bolt is seen to be smiting the crown from the top of the tower, symbolising the fall of the ego as ruler. The lightning flash is a symbol of the liberating forces of the universe delivering the blow. It is the blow that slays the dragon of our own pompous illusions, the sundering of the gates to freedom.
       The fire and flaming yods (the red orange tear shapes) symbolise all the liberated energy that was being used to maintain the false structure. It takes an immense amount of energy to maintain the tower of our own beliefs and with its destruction comes the release of that energy and the feeling of liberation. There are 22 yods in all, indicative of the 22 paths of the Kabbalah. This means a complete release of energy. The tower is literally burnt to its foundations.
      When this card is drawn it shows that a ego structure is about to be brought low. Concentrating on the terror of this is why so many people fear this card. they desperately cling to their own egos in order to feel safe. Think of the explosion in Fight Club in which the protagonist's apartment is destroyed along with all the possessions which previously defined him and the subsequent moment of relief when he recognises his own liberation. Without this single moment of divine destruction his journey would not have begun, he would have remained trapped in a prison of his own construction.
        The lightning bolt doesn't have to be a literal bolt that blows your house to pieces. It could be a flash of inspiration which destroys all previous theories, a ray of sunlight which dispels the darkness of your own fears.  These are all Tower moments, without which we would continue to live under the iron rule of our own egos.
       The card is also connected to the neck and the voice. Some cards show the tower being destroyed by a vocalised shout. This is akin to a liberating scream, or the words of rebellion that shatter the bonds of confinement.
       The two figures falling from the tower are those that have set themselves as false Gods. These two figures are a representation of the mother and father archetypes that so many of us still live under. We project the faces of our fathers and mothers on the the faces of the gods and yet we are the ones that enthrone them as the rulers, even though we desperately believe we are no longer ruled by them. These false rulers are passed on and on, never being questioned and so we make the same mistakes our parents did because we have inherited their own tower of beliefs. We may hang different tapestries on the walls and pretend that we really decide what we think, but we look out from the same windows and see the same things as they did before us.
      So when this liberation comes, this thunderbolt from the heavens it is to be embraced as it lays waste to all  that keeps us trapped.
    The card also has a strong link to Kundalini energy, as it passes through the body like a thunderbolt burning away the dross and stagnation that has built up within us. The Kriyas can be seen as a the blocks of our towers falling away as the lightning strikes away the dense parts of our consciousness.
    This card comes at an opportune time for Zoe and I. She is working towards liberating herself from some confining and suffocating instances in her life that have kept her trapped. She rose with the early morning to write and release her feelings and she spoke to me afterwards of how she felt something shift in her heart and a feeling of lightness.
    For me, this card has been a constant companion and I have watched many parts of my life tumble away after being shattered, stripping me the core. Some losses are harder to bear than others and this is not an easy card to have come up, but one I am grateful for because it brings a great sense of liberation once the work is done. I am reminded of the difficulties that can emerged when letting go of things that have defined us and this can even lead to physical purgings. I have seen people after making a profound realisation spend hours being sick or releasing toxins of one sort or another. This is particularly common when something that has been deeply ingrained is proven to be false, we can feel as if the world is literally coming to pieces or collapsing all around us. One can take heart that what is being released is ready to leave and that something much purer can replace it.
    It brought a realisation about my own life and thoughts just an hour after drawing the card. One which I believe will have profound impact on my life once it can be fully implemented. I have been considering the idea of abundance and how ones intentions and energy goes to define the reality we experience. I talked about this a little in the previous card (6 of Pentacles) when I realised I had been valuing my work at zero and therefore programming myself to feel I was not putting anything out there materially.
     What I realised as I lay in bed last night before sleep is that I put an awful lot of energy into thinking how to prevent myself from having so little. All it does is re-enforce that I have little. I spend time working out how to make an income, which is really just spending time in the energy of "not having enough". I spend so little time actually feeling what it will be like having what I want and relishing that feeling. All I do is create more of the same. I was able to catch my thoughts as the moved around and look at me figuring out how to not miss out on something, or to not have too little. These mindsets just bring me to the feeling of not having it. It is like visualising a scenario of looking at an empty account and me struggling to fill it. It is the difference between getting caught in a problem and pondering how to get out and being in the feeling of success and letting yourself be led there.
    Rather I should spend my time enjoying the feeling of what it will be like when I get it. I don't do this in other areas of my life, in those areas I just know things will be fine and they continue to be. I once knew a girl who had a fear of swallowing her own tongue and choking, she would spend her time concerned with ways to stop this happening. Each day would be a success if she made it there without swallowing her tongue. It is much the same idea, we all take the idea that we aren't going to choke on our tongues for granted and so we don't spend any time working out to stop this occurring. Whereas for her, there was a very real need to spend time figuring out strategies to avoid this outcome (at least in her mind). She spent much time and energy on what for most of us would seem a total waste of time and in fact was. She had conditioned herself to believe that without that mental effort being continuously exerted she would choke and would in fact start choking the moment she spent too much time thinking about it! If she could spend her time viscerally imagining breathing freely and how great that feels, the paranoia would disappear.
     I hadn't realised that I spent so much time working out strategies which involved lack as a basic constituent. Not that any of them ever help! In fact spending time in a space which promotes the feeling of lack can only hinder the actual flow of abundance, even if it is masquerading as a constructive use of time. For example looking for work on craigslist always left me feeling icky,  whereas spending time generating creative value..be it art or writing or making new contacts always felt good and is always the source of new opportunities.
    This inspirational realisation will revolutionise my own consciousness, because each time I see such a thought squirming around I can let it go and replace it with how it will feel to be travelling, or enjoying a new purchase or just feeling happy. I will be able to start to turn the tide within my own psyche.

 
 
     

6 of Pentacles. Generosity and conscious giving.

 The sixes are cards of harmony and balance. They correspond to Tiphareth in the Kabbalah, which is the mystical heart of the tree. The Pentacles themselves relate to material things such as money, goods and our physical bodies.
   This card is known as the card of charity and it is easy to see why. In the centre of the card stands a wealthy merchant who is redistributing his wealth  to the less privileged. The scales, again reminiscent of the Justice card and Libra point to the balancing of material forces. In this card the high gives to the low so the scales are equalised. The scales are raised showing that fairness is the order of the day, rather than in the Justice card where the sword is raised over the scales, suggesting a time of reckoning.
    The merchant wears a multitude of different colours, the reds symbolising material vigor, the upright blue stripes representing the link from heaven to earth and the green of his boots suggests a loving groundedness. He also wears a purple scarf and sash upon his hat, which depict his spiritual royalty.
    The two lowly recipients of the coins being distributed are clad in robes which cover all but their outstretched hands and beseeching faces. Their simple attire is in direct contrast to his and suggests that their powers are still cloaked by the heavy layers they are wearing.
    The six pentacles above the scene are set out in an uneven pattern, which is bringing home the idea that this is a process of redistribution which is not yet complete. We have only just moved from the poverty of the five and now there is the steady and slow rise to the material strength of the later pentacles. The two beggars in this scene are being brought upwards by the kindness and generosity of the merchant. In the background one can see the city which seems to be present in the four of pentacles, the card of the miser. It shows that there has been movement away from this man made state of mind towards one which will allow a correct flow.
   When I first drew this card, I felt a little uneasy as my financial situation feels somewhat similar to the transition happening with the 5 of Pentacles to the 6. I feel that I have let go of the poverty mindset a great deal after finally being able to step aside from it, even if things have not been fully re-distributed yet. After asking Zoe's thoughts on the cards I realised that I was personifying myself as the rich merchant and the idea of giving away my money was causing some consternation to me. I wondered, is this card asking me to give away what I have?
      We went for lunch today with a friend of ours and I am always in awe of the way in which he seems so in touch with the material world. He simply asks and it is delivered to him, he is often giving out food to the less fortunate, clothes to those who need it and advice and solace to the afflicted. It is like the universe perceives him as a quartermaster for its distribution route. He has helped us and countless people out and asks for nothing in return, yet he is never lacking for things he needs. He considered going camping and within a week he had acquired 2 sleeping bags, a 4 person tent, 3 sleeping mats, a stove and 3 ice chests. All donated to him by people who simply did not need them any longer. No sooner than he receives them does he redistribute what he feels is not his. I learned not to hoard anything through his actions too, at first there was so much stuff he would offer that I would typically just say yes to it...knowing full well I probably would not use it but would keep it anyways...just in case.
        Now, I just ask myself if I do need it or is it destined for someone else? He still gives freely and it is a great thing to witness, even if it is simply on the periphery for now. It is making me consider my own way of thinking with regards to being free to the flow.
     I volunteer at the local hospital doing Reiki for those going through cancer treatments and there has always been a part of me that is irked by the giving of energy freely. My own thoughts have been that I am not looking after my own interests by working for free. I understand that it is valuable work and beneficial to those who receive the treatments, but I have been looking at it all wrong. I am not working for free, I am giving value to a worthy cause. Each of my work hours is of inestimable value and this is energy that is being released back into the cycle where it is most needed. It is the same with this blog. I am providing valuable information that can help people see their lives with greater clarity and open their consciousnesses up to higher planes. It is I who have valued it at zero and therefore have not really been giving. I have viewed my ideas and energy of being zero value, so when I release them out into the world I am programming my consciousness that I have contributed $0 value to my goals.
         It is no surprise that materially I get so little return. I do not doubt it returns to me on many other levels since I get so much out of giving treatments and working to raise people from their living slumber. It is better to understand that I am giving $90 treatments to those who need it.
   So for me this card is telling me to re-calibrate my material values about what I am putting out there. I really am the rich merchant in the card, I have learned that unless I am giving away something I perceive as valuable, then I restrict the ways in which it may return to me. You cannot give poverty and hope for the universe to return abundance...it just doesn't work that way!

Ennui and the Green Man

    I had another dream last night and I wanted to get the words down before they disappeared back into the ether. The dream was one in which I found myself wandering the streets of New York. I have never been there outside of playing Grand Theft Auto in a city based on it (This actually helped me navigate in the dream!).
   In the dream I had the day to spend in the city before returned back to my hostel/hotel. I think I was a tourist there as I was alone and didn't know anyone. The streets were busy and I wandered with no sense of purpose, just spending time.
   I have spent several years travelling so being in a new strange city on my own is not something particularly usual to me. So I was ready to just pass the dream off as irrelevant.
   Since the last few night's dreams have had greater relevance when examined more thoroughly, I felt I should do the same for this one.
    I started with the tone and feeling of the dream which I had at first discounted as usual. When I started to examine how I felt in the dream, I began to realise something. What I had felt in the dream was a great sense of ennui..now this word is not one I particularly use often, but it fits perfectly. It means disinterest through boredom. But it also speaks of a more existential feeling. It is pronounced ON-WE and is French in origin, and as as is known, the French are masters of existential thought and feeling. I felt that the world was uncaring, unsympathetic and indifferent to my loneliness and separation. Anyone who has ever spent time alone in a city when they know no-one has probably encountered this (if not watch Lost in Translation).
      That I would regard this terrible feeling as normal allowed me to look once more at the feelings it evoked and its roots. I think this is a follow on dream from the dinosaur dreams in my last blog posting and it speaks to my feelings at a slightly older age, when the immediate threat to survival had disappeared, or at least had evolved to a philosophy that included it in my burgeoning world view.
     I must have been around seven years old, when I first recall strong feelings of ennui. Which I am guessing isn't something that is usual in a seven year old outside of independent French films. My parents worked very hard in a cafe below where we lived and I recall spending large amounts of time watching the rain falling from the upper stories of our house. They were too busy to devote time to looking after us and there was a great number of babysitters, many of whom would watch TV while they "looked after us". It seemed like the rain would fall endlessly and the hours would drag past, until they would emerge exhausted from below. It is not that my family was restrictive or that they didn't care. We just lived in the centre of town on a busy road, so I couldn't play outside, even if there were any kids to play with. We had a rather smelly backyard, which was slimy and had mint growing up through the broken cobblestones and looked rather like some dreary set from a Dickensian story about urchins.
   Looking more at this I was struck by another memory from some years ago when I was ill with flu. I spent the day in bed with a hot water bottle and the day outside was dreary and raining. I had positioned the hot water bottle under my shoulders and fallen asleep. When I awoke, I found that my shoulders had really relaxed, but it also brought with it a terrible emotion, one of crushing despair and loneliness. It was too much to deal with at the time, so I regrettably had to suppress it. I think that it is likely still there and I think this may well be connected.
    I realise that if this philosophy of an uncaring and unsympathetic world still has purchase on my psyche, then it will likely prevent me from recognizing anything that might disrupt it.  The way in which energy works in conjunction with belief systems is that it lets in data that corresponds with its own ideology and rejects data that might disrupt its homeostasis. It even goes so far as to set itself up to encounter situations that re-enforce its ideology. This means one does not often run into situations that would threaten the status-quo of your belief system. Typical examples I have noticed are; skeptics invariably end up visiting fraudulent psychics,  abusees ending up with abusers, thieves robbing the financially paranoid etc etc. All because the situations continue to re-enforce the dynamic and we are subconsciously always steered towards the path of least resistance. Most of the time it is easier to be robbed, than to change your opinion about robbery ...as absurd as this initially sounds.
    What I am coming to the conclusion is that my own perceptions about the universe were initially loaded from very early on by circumstantial situations. Had my family been extremely wealthy and been able to holiday regularly and spend more time with each other, chances are that my perspective on the benevolence of the universe might have turned out a little different. Of course this may have brought up its own issues.
    This alerts me to the fact that my preconceptions of the universe are likely incorrect and I must learn to de-programme this childish perspective in order for it to more closer resemble the true model. Otherwise I will continuously be drawn towards systems that attempt to validate the way I understood the universe to have run.
    I have certainly witnessed the benevolence of the universe to others, so this makes the job a great deal easier.
    Another chord was struck when I recalled watching an episode of Battlestar Galactica late last night. In the episode Gaius Baltar is preaching about feeling that God loved him and that we are all perfect. Now, although I certainly feel a divine presence pretty much all the time nowadays, I would hardly say that I feel a stream of love coming forth. It is more like an impassive spectator to my daily triumphs and follies. It is happy to offer helpful advice and guidance, but I have never noticed any emotional connection or bond. There is more of an inscrutable Chinese martial arts mentor vibe going on than loving guru.
     This causes me to question if this is not my own doing, that is some way my own perspective is screwing up such a subtle and fine vibration. Crying out for mercy would have little effect if my own belief system denies the possibility of it ever actually occurring. I may even receive it yet have it filtered out in order to maintain the status-quo. I have tried before with little apparent success and I don't like spending much time at my own pity parties.
    This led me to take a look at it from a more energetic perspective on where such a problem may actually be occurring. The natural choice is the heart chakra, certainly given the incident with the hot water bottle. Now for those not familiar with the heart chakra, its colour is green (Each chakra has a corresponding colour which resonates). I had always wondered why green? I know it would mess up the entire spectrum thing, but I thought maybe pink would be better for the heart. Green always seemed such a silly colour. I remember getting angry with my mother for buying me a green shirt and specifically asking that if she was going to get me clothes for Christmas, that they better not be green. I also recall my father saying that his favourite colour was green... this again made me feel irrationally angry...who in their right mind would pick green as their favourite colour?
    Suddenly I recalled when I meditated, often green was the first colour I would see. I would often be a little disappointed that it wouldn't be a more "spiritual" colour...like violet..or purple. I don't think I have ever owned a stitch of green clothing and don't talk to me about St. Patrick's day...Never mind my allergy to anything green in nature.
    It all started to make sense.. I have been holding off this type of energy. I have rejected all things green. Unsurprisingly, I stayed indoors with my hay fever during summers and walks in the woods were not really something I would consider enjoyable. Going to the local new age store this morning, I intended to pick up a green stone and I ended up also getting a small Green Man pendant.
    The Green man is an entity that is connected to life, vibrancy, the forest, foliage and the British isles. He is commonly known as Jack in Green and is known to Pagan and Wiccan beliefs. Given my obvious connection the British Isles I felt a kinship to this being that I had never been able to find in the Goddess worship that is so commonly accepted as being related to the Earth. Whenever I tried to connect the "Goddess" I never really felt anything and that she wasn't really all that interested, but in conjunction with the Green Man, it all makes a lot more sense to me. Neo-Pagan beliefs often have these two as beings who are wed and have a cyclical relationship similar to that of Persephone and Hades.
     It also makes sense with some of the other dreams I have had connected with my lineage on the masculine side. For some reason I always looked to the Italian side of my heritage to find my masculinity, given that I have learned a great deal from my mother about femininity. It was always my Grandfather who taught me the most about being a man and he was English. It has brought a renewed sense of connection for me and I plan to look into the Celtic side of shamanism. I am thankful all this can be gleaned from a simple dream about wandering alone in a city...
 
     Also the image at the top of page is a design that can be purchased at the following address: http://www.celestialachelois.net/

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Page of Swords. The rebel.

  The pages are the youngest of the court cards and although they are typically seen as male, they can also be viewed as women or as young children. I prefer to imagine them as having more female energy as this balances out the court cards in terms of male and female. In some decks, the Pages are known as Princesses.
   Regardless, looking at this page you could imagine the figure as either male or female. The figure suggests youthfulness and a level of naivete. The grip on the sword is not firm and suggests lack of experience, even if it is made prominent by raising it high. The bright colours of the garments speak of youth with vivid yellows and reds, both symbols of vitality and vibrancy.
   The Pages are also seen as messengers, while the page of swords is often seen as a messenger of somewhat ill or unfortunate news. The reason for this is that the figure is turning against the wind, which is often seen as a symbol of the divine...an invisible force that is present everywhere. While the youth has not built up the courage to run headlong into the wind like the slightly more mature Knight, there is definitely a sparkle in her eye which suggests she is thinking about it.
   The swords symbolising mental thought, are often arrayed against the instinctual forces. It is the part of us that animals have not mastered to our level. It is only thought that allows us to turn against these instinctual forces, for good or for ill. But only through exercising one's thoughts and will does one learn to really become an individual and not simply a slave to our instincts.
    The birds above her are flying together and are moving in the same direction as her thoughts. This suggests a herd or flock mentally still present in the mind and not the full development of individuality, which is often very present in the young. They show her slightly rebellious demeanor. The clouds also swell in an curve, suggesting the movement along with the wind then a turning back. The clouds are symbolic of emotional turmoil (water and air..emotion and thought) and as yet they have not developed into a storm.
    This card reminds me of an individual I encountered yesterday. I went to play a local pick-up game of soccer. It was a rag tag bunch of guys, varying from teens to guys in their sixties. I am sad to say they could all run around for longer on the field than I, but we all had a good time. The youngest guy there was somewhere in his teens and when I drew this card I immediately thought of him.
    He was an excellent player, if somewhat cocksure and overconfident. His attitude was somewhat reminiscent of the figure in the card, that he was eager to prove himself on the field and held a somewhat rebellious nature. Like the figure in the card he seemed untested and somewhat in awe of his own perceived prowess. The young page stands tall on his mound, ready to face the world, yet he does not have the spurs of the knight, nor his battle tested armour. That is where the danger lies in this card and with this archetype, he is somewhat similar to The Fool, yet without the universe standing at his back. A callow and untested youth, but with all their vibrancy, rebelliousness and as yet unbowed by the challenges of the world.

Dinosaur Dreams

  Last night I had another set of unusual dreams, most likely set off by stretching very late last night and releasing some old tensions.
   The first of the dreams involved dinosaurs, specifically running from and avoiding dinosaurs. I haven't spent time looking at or considering dinosaurs recently so it not a product of outside influence. Yesterday was a good day so terrified running was unlikely caused by any emotional fallout from life.
    The real source then must be the opening stretches., specifically the ones opening the hips. There is a pose in yoga called fixed firm, which involves kneeling and sitting between your heels, you then stretch out backwards on the ground. This is a difficult pose for me because of the hard floor on my knees and I spend most of the time when I go to class just trying to get my knees comfortable in this pose. Last night I did the pose on the bed (which incidentally is not recommended) and this allowed me to relax further into the pose without my knees protesting. This in turn opened up some areas of the pelvis. The pelvis is where much of early childhood armouring is stored, at least up to the age of 7. We are learning to walk, gaining control of our elimination systems and getting the hang of basically being upright all the time.
    When I was young I had a love of dinosaurs. I would collect the little plastic toys, pose them in fights and place small items in their fixed open mouths and imagine being around in dinosaur times. I was terribly disappointed when I discovered that man did not exist at the same time and that my dream of becoming a dinosaur scientist would only ever involve dusting off bones. I am not quite sure what I envisioned a dinosaur scientist would do, but it certainly seemed more exciting than the duties of a paleontologist. My walls were adorned with posters of fearsome T-rexes, Pteradactyls, Stegosauruses and Diplodoci(?) Most of the posters were pretty gruesome and a few may have had the carnivorous ones devouring the bodies of the less fortune leaf eaters.
    I don't recall the content of the dreams, but I do recall my parents telling me I would have constant nightmares about dinosaurs and they thought that if I took the posters down it might help. I, of course wanted no such thing, nightmares or not. I loved the dinosaurs regardless of whether they terrified me or devoured me in my dreams.
   I periodically have dreams with dinosaurs in them and they usually have the same kind of quality a Jurassic Park style running for survival. The connection to my childhood cannot be overlooked. I cannot access what caused me to have such terrifying nightmares, but as an adult I do not it is not likely it was not the posters. The symbolism of the dreams suggest running for survival from something much bigger, deadlier and fearsome than myself. Something that cannot be reasoned with, nor safely confronted...something beyond my scope to deal with. As a child one could imagine that the world must seem like that at times, as if one is confronted by fearsome forces that threaten our very survival and that as a child there is no way to deal with this without outside help.
    It is possible that there may well have been elements in my life at that time that felt very much like that. It is likely an encroachment from the adult world. I know my parents were young and worked very hard to support my sister and I, and the awareness of the danger of our situation may have imprinted itself on my young mind. As a youngster, my psyche may well have projected these fears onto other elements that appeared fearsome, terrifying and without mercy. An element that I was able to understand...dinosaurs. I know that when life seems merciless I have these dreams again. It provides a background of terror to my normal peaceful life, usually so slight as to be imperceptible. That there are elements to life that are still monstrous to me and they are usually connected to the idea of survival.
    The second part of the dream involved a figure so black that he appeared as a hole in which all light disappeared. Shadow is not strong enough to describe his essence and there was a feeling of foreboding about him. The context was a slideshow of images flashing before my consciousness, usually of houses and families, but I noticed this figure stood in the background, or at a window. It was scary and caused me to wake and there was a sense that his presence still remained. This element I have not fully examined, although it is possible that it is a being of some sort and/or a representation of the blackest part of my own shadow (in the Jungian sense).
    While I speak of dinosaurs and foreboding feelings there was a strange situation I would like to recount. A few years ago when I was living in the southwest of the UK, a friend went for a job interview in Bristol and I accompanied her for morale support. While she was interviewing I went for a walk and ended up at a museum there in the city, I went in primarily to see the Egyptian section. As typical museum style this section was closed for refurbishment and so I ended up looking at the dinosaur bones. The very first exhibit was a skull from a Liopleurodon, this is a massive sea predator was estimated to be over 30 foot in length.

       As I approached the exhibit I began to pick up on the energy of the skull. Usually I only sense energy if I chose to or if the signature is very powerful. There was a palpable sense of malevolence emanating from the skull, an almost malicious glee. I had never considered that these creatures may have been capable of anything but the most rudimentary instincts, but here I could sense this energy coming from the skull. It struck me as unusual that an energy residue would last for such a period of time, but then again I have hardly spent much time around skulls.
      I was intrigued and opened myself up to sensing such things and walked through the rest of the exhibit looking at the other bones. Strangely I felt nothing, all the other bones seemed inert. After I had looked at the rest of the displays I returned and still felt the malevolence from the original skull. With further examination I saw a small plaque by the other displays that stated that all the other "bones" in the displays were plaster replicas and that the only genuine article was the Liopleurodon skull in the display case.
    I am not sure what to think of this, only that these massive beasts may have been the equivalent to mass murdering dolphins and that they may have derived some murderous pleasure from being the greatest hunters of the sea.
 
 

8 of Swords. Bondage and the restricted self.

  The 8 of Swords is known as the card of bondage and one only has to glance at the card to see why. I have had a relatively chequered past with this card and it has come up with some regularity in my personal readings and those I have done readings for.
  Again there is symbolism related to covered eyes with the blindfold and this has been a regular theme in the recently drawn cards. This card is also usually viewed in a negative light, but again it is only an indicator and can actually be a blessing if the information is heeded. I see it like a flashing fuel gauge on your car, you might not like seeing it but it is there to warn you of a situation you should take note of.
   The woman in the card is blind, bound and entrapped by a circle of swords stuck in the swampy ground. Her surroundings appear drab and the situation hopeless. The swords in the ground symbolise the proliferance of thoughts that keep her in bondage. It is a situation that probably feels familiar to a great many people..stuck in the mud, surrounded on all sides by limitation and tied up to boot!
   Taking a closer look at the card one can actually see that things are not as bad as they seem. The fact that the card is minor arcana suggests that is an energy that is prevalent in the situation and not some divine punishment. The person is actually responsible for her thoughts and therefore just as capable of changing them. The bonds around her are loose and could be easily slipped off... if not there is a number of sharp swords close at hand! If she took off her blindfold she could see that the swords can be easily circumvented and that the castle lies not far off behind her. The castle itself suggests prosperity, security and shelter only a short distance away.
    This card is all about being imprisoned by your own thoughts or lack of perspective and this happens far too often. One thing to bear in mind is that although you as the viewer of the card can see all these possibilities, it is not on view to the one so bound. If you  have to deal with a person so trapped, one must be aware that their perspective of the situation is limited until they escape from their blindfold. Again we have all been in a situation in which the course seems obvious to one who can see and the other has fallen into hopelessness because of their perception of their situation. This kind of situation calls for compassion and a great deal of patience.
    This card urges me to have the same level of compassion and patience for my own bondage as well for others. I often find my patience stretched when having to deal with those from very limited perspectives and it reminds me that I have also been in those very situations and compassion and understanding not frustration and irritation was what I needed most.
    On a personal level this card is talking to me about my own bands of restriction. I have recently started a regular exercise regimen, involving weekly trips to the gym, yoga on occasion and football (soccer). I can feel bands of tension around my hips and shoulders where there is tightness. Wilhelm Reich talked about seven bands of tension that occur in the body and limit the flow of blood and vital energies. These seven bands correspond perfectly to the chakra system even though Reich preferred to keep other systems at arm's length.
      He postulated that the muscular tension was because of emotional charged memories stored within the body itself and that these suppressed memories could be released with bodywork. His ideas have formed the cornerstone of modern body-working and I have certainly encountered memories surfacing through massage or other bodywork. The idea is that when when our body organism feels threatened emotionally it responds by contracting the muscles to protect us. If this occurs on a regular enough basis the body will become chronically tense, even if the emotionally charged situation no longer threatens us. That is why as many people get stiffer and less flexible as they add more and more armouring to anything that even vaguely resembles the original causative factor.
     I do agree with Reich, although I believe if the emotional affectation can be reached and experienced, then the injured part will rise up in the consciousness bringing forth the memories for release. Once released they will lead the faulty or incorrect belief statement to awareness for examination. If this can be surmounted then the muscles will relax and will likely not relapse. I have directly experienced this myself.
    I don't believe physical manipulation is always necessary and if the belief structure is not altered then all it will do is relieve the current pressure until it builds up once more. I have made greater physical breakthroughs through meditation and depth introspection than I have in months of yoga. Yoga, exercise and body-work  is unparalleled for removing the toxins from the body and maintaining flexibility though and would thoroughly recommend it.
    I feel the bands around my hips slowly slipping away more and more each day...as for the bands around my shoulders..I have yet to understand their attribution.
 
   
 
 

Prying open the third eye

 Last night I had a dream that was pretty disturbing, but I think it relates to the opening of my third eye, or at least the difficulties I have been facing in doing so.
  The third eye is actually one of the chakras located over the brow, the opening of which permits one to see clairvoyantly and to be subject to visions and visual insights. It is also known as the Ajna chakra in the Hindu systems of thought.
  The third eye can be momentarily opened through the use of hallucinogenic drugs such as peyote or DMT. I believe these drugs just give a chemical jump start to the pineal gland and have no lasting affect. They can open one up to the possibility although this is heavily negated by the fact that it was chemically induced and this makes people doubt its veracity, believing it was the drugs and not them even though it is merely activating chemicals already present in the body. I would not recommend such a course as it typically will bring up all the debris that is preventing it opening in the first place...usually resulting in a "bad trip".  Much better to clean the area out and have it open naturally.
     The Ajna chakra laying towards the top of the energy system is one of the later chakras to open on the path to individuation and that is why there is so few people who have active third eyes, literally the number of individuals reaching this stage of personal development is so small. It does function to some degree in most people, especially those with active imaginations although it is usually limited in its function by other belief structures overlaying this which naturally filter out anything which the person would deem abnormal.
     I will go into great depth about the form and function of each of the chakras in time, but for now I am going to take a look at the dream that initiated all this.
     Dreams are a great way to make progress, they are totally individual and suited to the recipient, although most people remain unaware of the meaning of dreams and it took me many years to begin to understand the language of dreams. I would strongly recommend it to anyone with an interest in personal or spiritual growth.
    Dreams speak to us in ways that paradoxically are so simple we fail to understand them. We often don't look at things in such a simplistic or instinctual fashion and therefore miss the point as we logically try and understand them. Dreams speak in symbols and in feeling, through both personal and archetypal imagery, often both at the same time. An image can be worth a thousand words and a symbol is worth much more than an image. Think of all the associations one has with just the image of something so simple as a dog. For many people this could bring up a personal wealth of feelings, sometimes good and sometimes bad depending on our past experiences. It also speaks to us on a primal level, we understand that it is a creature that doesn't have the same higher cognitive functions as us, that it is closer to the ground, that it is a symbol of loyalty and domestication. So when we dream we often don't even consider these levels or ideas and so can miss what should be an obvious meaning.
     In the dream I had, I was viewing a box car on a tram or a train. I was floating somewhere in the third person perspective (which suggests I don't feel particularly connected to any of the participants). There were two soldiers at the end of the car and one of them was trapped under some boxes. He was dark skinned and had a shaved head. He looked like one of the faceless evil minions I saw in a movie last night..that is bland and unremarkable. There was a third person... a shooter whom I could not see, but was closer to my viewpoint. He was firing a machine gun at the two soldiers and hit the soldier trapped under the boxes. He kept spraying the soldier with bullets and shot a line of bullets across his brow. I felt my own squeamishness in the dream and as if in response the scene became larger and more powerful. The shooter kept firing bullets into the face of the dying soldier, so much so that bullets actually started to leak from him. At this point the solider transformed in a demonic being, as if the extreme violence had created a new monster.The dream moved on at this point, to other incidental scenes.
     When I awoke I naturally did not want to confront this imagery, but I have learned that the most repulsive elements are usually the most important. Looking through my dream book ( I shall provide a link to it below..it really is a great book and would thoroughly recommend it!) I started to tease apart the meanings in each of the symbols.
    The trapped soldier is a helpless, although not blameless individual (what soldier does not carry some darkness in him). He represents an every-man to me, but someone who is defenseless against the unremitting barrage that is sent his way. That his brow is the first target suggests a connection to the third eye, given my intense introspection on the matter. He is also shot in the mouth which is relevant to later analysis. His transformation is suggestive of a darker element to this situation and a somewhat revelatory idea that his death creates a monster. That is demon is birthed through the violence and anger of the situation.
     It became apparent that the bullets were missiles cast at a helpless being who was deemed somewhat guilty of an unknown crime, therefore a worthy candidate for his punishment. What it reminds me of is an attitude I had hoped to leave behind. In the UK where I was raised it is popular to "shoot someone down" as a form of humour. If you can make the person look bad, then you yourself become elevated at their expense and if you can make everyone laugh at the same time all the better. This has been perfected to an art form in the UK and everyone is fair game, even yourself providing you can make sure that it is more humorous than damaging. There are entire TV shows based on this premise. I grew up in such and environment and naturally learned to develop this form of humour both as a defence mechanism and as a social prop.
    When I first arrived in the US on my travels I was immediately struck by something. That this cutting form of humour was not really present and many times it simply went over the heads of the recipients. My first rather uncharitable thought was that the people were not sophisticated enough to get it (barring a few alert individuals). Given that there was no riposte or defence from them, it started to very quickly just feel cruel. It felt like lashing out at puppies.  I soon started to relax and let go of this as a social prop or as a form of humour and found that I could open up to more genuine conversations without fear of reprisals.
   What I now realise is that although I have mostly let go of this type of humour, it still lives within me. I do on rare occasion poke fun at likely individuals and even if it never leaves my mouth, such ideas still rise up within me. While it would seemed harmless to continue this gentle form of ribbing, it obviously affecting how I perceive things and the benefits of letting it go outweigh the occasional jape at the expense of some helpless individual. Sending compassion rather than scorn for a weakened individual would be a better use of my energy and a more mature and wholesome attitude. It also allows more positive energy to flow through the chakra, rather than projecting outwards which disrupts the integrity of the third eye.
      While I would love to go into more depth about how to go about opening the third eye the journey is personal to each individual and it typically involves removing our own preconceptions about how we see the world. This can mean both how we physically see and allow ourselves to see with our mind's eye. But in the interest of including more, I have information on the Chakra tab near the title bar. Opening the third eye can be helped by using exercises or consulting a professional energy healer, the latter which I would recommend if it is a serious consideration for you.
   

9 of Swords. Stress and suffering.

 The 9 of swords is one of the darker cards in the deck, certainly in the minor arcana. Although like with all the cards, it is not necessarily "bad". It simply is a signifier of a certain type of energy and making you aware of the energy allows you to bypass it.
   This card is one of nightmares, stress, anxiety and mental overload. The swords represent the mental plane and they are the suit that is least favourable, certainly in multiples. Both the Swords and Wands, being air and fire respectively are more suited to subtler refined amounts and tend to become heavy and damaging the more you have of them. This is in opposition to Pentacles (money, earthiness) and Cups (emotions) in which it is generally preferable to have more of.
     The scene in the card shows a person with their head in their hands, presumably after being awoken by nightmares, or being unable to sleep because of a proliferation of thoughts. We have all had those nights when you just can't get to sleep because your mind won't stop turning. This card represents that very situation.
    The patchwork blanket alternates between roses and stitched depictions of mystical and astrological symbols. This adds to the multiplicity and confusion of the scene, as though there is just too much going on.
   The 9 in the card is showing that completion is near and the swords that point to the east suggest that this is only a temporary situation and this too shall pass. Given the nature of the swords, it is entirely possible that all the suffering is being caused by fears and anxieties and that they actually have no ground in reality. Much as a nightmare, switching on the light of consciousness will show you that it is only a mirage and a gross exaggeration of a fear.
    When I received this card it spoke to me of various tensions and stresses that have been going on in my life and in the lives of those around me. Many people I know have concerns about their situation, which could rapidly spiral out of control and induce decisions based out of fear. In fact simply talking about this has raised concerns regarding a close friend of mine and I realise this card may be talking of situations going on around me, rather than within me.
      Otherwise the symbolism of the card did have a message for me. The figure in the card has his hands placed over his eyes which is a form of meditation I have been experimenting with to help with opening my brow chakra. The idea being that complete darkness would provide a better ground for visualisation than the semi-light conditions I usually meditate in. When this is not comfortable I have been experimenting with an eye-mask  The card itself related to negative thoughts and thinking and I have understood that this is what is holding me back in this area, especially those related to judging others or seeing the negative more clearly.

9 of Cups. Satisfaction.

  It seemed like the deck was giving me a little bit of a break when I was handed the 9 of Cups. The previous cards, while maybe not as intense as they can get were still quite revelatory to me.
   The nine of cups is all about pleasure and emotional and hedonistic pleasures at that. The gentleman in the card seems very pleased at the array of cups behind him on the table. The bright yellow of the card tells you it is a positive card and the blue contrasts in a pleasing way.
   My first impression when examining this card was that the cups are there, not for him, but for all those he has invited. I can imagine him proudly hosting a gathering for all his friends and being the generous host. He sits with his arms folded in satisfaction and that is the real meaning behind the card, satisfaction and pleasurable rest after hard work.
   After all the work I have done recently on my self and dealing with the great amounts of negative energy that have been pouring forth, this card suggest a time of pleasurable self indulgence.
  I spent the day at the gym working out all the kinks in my system and I have really been quite hard on myself recently. I have made a great deal of progress and as is my wont, I usually don't allow myself to rest upon completion of a task. I was going to write a blog on all the issues that were still pending, but instead found myself taking a hot shower, reading some light hearted websites and deciding that this card was not to be put off. I am glad I did so, as I was feeling a little burned out from the intense introspection. There is also a stack of books I should be reading and I do genuinely wish to read them, but I have to be aware of my own limits.
   I have done the work and now it is time to step back and enjoy myself before I apply myself once more. It has taken me a few days to actually get around to this card as I felt I had so much input from so many sources. The card also speaks of the abundance of things to come and it  is a 9 which suggests the nearing of fullness, although not just yet. After breaking through several blocks that have dogged me for years, it does feel like the future is going to be bright and the array of cups is showing me that.
    The Tarot book I am using (see my beginning post) suggests that this is the best card in the minor arcana and is called the wish card. That when you draw this card that all you desire will come to pass. I had already stated a wish before I drew this card..now all I need do is watch it come to fruition.