When the whole world is a bully

   The last couple of nights I have had a running series of dreams that all seem to have a common thread. It all started after I had a massage therapist work on the deeper areas of tension in my legs. It seems that the iliotibial band (or IT Band) in my legs is as taut as a bowstring.
   As anyone familiar with bodywork knows the body stores emotions and memories in the musculature, fascia and even the organs. Working on the body can bring unresolved or stored content to the surface. This occurs with the energy body too.
    As to what to do with these unresolved feelings there is no specific answer that holds true universally. Sometimes the feelings simply have to be felt and let go of. But in other situations they can point to patterns of thinking and acting that are so ingrained that letting go without examination and resolution it is like pulling up a weed without getting the roots.
   This is simply going to be a posting to vent my feelings and hopefully come to a resolution which I will be able to impart. I consulted the tarot to help me with this and The Hermit showed me that the answer is to be found within. So I am going within and you are welcome to follow, provided you don't mind me getting into some old crap!
    The first set of dreams occurred on the night immediately following the massage which occurred late at night. I had been wanting to get some clearance on the feelings of powerlessness and frustration that accompanied both the stretching of my legs and my general financial situation. They might seem unconnected, but energetically they are linked and my dreams seem to clarify that. I had actually been looking for answers on the next card I am working on, so when my unconscious delivered up these dreams I understood that this was what I was going to be working on regardless of my other plans!
    The first three dreams I had were all connected thematically. In the first I was excavating some old relics at an archaeological dig site. I was tracking down some talons or teeth from a dinosaur which were buried somewhere in the area. After some digging and searching I discovered that they were located in a small stream bed and were encased in a small block of ice. The dig site is symbolic of the massage digging into old strata and layers of my psyche, the dinosaur teeth are linked to my childhood dreams of dinosaurs (check out Dinosaur dreams for more details) and the ice is about frozen emotions. That they were under an active stream suggests they are buried under a healthy flow of emotions. The teeth in this instance represent power and aggression (baring teeth is a show of power and aggression). Just as I was about to retrieve them a young child of about 5 or 6..possibly older snatched them from the water. He refused to give them back and acted in a generally smug and childish "I found it first" manner. I didn't know how to react or feel in the dream and felt trumped by this impertinent youngster.
     The second dream was similar, in this though the child tried to snatch something from me as I was sat on a train or bus. I grabbed his wrist and took back what was mine, but his mother was horrified and told me that I couldn't do that to a child, which caused me to feel guilty.
    The third brought up a memory of an person I have not thought of in years. His name was Barnaby and he was part of a clique at school. The clique of guys he was part of were pleasant outwardly, but you could tell they sneered and derided everyone who wasn't like them. I didn't know how to deal with them as the the thin veneer of pleasantry didn't adequately cover the corruption within. In this dream he helped me get a new computer, but when I set it up, it was flooded with spam and malware. I knew he was responsible for this, but there was no way I could prove it.
    In writing these dreams down I can clearly see the common thread. It is in dealing with someone who on the surface appears pleasant, but underneath is actually not a good person. I am unsure on how to be around people that are false. The greater my ability to perceive these charlatans of good nature the more I feel insecure in how I should react. Often such people possess a pleasing facade and either an emptiness or dark rot within.
    I grew up feeling that one should be civil and polite to all people, to act as a gentleman to even the most reprehensible and vile people. In some ways this an extension of giving the benefit of the doubt. The links to my childhood are undeniable and there are several instances in my past that cause me to look back with horror and disgust on things that happened in which paralysis was my only response.
      In the dream the night afterwards things got worse. In this dream both Zoe and I were sat in a restaurant having a light meal. I thought I saw a relative sat at another table (possibly my grandfather) though the view was obscured somewhat because of angle and obstructions. I waved them over and it turned out that it was my father. He introduced himself to Zoe, then hugged her in what was an inappropriate fashion which was more like groping. She was clearly uncomfortable and so I pulled him away then punched him in the jaw. The blow was glancing and held little power, but he retreated and looked somewhat shaken. We exchanged some brief words and he left. Again I wasn't sure if I had over-reacted as violence is not a common form of response for me and I have been taught it is never an appropriate reaction.
    Striking one's father is also seen as a large no-no. The final form of the dream though is very telling for me. The antagonist is finally revealed as my father (how typically Freudian!) and it speaks heavily of my relationship with him. My father is not a vile man, nor is he wantonly bad, yet he shares many traits with the antagonists in the previous dreams. He takes joy in malicious jokes and childish power games, yet on the surface he is a popular and charismatic individual. People will forgive a great deal of a charismatic man (or woman). In the dream I took no joy in striking my father, but looking back I feel it was necessary.
   The dreams connect to that childhood anxiety of how to deal with such an individual who is cruel in nature, but hides it behind a mask of civility. I am no longer a child and therefore am not limited to being powerless around such individuals or situations. But I am still finding a level of appropriate response without being left bereft or over-reacting. It as though a part of me is still a child in this, learning how to respond to the great bullying world that puts on a mask of civility.
     This issue strikes a deep cord in me for all those times that I have let those childish power games or malicious jokes go unanswered. I feel it connect to a level of anger. In my own psyche there is either paralysis or over-reaction, my instincts take hold and there is only fight or flight. As a child I could only respond with incomprehension when my father acted in such a fashion, washing between the shores of paralysis or the urge to fight. Of course, as a child one cannot strike your parents and even the thought induces guilty feelings. It creates a feeling of powerlessness against so great a force. I could no more strike out against my parents than I could fly to the moon.
    The dynamic this has created within me has set me up to view the universe through the same lens. When life or circumstance seems like a malicious joke, I am paralysed or feel rage at the circumstances binding me. Of course, lashing out at my new "parents" within my own spirituality holds just as much a taboo as striking out at my real family. It is said that you look upon the Gods as you look upon your parents, using the same filters and the same perceptions. So what does this mean for me? That when life plays a malicious trick, or is cruel, I simply accept it as the will of untouchable deities. That the rage and frustration I feel cannot be expressed or I will suffer greater indignities. It has created a fear of authorities within me, that I cannot speak up or out against their injustices or feel the wrath and punishment that breaking that taboo will bring even if their actions are unjust.
     I guess it is all in being able to handle these situation as an adult and not letting my rage carry or paralyze me. Growing up with this as a child made me feel powerless whenever something unfair or bad happened, I found ways to rationalise it within my self as to why it happened to me and for what purpose. I have let these situations occur in my own life and not stood up against them and answered them. I even doubt there is any way I could offend the universe, it doesn't have human sensibilities and would surely understand my human frustrations. I am sure God has heard it all before and it is quite likely my anger would be the amongst the least colourful things he hears each day. It also seems like if anyone is equipped to deal with anger and frustration and not react badly it should be God.
     It seems like being able to fully give my anger over to God is what I can learn from this, that I don't need to store it as a poison, nor cast it out into the world at people who are suffering just as much in life, or even more so if they are a bad person. If I can release that pain and suffering out into the universe, then it can be transformed. Releasing it into people or situations will only magnify whatever it is that I am suffering through.
   It is late..I have a lot to let go of and maybe once my cup is empty of this poison it can be filled with something better...

Ace of Swords. Standing up for truth.

     All of the Aces stand at the beginning of their own suit of elements. The Ace of Swords represents the element of air, of thought and mentality. It is a new beginning an influx of primal unsullied air energy being ushered into our lives.
      The suit of swords is often given a rather unfair descriptor of being one of the more negative suits. True, it does include a greater number of cards that seem outwardly negative, but without this element things would be a whole lot worse.
     The card depicts a large glowing sword being thrust forward, held by a divine hand emerging from a cloud. Swords themselves really only have one purpose...cutting. This purpose can be applied in several different ways and it can certainly be used for harm or evil purposes. Because of the fearsome power of the sword, this makes people afraid of it. But this awesome power can also be used for good and its power rightfully then belongs in the hands of those who would use it for that.
     The crown atop the sword is an indicator of its primacy, that it is used for rulership, hanging from the crown are two branches. One is an olive branch, the other a palm leaf. These two plants signify the dual nature of the sword. The olive branch is a symbol of peace, while the palm is traditionally a symbol of the successful vanquishing of the enemies of the soul. Often this was viewed in the context of spirit vs flesh, but I feel have moved past that archaic dichotomy. It truly symbolises spirit vs the misuse of power.
       The white and purple surrounding the card are symbolic of higher energies, typically those emerging from the crown chakra. That of universal mind. It suggests that this energy is in the employ of higher service.
        The Ace of swords represents the use of the intellect in the service of the highest good, that of universal mind. Too often the good are afraid of their own power and fail to utilise their own innate strength for fear of being like those who use their strength for misguided aims. This card is the pure essence of mentality and showing that it truly belongs in the hands of the good and if they do not grasp it, they cannot prevent its misuse.
      I have realised in my own life that not being prepared to use force to defend the good allows evil to triumph. That in itself is an evil. "All that is required for evil to triumph, is that good men do nothing". There is often a great fear that by accepting power it will immediately corrupt any goodness. But only the good will hold this thought in their minds as they wield power and be on constant guard for its misuse, both within themselves and in others. That is why it must be used by those who would call themselves goodly.
     Recently I have had to use this energy to create a new space in my life. I have had to accept that being brutally honest within communication sometimes is the only way to protect goodness. I have felt deep in my gut that something is wrong and I have used my intellect to find its root and to sever it without guilt or qualms. Just as a doctor may need to apply the scalpel to a cancer, any less measure than eradication is only going to allow the cancer to flourish. There is nothing inherently evil about this, even if it is a process that seems painful and severe.
     Talking with a couple of friends last night this conversation came up. A friend talked about several guys she knew who were too "nice" to complain about their food at a restaurant. Instead they griped and moaned rather than applying their power to change anything. This passive aggressive behaviour is not really good or nice. It causes those around them to suffer their petulance and creates an air of discomfort. By not grasping the power of truth and applying it, they perpetuate an evil...albeit a very minor one in this case. Aggressively pursuing truth is not an evil. By alerting a server to the inadequacy of the meal, they are doing themselves and the restaurant a service.  This of course is a minor example, but where someone fails in a minor way, they are not going to succeed in something major. Using the excuse that they are nice to not complain is merely covering up a personal weakness. Often they are afraid of any greater confrontation and the appearance of aggression.
      Applying aggression in the cause of goodness or right is not bad, in fact it is a greater level of goodness than mere passivity. But only when it is applied for the right cause. If you are not sure it is right, then do not use this power. Trust your gut and your heart, find what is wrong. Reason it out, find the best, most efficient and compassionate way to resolve it and apply your power. It may well involve cutting through someone's ego. That person may react as though you have cut them, but if you have followed your gut, applied your instinctual knowing you can be sure it is for the good.
     Allowing someone to use their ego to diminish or make another suffer is not a good action. That person may believe they are not hurting anyone else or that they are just being themselves. But people are not their egos. They are not their bad behaviour. Cutting this away may seem painful to them, but sometimes it is necessary. We all secretly love those who can speak openly and not stand for bad behaviour. That is a power we all have, one we should all be unafraid to embody. Imagine the good that could be done if people all stood up for their truth.

Knight of Wands. Fiery crusader.

   The Knight of Wands is a spiritual crusader. His energy is vibrant and passionate and suffers no lack of zeal.
   This card has appeared with great timing for me and there are synchronicities abound within the symbolism. Over the weekend I attended  an advanced Celtic healing workshop. Within the class we journeyed several times both for ourselves and for other people within the group. Journeying is going into the inner realms to achieve a certain goal, in this case it was centred around recovering pieces of ourselves or others that had become lost or trapped. These pieces can be anywhere, sometimes they are within the middle world, the world we know but displaced in time or space. The soul pieces are parts of our psyche that fragmented due to trauma or events in our lives and become stuck at that point, unable to progress or stay with us. As shaman it is our jobs to go and seek these pieces out and bring them back. They are often emotional fragments which bring memories of ways of feeling back to us we have thought lost to us.
      There were too many journeys to relate here, but there was a journey in which I was brought back a staff of fire (which related to my ability to be brutally honest and be a more active warrior in my own life). Several took place in Egyptian style settings (either in the past or fantastical realms) which also fits with the card's background.
     Two journeys however were very pertinent to the topic of this card. The first was a journey I undertook for another. In the journey I found myself travelling to the Hopi reservation and confronting a person who had taken a piece of my partner. He didn't seem apologetic and tried to laugh it off as him just finding it, but didn't stop me retrieving the piece. When I returned to wakefulness I discussed this with my partner, she was struck by my physical description of the man and his mannerisms. She had indeed met this individual and had been through recent difficulties for which she had been forced to leave abruptly to avoid making the situation for herself worse. He had been involved in black magic and mistreatment and abuse of those who worked under him. After the journey we were both a little shaky from the experience as though it had been a physical interaction.
     I was thankful for the ability to stand up for another's rights and deal with the situation in a way I was proud of. I was able to be the spiritual crusader in this instance, even if I was informed that dealing further with this individual was not my job.
     The journey she did for me brought up several elements which have taken a while for my psyche to filter and deal with. In the journey I offered someone my heart in a town square, after which I was dismissed and rejected. My heart had turned to sand and run through my fingers. When she described it to me, it was initially difficult to understand the situation as there were several events it could pertain to, although none of them really took place that close to a town square. I put it aside to examine a little later at my leisure.
    Today after some introspection I sat down to look at my card and to understand how it fit into the scheme of things. The card itself shows a figure clad in armour astride a rearing horse. He holds his staff aloft as if it were a lance. The figure faces to the left of the card, which suggests he rides into adversity (against the usual flow). The yellow tabard he wears is covered with salamanders which are symbols of transformation and fire (see the King of Wands for a further discussion of these creatures). His armour has several flame like plumes adorning it, which are indicative of his fiery nature.
   As I regarded this character I realised that it related to the journeys I had been involved in over the weekend. Usually when you pull a court card it is a suggestion that it might be wise to embody some of the traits of the card if it doesn't directly pertain to another individual. In this case it was the former. It was advocating becoming a spiritual champion.  As I thought further about this I realised that I need to become my own champion as well as one for others.
    Many spiritual schools of thought advocate against vengeance, violence or acts of retribution. Yet this card seems to suggest that very notion. He rides forth with his club raised and he is prepared to do battle with adversity rather than passively accepting it. Common ways of thinking stand very much against the idea of the crusade or the Holy war or battle. It is often seen as an oxymoron. Yet when one looks at the pictures and hears the descriptions of angels we often find them depicted as carrying flaming swords. How can we as humans say that it is unspiritual to carry a weapon when the Arch-angels themselves do? The soft sanitised versions of angels we are bombarded with these days are corrupted interpretations of a divine force. Without them there is no divine justice, no karmic retribution and no peace. We must use the tools we have, but use them only in the application of right. The young knight in the picture runs the risk of being too zealous in his approach, but his motivations are pure and so will stop him from creating any real trouble.
    In my own journey for my partner I encountered a being clad in armour wielding a spear and a shield. She informed me that having a shield alone is not enough, that one must have an active defence against those that would seek to do harm.
    Looking then at my own fragmented soul I saw that what had been lost would not return unless it could be be promised safety and recompense for its own loss. Looking deeply at my wounded elements I began to see what they were and from where they came.
      The Town square is a place where people come together from all places and for me that place is best represented by the hostel. I worked there for many years and it was the site of my greatest sadness. A friend of mine whom I had loved dearly had spurned my friendship and turned her back on me. I realised that I had lost more than just a friend, it had also spelled the end of my belief in a benevolent universe. How could someone I cared for so deeply and offered no harm turn upon me so viciously. I lost a piece of myself that day. From that day on my universe had been plunged into a darkness so filled with ennui and hopelessness that I found it difficult to find reason to go on.
     Over the years I see glimpses what was lost occasionally. It manifests as a feeling of profound happiness that disappears as abruptly as a breeze. It is a weight that keeps me tied to the earth, stops my heart from lifting in song and ensures that ennui is never far from my door. My basic nature is one of optimism, even in spite of this weight and I have no doubt I will one day find a way to lift my spirits back to that point. I understand my mistake in trusting a person who would abuse my trust in such a fashion, yet that still doesn't help.
     This card though gave me an idea. I need to find that piece myself and make sure it is protected once more. I took it upon myself to give myself that piece of justice, to rescue those pieces back. I have no way of getting that back in the real world, no telephone number to call, no address or no email. So in journeying to find those elements is the only way it will happen. I journeyed back and was able to find the pieces, to take them back. Now comes the task of re-integrating them back into myself so I can feel them once again. For this there is no manual and I must trust to my own inner sense on how to do so. I do have the spiritual warrior to protect me from further harm and that in itself is a valuable lesson.
 
 
   

5 of Swords. Bullying and intimidation.

 I didn't actually draw this card from the deck, but I feel it is time to confront the issues that this card pertains to rather than passively waiting for its turn. I had a dream last night about one of the cards, but the image of the card was unclear. All I could make out was that there was a single primary figure facing left, searching through my deck I found the five of swords and it all made sense.
   The five of swords is not the most pleasant card to find and the issues it talks about make me feel uncomfortable. Last year about this time I encountered a very difficult situation in my personal life. A former close friend and partner entered my life again after walking out on our friendship five years prior. She had left abruptly with no explanation and cut all contact, both with me and all her supposedly good friends here, telling us not to seek contact. We had been extremely close and I had counted her among my most valuable friends, so her subsequent leaving without explanation hit me extremely hard and there had been no way to gain closure on the situation. When she came back, she decided that she would stay at the place I worked at, yet didn't seem interested in making contact. I had hoped she was trying to reconcile things from her past, or at least foster some kind of understanding of what had happened. This wasn't the case.
    For me, it brought up a great deal of ill feeling towards her. I had been treated abominably and was expected to put it all behind me and just greet her as though she had just popped out to pick up some milk and had gotten a little delayed. Feeling overcome with rage and anger I made the choice not to meet with her, since I didn't feel like I would be able to control my actions or my emotions and didn't want to risk being damaged again (or damaging her!). Plus, she had chosen my workplace as a her chosen venue to stay so losing my cool while working was not a good idea. I did take the opportunity to explain all my feelings in a letter which I had delivered to her. Of course she didn't reply, nor did she attempt to salve any of the hurt feelings. It became obvious that I had badly misjudged her in believing she would act in a responsible or compassionate manner.
   For the year afterwards I allowed myself to get in touch with my rage and my anger, I left situations I found intolerable and let go of "friendships" that suffered from the same lack of concern or basic human empathy.
   It seems like things are coming around full circle for me as I realise that I cannot simply avoid such situations as they are constantly cropping up in life. Avoidance might be a better way to deal with abuse than taking it, but it is still far from optimal.
    The card itself is about one-upmanship, those smug fools who spar with words and emotions and take advantage of situations for their own selfish ends. In the card the figure at the right of the card appears to have vanquished his foes, either through unkind words or through mental sparring indicated by the swords. He collects his winnings in the form of the swords he is picking up from the ground. He is garbed in green and red, two highly contrasting colours mixing growth and passion. I feel this symbolises his aggressive stance towards winning at all costs. Ruthlessness and naked ambition are his tools and he doesn't care about who he hurts to get his way. This may be because he has been hurt by traumatic events, or because he enjoys feeling powerful by dominating those he feels threaten his position. None-the-less all of his actions come from a position of weakness and not strength.
      The two figures he has vanquished are garbed in yellow which is linked to the idea of cowardice. They have either lain down their swords or been beaten in the fighting. Either way the situation has not gone their way and the energy is left in imbalance with feelings of either resentment or regret.
    All conflicts end up in this fashion if followed through to their logical conclusion. This is a mental battle ground and the "victor" is the one that leaves with the energy. Ever notice how if you win in an argument you feel energised and when you lose you feel defeated and drained? This is to do with a literal energy exchange between the energy fields. Some people need to supplement their energy by arguing and there are those who know of no other way. Having grown up in a turbulent environment, or with people who regularly practise this form of energy exchange they learn to feel it is natural.
    As you can see in the card the backdrop shows a stormy sky and a melancholy sea. These indicate the feeling that accompany such situations, sadness, loss, regret on the side of the loser and smugness, arrogance and cruelty on the side of the winner. They are both sides of the same coin and the victor feels he must protect himself from being a loser and feeling the way they do, so he takes an aggressive stance and initiates battle before he is victimised.
    The card itself is highly polarised, offering only two possibilities. Either you are a aggressive victor dominating the situation, or you're a submissive loser who hides in shame or burns with resentment and regret.
   Like many of the cards that seem to offer only two unsatisfactory options, there is often a third option that holds the pathway to correct resolution. I have been on both sides and both feel equally unbalanced and unpleasant. I have taken the path of avoidance more than I have the aggressors path though and as a result I have still had to deal with this type of energy when it arises, but from the standpoint of a victim.
   I don't wish to be a victim to these sorts of situations any longer. During the period when I was really feeling the rage and anger arise, I took myself out of a lot of situations in which I could have easily turned into the aggressor. Being aggressive has a feeling of righteousness attached, but it still comes from a place of deep hurt and that hurt will only be spread to others if you act while in that space. For me it is difficult to adopt that standpoint and remain in good with my conscience.
    Trying to find the right level of response is key and mastering your anger is paramount. It is very easy to flip from one side of the coin to the other, from being a victim to being an aggressor. The only way out of this energy is to maintain your cool and deal from a higher point of awareness. This is much easier said than done, especially if another is pressing your buttons or abusing you mentally or verbally.
   With me I find it easy to get pulled into the victim mindset wanting to avoid the conflict that may already be occurring. I give the aggressor the benefit of the doubt, when they are often not deserving of it. I lose my ability to find humour in the situation and start taking things personally (especially when they are personal!). A good example happened to me this morning. I have started a part time job snow shoveling. I applied for the position in September (several months ago) and only heard back from them in October after I followed up on the call. They said they would get back in touch with me to tell me about orientation sometime in November.
   Last night it snowed. I got a call at 5am in the morning and was unable to make it to the phone before it rung off, there was no message left for me so I was not sure who called. When I woke sometime after 8 I realised I could dial *69 and then followed up by searching the number on the internet. I found out that it was the snow removal job and promptly called them back. The guy on the other end sounded a little annoyed as if I had let him down in some way and I apologised for not making it to the phone in time. I felt like I was making a feeble excuse and when I was finished on the phone I felt angry about the whole situation.
     It seems obvious that they would call me after a snow fall, but since I have never worked for them or heard from them in a several weeks I wasn't expecting a call at 5am. It is hardly surprising that I couldn't get to the phone in time. I understand that the guy may may not have been angry at me at all! But it is so easy to slide into this type of interaction and I end up suppressing my anger again for fear of shouting back when the situation doesn't warrant it.
     I wish to take myself out of this situation as I hate being on either side of the coin. I am starting to see that I may have underlying issues that allow me to spark off either way very easily, especially if I am pushed. This situation with my "friend" has re-opened a very old can of worms. I don't allow myself to act aggressively, either verbally or physically which means it all get suppressed. People have made the mistake before of thinking that I will be pushed around, but they usually end up seeing the flip side if it continues (although this is very rare and requires quite a bit of pushing).
  What is happening is that I allow things to get to me rather than seeing them as emotions arising in me and peacefully allowing them to pass before taking action. I get caught up in the roles and forget I am there to watch them and respond appropriately once I am centred, letting go of the attachment to my ego (which is the part that takes it personally).
   I might even write a list of things I take personally so I can be on the look out. Once I can spot them and let them go, I will be able to speak up and out without using undue force or reverting to avoidance.

VII- The Chariot. Balanced forward movement.

  The Chariot is the warrior king returning home after a successful battle. He is one of the Major Arcana and I have had plenty of time over the weekend to consider this enigmatic figure. There are several powerful issues he speaks to, but we should look at the large amount of symbolism to begin with.
    The warrior-king sits in a chariot that directly faces the viewer and his strong and unwavering gaze looks directly at the viewer. He himself is adorned with battle armour that is scalloped and fluted and futher reinforced with scale mail beneath it. His pauldrons (shoulder plates) have crescent shapes on and moon like faces embossed onto them, all of which points to the roots of this card in Cancer. The shell, the scales and the moons point to their heavy armouring and connection to the seas and tidal patterns. He wears both a crown and a laurel wreath which symbolises his rulership is one based on martial victories and conquests. His battle smock and belt are covered in runes and symbols of unknown origins which to me talks of his having ranged far afield to foreign shores in his pursuit of martial victory.
     In his hand he holds a sceptre like rod with which he can direct the flow of battle from his place in the chariot. One further item of note concerning the central figure is the fact that he seems one with the stone chariot, as if he has grown out of the very stone, as if he and his vehicle are one and the same. It is almost as if he is an embodiment of the chariot that he commands. Such is his mastery over the beasts that pull the vehicle that he needs now reigns as if they are simply an extension of his will.
       The chariot itself is composed of a cube like section of stone. Looking at the card one can see a steady doubling of figures within the card, the single being commanding the chariot becomes the two beasts pulling it. There is a four sided square upon his breastplate and he sits within a cube of stone with eight sides. All this suggests a steady balance and a strong foundation for the card, which is one of balance and equilibrium.
       A chariot has but two wheels and is pulled forward by the balance between the these two, like a bicycle it only is truly balanced when it is in motion. The crest on the front of the chariot shows a spinning top, or a single spindle with a wheel on it. This again is a symbol of equilibrium through motion, similar to the way that a king who rules through conquering can only maintain his equilibrium by the constant application of movement or force and can never maintain his rule without it. The wings above the crest are connected to Zoroastrianism, that ancient religion that believed in the absolute good and evil or light and dark and their constant battle. Above the figure is a canopy covered in draped blue cloth adorned with stars, which speaks of the night and the canopy of stars which is the realm of cancer and the moon.
       In front of the chariot lay two sphinxes, fabulous beasts of Egyptian mythology, beings with the bodies of lions and the head and breasts of women. The sphinx was a guardian creature protecting great treasures with their knowledge of cryptic riddles. They would pose riddles and a correct answer would result in access to the treasure (or wisdom) and an incorrect guess would result in death. They were often gatekeepers of ancient secrets. In this image one is black and one is white, symbolising the forces of light and darkness. The charioteer in order to move forward must keep them in absolute balance lest he be pulled off course.
     Behind him is a great river and a castle wall protecting the city within. The Charioteer is the aggressive protector of the city, even though it may already be well guarded by its moat and walls.
     For me this card speaks of aggressive masculine energies and the mastery thereof. This type of energy has a terrible reputation and it is responsible for some of the worst atrocities within human history, yet when one looks at the card there is no negative element present. Learning to master these energies can be fraught with peril as they can so easily be applied to tyranny and destruction, yet they are ultimately necessary forces in our life lest we be overtaken by with their use for negativity. The same forces are necessary for the destruction of evil and ignorance within our lives and those we care about. The city behind the charioteer appears able to hold off any attacker with its moat and walls, yet while this may be so, the source of attack can never be defeated by defense alone.
    In my own life this has brought up several issues both in my present life and in memories of previous ones. When I was younger I was never particularly troubled myself by bullies, not that I wasn't occasionally picked upon but for the most part they found I was never particularly responsive. My first memory of such an event was when I was in school and there was the typical playground bully from a few years ahead. He would come up to me and my friend and chant "baby blue eyes" at us. This didn't really affect me given that I had brown eyes and explaining this to him only seemed to confuse the poor lad, but it did affect my friend and often if he was alone would be terrorized by this bully.
    I have witnessed this type of behaviour several times in my life where I am on the periphery of another being subject to a form of bullying. As I have gotten older, this has taken less physical forms but it still somewhat present.
    For many years I took up Kung Fu and would practise diligently, I was never involved in a fight myself although I have been on the edge of several but had chosen not to get involved. I have been told that I was a natural at several points, but always came to the same point that caused me to stop and leave. My father is a bully, not a physical bully but an emotional one. He takes pleasure in hurting, teasing or demeaning those he feels superior to and because of his cowardly nature often hides it behind a sense of humour. He was the kind of father that would not let his children win against him because of his own innate fear of inferiority. I have met many types of bullies who use different forms of tyranny to enslave, weaken or demean those they feel superior towards. Those who are not afraid to use the shadow side of the chariot to bolster their own weakened egos.
      I for one have never wanted to be one of these individuals and so for me I keep a lid on this aggressive type of energy as I have had very few examples of individuals who use it wisely. I have not understood how to apply this energy fully without it harming or hurting those it is applied towards. This occurred in martial arts especially as I was unsure how to fully apply my power without it possibly resulting in hurting my opponent. This meant I ended up often being a purely defensive fighter...one who in the end is totally ineffective.
    What I am realising is that without a compensatory force to counteract these acts of aggression there is no balance. For all the atrocities that occurred in WW2 without the intervention of the Allies, the situation would have become much worse. Bullies and beings who use negativity as a weapon cannot be left to use their powers in a way that harms the innocent, simply defending oneself is not enough. The shadow side needs to be compensated for and sometimes this can only be achieved through the use of force correctly aligned.
   The chariot is a symbol of that force correctly balanced. Too much force and there is a danger of falling into the shadow side, too little and you risk being overwhelmed by the shadow.
   For me this is a lesson in confronting that shadow side and compensating its course, this can only be done if I am unafraid of using all the power at my disposal to oppose tyranny and aggression in its negative capacity. Aggression itself is not negative, its is simply a masculine energy capable of either great creativity or destruction, how we use that is up to us. Both creativity and destruction are neither good nor bad and only become so when applied in a context. Tyranny can be both created and destroyed as can peace.