New Paradigm

 So, it's been a while...
    But I have been busy!
   I successfully graduated massage school late last year and have signed a contract for a new space in town. So, I'll be practicing in a professional setting and building a business for myself.
   You can check it out by going to my services page or going to this address:
   www.NewParadigmTherapy.com

   I hope to get back to writing my blog more fully soon!

King of Pentacles. Manifestation, fire and earth.

   The King of Pentacles is a strong earthy presence. His aspect is that of earth and fire. This card has had a lot to teach me, it has been sat on my desk here for a couple of days while I have come to understand some of what he has to bring.
    More than 5 years ago now I spent time with a gentleman name Craig Junjulas. He ran classes down in Sedona (as still does as far as I am aware) and I had the pleasure of having several private sessions with him in which he offered insights and helped me open further up in my own practise. At one point in a meditation we were doing he commented that I was like a King in armour sat upon a throne whose armour was covered in vines and roots and had become rusted and inflexible. That I occasionally would stir and break the bindings that had grown up around me, before settling down once more. The imagery stuck with me as it was a very apt description of myself. Upon drawing this card I am reminded again of that peculiar analogy.
   The King sits in a garden that has become overgrown and rampant. Branches, frond and leaves all creep up around the dark stone throne he sits upon. Rather than appearing dormant he looks very much aware, even if with his rich gown he appears to disappear into the background. His robes are covered in blue vines, somewhat reminiscent of veins or arteries. Each of these pathways leads to a bunch of succulent grapes a potent symbol of the fruits of life, abundance and the enjoyable things we can partake in.
      Looking upon the card and seeing such abundant life, growing free and wild I was struck how in control of it all he seems. He is absolutely secure in his place, almost rooted to his throne. His roots run deep and hold him fast to his base. His sceptre and the pentacle in his grasp show his grasp of the earth plane. He is a master manifestor, able to bring his desires into fruition.
     His card is the marriage of earth and fire, of bringing the spiritual fire down to the earth plane and creating what he wants. His robes are a riot of colour and pattern of fecund growth. Behind him stands the city walls and towers and minarets of red and blue. The red being a symbol of passion and the blue symbolising communication and transmission of energy. Beneath his robe hides a suit of armour that can be glimpsed on his left leg which rests upon a stone shape resembling the head of a bull or a dragon. He is ready and capable of defending his ground and self assured in his mastery of his element. The placement of his foot on the stone object asserts his absolute dominance.
   Another strong symbol that appears strongly in this card is the bull. Being closely linked to Taurus this card is about a figure who is stable (note the four bull's heads, four being a number of stability). Obviously there is a tendency for this type of individual to be strong willed to the point of bull-headedness and implacable once set into motion. He is not without creativity, but it often applied in a practical manner, his fire applied to earth creates physical objects. Just think of all the objects that need to be smelted or subjected to heat to create their final hardened form.
    For me there is a far greater meaning behind this card. It means applying one's fire or spirituality in a very practical manner. Many spiritual endeavours end up drifting around in the ether, never really finding completion. I have known Taurean artists capable of producing a prodigious amount of artwork, by just seem to be able to sit down and produce piece after piece of artwork. They take great pleasure in creating things of beauty, even to the point of  shutting the rest of the world out. My problem has been there has been so little earth in my chart that the flood of ideas and creativity that runs through me tends to burn away in spiritual or mental matters without ever touching the earth.  Even when I am inspired to create art it is in between all the mental and spiritual things I have going on. I don't know if I will ever be a prodigious producer of art, or even of earthly creations.
    What I have realised though is that this attitude would be most beneficial for me to adopt and to apply in my own life. This occurred very recently for me as I was performing a treatment for a client. He has been coming for several weeks and has had some very beneficial results. He was very complimentary about my work and telling me about all that was going on. Part of me felt jealous of this. How does this guy get to change things so fast? But I realised the ludicrousness of the situation. It was through my work that he was making this progress and I just haven't done that for myself on a practical level for a long while. The king is challenging me to apply my own energy in a practical fashion in my own energy system. So very often I get caught up in the theoretical aspect and ephemeral nature of understanding healing that I never actually get around to fully applying that process to myself. Of course when a client comes through the door I am down to business and apply the energy in a very practical way. I don't spend hours umming and ahhing about what the problem could be or ways to possibly fix it. I know I have a limited amount of time and that is best spent pouring energy directly into the situation on a practical level. After that is done then there is time to talk, but not before the work is done. Somehow I have failed to apply this in my own life.
    With this understanding I can really start to understand there may be something to applying a level of practicality to my own life. The King of Pentacles is nothing if not a practical man, what I have failed to apply in my own life is the time to sit down and actually do the work. To not spend so much time thinking it over, but to simply get it done. I made the mistake of thinking that because my energy exists within my own system then it is working on those parts that need work, but in reality those parts need dedicated attention. I need to put the time into them, not for them to only get the energy residue that occurs when I perform healings for others.
    Part of the problem has been I have viewed the magnitude of some of the issues as insurmountable, while if a client came to me I wouldn't spend time considering this, I would simply do it. Of course I do believe that getting to the point of being able to work directly on myself has not always been available. When I first began my healing work, I could only really pick up on the issues of other, much the same thing happened with readings. For others the readings and healings work great...for myself...not so great. Most people begin with this blockage I feel, they are simply not able to get the level of distance from their own issues to work objectively on them. This was certainly true for me! But as time passed I found that I was able to see some of the problems, but was not able to work on them effectively in the same way that a doctor cannot perform his own surgeries. This caused a great deal of frustration as I had trouble finding people open and aware enough to actually see the problem, let alone work on it..even with my prompting.
    Getting to the point where I can actually perceive and then work on a problem is a new thing for me, so I guess I should go easy on myself. For that I have the King of Pentacles to thank, for without him I don't think I would have tried to do it once again!

Ace of Cups. Primal emotions.

   The Ace of Cups is, like all the aces the beginning of something new. The minor Arcana themselves typically denote an energy present in a situation. In the case of the aces, this energy is primal, new and very strong. I tend to see them as standing above the rest of the minor arcana, although not quite on the same par as the Major Arcana. 

  Cups is the suit of water (as if the large W emblazoned upon the side of the chalice didn't give it away). As such they symbolise the emotions in their watery aspect. 

    My expectation when I drew this card was that it would pertain to love as this is the attribution that is given in almost all the Tarot books I have looked over. Of course Love is the grandest of the emotions and naturally one would expect this card to be all about that. But expectations can often prove to be false as I discovered that love was not the subject of the card when I drew it.

   In the card we have five streams of water pouring from the cup and returning to the ocean below. The Chalice itself is made of pure gold and has three small bells hanging from it's neck, which one assumes would tinkle when the cup is pouring. Falling either side of the cup are watery yods (symbols of energy), twenty five in total. 

     The chalice itself is a powerful symbol, it's connections to legends, it's feminine nature and form and that it is a vessel for whatever we choose it to be. Many say the blade or the sharpened stone is the first tool invented, but I may argue that the vessel likely holds that accolade. A cupped hand or leaf was able to bring life giving water to a thirsty mouth well before we grasped a rock to smash something with. Taoism has a great reverence for the chalice and we have all heard the maxims about having to empty one's cup before it can be refilled. Chalices are present throughout the entire Tarot deck and appear not just within the minor arcana, but play prominent roles in some of the major arcana. 

        The idea of emptying my cup was what the card meant for me. In the last post I talked on finally being able to let go of a great deal of anger and frustration that I had found no place to release it to. I hadn't understood that I was holding onto this and a great many other things. 

       My life has been a search for how to return to a place of happiness that occurred many years ago. It was snatched away in the cruelest fashion and although I certainly did not want the same situation I have been looking for those same emotions that really now belong in the past. In understanding that those times have gone and with them the feelings that they encompassed. It is time to find new vistas, new emotions and new experiences. 

      I was finally able to articulate my rage at the universe for its cruelty and with it came a level of peace. In the card we see a dove, the eternal messenger of peace bringing a holy wafer with a cross upon it. To me it symbolises redemption and peace. Only by releasing suffering and emptying our cups back into the eternal ocean of the universe can it ever be refilled. 

    Beneath the godly hand offering the cup we can see an eternal ocean stretching into the distance. Upon the ocean float lily pads and their flowers. Lilies are flowers that grow from the decay and muck under the surface to create a truly beautiful flower above the waterline. They are a symbol to show that from death and decay, beauty can flower. 

    The Ace can symbolise that a new emotional beginning is in the offing, that by pouring out the dregs of our old emotional selves we can be refreshed and renewed. Our cups refilled once more and peace renewed.

   After a night purging myself of those old emotions I found the new day brought forth a whole selection of different and new options for me. My day filled up with appointments and people offered to pay early for my workshop, along with a host of other offers. It just shows that these things really do work!

   

7 of Cups. Day dreaming and indulgence

  The 7 of Cups is an unusual looking card, it has plenty of bright and attractive looking objects placed in the cups. The figure however, the one we are meant to presume represents us is darkened by shadow and is in sharp contrast to the luminescence of the rest of the card.
    This card, for all it's attractiveness is one of the more difficult cards to work through (at least for me). It represents various desires that are ungrounded and fantastical. Castles in the sky.
   Today is the release date for a new video game (Mass Effect 3) and it is the finale in a series that has been running for a number of years. The desire to play this and to sink into the unconsciousness it promises is strong for me. I would imagine the main storyline of the game would taken no less than 60 hours to complete. That is equivalent to a full work week or more and given that this is an estimate for a quick playthough, it would likely span  much more than that.
   There is nothing inherently wrong with playing the game, nor the idea of spending my time in a leisure activity. But, at the beginning of the year I promised myself that I would set aside my controller to focus more heavily on my work and business and other aspects of my life. At this point a 60+ hour investment in a solely imaginary realm is more than I wish to invest. Also a few of my friends wish to have a weekend long gaming marathon this coming weekend which I would love to partake in and another distraction would be ruinous.
     The figure on the card has lots of options and they all look enticing. There is a floating female head, one presumes representing a desirable dream partner. A ghostly figure represents a mysterious glowing figure cloaked in cloth, which may represent a chance for spiritual illumination. A snake crawls from the third cup, promising either earthly desires or wisdom depending on one's associations. The fourth cup shows a castle, maybe a house or land (or even a tower eerily similar to the one in The Tower card). The fifth spills forth jewels and gems, tempting one with abundance and wealth. The sixth card has a laurel wreath, promising glory, honour and victory (but the skull on the cup shows this may come with a price). The seventh cup holds a blue dragon, the temptations of the lower realms and sloth. The cups represents the myriad of forms that our temptations can take, some more attractive than others.
     If the games were the only desirable temptations, then things would be easy and I could stick to my convictions. As the card suggests, there are a plethora of choices and I find myself trying to choose how to prioritize my time and finances to make the best of the options. Do I save it for food or spend it on the new shoes I could use in my martial arts? Do I go to class tonight and possibly leave myself short for other options? In the end one could choose none, but still achieves nothing.
     This card is known as the card of illusory success and it is easy to see why. With so many choices open, it looks like success is within easy grasp, but every choice is a choice not to select the other options and the fear that they may all disappear like a mirage even if one does reach for them.
    The figure is faced with an illusion, none of the cups are real and all the choices float on a cloud. All they serve to do is to delay, confuse and exhaust the querent as they are forced to evaluate and re-evaluate their options. The fear present is that one may choose the wrong cup and find it is not what they want at all, or that they must forsake all options but one. Even abstaining from choice is an interaction with the energy present in the card.
     Like all mirages and illusions, one must see through them and not allow them to lead you astray from the path. There are plenty of mythological analogies of beings who are there to tempt one from the real road with offers of riches or fame, or of that we really want. We read of it happening in our favourite books or films and scream at the protagonists that the mirage is not really there, that it is leading them astray, yet when faced in life with the very same situations how easy it is to justify our desires. It might not be a proverbial castle or image of  your mother calling your name, it may simply be security, enjoyment or a cessation of our worries and fears. When the sirens of our own desires call, can we hold fast to our true course...or do we dive from our ships only to find it was all an illusion and we have left the path behind?

 

XVII - The Star

  It has been a little bit of time since I last updated the blog and several weeks has passed while the Star card sits upon my desk waiting for me to write on it.
   The Star is a positive card, one bearing a message of hope and fulfillment. It has certainly brought those elements forward in my life. In the last few weeks my healing business has taken off to a degree I would not normally imagine possible in a winter month. I have had a regular stream of customers coming for energy work and for the workshops I have run. Outside of that I have found myself busy everyday with one task or another and my schedule remains full with interesting prospects. There are also several side projects that are beginning to bear fruit after a long period of waiting.
   The card itself has a magical quality, a skyclad woman pours  never-ending streams of water from the two vessels she holds. One pours onto the land, the other back into the water. The woman is poised with one leg on the land and the other foot on the surface of the water. She is a picture of self assurance in her body and in her balance. Behind her are the seven stars of the Pleiades and one gigantic star above her. You can also catch a glimpse of a bird resting on a tree in the background. While it is difficult to make out what type of bird it actually depicts, various sources describe it as an Ibis the Egyptian bird of wisdom associated with Thoth.
    This is above all a card of hope, inspiration and illumination. The woman in the card is representative of the divine female in all her glory. She does not hide her form, nor is she self conscious. The Star has always been a guiding symbol of hope for the future, often associated with prophecy and the dawning of a new hopeful era. The Pleiades, or the seven sisters are a cluster of stars that can be seen cresting the horizon when spring arrives. They are also associated in New Age thought with the star beings who watch over and guide us towards our soul's destination.
   This cluster of stars has, for me found profound meaning as the Spring has often been a time when hope is renewed and I set forth with renewed vigour towards my spiritual goals. Several times when my hope has been at it's lowest points I have had profound dreams in which this cluster of stars had played a prominent role, encouraging me take heart and continue on. These dreams appeared with unnaturally vivid clarity and colour and stood apart from the usual cobwebbed dreamscapes.
    The idea of following one's star, or reaching for the stars finds its place here in the realm of hope and inspiration. The story of the Three Kings following a star to find the birthplace of Jesus resonates strongly here and has astrological significance, as the eight stars depicted here can relate to the eight known astrological planets of the old world.
    The vessels she pours onto the earth and water represent abundance of feeling and the renewal of the body and spirit that occurs with an influx of new hope. After the trials of the Devil card it is a breath of fresh air, a time of liberation, new growth and freedom. It represents the arrival in the blessed garden after the dangerous passage of the underworld. You can see the springing up of new shoots around where she pours the vessels onto the ground, these symbolise new life and hope.
    The Ibis on the tree behind her is a symbol of wisdom, a bird that could wade through the shallow waters of the Nile and pluck fish from the water with it's long thin bill. It finds association with Thoth the Egyptian God of hermetic wisdom, who was depicted as an Ibis headed being. Hermetic wisdom is wisdom gained through deep introspection and through no worldly source. This fits nicely with the idea of inspiration coming from divine or otherworldly sources.
     In the my life this card also has further meaning, which relates to recent events. Apart from a feeling of renewed hope and feeling returning to me. Which of course I welcome with great gratitude. These is another aspect. Many years ago I had the pleasure of meeting a lady by the name of Alexa Young. She had created an oracle based around the Tarot, it is a inspired creation and involves a group of people coming together to experience the Tarot in a group setting. It is based around a board and can be called a game only in the loosest definition. Alexa held the Star card to be the card that inspired her to create the game and it's symbolism is intrinsically linked with the game. When I met her she asked through her daughter Lisa if I would like to play a game with her, which we did. The title of the Oracle was Llumination and it was a way to experience the magic of the tarot in a expanded setting and to share it with others.
     Llumination has been around for many years, but Alexa's untimely passing left the game and it's many inspired offshoots languishing in a legal marshland. I took it upon myself to learn how to facilitate the games in order to help promote it, as I believe it is a very valuable tool for self-discovery.  In the last few weeks though, there has been new growth and excitement for the game and the related Tarot resources. I have had the personal pleasure of helping to move the game forward and it is a time of renewed hope for it to get out there and into the world with the recognition it truly deserves.
   
 

Getting out of the way of yourself.

  Too often we are in our own way. Many times we are too much in our own heads and can't let go of the control our egos like to exhibit. I learned something valuable today and it surprisingly came from my own mouth. It began with advice about doing a tarot reading, but has expanded into something greater.
   When one goes for, or gives a tarot reading posing the question is one of the oft most overlooked piece of the encounter. Yet the question is the crux of the answer and we forget that at our own peril.
   I was talking with a colleague today about setting up the question for a reading. How the question is phrased is of the utmost importance. I liken it to programming a computer...any mistake is because of human error. People have a tendency to limit their options for an answer to a simple yes/no or and either/or, but the answer may need to be much more far reaching. Limited views, preconceived notions of what is possible or leading questions can all lead the question astray before you even begin. Spirit will do its best to get the to heart of the matter, but a badly worded question can provide a significant block to interpreting what the cards are saying.
    Badly worded questions are limited and closed, not allowing spirit to answer in its fullness. Asking an either or question limits you to two possibilities, when there may be a third you are not even aware of. Yes or no questions can be just as bad.
      This is not limited to reading tarot cards, but any interaction with spirit that is limited by our vocabulary. Words have a structure of their own, often with narrow meanings compared to the energy that motivates the question. They can be wonderful tools if crafted well, but often they fall far short.
     I sat down this evening to pose a question to my own deck. The question broadly was to be, how to return the magic to my life. Don't get me wrong, I like my life currently, but it is not magical and it has been before. I set out several decks and took a moment to prepare myself before doing the reading.
   As I prepared, I focused inwards and relaxed allowing the question to coalesce into being. Sometimes as I do this the answers come before I have drawn the cards. In this instance I realised that I should pose my question as a prayer rather than a reading. What started to form was "How can I best bring magic back into my life" , which changed to "Help me bring magic back into my life". As I focused on this prayer one thing immediately stood out....me.
     I was asking spirit to help me bring back the magic, rather than getting out of the way and asking them to do it. I realised it might not be within my finite ability to bring this effect into being. Even with spirit's help, I might not be able to pull off what I was asking for. It is like asking for spirit to give me the strength to get over an obstacle, rather than having spirit remove the obstacle or provide a way to bypass it. My own limitations as a finite being stand in the way of every request in which I ask for help for me to do something.
    I do not need to be the one that overcomes the obstacle, that is what my ego would like, but not really what I want. There are instances where it is relevant to me to do something with spirit's help, but this is not one of them.
    There is a fine line here that I tread with this, between what I believe is possible for myself and what is possible for spirit to achieve above, beyond and for me. It reminds me of exercise we did in the Celtic workshop in which we do a healing, but the guides do all the work and we watch. For me it was difficult to step aside and let spirit work through me even though the end result might be more effective. There is a part of me that wants to be responsible for the healing directly. It wants the gratification, it wants to believe that it is the source of the healing. But it isn't. It is spirit. It has worked through me, but how much better might it work if the me got out of the way?
   Instead of asking spirit to help me, I asked for spirit to return the magic to my life. It involves a faith and a trust and not so much meddling on my behalf. I get to witness the magic occur through the act of faith and in the end, what is the difference? It feels more like commanding than pleading and that can only be a positive step. Spirit doesn't have a problem saying no.
 
   
     
     

9 of Pentacles. Financial independence and superiority.

     This card is about plenty and the freedom granted by financial independence. It has brought up a great deal of personal baggage in trying to get myself into the right frame of mind to discuss it. Sometimes entering into the mind state of the card is harder than usual, certainly if the card represents a state that is not resonant for me at this time.
     None-the-less I will discuss the card before delving into the more personal aspects. The nine is close to the end of the material cycle represented by the pentacles, we are almost at fullness within this suit. The lady in the card is enjoying all the fruits that material security and independence can buy. She is leisurely enjoying her estate in a fine robe covered in Venusian symbols. Venus being the planet of beauty it shows that her finery is of the greatest opulence. It is a golden robe, which again exemplifies the wealth this card represents. The trim on the robe, along with the hat she wears is a vivid red. Red being a colour of vibrancy, material power and vigour.
        Behind her is a golden sunset, the composition balanced by two trees either side of her. The Venusian symbolism, the finery and the balance all suggest this card has links to Libra.  To either side of her are the pentacles stacked alongside the rich bunches of grapes, suggesting she can afford to enjoy the finer things in life. The hooded hawk itself is another symbol of aristocracy, also showing her freedom to move about and return to a comfortable resting place. It's hood remains in place as it is not now the time to hunt, but to relax.
       At the foot of the card is a snail showing the leisurely and sedate pace created by the secure foundation of wealth. There is no hurry and what one has is simply to be enjoyed.
      The card itself seems simple in its analysis but it has been difficult for me to feel the energy behind it. My current financial situation does not reflect the energy of the card, if anything it reflects its opposite. For me my life does not include a material stability or the ability to take things easy and enjoy the finer aspects of living. This created a great deal of conflicted feelings as most of the cards I have drawn have had a real life situation occur that allowed me to understand the energy. Instead this card has raised frustrations and ugly feelings.
      Rather than feel stuck, I have looked at the feelings that have emerged in trying to emulate this mindset in attempt to understand why I cannot bring this energy into fruition in my life. Much as when trying to flush out a blocked pipe the first thing to emerge is the cause of the blockage and all that has caused the clogging.
     What arises in me is envy. Envy is not an emotion I am used to. Although once I look at it, I see how pervasive it has become in my own life. Being brought to my financial knees has magnified the envy I feel for all those around me in such a way that it has become an intolerable noise. Upon further examination I see that it goes even deeper into my psyche. Last night as I drifted off to sleep I asked for a dream to elucidate my situation so I could better understand how this feeling may be blocking me.
      I dreamt that I was in a department store in which several high-tech stands were set up. I was there with my younger brother, although he was much younger in the dream...little more than a young child. I was in possession of a large felt block or box which strapped onto my back by virtue of a Velcro strap. When I put the pale green box onto my back I could hover about at a height of a foot or two. It was quite a pleasurable experience and the box itself felt weightless. As I was hovering about, my brother threw a toy or figurine into a glass display case shattering the front. One of the shop workers came over and scolded me for my brother's actions and informed me that I wouldn't be able to work there because of his action. I felt non-plussed by this as I wasn't really interested in it in the first place. I was considering offering the box to my brother when the dream shifted. It then moved into another aspect about another area of my life which does not seem relevant.
      Symbolically the green represents envy and the block...well that represents a block. But, the dream suggests that I am willingly donning the block because it elevates me. I can understand how this may be. I can feel elevated by my envy, I can even feel an element of superiority (aerial superiority!). If I feel elevated then I would naturally feel envious of those who are below me from possessing what I do not. My desire is not born of a genuine desire, but from a righteousness derived from a false sense of superiority. Letting go of this envy and the superior elevated position, although less pleasurable immediately will lead to me finding my own level. It will put me in contact with the earth and ground me in reality.
      It is easy to find the source of this. Growing up I was the smallest in my year...bar the kid with a growth disorder. I was also one of the youngest, struggled with my school work and was naturally shy. My family was not wealthy so seeing others with more was a regular occurrence. My father also had a serious inferiority complex, often claiming that Italians were responsible for every single good thing in civilization and therefore by extension he was part of that legacy. I could go on, but it does not serve as there are many factors in this stew and no one thing is fully responsible.  It is natural that I would want to feel bigger, better and superior to those who surrounded me, if only to be able to compete.
      I can see that this constructed sense of superiority disconnects me from the earth and my true self. I know I possess many good qualities and this envy exists because of my childhood difficulties. It is difficult for me to feel a desire for something without going through a sense of entitlement born of an elevated sense of self. But it is not connected, it is not genuine and only serves to feed this dynamic of envy.
     The block in the dream is only connected by a strap of Velcro, yet the desire to feel elevated is strong. Finding a block that doesn't weigh me down is novel, as in my experience they often possess a weight which creates a lethargy and feelings of heaviness. Letting go of the block means letting go of a safety mechanism that has been in place for a long time and has served to keep me afloat when things should have buried me. I know now that I can rely on my own self worth and do not need to keep an aid to buoyancy with me. It is only keeping me from connecting fully with the earth.
      In the end I have to let go of this barrier to financial independence, the feeling that has kept me safe for so long. Because it no longer serves and only suffices to keep me disconnected. The elevated sense of self. It is the shadow side of the 9 of Pentacles, an elevated sense of superiority. Granted by things real or imagined.

X - Wheel of Fortune

     This mysterious card the Wheel of Fortune is one of the more enigmatic cards in the Major Arcana. It is usually simplified into "luck" and seen as a benevolent card to arrive in a reading. It is regarded as heralding a change of fortune, usually for the better. How this can be conferred from the symbolism is hard to grasp.
      The card itself is bursting with images, symbols and occult looking glyphs. These can be decoded with some understanding and I will elucidate their meanings for you shortly.
     I really wanted to get to the bottom of this card as it has been sat on my desk and at my bedside table while I have pondered it's meaning. My own life has been under going some changes recently and I would hope that the changes are for the better. It has felt as though the wheel that has been stuck for so long has begun it's inexorable movement forward out of inertia.
   The disk in the centre of the card is what first draws most people's attention. It is a bright fiery red orange contrasting against the blue of the sky, the image being representative of the workings of heaven. Upon the wheel are various glyphs. We have on the outer disk the letters "T" "A" "R" "O" which follow around one full cycle to form Tarot...also Tora(h) and Rota can be gained as well as a few more esoteric forms. Interspersed with these letter are the hebrew letters which form the Tetragrammaton for the name of the God of Israel (YHWH).
      The inner circle has delineations representing the eight seasons depicted in various pagan and oriental calendars. These lines are also shown covering the four basic alchemical substances (Water, Mercury, Sulphur and Salt) which sit in the cardinal directions.
       This all adds up to a lot of symbolism pointed at calenders and complete systems with multiple components or facets making up the whole. The whole card it seems is based on complete cycles, whether it is the elements, seasons, humours, astrology or numerology (10 is the beginning of a new cycle and entrance into double digits).
        When I became ten years old, it felt like I had entered an entirely new realm. There was nothing particularly tangible about it, but I knew that I would never have a single digit age again. It was a rite of passage that once passed could not be rescinded. We all go through certain cycles and there is little we can do to change these things, they are part of the fabric of our universe. The seasons come and go, people are born, grow old and then they die. We are powerless before the wheel of time.
        We see on the card Anubis the Jackal headed God of the afterlife on the underside of the wheel, occupying a position beneath common consciousness. His role was as a guardian and protector of the dead in Egyptian mythology.  He was also given the role of judge over the souls of the dead, before it was passed on to Osiris. He also appears as a bright red, linking him with the wheel and the process of karma, judgement and the cycling of the souls onto their rightful destinations. This implies that the wheel itself is somewhat driven by karma and it will bring into being what you have sown, the judge being that of the unconscious.
         Atop the wheel sits a sphinx, she is a bright blue and is an amalgamation of the four fixed astrological signs who sit in the corners of the card (Leo, Aquarius, Scorpio and Taurus). Curiously she doesn't possess wings and the elemental beings do. The sphinx holds a sword and sits in balance atop the wheel, linking her to the attribute of mind and thought. In her I see a link to the balanced forces of heaven, a conjunction of all the elements in balance sat above the wheel. She is a master of all the elements and even of karma itself. She points to the great secret that frees you from the wheel of karmic fortune, of being aligned with heavenly forces and not being ruled by astrological influences and yet being ultimately a part of them. The lack of wings is a symbol of her choice to remain upon the wheel and the blue is her connection to the throat chakra and living in alignment.
        On the descending side we see a golden coloured snake. Snakes are a symbol of wisdom and the gold is representative of wealth. The snake brings the wisdom of the workings of the universe gathered by the four astrological signs down into the material world. This is where the good luck and wealth aspects of the card really come in. The snake has already passed the apex and is descending to earth bringing with it good fortune and great wisdom. By this we can see that the wheel has already been set in motion, that the good karma, wisdom in past actions and alignment with cosmic forces has created a beneficial aspect.
         So as to be complete the four astrological signs all sit in their corners studying books of wisdom. They are being filled with knowledge about their respective positions in the universe and they will eventually reach enlightenment (The World card).
         The Wheel of Fortune has a very heavy esoteric bias, but most people are happy to see this card as good luck without understanding the mechanisms for its creation, which are all written here upon this key. In the end there will be no need for luck as one will be free to align with whichever stars happen to be favoured, rather than being tied to one's own.
        I am not there yet, so I am simply happy to receive this card, to know that the wheel is turning and all the good I have put into play will return to me. Coincidentally (or not), it is interesting to note that I drew this card one calender year from the end of the current cycle in the Mayan calender in 2012...spooky!
     
 

XXI - The World

  The World card stands at the end of the Major Arcana, signifying great completion...a conjunction of all the elements in success.
    Where the Fool began his journey with the Magician he finishes it with the cosmic dancer in the World card. The laurel wreath, a symbol of victory is written large here forming a circle, a zero which draws one back to the start. Like all great cycles the end is only a prelude to a beginning. In this case, it is not a cycling back to the start but a step up to a new plateau.
    This card has a great deal of power behind it. The four elements are represented in the corners by their astrological fixed signs. A bull for Taurus, a human for Aquarius, an eagle for Scorpio and the Lion for Leo. These elements balance each other and form a unity.
      This card is completion, the end of a cycle, the great victory. It is preparing one for the next phase.
     When I received this card late last night I was not sure how I was going to write about it. Things did not feel very complete at all, in fact there was a lot of loose ends. What this day did do was string together a great deal of synchroncities together and end certain cycles.
    I started the day going and volunteering at the Medical centre and working on a colleague of mine who has been having treatments for her cancer. It was good for me to get out and do something positive, especially in helping someone else. During the treatment I felt a surge of new energy entering my Reiki. For possibly the first time Earth energy was beginning to enter into my healing. This energy is not the bright red of the base chakra, but an earthy brown. For me it is the integration and balance of the energies that I have been looking for. All four elements are now present in my healing and I look forward to working with this new element!
       The previous night I had done a reading for myself regarding what I should do to promote my business better. In it I was led to realise that I need to offer a free treatment to the two ladies who run the centre I operate out of. So I stopped by the store to let them know. When I arrived I got talking about my experiences in journeying that had occurred over the weekend. It just so happened that the girl I had done the journey for came in through the door as I was finishing the story. I let her know I had a message for her about the journey and she told me the information I had to pass on had already been told to her earlier in the day by another! Apparently it was only the second time she has visited the store, so it was quite unusual for me to run into her. I was about the leave the store when a lady walked in and asked if I was available to give a treatment, so I ended up staying to do a second treatment. Strangely this treatment was on the same chakra as the earlier treatment and the journey! I was also able to give clarification on an issue that was also troubling one of the ladies who run the store.
       I finally left the store to run into another friend of mine who was walking past the corner as I left. We walked together for a few blocks, before we parted ways and I ran into another friend not two blocks later. I got home at last to find out that Zoe had managed to get a cheque she was looking for, bringing relief to a financial issue we were facing. I had to go back for a meeting at the store later in the evening and as I was leaving, I ran into the same friend again in exactly the same spot, but several hours later!
       It seems that this card is showing me its powerful influence for completing cycles. I was not expecting anything of the sort today and I have only noted the most major of the synchronicities that I encountered. The addition of the fourth element to my healing practise is the final balancing factor. For me it means the end of a huge cycle in trying to bring in that element into my life and my healing work.
       In the card, the centre piece is the woman dancing. She holds two wands in her hands like batons which symbolise the connection between heaven and earth, but doubled. A purple sash swirls around her, purple being the colour of royalty and higher spirituality. She is otherwise naked, but unashamedly so. She is celebrating her freedom, balance and the successful completion of the journey. She is moving through the portal of the wreath, into another energy...a higher frequency. All the trials and tribulations find fruition in this card and we become ready to move forward to a new dimension in our lives.
     The World card is seen as the most powerful of the Major Arcana in its power to bestow real change to a sitaution. It has the four elements/directions and upper and lower symbolised by the wands. It means growth and change on ALL levels...spiritual, material, emotional and mental. They have reached their apex of power as evidenced by the fixed signs.
       I am hoping that this new influx of Earth energy spells the end of this particular cycle and the beginning of a new episode for me. Certainly as we all head into 2012 there are going to be some surprises for us!
 

I want never gets, a legacy of guilt.

   I have recently been opening up the rest of my energy system to kundalini energy. I have run into a deadly trap within my own system and it has been holding me up for a long while. Thankfully with help from some of my dreams I am making headway.
    Many years ago I had my first kundalini awakening, I discuss it fully in one of my first posts here. Suffice to say that it only opened up the energy in the upper part of my torso, arms, head and neck included. The energy didn't fully flow down into my lower torso or legs especially around the root chakra. I didn't think much of it at the time as the experience was new to me to begin with. It was only much later that I discovered that the energy within me was not fully balanced.
   The problem became a little more pronounced later, causing me to suffer from a restless leg style side effect which I later discovered were kriyas. The energy was trying to equalize during the sleep cycles or during meditation and it was much too strong to happen without a lot of discomfort and pain.
   This continued for many years and I simply didn't know how to go about resolving it. Other healers were at a loss and the strong physical aspect of it only served to frighten. Recently (within the last year) I managed to discover and resolve the blockage that was causing so much disturbance with deep meditation, relaxation and giving in to the discomfort. There was also a large psychological element along with emotional affects which also needed to be worked on. The problem has not re-occurred and I can now sleep and meditate without this energy spike occurring.
     It seems as though the work on my legs and feet is not quite finished though. The legs and feet correspond to the material world and my connection to it. I still am running into numerous material issues, both financially and health wise. Financially the flow is more of a drip. Health wise, my hips, hamstrings, ankles and the soles of my feet are subject to tension and inflexibility. Both aspects seem a mirror of each other. The major blockage has been resolved, but the pathways are still blocked.
    A few nights ago I had a dream which elucidated the problem. In the dream I was trying to move down a corridor which had several branches. All along the floor were tiny holes from which arrows and needles would fire forth whenever I moved along the corridor. It made moving down the corridor at any speed both painful and difficult. There were several painted pathways on the ground in blue and red and the blue pathways seemed the easiest to traverse.
    It seemed a perfect analogy for the matter at hand. Trying to move energy (or even blood or fluids) through my legs was a painful and slow process subject to pain. The faster I attempted to stretch my legs and hips out the worse it would become. Unfortunately the rate at which it is comfortable to move is too slow and any faster movement causes pain. This, like trying to make headway in my financial life is intolerably slow and not something that can be suffered for the long term. Looking at the problem only served to cause frustration and depression as there seems to be no alternative.
   So, last night I took a walk to Walgreens (a 24hr pharmacy) ostensibly to pick up some hot chocolate and a drink for Zoe so I could give myself some space to think. As I walked through the campus late at night listening to my ipod a thought occurred to me. I believe it was Einstein that stated that "no problem can be solved at the level it was created". This serves well for any situation and I realised that I was looking at the situation all wrong.
   Rather than seeing the traps as the problem to be overcome I needed to regard the entire situation from a higher level. I have been looking at how the situation is defended and not why. My body/mind system is seeking to stop movement along the pathway, especially anything large or fast. So there is a movement of energy, but only in small chunks, or larger ones if I don't mind taking the hits. I had to consider why is this considered a threat that needs to be reduced or eliminated. 
     I knew that I could rely on my subconscious to eventually figure it out, so when I went to bed I took my notebook and a little reading light. It seems that between 1am and 3am is the best time for letting my mind hazily drift over the topics without distraction. Note: I did not think about it, I just let my mind kind of gaze at it...seeing out of the corner of my eye as it were.
    Part of me thought that it was likely to do with success, that maybe I had a fear of success. But this although fitting the scenario did not get any traction. Then I began to consider that achieving success might bring forth unwanted feelings or thoughts. I looked at my own attitude and realised that a part of me just thinks it isn't possible, that regardless of how hard I try things aren't going to work out for me. That I am just doomed to not get what I want. Now this thought rang a bell.
    Many years back when I had my first experience with kundalini I was working on a big issue for me which was finding my voice. I grew up being painfully shy and unable to express myself. In the end it all came down to what I had been reinforced with since I was a small child. It was the phrase "I want never gets". This maxim had been hammered into me as I grew up. If I said the dreaded phrase "I want" I would be berated and told that I was being VERY rude and given sour looks. Obviously I would be racked with guilt if ever such a phrase slipped out of my lips. Instead I had to phrase everything to cause minimum offense and so that my parents could feel okay with denying my wants, since they were no longer wants, but only very polite requests. All and any of my desires ran the risk of being vetoed. I had to be grateful for whatever I got, even if it wasn't what I wanted.
      Now this all where it began to make sense to me. The protective system is in place to save me from actually getting what I want and therefore doing something shameful and bad. I have worked through my issues enough to be able to express those wants and desires, but as for actually getting them? This idea of "I want never gets" has been so deeply inculcated that it literally stops it from occurring. For me it is a deep universal truth and while I may be able to deny its truth on a mental and verbal level, physically and emotionally it is still just as true as when I was 5 years old. My body literally battles against my mind and tries to protect me from shame and guilt. It leaves me with a legacy of never being fulfilled as it would be asking too much from my poor beleaguered parents. A ridiculous and outdated program in my own psyche.
     The key in this is turning those guardian forces around and to have them working for me rather than against me. They no longer need to protect me from guilt and shame, which are always seen as omnipresent threats for undesirable behaviour. Then I could stop projecting these parental figures onto any beings/organisations etc that might hold my well-being in their hands be it people, bosses or even the universe itself! I can say I want and not expect punishment.
    For my full understanding I must look at the reverse side of why someone would say that in the first place. From my own understanding it is from that person's poverty mindset. I feel that reasonable requests and desires are never really outside of the realm of possibility. A parent often feels that they have to provide everything for the child, but this is a fallacy of limited thinking. The parent is only the vessel of transmission from the universe to the child. If the parent believes that their own desires are not being fulfilled by the cosmos, then they are likely to pass on that mindset to the child, even if this is not actually true. My desires as a child were well within the bounds of possibility, often a new toy I really wanted or the gift of time and attention from a parent. My parents had been living in a scarcity mindset and they felt those things were not even achievable. This was not actually true and the few things I really needed would never have broken the bank. If they had taken the time to look at the needs of a family, they may have realised that their lives were out of alignment and found new and more fulfilling ways of living. They each made their choices and placed the burden of guilt upon me as a child for not being a party to their conspiracy of poverty. My desires were punished with guilt and had to be quieted or smothered for the benefit of not upsetting the status quo. If this legacy were theirs alone then this would be a different matter, but I now must spend my time digging up the bones of the past so I can be free of their influence.
     Seeing this, I can now be free of the guilt and shame that I have felt towards myself and start to really consider what to do from hereon out. It was never my guilt and shame, but that of my parents.
     Knowing this I can re-purpose those defenses to protect from further assaults designed to make me feel the  guilt or shame of another. When I feel a desire arise I can then process it and defend it from those who would seek to make me feel ashamed of natural wants and desires. Guilt is a feeling that arises from within and we do not have to accept it from an outside source, so now I can move forward without having to figure out when to defend against being guilted when I don't feel that way.
   
   

10 of Pentacles. Wealth and inheritance.

  The 10 of Pentacles has been a rare card in my readings. It is a good card, with a lot of positive elements.
  The suit of Pentacles is concerned with money, health and family. The last card in the suit of Pentacles as a number 10 it signifies the end and culmination of material matters. The Pentacles are a symbol for the element of earth and earth, like water, only strengthens with multiplicity. Therefore, this card is very positive when it comes to material endeavours as the suit has come full circle to the full embodiment of material power that was present in the Ace.
   The card is full of rich imagery and it is hard to tell where things begin and end with the fullness of the card. The pentacles themselves are laid out in a pattern that reflects the Tree of Life (the ten sephiroth from the Kabbalah). The tree is a map of human consciousness and the universe based on the idea of what is above is also reflected below and that all creation can be seen in a single grain of sand. The 10 of Pentacles is really the last in the series of Minor Arcana with what was begun with the Ace of Swords (the original expression of a thought, if one is using the kabbalistic school of thought ). Being the last, it also reflects the beginning as all cycles do and the symbol of the tree is homage to that.
    Looking at the card one can see the full range of life played out in the card: there is a child, a couple and an elder with several dogs around him. This shows the connection to the family and the idea of generations. One can see how it can be connected to the idea of inheritance or family wealth. The card is also set within a house as evidenced by the archway with a city view, which suggests security but not in a restrictive fashion. There is so much detail as to be overwhelming, which is only right given the Pentacles as the ruler of the material realm. Pictures of castles and boats adorn the inner walls of the house along with a fresco on the left of the image, all showing material wealth and extravagance.
    The city beyond shows a tower, a house and the city wall, all depicted in a rather neutral orange/yellow almost as if it were reaching dusk and the sunset were reflecting off the walls. Each of the symbols represent security and stability in a very man-made fashion and the flash of green above the walls shows it is not unconnected with nature.
   The child represents youth and he reaches out to touch the tail of the dog, who is in turn at the lap of the elder creating a cycle between all the players. The male figure in the couple is a guardsman with his spear at the ready, although he is engaged in friendly dialogue with the mother of the child. This represents the idea of safety and protection and no immediate danger. The elder represents the final phase of the cycle and so he is richly adorned in a robe of earthy colours, covered in patterns and geometric shapes. These elements are not the typical metaphysical symbols and look certainly more like fashionable or aesthetic choices. The chair in which he sits is green with grapes upon it, again symbolising abundance and fruitfulness.
    As I previously stated, this card appears rarely for me and my relationship with this card is an unknown. Since it is Minor Arcana it is related to an energy that is prevalent at the particular time. It does reflect some of the changes that have been going on in my life.
   Last night I had a dream in which I was travelling to an unknown destination, it was getting late in the day so I decided to pull my car over to the side (a red muscle car with white stripe which I knew as a Mustang) and try and find somewhere to stay. I entertained the idea of continuing on through the night, but my final destination seemed foggy in my mind and I decided that stopping would be best. There was a general feeling of disorientation and lack of stability, given I wasn't quite sure where I was going or where I would be staying.  I ended up entering a temple which consisted of several floors and seemed to be themed in a Celtic fashion with Triskells on the walls. Within were several welcoming priestesses who asked me about my journey as to ascertain my purpose and my connection. I started to recount my journey and its ups and downs and the various animals that had aided me thus far. I mentioned a Kingfisher, an Otter and a Crane and said I had footage of them coming to my aid. At this, they offered me a place to stay for the night and the dream ended.
    Looking at the symbolism of these particular animals I am struck by the fact that they all are linked to two elements. The Kingfisher and Crane to air and water and the Otter to water and earth. All of the animals felt like they had a numinous quality to me (one that carries beyond the dream) and I am heartened by their appearance. They are also all animals that are linked to the Celtic pantheon and their environs and they are not collage-like scraps from my day (unlike the Mustang...which I feel is sheer wish fulfillment).
   What this dream relates to me is that with adopting a level of certitude in my choice of career, it brings up several different elements. It seems like my endless wandering without a final destination is at least taking a break in order to create a bond to the earth and for me to set down some roots. My connection has always strongly been to movement and flight as evidenced by the bird symbolism, but all these animals make their homes in or close to the earth and the river bank in particular.
   Creating a level of fixedness and stability does bring up some fears in me that I will not be able to travel so freely as I have, but I feel these fears may in fact prove to be completely unfounded. The card is about a healthy flow of income, one that even allows for and suggests extravagance as shown by the boats and castles  on the walls. With a level of security, taking flight may be even easier as I don't have to carry all my belongings with me on each trip. My journey has had its ups and downs and I know I would not have made it without inner assistance.
   Finding a castle and a temple for me is paramount for me, even if it is only a nest to launch myself from and to take rest in. This card talks to me of the feeling of homecoming and material security I have been seeking to build for myself for the greatest time. Allowing myself to recognise and enjoy those creature comforts, knowing that I am motivated and strong enough for them not to become traps for me.

Believing in better for myself

  I have been opening up my life to abundance for quite a while now, several years in fact and there has been a tremendous amount of change going on for me. There has definitely been some ups and downs, but I have come a long way from where I started the journey. I have manifested many things in my life the way I would want them, but there are still a few bugbears that are proving resilient to my efforts.
   Good company, purpose and a meaningful life have all come around for me. Yet finding meaning and fulfillment in my financial and work spheres is proving exceptionally tough to manifest. I have stepped out of my old patterns and moved into the flow of abundance with the universe and it is easy to see it at work in much of my life. Synchronicities happen almost daily for me and there is a feeling of hope. So with this in mind I asked for a dream last night to show me how and where I was going wrong in this area.
   The dream took place in a pub (presumably in the UK) in which I was a cleaner there. I was working for one of my old bosses who I had never had the greatest respect for. I happened to be cleaning around the bar area where the manager of the pub and his fellows were sitting around. They looked like shady mafia types and they ended up holding down and murdering another figure on the bar with a stake to the solar plexus. They seemed either unaware or unbothered by me being there, until the manager noticed me and told me I needed to go clean the roof. I felt like protesting that it was not part of my duties but was concerned that I might be the next victim and I should stay on his best side.
   There were other elements to the dream, such as having difficulty finding a working bathroom stall (problems elimination negative energy) and talking with Dan Akroyd in an airport waiting lounge (not sure about this part!).
    The first part of the dream seemed such a familiar situation in my experiences, I feel shame in recognising this as a regularly occurring situation. I seem to end up with low vibration jobs that put me in a situation in which I feel there is no acceptable way out and with the feeling that there is nothing better out there for me. This creates a vicious cycle in which I am forced back into those very type of work situations. This cycle of belief has kept me pinned in a trap of feeling disappointment and shame.
     The fear of finding nothing better has hardened into a belief so strong that it feels like a certainty. When something has that kind of solidity within your energy system you cannot help but manifest it for oneself, regardless of how many sugary affirmations you sprinkle over it. You are numb to the possibilities that may array themselves before you and deaf to the knocking of opportunity.
    I have experienced life without this belief when I first went travelling simply because I suspended my beliefs in taking that first step, but as is often the case with deeply held ideas they came to the surface eventually and return the status quo.
     Seeing my bosses "murder" other individuals has happened several times for me and I have allowed it to occur because of the fear that there is no other real options for me. And because of my solid belief that there is no other options it takes on a horrible reality.
    I have seen this dynamic at work within my family especially. We have had a pattern of allowing ourselves to become entrenched in a miserable situation and not leave it because of the fear there is no other options. My family owns a holiday home in the south of Italy and my parents hired an unscrupulous and criminal individual who has proven himself false time and time again. Yet this happens because there is a pervasive fear that there are no other options out there.
   Letting go of the fear alone is not enough as it will only creep back in again when no new dynamic comes to replace it. Replacing it is an absolutely necessary, even if it flies in the face of all past experience. One must find the counter belief and install it. So, with that in mind.... There is something better for me out there, something that fits with me perfectly. I have experienced this truth many times before in other areas of my life and now I am going to experience it on the material level.

III - The Empress

     The Empress is the female companion to the Emperor, where the Emperor is severe and imposing, the Empress is soft and caring. She represents the divine mother in her most glorious aspect.
   She reclines in comfort on a luxurious looking divan, covered in cushions and pillows all looking to be made from plush materials. She wears a comfortable dress and a tiara of stars, far from the hard armour and crown of the Emperor. There is a feeling of comfort and informality when one looks upon this card.
   She resides in a lush woodland with a waterfall just behind her. Fields of golden corn sprout at her feet and the sun gives her head a haloed glow in warm comforting oranges.
   He hand is raised up, holding a sceptre and this looks like it is done without a care in the world....more a benediction than a show of power. Her dress is covered with roses which talk of love and the heart and even the shape of the roses suggest the symbol of Venus. The emblem at her feet is a heart with the symbol of Venus emblazoned upon it, Venus being the planetary ruler of beauty and romance. The symbol is Venus is also very close to the Egyptian Ankh, which means life.
   The card talks of love, abundance, motherly nurturing in the purest sense and the promise of new life. It is the round belly of the expectant mother, the sack full to bursting of grain, the roundness of the trees in mid summer and the warm glow of the setting sun in a glorious sunset, ready to give birth to a warm night.
     This card is a fruitful one, one which shows abundance in all areas of life. It is like all the Aces combined in one. All creative energies have been sown and they are about to give birth to a new endeavor. There is no lack in this card and the eternal mother is giving in all aspects, holding nothing back for her children.
   The idea of abundance is a difficult one for many people, myself included. The idea that there is an unlimited supply of all we want just out there waiting for us to tap into is often hard to wrap ones head around. Abundance comes in many forms and often we have abundance in one area of life and not in another, when this happens we may have a tendency to focus on the lack ignoring all the other ares of richness in our lives.
   When we do this it becomes even harder to generate that feeling of abundance and that all is provided for you. We are often told to be grateful for all we have, yet when things are scarce doing so can feel highly in-genuine. In these instances we must confront the lack in our lives and acknowledge it is there, for without this we cannot be truly honest with ourselves and trying to feel abundant in those moments feels like lying to ourselves.
  There are a great deal of abundance teachers out there and most of them would have you ignore these feelings and focus on generating good positive energy. This is good advice to a point, but without acknowledging the lack in ones life there is always going to be a wrinkle in the back of your mind. Without this realistic appraisal, we cannot truly see what we are trying to fill and even if it really needs to be filled.
    A lot of the time we spot an area of lack, do not wish to face it, choose an item our ego would like to fill it with and wish for that. We are operating outside of ourselves in this instance and using our own ego power to draw the object to us. This can be exhausting work and keeping up a level of denial can also sap your energy supply.
   Rather we should face this negative space, acknowledge it is there, then understand how we can begin to fill it. By looking honestly, we open ourselves up to divine intuition, which can lead us to what would really benefit us and the reason we have a space for it in the first place.
   I have found denial and ignorance has never really produced anything of lasting value in my life. There are certainly areas of my life that are very abundant. I have a beautiful wife, a great apartment, the space and freedom to think, the ability to express how I feel openly. And, yes there are areas of lack. But by simply ignoring them, I will never understand the reason that space was created in my life. By ignoring the desperation underneath it all, you end up just holding your life in place by sheer willpower. These dark spaces need to be acknowledged, so that they can be filled.
    We are told to be grateful for the things we have but I have found that trying to generate gratitude when it is not naturally present is the same as trying to create any feeling that has not naturally arisen. Gratitude is a spontaneous feeling that arises when one has been genuinely gifted, sometimes we don't recognise it when it happens and it requires a shift of perspective. But we cannot and should not demand gratitude from someone who doesn't feel it. We should not force the same ideals upon ourselves. If you have trouble feeling gratitude for some of the things in your life, then maybe there is a reason why. It is wonderful to feel it, but don't force it! Look at why it is not there! Maybe the giver is giving grudgingly, maybe you deserve more in your life for your efforts, maybe you want more than scraps...without this insight it is all for nothing.
   Abundance is there for us all, but to accept it, we must be honest about ourselves and the lack we feel. We can't be given to unless we acknowledge there is a space for it! This does not mean wallowing in negative feeling and wondering why if the universe is so abundant and we are so lacking. Seeing the space allows you the chance to see how it could be filled or what it is that is holding you back from filling it yourself.
    I see the Empress as the divine mother who asks us if we are hungry or needy and helps us acknowledge those areas of lack, so she can fill them. I am grateful for her presence in my life so that I can understand these lessons for myself.
Thank you Goddess!

   
   

XVI- The Tower

  The Tower is one of the the Major Arcana and is often presumed to be an ill omen-ed card to draw because of the imagery on the card. There is a tendency to think that it is a "bad" card when it is drawn. In spite of this, it is actually one of my favourite cards to find in a reading!
    The Major Arcana speak of strong currents and powerful archetypes, of things set in motion beyond our understanding and this card is one of the most dramatic of those. The Tower itself represents our ego consciousness, the sum total of the structures we build for ourselves in order to keep us "safe" from the dangerous forces that lurk beyond our understanding. It is all the social, moral, legal and personal values that we cement around the core of our beings..our armour if you will. We crown our egos King and Queen and let them preside over all they survey from the safety of their ivory tower. It is the smugness of the egomaniac, the certainty of the scientist, the legal fortress of the lawyer and the presumption of mankind. It is our own Tower of Babel, defying all around to prove us wrong while we sit safely (so we believe) behind the walls of our own flawed understanding.
       The lighting strikes the tower dissolving this egoic structure in one devastating blow, liberating those within from the confines of their own prisons. The bolt is seen to be smiting the crown from the top of the tower, symbolising the fall of the ego as ruler. The lightning flash is a symbol of the liberating forces of the universe delivering the blow. It is the blow that slays the dragon of our own pompous illusions, the sundering of the gates to freedom.
       The fire and flaming yods (the red orange tear shapes) symbolise all the liberated energy that was being used to maintain the false structure. It takes an immense amount of energy to maintain the tower of our own beliefs and with its destruction comes the release of that energy and the feeling of liberation. There are 22 yods in all, indicative of the 22 paths of the Kabbalah. This means a complete release of energy. The tower is literally burnt to its foundations.
      When this card is drawn it shows that a ego structure is about to be brought low. Concentrating on the terror of this is why so many people fear this card. they desperately cling to their own egos in order to feel safe. Think of the explosion in Fight Club in which the protagonist's apartment is destroyed along with all the possessions which previously defined him and the subsequent moment of relief when he recognises his own liberation. Without this single moment of divine destruction his journey would not have begun, he would have remained trapped in a prison of his own construction.
        The lightning bolt doesn't have to be a literal bolt that blows your house to pieces. It could be a flash of inspiration which destroys all previous theories, a ray of sunlight which dispels the darkness of your own fears.  These are all Tower moments, without which we would continue to live under the iron rule of our own egos.
       The card is also connected to the neck and the voice. Some cards show the tower being destroyed by a vocalised shout. This is akin to a liberating scream, or the words of rebellion that shatter the bonds of confinement.
       The two figures falling from the tower are those that have set themselves as false Gods. These two figures are a representation of the mother and father archetypes that so many of us still live under. We project the faces of our fathers and mothers on the the faces of the gods and yet we are the ones that enthrone them as the rulers, even though we desperately believe we are no longer ruled by them. These false rulers are passed on and on, never being questioned and so we make the same mistakes our parents did because we have inherited their own tower of beliefs. We may hang different tapestries on the walls and pretend that we really decide what we think, but we look out from the same windows and see the same things as they did before us.
      So when this liberation comes, this thunderbolt from the heavens it is to be embraced as it lays waste to all  that keeps us trapped.
    The card also has a strong link to Kundalini energy, as it passes through the body like a thunderbolt burning away the dross and stagnation that has built up within us. The Kriyas can be seen as a the blocks of our towers falling away as the lightning strikes away the dense parts of our consciousness.
    This card comes at an opportune time for Zoe and I. She is working towards liberating herself from some confining and suffocating instances in her life that have kept her trapped. She rose with the early morning to write and release her feelings and she spoke to me afterwards of how she felt something shift in her heart and a feeling of lightness.
    For me, this card has been a constant companion and I have watched many parts of my life tumble away after being shattered, stripping me the core. Some losses are harder to bear than others and this is not an easy card to have come up, but one I am grateful for because it brings a great sense of liberation once the work is done. I am reminded of the difficulties that can emerged when letting go of things that have defined us and this can even lead to physical purgings. I have seen people after making a profound realisation spend hours being sick or releasing toxins of one sort or another. This is particularly common when something that has been deeply ingrained is proven to be false, we can feel as if the world is literally coming to pieces or collapsing all around us. One can take heart that what is being released is ready to leave and that something much purer can replace it.
    It brought a realisation about my own life and thoughts just an hour after drawing the card. One which I believe will have profound impact on my life once it can be fully implemented. I have been considering the idea of abundance and how ones intentions and energy goes to define the reality we experience. I talked about this a little in the previous card (6 of Pentacles) when I realised I had been valuing my work at zero and therefore programming myself to feel I was not putting anything out there materially.
     What I realised as I lay in bed last night before sleep is that I put an awful lot of energy into thinking how to prevent myself from having so little. All it does is re-enforce that I have little. I spend time working out how to make an income, which is really just spending time in the energy of "not having enough". I spend so little time actually feeling what it will be like having what I want and relishing that feeling. All I do is create more of the same. I was able to catch my thoughts as the moved around and look at me figuring out how to not miss out on something, or to not have too little. These mindsets just bring me to the feeling of not having it. It is like visualising a scenario of looking at an empty account and me struggling to fill it. It is the difference between getting caught in a problem and pondering how to get out and being in the feeling of success and letting yourself be led there.
    Rather I should spend my time enjoying the feeling of what it will be like when I get it. I don't do this in other areas of my life, in those areas I just know things will be fine and they continue to be. I once knew a girl who had a fear of swallowing her own tongue and choking, she would spend her time concerned with ways to stop this happening. Each day would be a success if she made it there without swallowing her tongue. It is much the same idea, we all take the idea that we aren't going to choke on our tongues for granted and so we don't spend any time working out to stop this occurring. Whereas for her, there was a very real need to spend time figuring out strategies to avoid this outcome (at least in her mind). She spent much time and energy on what for most of us would seem a total waste of time and in fact was. She had conditioned herself to believe that without that mental effort being continuously exerted she would choke and would in fact start choking the moment she spent too much time thinking about it! If she could spend her time viscerally imagining breathing freely and how great that feels, the paranoia would disappear.
     I hadn't realised that I spent so much time working out strategies which involved lack as a basic constituent. Not that any of them ever help! In fact spending time in a space which promotes the feeling of lack can only hinder the actual flow of abundance, even if it is masquerading as a constructive use of time. For example looking for work on craigslist always left me feeling icky,  whereas spending time generating creative value..be it art or writing or making new contacts always felt good and is always the source of new opportunities.
    This inspirational realisation will revolutionise my own consciousness, because each time I see such a thought squirming around I can let it go and replace it with how it will feel to be travelling, or enjoying a new purchase or just feeling happy. I will be able to start to turn the tide within my own psyche.

 
 
     

6 of Pentacles. Generosity and conscious giving.

 The sixes are cards of harmony and balance. They correspond to Tiphareth in the Kabbalah, which is the mystical heart of the tree. The Pentacles themselves relate to material things such as money, goods and our physical bodies.
   This card is known as the card of charity and it is easy to see why. In the centre of the card stands a wealthy merchant who is redistributing his wealth  to the less privileged. The scales, again reminiscent of the Justice card and Libra point to the balancing of material forces. In this card the high gives to the low so the scales are equalised. The scales are raised showing that fairness is the order of the day, rather than in the Justice card where the sword is raised over the scales, suggesting a time of reckoning.
    The merchant wears a multitude of different colours, the reds symbolising material vigor, the upright blue stripes representing the link from heaven to earth and the green of his boots suggests a loving groundedness. He also wears a purple scarf and sash upon his hat, which depict his spiritual royalty.
    The two lowly recipients of the coins being distributed are clad in robes which cover all but their outstretched hands and beseeching faces. Their simple attire is in direct contrast to his and suggests that their powers are still cloaked by the heavy layers they are wearing.
    The six pentacles above the scene are set out in an uneven pattern, which is bringing home the idea that this is a process of redistribution which is not yet complete. We have only just moved from the poverty of the five and now there is the steady and slow rise to the material strength of the later pentacles. The two beggars in this scene are being brought upwards by the kindness and generosity of the merchant. In the background one can see the city which seems to be present in the four of pentacles, the card of the miser. It shows that there has been movement away from this man made state of mind towards one which will allow a correct flow.
   When I first drew this card, I felt a little uneasy as my financial situation feels somewhat similar to the transition happening with the 5 of Pentacles to the 6. I feel that I have let go of the poverty mindset a great deal after finally being able to step aside from it, even if things have not been fully re-distributed yet. After asking Zoe's thoughts on the cards I realised that I was personifying myself as the rich merchant and the idea of giving away my money was causing some consternation to me. I wondered, is this card asking me to give away what I have?
      We went for lunch today with a friend of ours and I am always in awe of the way in which he seems so in touch with the material world. He simply asks and it is delivered to him, he is often giving out food to the less fortunate, clothes to those who need it and advice and solace to the afflicted. It is like the universe perceives him as a quartermaster for its distribution route. He has helped us and countless people out and asks for nothing in return, yet he is never lacking for things he needs. He considered going camping and within a week he had acquired 2 sleeping bags, a 4 person tent, 3 sleeping mats, a stove and 3 ice chests. All donated to him by people who simply did not need them any longer. No sooner than he receives them does he redistribute what he feels is not his. I learned not to hoard anything through his actions too, at first there was so much stuff he would offer that I would typically just say yes to it...knowing full well I probably would not use it but would keep it anyways...just in case.
        Now, I just ask myself if I do need it or is it destined for someone else? He still gives freely and it is a great thing to witness, even if it is simply on the periphery for now. It is making me consider my own way of thinking with regards to being free to the flow.
     I volunteer at the local hospital doing Reiki for those going through cancer treatments and there has always been a part of me that is irked by the giving of energy freely. My own thoughts have been that I am not looking after my own interests by working for free. I understand that it is valuable work and beneficial to those who receive the treatments, but I have been looking at it all wrong. I am not working for free, I am giving value to a worthy cause. Each of my work hours is of inestimable value and this is energy that is being released back into the cycle where it is most needed. It is the same with this blog. I am providing valuable information that can help people see their lives with greater clarity and open their consciousnesses up to higher planes. It is I who have valued it at zero and therefore have not really been giving. I have viewed my ideas and energy of being zero value, so when I release them out into the world I am programming my consciousness that I have contributed $0 value to my goals.
         It is no surprise that materially I get so little return. I do not doubt it returns to me on many other levels since I get so much out of giving treatments and working to raise people from their living slumber. It is better to understand that I am giving $90 treatments to those who need it.
   So for me this card is telling me to re-calibrate my material values about what I am putting out there. I really am the rich merchant in the card, I have learned that unless I am giving away something I perceive as valuable, then I restrict the ways in which it may return to me. You cannot give poverty and hope for the universe to return abundance...it just doesn't work that way!