Page of Cups. Dreams and the youth

  The Page of Cups is a familiar card to me. Some cards just tend to turn up more often in readings than in others. When this happens you develop a rapport with the card, the card begins to transcend it's original pictorial meaning and develops something of a personal tone.
   The picture on the card depicts a youth, usually one of watery emotional disposition ( a dreamer usually) who is examining a fish he holds within a chalice. The youth is colourfully dressed in red, blue and yellow with lotuses embroidered on the tunic. On his head he wears a whimsical looking hat and scarf which looks reminiscent of a wave, both in colour and shape.
   The lotus, we have discussed before is a symbol of the ability to transform waste into beauty and is analogous with the chakras, both in form and function.
    The youth is stood in somewhat of a theatrical stance, he almost looks as though he is an actor in a play about to break into song about his fish. In this way we can understand the basic demeanor of the youth within the card. He is playful and doesn't take life too seriously.
      The fish for me is a symbol of dreams, like fish they swim just beneath the surface of the unconscious, breaking the surface occasionally and returning to the depths just as quickly. The youth has a good connection with his dreams, both the type of dreams we have at night and the type we hold aloft and aspire to. The former being a form of guidance in order to accomplish the latter.
   As with the youth, I have a good connection with my dreams remembering them almost nightly and sometimes more than one if I am on the trail of a particular idea. Recently I have been practicing my ability to journey. Journeying is the ability to travel consciously into the realm of dreams and bring back information from the unconscious, similar to a diver looking for pearls. At first it is difficult in the journey to separate an over-active intellect from the true subconscious material, although even the material your intellect delivers is affected by the tone of the subconscious material it is attempting to convey. In this way even material that seems over-intellectualised or imagined is useful because it is coloured by genuine information.
   Recently though I have found that my intellect has taken too direct a hand in trying to classify, objectify and extract meaning from the material brought forth. Like a young actor in a scene I have become overly invested in the reason for a character's actions rather than remaining true to the emotional core of the role. In doing so the energetic core can become lost in the egoic process of examination, forever marginalised to a sideline as it has to be "worked out".
    The card is a reminded to return to the whimsical energy of the dream and not get caught up in intellectualising or allowing the mind too much control. This has been a common thread with several journeys recently in allowing the unconscious material to surface without overlaying or submerging it with the weight of analysis. A tendency I fear I have had for too long.
   I have found that remaining open to seeing whatever emerged without allowing my mind to immediately begin analysis has been most fruitful. An example being that in a recent journey I perceived what seemed to me to be a feathery wing. Immediately my mind began to try and classify the phenomenon. Maybe it is a pegasus or a bird, maybe a dragon or a feathered serpent. In doing so I began to lose the connection to the genuine material that was emerging and falling into my mind. In learning to meditate and to journey the mind has learned to take a back seat in order to allow the phenomena to emerge, yet all it has done is wait till a later step in the process to attempt to assume control.
    The figure of the youth on the card is also symbolic of another situation in my life. A recent journey yielded information about several plants that would be helpful for me. I sat on this information for quite a while, since I doubted it's veracity. My perception that I didn't know anything about herbalism or plant remedies stood in the way of using the information I received. In the journey I was shown snapdragons, a willow tree and then taken underwater to be shown kelp. It was a simple and quick journey and my mind was quick to dismiss any likelihood that it would hold value.
    Late last week, Zoe and I were at New Frontiers (a health food store) where I was tentatively looking for the plant mixtures. I was having a difficult time following my intuition on it and had been looking at the blue-green algae instead ( I had been told it was very good for you, even if it was expensive). As I was looking at the suppliments I saw a jar containing Icelandic kelp. This reminded me that it was kelp and not algae that had appeared in my journey.
   On a whim I decided to see if there was any of the other plants available (I was pretty certain Snapdragon was not available). Instead I found that all three were available, even Snapdragon in an essence form. A friend of mine who works at the store was helpful enough to print off what all three plants were for and it turns out that it corresponds exactly with several of the issues that I have been working on. As a result I have been drinking down the plant essences and it has really helped. Tensions that I have been working on for a long while are disappearing almost overnight and the domination of my mind wanting a stranglehold over what I am doing is slowly loosening.
   I do feel like the character in the card, especially when I often have a cup of whichever essence I am now taking inspired by the journeywork.

King of Pentacles. Manifestation, fire and earth.

   The King of Pentacles is a strong earthy presence. His aspect is that of earth and fire. This card has had a lot to teach me, it has been sat on my desk here for a couple of days while I have come to understand some of what he has to bring.
    More than 5 years ago now I spent time with a gentleman name Craig Junjulas. He ran classes down in Sedona (as still does as far as I am aware) and I had the pleasure of having several private sessions with him in which he offered insights and helped me open further up in my own practise. At one point in a meditation we were doing he commented that I was like a King in armour sat upon a throne whose armour was covered in vines and roots and had become rusted and inflexible. That I occasionally would stir and break the bindings that had grown up around me, before settling down once more. The imagery stuck with me as it was a very apt description of myself. Upon drawing this card I am reminded again of that peculiar analogy.
   The King sits in a garden that has become overgrown and rampant. Branches, frond and leaves all creep up around the dark stone throne he sits upon. Rather than appearing dormant he looks very much aware, even if with his rich gown he appears to disappear into the background. His robes are covered in blue vines, somewhat reminiscent of veins or arteries. Each of these pathways leads to a bunch of succulent grapes a potent symbol of the fruits of life, abundance and the enjoyable things we can partake in.
      Looking upon the card and seeing such abundant life, growing free and wild I was struck how in control of it all he seems. He is absolutely secure in his place, almost rooted to his throne. His roots run deep and hold him fast to his base. His sceptre and the pentacle in his grasp show his grasp of the earth plane. He is a master manifestor, able to bring his desires into fruition.
     His card is the marriage of earth and fire, of bringing the spiritual fire down to the earth plane and creating what he wants. His robes are a riot of colour and pattern of fecund growth. Behind him stands the city walls and towers and minarets of red and blue. The red being a symbol of passion and the blue symbolising communication and transmission of energy. Beneath his robe hides a suit of armour that can be glimpsed on his left leg which rests upon a stone shape resembling the head of a bull or a dragon. He is ready and capable of defending his ground and self assured in his mastery of his element. The placement of his foot on the stone object asserts his absolute dominance.
   Another strong symbol that appears strongly in this card is the bull. Being closely linked to Taurus this card is about a figure who is stable (note the four bull's heads, four being a number of stability). Obviously there is a tendency for this type of individual to be strong willed to the point of bull-headedness and implacable once set into motion. He is not without creativity, but it often applied in a practical manner, his fire applied to earth creates physical objects. Just think of all the objects that need to be smelted or subjected to heat to create their final hardened form.
    For me there is a far greater meaning behind this card. It means applying one's fire or spirituality in a very practical manner. Many spiritual endeavours end up drifting around in the ether, never really finding completion. I have known Taurean artists capable of producing a prodigious amount of artwork, by just seem to be able to sit down and produce piece after piece of artwork. They take great pleasure in creating things of beauty, even to the point of  shutting the rest of the world out. My problem has been there has been so little earth in my chart that the flood of ideas and creativity that runs through me tends to burn away in spiritual or mental matters without ever touching the earth.  Even when I am inspired to create art it is in between all the mental and spiritual things I have going on. I don't know if I will ever be a prodigious producer of art, or even of earthly creations.
    What I have realised though is that this attitude would be most beneficial for me to adopt and to apply in my own life. This occurred very recently for me as I was performing a treatment for a client. He has been coming for several weeks and has had some very beneficial results. He was very complimentary about my work and telling me about all that was going on. Part of me felt jealous of this. How does this guy get to change things so fast? But I realised the ludicrousness of the situation. It was through my work that he was making this progress and I just haven't done that for myself on a practical level for a long while. The king is challenging me to apply my own energy in a practical fashion in my own energy system. So very often I get caught up in the theoretical aspect and ephemeral nature of understanding healing that I never actually get around to fully applying that process to myself. Of course when a client comes through the door I am down to business and apply the energy in a very practical way. I don't spend hours umming and ahhing about what the problem could be or ways to possibly fix it. I know I have a limited amount of time and that is best spent pouring energy directly into the situation on a practical level. After that is done then there is time to talk, but not before the work is done. Somehow I have failed to apply this in my own life.
    With this understanding I can really start to understand there may be something to applying a level of practicality to my own life. The King of Pentacles is nothing if not a practical man, what I have failed to apply in my own life is the time to sit down and actually do the work. To not spend so much time thinking it over, but to simply get it done. I made the mistake of thinking that because my energy exists within my own system then it is working on those parts that need work, but in reality those parts need dedicated attention. I need to put the time into them, not for them to only get the energy residue that occurs when I perform healings for others.
    Part of the problem has been I have viewed the magnitude of some of the issues as insurmountable, while if a client came to me I wouldn't spend time considering this, I would simply do it. Of course I do believe that getting to the point of being able to work directly on myself has not always been available. When I first began my healing work, I could only really pick up on the issues of other, much the same thing happened with readings. For others the readings and healings work great...for myself...not so great. Most people begin with this blockage I feel, they are simply not able to get the level of distance from their own issues to work objectively on them. This was certainly true for me! But as time passed I found that I was able to see some of the problems, but was not able to work on them effectively in the same way that a doctor cannot perform his own surgeries. This caused a great deal of frustration as I had trouble finding people open and aware enough to actually see the problem, let alone work on it..even with my prompting.
    Getting to the point where I can actually perceive and then work on a problem is a new thing for me, so I guess I should go easy on myself. For that I have the King of Pentacles to thank, for without him I don't think I would have tried to do it once again!

Ace of Cups. Primal emotions.

   The Ace of Cups is, like all the aces the beginning of something new. The minor Arcana themselves typically denote an energy present in a situation. In the case of the aces, this energy is primal, new and very strong. I tend to see them as standing above the rest of the minor arcana, although not quite on the same par as the Major Arcana. 

  Cups is the suit of water (as if the large W emblazoned upon the side of the chalice didn't give it away). As such they symbolise the emotions in their watery aspect. 

    My expectation when I drew this card was that it would pertain to love as this is the attribution that is given in almost all the Tarot books I have looked over. Of course Love is the grandest of the emotions and naturally one would expect this card to be all about that. But expectations can often prove to be false as I discovered that love was not the subject of the card when I drew it.

   In the card we have five streams of water pouring from the cup and returning to the ocean below. The Chalice itself is made of pure gold and has three small bells hanging from it's neck, which one assumes would tinkle when the cup is pouring. Falling either side of the cup are watery yods (symbols of energy), twenty five in total. 

     The chalice itself is a powerful symbol, it's connections to legends, it's feminine nature and form and that it is a vessel for whatever we choose it to be. Many say the blade or the sharpened stone is the first tool invented, but I may argue that the vessel likely holds that accolade. A cupped hand or leaf was able to bring life giving water to a thirsty mouth well before we grasped a rock to smash something with. Taoism has a great reverence for the chalice and we have all heard the maxims about having to empty one's cup before it can be refilled. Chalices are present throughout the entire Tarot deck and appear not just within the minor arcana, but play prominent roles in some of the major arcana. 

        The idea of emptying my cup was what the card meant for me. In the last post I talked on finally being able to let go of a great deal of anger and frustration that I had found no place to release it to. I hadn't understood that I was holding onto this and a great many other things. 

       My life has been a search for how to return to a place of happiness that occurred many years ago. It was snatched away in the cruelest fashion and although I certainly did not want the same situation I have been looking for those same emotions that really now belong in the past. In understanding that those times have gone and with them the feelings that they encompassed. It is time to find new vistas, new emotions and new experiences. 

      I was finally able to articulate my rage at the universe for its cruelty and with it came a level of peace. In the card we see a dove, the eternal messenger of peace bringing a holy wafer with a cross upon it. To me it symbolises redemption and peace. Only by releasing suffering and emptying our cups back into the eternal ocean of the universe can it ever be refilled. 

    Beneath the godly hand offering the cup we can see an eternal ocean stretching into the distance. Upon the ocean float lily pads and their flowers. Lilies are flowers that grow from the decay and muck under the surface to create a truly beautiful flower above the waterline. They are a symbol to show that from death and decay, beauty can flower. 

    The Ace can symbolise that a new emotional beginning is in the offing, that by pouring out the dregs of our old emotional selves we can be refreshed and renewed. Our cups refilled once more and peace renewed.

   After a night purging myself of those old emotions I found the new day brought forth a whole selection of different and new options for me. My day filled up with appointments and people offered to pay early for my workshop, along with a host of other offers. It just shows that these things really do work!

   

Radio talk on Reiki

     I got chance to do a small segment on talk radio about Reiki with a friend of mine Nick Sucik. He asked me a couple of questions and you can hear me discuss them if you follow this link
    If you want to skip straight to my segment it can be found at 25:45.

When the whole world is a bully

   The last couple of nights I have had a running series of dreams that all seem to have a common thread. It all started after I had a massage therapist work on the deeper areas of tension in my legs. It seems that the iliotibial band (or IT Band) in my legs is as taut as a bowstring.
   As anyone familiar with bodywork knows the body stores emotions and memories in the musculature, fascia and even the organs. Working on the body can bring unresolved or stored content to the surface. This occurs with the energy body too.
    As to what to do with these unresolved feelings there is no specific answer that holds true universally. Sometimes the feelings simply have to be felt and let go of. But in other situations they can point to patterns of thinking and acting that are so ingrained that letting go without examination and resolution it is like pulling up a weed without getting the roots.
   This is simply going to be a posting to vent my feelings and hopefully come to a resolution which I will be able to impart. I consulted the tarot to help me with this and The Hermit showed me that the answer is to be found within. So I am going within and you are welcome to follow, provided you don't mind me getting into some old crap!
    The first set of dreams occurred on the night immediately following the massage which occurred late at night. I had been wanting to get some clearance on the feelings of powerlessness and frustration that accompanied both the stretching of my legs and my general financial situation. They might seem unconnected, but energetically they are linked and my dreams seem to clarify that. I had actually been looking for answers on the next card I am working on, so when my unconscious delivered up these dreams I understood that this was what I was going to be working on regardless of my other plans!
    The first three dreams I had were all connected thematically. In the first I was excavating some old relics at an archaeological dig site. I was tracking down some talons or teeth from a dinosaur which were buried somewhere in the area. After some digging and searching I discovered that they were located in a small stream bed and were encased in a small block of ice. The dig site is symbolic of the massage digging into old strata and layers of my psyche, the dinosaur teeth are linked to my childhood dreams of dinosaurs (check out Dinosaur dreams for more details) and the ice is about frozen emotions. That they were under an active stream suggests they are buried under a healthy flow of emotions. The teeth in this instance represent power and aggression (baring teeth is a show of power and aggression). Just as I was about to retrieve them a young child of about 5 or 6..possibly older snatched them from the water. He refused to give them back and acted in a generally smug and childish "I found it first" manner. I didn't know how to react or feel in the dream and felt trumped by this impertinent youngster.
     The second dream was similar, in this though the child tried to snatch something from me as I was sat on a train or bus. I grabbed his wrist and took back what was mine, but his mother was horrified and told me that I couldn't do that to a child, which caused me to feel guilty.
    The third brought up a memory of an person I have not thought of in years. His name was Barnaby and he was part of a clique at school. The clique of guys he was part of were pleasant outwardly, but you could tell they sneered and derided everyone who wasn't like them. I didn't know how to deal with them as the the thin veneer of pleasantry didn't adequately cover the corruption within. In this dream he helped me get a new computer, but when I set it up, it was flooded with spam and malware. I knew he was responsible for this, but there was no way I could prove it.
    In writing these dreams down I can clearly see the common thread. It is in dealing with someone who on the surface appears pleasant, but underneath is actually not a good person. I am unsure on how to be around people that are false. The greater my ability to perceive these charlatans of good nature the more I feel insecure in how I should react. Often such people possess a pleasing facade and either an emptiness or dark rot within.
    I grew up feeling that one should be civil and polite to all people, to act as a gentleman to even the most reprehensible and vile people. In some ways this an extension of giving the benefit of the doubt. The links to my childhood are undeniable and there are several instances in my past that cause me to look back with horror and disgust on things that happened in which paralysis was my only response.
      In the dream the night afterwards things got worse. In this dream both Zoe and I were sat in a restaurant having a light meal. I thought I saw a relative sat at another table (possibly my grandfather) though the view was obscured somewhat because of angle and obstructions. I waved them over and it turned out that it was my father. He introduced himself to Zoe, then hugged her in what was an inappropriate fashion which was more like groping. She was clearly uncomfortable and so I pulled him away then punched him in the jaw. The blow was glancing and held little power, but he retreated and looked somewhat shaken. We exchanged some brief words and he left. Again I wasn't sure if I had over-reacted as violence is not a common form of response for me and I have been taught it is never an appropriate reaction.
    Striking one's father is also seen as a large no-no. The final form of the dream though is very telling for me. The antagonist is finally revealed as my father (how typically Freudian!) and it speaks heavily of my relationship with him. My father is not a vile man, nor is he wantonly bad, yet he shares many traits with the antagonists in the previous dreams. He takes joy in malicious jokes and childish power games, yet on the surface he is a popular and charismatic individual. People will forgive a great deal of a charismatic man (or woman). In the dream I took no joy in striking my father, but looking back I feel it was necessary.
   The dreams connect to that childhood anxiety of how to deal with such an individual who is cruel in nature, but hides it behind a mask of civility. I am no longer a child and therefore am not limited to being powerless around such individuals or situations. But I am still finding a level of appropriate response without being left bereft or over-reacting. It as though a part of me is still a child in this, learning how to respond to the great bullying world that puts on a mask of civility.
     This issue strikes a deep cord in me for all those times that I have let those childish power games or malicious jokes go unanswered. I feel it connect to a level of anger. In my own psyche there is either paralysis or over-reaction, my instincts take hold and there is only fight or flight. As a child I could only respond with incomprehension when my father acted in such a fashion, washing between the shores of paralysis or the urge to fight. Of course, as a child one cannot strike your parents and even the thought induces guilty feelings. It creates a feeling of powerlessness against so great a force. I could no more strike out against my parents than I could fly to the moon.
    The dynamic this has created within me has set me up to view the universe through the same lens. When life or circumstance seems like a malicious joke, I am paralysed or feel rage at the circumstances binding me. Of course, lashing out at my new "parents" within my own spirituality holds just as much a taboo as striking out at my real family. It is said that you look upon the Gods as you look upon your parents, using the same filters and the same perceptions. So what does this mean for me? That when life plays a malicious trick, or is cruel, I simply accept it as the will of untouchable deities. That the rage and frustration I feel cannot be expressed or I will suffer greater indignities. It has created a fear of authorities within me, that I cannot speak up or out against their injustices or feel the wrath and punishment that breaking that taboo will bring even if their actions are unjust.
     I guess it is all in being able to handle these situation as an adult and not letting my rage carry or paralyze me. Growing up with this as a child made me feel powerless whenever something unfair or bad happened, I found ways to rationalise it within my self as to why it happened to me and for what purpose. I have let these situations occur in my own life and not stood up against them and answered them. I even doubt there is any way I could offend the universe, it doesn't have human sensibilities and would surely understand my human frustrations. I am sure God has heard it all before and it is quite likely my anger would be the amongst the least colourful things he hears each day. It also seems like if anyone is equipped to deal with anger and frustration and not react badly it should be God.
     It seems like being able to fully give my anger over to God is what I can learn from this, that I don't need to store it as a poison, nor cast it out into the world at people who are suffering just as much in life, or even more so if they are a bad person. If I can release that pain and suffering out into the universe, then it can be transformed. Releasing it into people or situations will only magnify whatever it is that I am suffering through.
   It is late..I have a lot to let go of and maybe once my cup is empty of this poison it can be filled with something better...

Dealing with Psychic Vampires Part 2

 In the last posting I discussed my first experience with a psychic vampire. You can find it here.

   After that encounter I didn't run into anything similar for a long while. Recently however I have run into another situation and I was unprepared for it the first time I encountered her. Before I get into the situation I would like to discuss psychic self defense a little as this played a continuing role. 

   Psychic Defense is creating a shield of energy around yourself to ward off unwanted intrusions or attacks on a psychic level. By imagining yourself shielded in a bubble of light or other configuration, it provides an element of protection. This is a very simplistic description and I will write in greater detail shortly on this subject. It may sound like a fantastical concept, but it does help significantly in repelling unwanted energies.

    The shielding I had been using had been relatively unsophisticated. I found that simply pouring out a level of healing was enough to discourage people who don't want to grow and attract and help those that do. This didn't cause harm to anyone and provided help to those in need. Unfortunately I hadn't considered how this might attract vampiric types who look to feed on subtler levels of energy.
   Like the previous vampire I discovered that this one whom I will call L also took to hooking in at the heart level. I got to see her doing it both to myself and to a close colleague, by closing in then simply going for a reassuring back rub. When it happened I immediately felt it happen, but was too preoccupied in a separate conversation to do anything about it. Once I had extricated myself from the situation and gone home I took the time to clear my field and take a look at what she had put in. It was as though she had hooked into my heart centre and the "hook" would supply her with a small amount of my energy every time I opened my heart. I was able to clear it out with incense and meditation (although I found using a chunk of Pyrite removed it almost instantaneously). She had also placed similar hooks in some of my personal items, which also had to be cleared out.
   This instance taught me that my shielding was particularly useless against this type of intrusion. Like most shields, some experimentation is best to figure out how one can adapt it to different circumstances. I fully did not expect to encounter L again, but I did think it was due time to change my protection up.
   During a workshop I was doing later in the week we ended up doing a meditation for shielding and I found that my ideas on how to modify it came together. I had toyed with the idea of having a thorny shell on the exterior, but I decided that this would not be good for people I wanted to be close to. In the end during the meditation, my shield altered to still incorporate the previous healing sphere along with thorns that would emerge if my energy system was under threat.
   It turned out that I did run into L a few weeks later under different circumstances and I felt my defenses go up. She refused to make eye contact or engage with me, even though I was prepared to have some stern words if she got into my space again. While I wasn't affected in this instance, another person had been and I ended up removing similar hooks from her and several items.
   What was surprising to me was that many people were unable or unwilling to see this side of L. Another clairvoyant friend of mine confirmed what I had perceived and later that even I got some serious confirmation from L herself (even if she didn't fully recognise it herself). It was as though people either did not expect such a thing to happen or exist and they let it fly under their radar, or that they did not want to seem judgmental.
   The confirmation came later in the evening as a group of us sat together to discuss some of the more unusual events in our life. We moved onto the topic of other worldly beings, or supernatural encounters and L stepped forward. She claimed that one evening she had stepped out of her house to be confronted by a bright humanoid light (somewhat like an angel as she described it) that shot an electrical bolt into her heart where it burned a mark onto her skin. She explained it as feeling like she was being tazered. After this event her eyes turned the colour of blood for a week and she has not slept since. Several people commenting on how it must have been a "healing" event...which I guess in the very broadest sense it was. Although I think if I was blasted by a bolt of light from an angelic being which burned a mark onto my skin, I would be seriously considering my life up until that point.
    Still, I guess I am still far from the point of suggesting to her that she might be a vampire and so I can't really point any fingers. What I can do though is continue to shield myself and watch out for those close to me to make sure they aren't being drained by this or any other psychic energy sucker!
    As for further speculation on what to do when confronted with this type of person I do have several suggestions. If possible shield yourself by calming yourself and imagining a white ball of light around yourself and loved ones. Stay away from such individuals and try not to let them touch you or get into your personal space. They may also attempt to draw you in with their stories or illnesses and remaining neutral is your best bet. At a pinch, folding your arms over your heart and solar plexus will provide a natural barrier to the areas they tend to hook in ( although this doesn't protect your back). Eventually they will cease to bother you if there is no way for them to feed on you.
    From my small experience they seem to be drawn to more passive giving sorts, usually those with large hearts who are unlikely to confront them. If possible they will seek out more refined energies rather than baser energies. Their energy fields are usually so compromised that they need to draw energy constantly to maintain their own well-being and are often unhealthy themselves unless they can draw large quantities.
  Looking at the mythology of vampirism there seems to be several interesting parallels, some of which I discussed in the last segment. Garlic is useful for cleaning the blood, which I doubt would have any real effect on a psychic vampire. Running water also has proven to be a useful barrier on a few occasions against incorporeal beings (not sure why)..but that is another story...and not much help in this case (they would just find a bridge). Obviously plunging a stake into a person's heart is to be avoided, there are lots of legal ramifications and it would be a terrible way to find it doesn't work.
    In the case of night attacks, it is possible to shrug these attacks off (having done it myself once (another story)) but it requires some level of mastery of your energy body (your physical one is usually paralysed). If you feel you might come under this kind of attack, use the shielding exercises I outlined above. Or if you find yourself victim to one and have the presence of mind, you can call upon Jesus, God, angels or any other goodly being whom you feel an affinity to (the spirit of science or mathematics will not work...trust me).

   

  

Dealing with Psychic Vampires Part 1

  Vampires are a common mainstay of myth and fantasy and they are also occupy centre stage in many of today's  entertainment mediums.
   They have gone through a bizarre process of being regarded somewhat as misunderstood anti-heroes in the mainstream media. Twilight is a good example. Meeting a walking corpse with a penchant for murder, blood drinking and hanging around minors many decades his junior would actually be repulsive to most decent human beings (regardless of his glittering). They have gone from being undead terrors of the night to sultry seducers. The same holds true for werewolves..but I don't want to get into that right now.
   Regardless of this cultural switch-around one still assumes that they are creatures of myth and fantasy. While I have certainly never encountered a real life blood sucker, and have no ambitions to change that should they exist. There is a kind of vampire that does exist... Psychic Vampires.
    Most of us at some point have encountered someone who drains your energy by their mere presence. These individuals tap into your life energy to fuel themselves because of their inability to do so themselves. They are often terrible martyrs and play the victim role to draw as much from you as possible. Often they attach to your energy field with cords or simply by getting into your personal space to draw it off. Most of these types do so unconsciously and to some degree we are all guilty of doing this at certain points. Cutting the cords to these types is relatively simple and requires no great skill. Simply avoiding them or stopping them hooking in, in the first place is recommended and I will soon post some simple exercises to help with this.
   There are however vampires that have been around for a while and this ability is a conscious choice to a lesser or greater degree. These intentional vampires are the ones to really watch out for. They are extremely rare and I have only ever encountered a handful of them, but they do exist. At this point the lines between fantasy and reality tend to blur somewhat. They are often skilled psychics and capable of manifesting some unusual phenomenon in their quest to draw life force. Most of the time they exist on the periphery of human society and the majority of mankind will never meet them, nor even if they encounter them have any idea that they did.
    My first experience with a psychic vampire of any power was many years ago. At the time I was working at a hostel and so I often ended up encountering an often unseen side of life. Working at the hostel I would meet up to 40 or 50 new people every day and of course sometimes those people would be oddballs. For the most part it was simply meeting and greeting backpackers and it was exciting and stimulating work. Everyone would have a story and many times it would be inspiring, about how they had left it all behind to travel the world or some such adventure. The vampire, although I had no idea she was such at first glance was also a traveller. I shall call her X to avoid using any real names. She arrived with a group of other women and was very social, she was bright, positive and a skilled clairvoyant. She was a little older than the regular backpacking crowd but not enough to mark her out as odd in that respect and the group she was travelling with was of a similar age.
    We got along very well initially as I had an interest in the unusual and her experiences as a psychic intrigued me. We talked about various experiences both of us has encountered and she talked about the manifestion of her psychic abilities slightly later in her life. They had come on strong and she was fully capable of seeing into different realms with some skill and encountering all manner of unusual beings. It was all very new to me and fascinating to imagine that those elements were part of our reality even if they existed beyond my current ability to perceive. She offered to help me open up my clairvoyant abilities in exchange for healing work and I gladly accepted. We spent a lot of time talking and being in each others company and I never felt drained around her, although she did ask for regular healing energy. The first clue came during one of my initial treatments with her although I was too inexperienced to correctly interpret it. I noticed as soon as the healing began that it seemed as though she was already full of energy, as though she was energised almost immediately. It felt as though the rest of the treatment was somewhat redundant and towards the middle of the treatment I perceived a vision of what appeared to be blood spiralling into her energy field. Like water going down a drain. My clairvoyant skills were still in their infancy and presumed that it was probably a menstrual issue and didn't wish to bring it up.
    She was planning to leave with her friends soon to see some more sights when one of her friends came to speak to me. She was in tears and an emotional wreck. She said that X had accused her draining her and that she no longer wished to travel with her. After I calmed her somewhat, she asked me if she was a drain on people. She was obviously distraught and X's behaviour struck me as unusual as she was usually very tactful and considerate of others feelings. I told her that I hadn't experienced that in her presence but it might be wise to take some time away from her to recharge her own batteries. Looking back I can see that this lady may have engaged in some unconscious draining of X and it seems that a psychic vampire would be extremely sensitive to any energy loss in her system.
     At this point X left for a while to continue her travels and I saw nothing more of her for another 6 months. She decided that she wished to some back and visit the area again. I was happy to hear that she was returning and that she would get to meet my girlfriend at the time. She stayed with us this time and I immediately noticed some tension between her and my girlfriend, so I was happy when she moved out to stay in the hostel. At this point I really started to notice some odd behaviour from her. She ended up sleeping with a guy who worked at the hostel who was 20 years her junior and the match seemed really unusual. She also started hanging around a female traveller who eventually complained that she felt awful around her and that she didn't want to even be close to her. I also witnessed several times her getting into people's personal space and placing her hands on their backs over their hearts. She also tried this with me and it made me feel extremely uncomfortable, enough to want to avoid her. I also started to hear similar stories from people around us that she was making a lot of people uncomfortable. I decided that I no longer really wanted to spend any time with her and it was pretty easy given that I spent a lot of it with my girlfriend anyways. This is when things got really weird...
      It happened late one night. I was awakened from a dream by intense shooting pains in my left arm, as though energy was shooting from my shoulder to my wrist. In the dream I had been leading a cavalry charge of angels on horseback through the heavens and I had been carrying a blazing sword in my left hand ( I am right handed usually). As I awoke groggily from sleep I saw what appeared to be a laughing visage floating in the air close to my bed with X's features. I was immediately shocked to hear my girlfriend chocking in the bed  nearby (we had bunks at the time in the hostel).
    She was in the midst of an intense dream and looked as though she was pinned to the bed. She woke as though in a deep sleep and when I threw the covers back she had scratches all down her legs. It is not beyond the realm of possibility she did this beforehand, but she would have had to have drawn her legs up to her chest or sat up to inflict the scratches I saw. The scratches faded quickly and soon there was only unblemished skin. She said that she was being choked by some sort of being that was sat over her chest and that she hadn't been able to breathe and had been trying to call out to me, but had been paralysed. I flicked the light on, things always seem better when the light is on!  Looking at our clock it was 2am. We then heard a  noise that sounded as though rats were running across the floor of our room, which was very creepy...even with the light on. Much later on when this was all done, while I was watching the Exorcist I heard a similar sound in the scene in which the mother is exploring the attic and she hears a noise.
    I prayed for guidance on what to do and received the information that we should just stay in the room and wait for an hour with the light on. That after 3am if would be safe to go back to sleep. I was happy to do this and felt time spent in the light was a good thing. Unfortunately my girlfriend needed the bathroom, which was at the end of the hall and couldn't wait the time till 3. She wanted me to come with her and stand outside the bathroom stall. I had no choice really so I agreed, even though it is the thing you shouldn't do in a horror film situation.
    We got to the bathroom without incident, then my girlfriend said she needed a pair of scissors (to this day I don't remember why). I knew that didn't have one in our room and the closest set was at the reception area in the front of the hostel. She was scared and I wanted this to be over as quickly as possible so I ventured down the stairs to the reception area. It was shortly after 2am and all the lights in the building were off on the lower floor. The switch for the lights was by the front door far from reach and so of course, not within easy reach. Sat on the couch in the darkness were two figures. It was hard to make out their features although they looked native, dark skinned and heavy set. They were not speaking or making any sound and I could not tell whether they were male or female. I had the presence of mind not to freeze..it was where I worked for starters and felt I was on home ground. I got the scissors from the rack behind the desk and felt that I couldn't just leave them sat there. We often had drunks try to camp out in the hostel and because I worked there I felt a level of responsibility. I intuitively felt I should challenge them, but no more than that. So I asked them if they were staying here. One of the figures called out "Here you go darling" and waved a key in the darkness. It was impossible to tell if the voice was male or female and I got out of there and upstairs quickly.
    After that things were good, although we did stay up till 3am before sleeping. The next morning I checked the registry and could not find anyone staying that matched their description. I had checked in most of the people myself and none of the other guests had names that were native. Nobody on the staff could recall seeing such individuals and so their presence remains a mystery. The key box had been locked in the safe.
    X left shortly after that and I lost contact with her. My guidance informed me that she was a vampire and a friend with more experienced also agreed on it. Looking back over the situation I could see several trends that were interesting. First off she was highly psychic, but unable to recharge herself energetically except through either "feeding" off others or at first being "healed" by an energetic healer. During a healing she was able to siphon off a great deal of energy very quickly showing her system was highly developed for moving large amounts of energy quickly. I didn't feel drained because when healing I tap into a greater, unlimited source which would mean I was simply a channel for that energy. She was able to astrally travel to feed and this took the guise of sleep paralysis for the victim who perceived this as similar to an encounter with a succubus/incubus or night hag. Mythologically vampires were able to call upon rats, bats and minions to serve them. The crawling scratching phenomenon sounded similar to a horde of rats although I didn't witness any visual phenomenon and it could be challenged as being that old chestnut of the building settling etc. The figures in the lobby reminded me of certain beings described in Carlos Castenada's series of books who needed to be challenged and would fit in with being minions.
    It could be accounted for by unusual dreams, house settling noises, sleep paralysis, hallucinations and bad paperwork if one was inclined to explain away the phenomenon, but this seems just as unusual a set of occurrences to occur in one evening. Given that I have encountered these phenomenon on a number of occasions suggests a deeper level of reality showing itself. I will explore the process further in my next post, where I hope to describe more recent situations and how to protect oneself properly.

If one is interested in deeper study of modern vampirism then you should take a look at this book:



Carlos Casteneda's series of books in also a great way to get a feel for altered states of awareness:


 
 

4 of Swords. Rest and relaxation.

 The 4 of Swords is a card that I felt somewhat ambivalent about drawing. On the one hand it meant that rest was in order, while on the other hand I felt it meant it was unlikely to yield any great revelations. I feel I may have underestimated this card as I served only to prove me wrong!
    On the card we see a figure reclining on what appears to be a sarcophagus. It looks like he is no more than a decoration adorning the lid. His armour and sword suggest he may well have been a warrior in life. His hands are together in the universal symbol of prayer and a peaceful look is on his face. The sarcophagus is golden and contrasts strongly with the purple walls behind him. It seems the warrior has finally found peace and it is in death.
    It was Edgar Allan Poe who called sleep those little slices of death. He apparently loathed sleep and this is an outlook that is mirrored by a great deal of people. Rest and relaxation are looked upon with some form of disdain, as if they somehow steal part of our lives or allow it to fritter away in laziness. Our society deems rest and relaxation as being in many ways a necessary evil, that if we could do away with death, then sleep would become the next great enemy. Oh...that we could live our lives in constant business and industry. I for one do not follow such an ideal. Life without it's contrasts would be a terrible place.
      The figure on the battle is resting after a life of battling. So when I drew this card I decided that I should allow myself to rest, at least for the weekend. I put down all that I was working on, both internally and externally and allowed myself to rest...or at least I tried to. While my weekend was somewhat busy, it was pure relaxation, spending time playing games with friends and just generally taking it easy. I decided to relax my ban on games playing for that period since it was an in the interests of writing a piece on relaxation. I found myself feeling as if I was being lazy and unproductive..as if there should be someway to make my rest time more valuable. In the end I started to see the virtue of uninterrupted rest.
      On the wall at the back of the card hang three swords along with a stained glass window depicting a scene. The swords represent a rest from constant mental movement and the purple backdrop suggests a spiritual grounding for them, that there is a time to hang up your sword and simply rest. The stained glass window is somewhat confusing and it is a little difficult to work out what it is showing with any great clarity.  What I see when I gaze softly upon it is a saintly figure on the left giving something to a kneeling figure on the right. In the background of the window is a church or cathedral. It strikes me as being a holy sacrament of some type, that this period of solace and rest are requisite to receiving grace.
    The urge to fill one's time with productive tasks is a common one, but life has two sides and regardless of how we struggle at least one third of it will be spent resting in sleep. It would then seem that in order to fully balance our lives there should also be a period of time in which we also rest and relax during our waking cycle. This opens us to the idea that this would be wasteful, but in truth rest is necessary. After every in breath there is an out breath. After each movement there is a pause, stillness balances movement.
    It is only when we slow down and take stock, when we let our eyes adjust to the darkness do we see details we missed while we moved and acted. Like a camera on long exposure our consciousnesses can pick up background details, see details that are not visible to the cones in our eyes. Like the dark sensitive rods our consciousness needs a period of inactivity to become active. It is only when we close the gates of our minds and quiet the chatterings of our inner voices that we are truly ready to receive.
   What I discovered in the quietness was that in order to receive inspiration one must be willing to rest and receive. That not all down time is displacement. That sometimes playing games, switching off our minds and relaxing allows our subconscious to go to work on the area in our lives that our conscious working brains would never be able to grasp. That there is a difference between busy work and actual work, that there is a difference between avoidance and true relaxation. Ideally we can perform our work diligently then relax and enjoy our lives in an equally responsible manner.
    I personally discovered that being unconscious is not the enemy, it is the counterpart to consciousness. Without one another they cannot function.  Only by fully resting and relaxing can we be truly awake.

8 of Cups. Card of leave taking

   The 8 of Cups is a gloomy looking card, it has a dark background and a sad faced moon overseeing the figure as he departs leaving his cups behind.
    I have found as I pursue this blog that the energy of the cards has began to seep into my life and so drawing a gloomy looking card is not always my favourite thing as I wonder what it is that I am going to leave behind.
    Whatever is in the cups, it is enough for the figure to have grabbed his walking cane, his cloak and leave without even a glance over his shoulder. The somber blue of the sky and the strange moon face give an aura of sadness that hang over the card. The face of the moon itself seems to be confined within a circle of its own and I can only imagine that it is representing the dark side of the moon, even if it remains bright. This unusual symbolism suggests what would seem to be dark and sad, might actually not be all that bad.
    The last few mornings I have woken with a kind of sadness over me, a resignation. My business has taken off a little more, but for some reason the lull I am experiencing at the beginning of this new month in my work has affected me. Saying I was mooning over this slackening in business would not be far wrong. By drawing this card it forced me to consider my line of work and what it means for me. The creeping sense of dissatisfaction and boredom is at the fringes of my awareness and coming close on the heels of the last card (ironically, the 7 of Cups) it has allowed me to sink into the boggy ground of a certain ennui. The obvious thought is that I am dis-satisfied with my level of income and how it has restricted me and Zoe in our life and that of course that is what I wish to leave behind. On a certain level that is true, I would like nothing more than to be able to leave that chapter behind.
    In the card the traveller, for that is what he is regardless of what he may have been before he left, is prepared to leave it all behind. The eight cups, precariously balanced upon one another give no indication of what they carry. The upper layer of cups has an unusual gap, in which the traveller stands. It is if a small break in the situation has given him the impetus to step away from it all and set out on a journey. The destination of the journey is not as important as what he has been left behind.
   When I first left the UK and my call centre job for a bank I had the opportunity to work with a rocket scientist. What he was doing at the bank in a call centre I do not know, other than maybe to keep himself occupied after the military. I had told him of my plan to leave the bank and to go travelling on a journey, but I was unsure where to go. He told me that with getting a rocket to leave the atmosphere of the earth, it was not so important as to where it was going, but in generating enough force for it to push away from the ground so it could break free.
     The mountains that make up the background of the card are jagged and large and although the traveller appears to have a paved road ahead, his journey is not likely to be an easy one. It is the leave taking that is going to be difficult. The moon and the tides of the waters are holding him back. Gravity and inertia are his enemies and the small break is enough for him to set his intention and to push away.  The red of his cloak shows his vigour and passion to make a break for good and his green trousers show that his heart is also in this endeavor.
     As I considered my feelings this morning in bed, one thing occurred to me. It is not the situation that is frustrating me and bringing me down, although that doesn't help. It is the feelings themselves that I wish to leave behind. I will doubtless encounter further lulls in my business and even in my life. I cannot seriously expect that everyday will greet me with the promise of exciting work or wonderful opportunities. If everytime I find a lapse or a lull in the flow of things I engage with these feelings, then I will find they play a larger role in my life than I would like. The feelings of disappointment, of boredom or inertia are the feelings I really wish to leave behind. Outside of those worries it is a beautiful day and there are plenty of opportunities to enjoy my life or to choose to engage in positive activities.
     This card challenges us to face upto those parts of our lives that have dragged us down, those emotions that we would rather project onto external situations and to leave them behind. It is about leaving negative behaviours, patterns, emotions or even relationships behind us and to push onto greener pastures, regardless of how hard it is to break out of their gravitational pull.

7 of Cups. Day dreaming and indulgence

  The 7 of Cups is an unusual looking card, it has plenty of bright and attractive looking objects placed in the cups. The figure however, the one we are meant to presume represents us is darkened by shadow and is in sharp contrast to the luminescence of the rest of the card.
    This card, for all it's attractiveness is one of the more difficult cards to work through (at least for me). It represents various desires that are ungrounded and fantastical. Castles in the sky.
   Today is the release date for a new video game (Mass Effect 3) and it is the finale in a series that has been running for a number of years. The desire to play this and to sink into the unconsciousness it promises is strong for me. I would imagine the main storyline of the game would taken no less than 60 hours to complete. That is equivalent to a full work week or more and given that this is an estimate for a quick playthough, it would likely span  much more than that.
   There is nothing inherently wrong with playing the game, nor the idea of spending my time in a leisure activity. But, at the beginning of the year I promised myself that I would set aside my controller to focus more heavily on my work and business and other aspects of my life. At this point a 60+ hour investment in a solely imaginary realm is more than I wish to invest. Also a few of my friends wish to have a weekend long gaming marathon this coming weekend which I would love to partake in and another distraction would be ruinous.
     The figure on the card has lots of options and they all look enticing. There is a floating female head, one presumes representing a desirable dream partner. A ghostly figure represents a mysterious glowing figure cloaked in cloth, which may represent a chance for spiritual illumination. A snake crawls from the third cup, promising either earthly desires or wisdom depending on one's associations. The fourth cup shows a castle, maybe a house or land (or even a tower eerily similar to the one in The Tower card). The fifth spills forth jewels and gems, tempting one with abundance and wealth. The sixth card has a laurel wreath, promising glory, honour and victory (but the skull on the cup shows this may come with a price). The seventh cup holds a blue dragon, the temptations of the lower realms and sloth. The cups represents the myriad of forms that our temptations can take, some more attractive than others.
     If the games were the only desirable temptations, then things would be easy and I could stick to my convictions. As the card suggests, there are a plethora of choices and I find myself trying to choose how to prioritize my time and finances to make the best of the options. Do I save it for food or spend it on the new shoes I could use in my martial arts? Do I go to class tonight and possibly leave myself short for other options? In the end one could choose none, but still achieves nothing.
     This card is known as the card of illusory success and it is easy to see why. With so many choices open, it looks like success is within easy grasp, but every choice is a choice not to select the other options and the fear that they may all disappear like a mirage even if one does reach for them.
    The figure is faced with an illusion, none of the cups are real and all the choices float on a cloud. All they serve to do is to delay, confuse and exhaust the querent as they are forced to evaluate and re-evaluate their options. The fear present is that one may choose the wrong cup and find it is not what they want at all, or that they must forsake all options but one. Even abstaining from choice is an interaction with the energy present in the card.
     Like all mirages and illusions, one must see through them and not allow them to lead you astray from the path. There are plenty of mythological analogies of beings who are there to tempt one from the real road with offers of riches or fame, or of that we really want. We read of it happening in our favourite books or films and scream at the protagonists that the mirage is not really there, that it is leading them astray, yet when faced in life with the very same situations how easy it is to justify our desires. It might not be a proverbial castle or image of  your mother calling your name, it may simply be security, enjoyment or a cessation of our worries and fears. When the sirens of our own desires call, can we hold fast to our true course...or do we dive from our ships only to find it was all an illusion and we have left the path behind?

 

II - The High Priestess.

 The High Priestess is a powerful feminine force, she stands at the forefront of the Major Arcana and also as a high point on the Tree of Life within the Kabbalah esoteric school of thought.
    I feel she is the mystical consort of the Magician, although her aspect can be reflected in the Hierophant (Exoteric rather than esoteric knowledge) and the Hermit (a male correspondence to inner knowledge).
   Like all the Major Arcana it is rich in symbolism and allegory. She sits between the twin pillars of Boaz and Joachim, which where foundational supports for the temple of Solomon. Which can also be understood to represent the twin paths of mercy and severity, again upon the tree of life.
    She sits dressed in pale blue, the colour of communication, representing a connection to the throat chakra and the ability to hear the inner voice and its wisdom. Upon her head she wears a triple moon headdress, symbolising the three moon phases and linking her to many triple form goddess deities (Hathor and The Morrigan being prime examples). At her feet lies a crescent moon, similar to the depictions of Mary, but in reality speaking of more ancient traditions.
     In her hands can be seen a scroll with the inscription "Tora" upon it. This is somewhat similar to the letters on the Wheel of Fortune card and links us to the Tarot, Rota and Torah. The scroll represents the knowledge that lies in her hands and is partial concealed from casual observance.
    Even more striking and not readily apparent from a cursory examination is the that veil behind her actually hides an entire landscape complete with a sea and landmass. This veil is decorated with pomegranates an ancient and multifaceted symbol which relates to the underworld, or land of the dead. Therefore one would not go far wrong to assume that this veil hides the great undiscovered country that lies behind the veil of death, of which she is a guardian. The story of Persephone and her journey into the underworld, only to become trapped there by Hades for consuming a few pomegranate seeds is the connection we can see here.
    The High Priestess is the Guardian at the Gate for esoteric inner knowledge, for passage to the land of the dead and to the energies of the feminine, yin energies of Water and Earth.
    On a more superficial level she represents the stillness before action to contemplate and get in touch with your inner feminine knowing (whether you are woman or man). She is the oracle, the priestess and the seer. The wise woman and gentle feminine knowing. Her power is not as overt as the Magician, yet you ignore her advice at your own peril.
     I drew this card in the midst of my own individual process. In the last weekend I attended a Shamanic Workshop for advanced healing practices and during the many journeys I embarked upon a common theme emerged. It was of facing my own death through being devoured by an aquatic creature (a shark to be specific). Journey after journey took me to face this, even when we took a break for the night I had a dream of being on a sinking truck under which a shark swam waiting for me to be unable to escape. Finally on the last day I let myself be eaten. This didn't bring any immediate epiphany, it seldom works that quickly. But, I did feel as though a new boundary had been crossed.
     Later in the week it came home to me. I have only included a few of the many symbols and synchronicities that occurred through the workshop and the time preceding and following the journeys. There have been several themes involved, the main ones being death and female energy. In a book I have been reading called the Magus of Java the author discusses the energies of yin and yang as being oppositional forces that truly tangibly exist, rather than only being the philosophical mental constructs that people consider them to be. He posits that yin energy is the energy of the Earth and of Spirits and that Yang energy is solar energy that exists in all living beings. Yang is hot and is the energy I feel I primarily work with in healing sessions, the masculine energy of life and light.  The energies are not complementary as many would believe and they have an antagonistic relationship to each other. Yin energy is cold and is what one sense when spirits are present. The greater the quantity of yin present (either in the individual or in the being), the greater the ability to perceive these beings.
    My journeys and dreams spoke of the fear of yin energy, of the male Yang energy being consumed by opposing energy. It is the Jungian archetypal fear of the all consuming terrible mother, the castration fear in its purest form. Most men on the road to self awareness are willing and able to be in touch with their female energies, but how many are unafraid of being completely overcome with this energy? I don't doubt that it exists in women too to an equal degree for its masculine counterpart. The fear of death, of annihilation in the void of the female is a primal fear (at least for men).
     I had gone into the store where I work and sat talking with the ladies that run the store and told them of what I was going through and discussed the nature of being absorbed into the pure consciousness of the opposite energy (yin in my case). As we spoke I could feel the fear rise, the fear of losing my masculinity by getting too close to the female energy. Betty suggested a visualisation in which I imagined my body being transformed to that of the female form as a grid moved from my feet up to my head. After it was complete I could feel cold energy running up my spine and my hands begun to shake. The process lasted a good few hours and at one point my teeth were even chattering. A few days later there is still movements of the energy and I do not yet feel it is entirely complete, but I understand that the yin energy is necessary for completeness.
    The Yin or female energy is what allows us to part the curtain to the land of the dead and of spirits, it is the energy of the High Priestess, she is the psychopomp who takes us into that undiscovered country.

7 of Wands. Standing your ground.

  The 7 of Wands is all about standing your ground and fighting on against the odds. This card has been very relevant for me and it's timing is perfect in arriving as I have been dealing with this very issue.
    The figure in the card holds staff across his body, ready to defend both himself and the piece of ground he is fighting to maintain. Below him are six staves, which appear to be threatening or menacing him. The landscape beneath him also looks like a miniature landscape, as though the figure himself is a giant.
   Standing my ground is something I have preferred to avoid, certainly when it has been against overwhelming odds or the threat of violence and harm is present. I have preferred to surrender the ground and move to a better vantage point, rather than hold one particular spot. While mobility is a great thing as many times dropping back will allow you to re-assess and find a better avenue, there are times when you must hold your ground.
   This concept emerged strongly during the Shamanic workshop I undertook this past weekend. My first journey into the state of altered awareness revolved around the concept of standing my ground. I found myself reliving several memories in which I had surrendered my position in order to keep the peace, even though I knew I was in the right. As a result I lost a piece of myself in these situations and made it easier to give it away in the future.
     In the journey I was taken back to an event in my teenage years in which a friend overstepped his bounds and I ended up having to forcefully eject him from my parent's house. His social position in my group of friends however meant that unless a compromise was reached I would remain on the fringes of my own social group. They had remained stoic and unwilling to step down on either side of the disagreement (for fear of taking sides), even though I was clearly in the right. It became a situation in which I felt I had to surrender my higher ground in order to reach a compromise and remain in good graces with my social group. This laid the road for further situations in which surrendering my moral high ground became the norm, especially if I was in the minority. In the journey I was able to find all the pieces that I had surrendered and re-attach them. In doing so it laid the groundwork for me realising something about the whole process. In the journey a guide appeared to me and informed me that "ground is never lost, it is only given".
       With this profound piece of information I was able to look upon the situation under an entirely different light. In all the situations that arose during my journey, it was I who chose to let go of my ground. I was not defeated, I simply surrendered that ground when I felt the stakes had become too high. The bar of which I measured the stakes progressively became lower and lower as the instances occurred, so as to the point in which surrendering my ground under the most trivial of difficulties became the typical response.
     In the card, the figure maintains a higher ground. He defends against threats from below himself and to compromise his position would lead to defeat and a loss of power and self. He fights not from a position of ego (as in the 5 of Swords) but from a spiritual understanding of right and wrong. He may be outnumbered and beleaguered, but his position is in alignment and he can and will triumph. He would not only be surrendering ground, but he would also be surrendering right.
     The idea of right and wrong can be a thorny one and many people will argue that there is no "right " or "wrong". This ideology can leave you in a very dangerous position, unable to defend or fight for what is right or to recognise when one is wrong. It is true that life is more than a simple black and white, that there are many different hues and tones. But we live in a relativistic world and so both extremes must necessarily exist in order to create a spectrum, otherwise it results in a simplistic world of grays. There are times when people will commit actions that are "wrong" and this can clearly be felt on an internal level. Mental justification for these wrongs in order to maintain a simplistic world view or to preserve one's own ego is wrong and must be avoided at all costs.  It whittles away one's integrity and ability to stand against injustice and evil.
      A minor detail on this card is that he wears differing footwear. On one foot, he wears a boot, on the other a shoe. This is representative of his unusual standpoint, of his unorthodox methods or ideologies. Often times this is what can spur these types of situation, defending an unorthodox perspective from the lesser ideologies that threaten it.
     The figure will vanquish his detractors, he holds the high ground and therefore the universe stands behind him regardless of the odds he faces.
     

5 of Wands. Battle and conflict

  When this card appeared as the next card for me to review I understood immediately what it was telling me about my personal life. The five figures in the card are in battle against one another, using their staves as weapons. Just the day before I had taken my old wooden practice sword out of my cupboard and was going through some practice moves. It has been many years since I used it and the idea to take up martial arts once more had been surfacing in my thoughts. So when this card appeared from my shuffling the deck, it made sense.
    The five figures on the card are all clad in differing tunics and so the idea arises of a clashing of ideas, of individual attitudes and opinions. The staves are a fiery suit, so the battle is impassioned, even if there is no malice intended. The five precedes the six (The card of victory), so one comes to the conclusion that victory is the intended outcome of the battle. Whether or not one arrives there is another matter.
    Getting to the martial arts class was a battle for me. Things have been going much better for us recently and the money has begun to flow in as a regular stream of clients has begun to arrive at my door, I presume attracted by positive reviews of my work. Of course, paying for classes, uniforms and taking the time from my newly busy schedule is a consideration that was weighing upon me. The typical fear arose that I would not have enough and it was a battle to not want to retreat and bury my head in the sand, to engage in some less "costly" endeavor. The fact that I had drawn this particular card, showed me that there may be something deeper going on, so I pushed through my fears and went.
      The class, did in fact bring up something deeper. Something I fear I have been avoiding. Something that does require my attention. Over the last few days, I have have several dreams and an encounter or two that has pushed on my boundaries, in fact pushed them down and camped directly in my living room. I don't shy particularly from conflict, or at least that is what I have believed of myself. But I have seen of late my own tactics of giving ground. It was particularly apparent in sparring with the other martial artists. Being somewhat out of shape, I am not as fast on my feet as I once was and I found myself back-peddling, giving ground and retreating.  It also happened several times with people who invaded my personal space and rather than pushing back, I gave ground. It seems I am okay when I can keep things where I want them, but if they get up close I find myself instinctively panicking. My lack of fitness and agility meant that this retreating element was brought to the fore. Previously I would have responded with equal speed and swift ripostes, but now without that speed it outlined the instinctual fear of letting someone in close for fear of being hurt. A big part of me wants to shrug this off, but it was there staring me in the face and I cannot say it was not so. Whether it goes deeper than mere intimidation and confrontation I cannot say yet.
    The card tells us that a battle is inevitable, how we deal with that fact is up to us. I have found that while I do not give up, I certainly give ground. While before I would have rather have given ground rather than hurt another, I am wondering if that is truly always the best course of action. Surely there are times when one must stand their ground, both literally and figuratively, even if it means possibly harming another. By robbing another of the consequences of their actions we harm ourselves in their place. By building the courage to stand my ground I develop the ability to help others learn from their actions and to not give up a part of myself  by the giving of ground. How this will translate into my martial arts practice and daily life is yet to be seen!

10 of Swords. Defeat and failure.

  The 10 of Swords is one of those cards that people dread to draw, the imagery alone is enough to frighten people away from understanding the meaning behind this card. I had been a little nervous of drawing this card, as my life usually reflects the energy of the card that is currently in play, when it arrived yesterday I immediately knew what it pertained to.
   The figure in the card has been pinned to the earth by the ten swords and his life blood pools below him. Above him dark clouds gather as he gazes sightlessly out towards the ocean before him.
   Failure, defeat and humiliation are the bywords of this card and its energy. Of course, they are not pleasant and pain is doubtless going to ensue. It the the fulfillment of a road not followed, a path ignored. This can only lead to pain, humiliation and outright failure. Each one of his thoughts has come back to destroy him and immoblise him with their weight and deadly force.
    This card can be the culmination of a series of bad or uninformed choices that eventually leads us to this point. The weight of all these choices finally brings us down and gives us no choice but to buckle under their weight. It is the end of a phase, it is a stage of completion and from it something new will emerge. The tens are always completion and as such, even though it is difficult to see in this card, presage a new beginning.
     Each of the swords is driven into the spinal column, creating a line down his back. The spine is the vessel for the energy of awakening and it shows that in order to awaken one must go through a painful initiation, on all levels.
    In my own life the symbolism of the card speaks directly to me. During the last stretch of my life I have ignored my own health and fitness, choosing to focus on other areas of my life. As a result there are deep tensions in my body that need to be worked out. In order to do this I have found a friend who is willing to work on these deep tensions in exchange for energy work of my own. He uses a technique known as the Spiral technique, which involves massaging out the stuck and calcified spots in my musculature and tendons. Regardless, there is pain involved as these spots are pressed on and straightened out. At some points the pain is very intense as I can literally feel the tense muscles coming apart and releasing their toxins. The massage actually involves me laying face down and having a blanket lain over my body similar to the pose adopted in the card. It does indeed feel as though swords are being pushed into the super tense areas.
    I understand now that in order to release this mindset I must fully release all these blockages, even though it is a very painful process. I must take greater account of my health and fitness if I am to continue in the field of health and well-being. Don't get me wrong, I am hardly unhealthy or weak, but I am certainly far from my ideal and as a result there is no way that I can advocate being physically healthy and at the peak of fitness without sounding hypocritical.
   I only arrived at this juncture by not listening to my physical needs and not keeping on top of things. There have been mitigating circumstances that have not made it easy up until this point, but I also have to accept that I did not do all that was possible. The road to recovery will be hard, painful and most likely humiliating. But if I accept this as my journey, then I can rise above it, even as I push through it.
  In the card you can see in the distance on the horizon, that there is a light creeping in, even if the current prognosis is grim. This card is a what happens when you ignore the wake-up call in an area of your life and must eventually face your own failure. Drawing this card alerts us to areas we may have ignored or given up on. It shows us that from this point progress is possible, but to do so we must go through the difficult and painful process or removing the fruits of our ignorance. These toxins have to be removed and doing so is painful as we have to see exactly where we have failed. It can serve to grant us a new level of humility, which is borne from suffering humiliation and raising ourselves above it. 

XVII - The Star

  It has been a little bit of time since I last updated the blog and several weeks has passed while the Star card sits upon my desk waiting for me to write on it.
   The Star is a positive card, one bearing a message of hope and fulfillment. It has certainly brought those elements forward in my life. In the last few weeks my healing business has taken off to a degree I would not normally imagine possible in a winter month. I have had a regular stream of customers coming for energy work and for the workshops I have run. Outside of that I have found myself busy everyday with one task or another and my schedule remains full with interesting prospects. There are also several side projects that are beginning to bear fruit after a long period of waiting.
   The card itself has a magical quality, a skyclad woman pours  never-ending streams of water from the two vessels she holds. One pours onto the land, the other back into the water. The woman is poised with one leg on the land and the other foot on the surface of the water. She is a picture of self assurance in her body and in her balance. Behind her are the seven stars of the Pleiades and one gigantic star above her. You can also catch a glimpse of a bird resting on a tree in the background. While it is difficult to make out what type of bird it actually depicts, various sources describe it as an Ibis the Egyptian bird of wisdom associated with Thoth.
    This is above all a card of hope, inspiration and illumination. The woman in the card is representative of the divine female in all her glory. She does not hide her form, nor is she self conscious. The Star has always been a guiding symbol of hope for the future, often associated with prophecy and the dawning of a new hopeful era. The Pleiades, or the seven sisters are a cluster of stars that can be seen cresting the horizon when spring arrives. They are also associated in New Age thought with the star beings who watch over and guide us towards our soul's destination.
   This cluster of stars has, for me found profound meaning as the Spring has often been a time when hope is renewed and I set forth with renewed vigour towards my spiritual goals. Several times when my hope has been at it's lowest points I have had profound dreams in which this cluster of stars had played a prominent role, encouraging me take heart and continue on. These dreams appeared with unnaturally vivid clarity and colour and stood apart from the usual cobwebbed dreamscapes.
    The idea of following one's star, or reaching for the stars finds its place here in the realm of hope and inspiration. The story of the Three Kings following a star to find the birthplace of Jesus resonates strongly here and has astrological significance, as the eight stars depicted here can relate to the eight known astrological planets of the old world.
    The vessels she pours onto the earth and water represent abundance of feeling and the renewal of the body and spirit that occurs with an influx of new hope. After the trials of the Devil card it is a breath of fresh air, a time of liberation, new growth and freedom. It represents the arrival in the blessed garden after the dangerous passage of the underworld. You can see the springing up of new shoots around where she pours the vessels onto the ground, these symbolise new life and hope.
    The Ibis on the tree behind her is a symbol of wisdom, a bird that could wade through the shallow waters of the Nile and pluck fish from the water with it's long thin bill. It finds association with Thoth the Egyptian God of hermetic wisdom, who was depicted as an Ibis headed being. Hermetic wisdom is wisdom gained through deep introspection and through no worldly source. This fits nicely with the idea of inspiration coming from divine or otherworldly sources.
     In the my life this card also has further meaning, which relates to recent events. Apart from a feeling of renewed hope and feeling returning to me. Which of course I welcome with great gratitude. These is another aspect. Many years ago I had the pleasure of meeting a lady by the name of Alexa Young. She had created an oracle based around the Tarot, it is a inspired creation and involves a group of people coming together to experience the Tarot in a group setting. It is based around a board and can be called a game only in the loosest definition. Alexa held the Star card to be the card that inspired her to create the game and it's symbolism is intrinsically linked with the game. When I met her she asked through her daughter Lisa if I would like to play a game with her, which we did. The title of the Oracle was Llumination and it was a way to experience the magic of the tarot in a expanded setting and to share it with others.
     Llumination has been around for many years, but Alexa's untimely passing left the game and it's many inspired offshoots languishing in a legal marshland. I took it upon myself to learn how to facilitate the games in order to help promote it, as I believe it is a very valuable tool for self-discovery.  In the last few weeks though, there has been new growth and excitement for the game and the related Tarot resources. I have had the personal pleasure of helping to move the game forward and it is a time of renewed hope for it to get out there and into the world with the recognition it truly deserves.