3 of Wands. Struggle and success.

   

The Three of Wands is an interesting card for many reasons. At first glance it is similar to the previous card, the Two of Wands. It has a figure surveying the land with a stave in hand. This card has a different feel to it though.

    I feel a connection to the figure in this card, his mismatched clothing suggests he has travelled far through many different lands to get to the position he is enjoying now. His patchwork cloak suggests this traveller has adopted many differing attitudes and mixed them together. The sufi's would often caper around as fools in patchwork cloaks, similar to the idea of a jester's motley. To the average man, the jester would seem a ridiculous figure garbed in bright and unfamiliar colours. His actions would seem bizarre and nonsensical, yet he would be the only figure in the court who would be able to speak candidly to the King or Queen without fear of reprisal. His role as fool would protect him from repercussions and would often allow him to be party to conversations or knowledge that others would never hear. 

     The traveller in the card though seems as though his destination is in sight. He has climbed to a pinnacle and now looks down upon the next leg of his journey. Before him spreads a golden sea with ships upon it. It is left to the observer to project their own consciousness onto the card as to what the final destination is. For some simply arriving at this point after struggle may signify success and it does, but one that is not fully complete. Complete success is found in the next card, the 4 of Wands. The success enjoyed in this card is transitory at best, it as arriving at the crown of a hill to see the real peak still laying before you. 

     For me the destination is the mountains beyond the sea. How I will get there is the question. Drawing this card has raised some interesting thoughts and feelings in me. It, coupled with recent events in my life have brought forth an interesting aspect of my own consciousness. The idea of struggle and success are relevant to me at this point in my life. I have certainly seen struggle, but it raises the question of whether it needs to be present in every situation. It seems as though I have enjoyed no short cuts in my life. But how much of that is my own doing?

    Zoe said to me that I always take the most difficult route to success and that it is not always necessary to do so. She is right in that and I am hoping this card may offer a key to change that dynamic. In order to better understand this I allowed myself to visualise myself within the card's environs. I found that naturally my expectation would be that I would not find passage on the ships to cross the sea and would end up walking around the edge of the sea to get to my destination or by bartering my labour for a space in the hold. I do understand the need for determination and tenacity, but when my own imagination makes me walk around the sea I understand that something else is going on here.

    I know that when such things have occurred in my life I have hardened my anger and frustration into resolve to push on through. I guess maybe it is the English stiff upper lip that is responsible, the part of me that responds to extreme difficulty by battening down the hatches and carrying on. History is replete with such English stoicism and while somewhat admirable I can't help but feel that that mindset may help perpetuate the problem. The reality I give it my own mind creates the problem in my external reality. 

     This hardened anger and resolve has formed a pattern that has crystallized around my hips as I have literally 'girded my loins' to push on. As a result I have deep tensions in my hip joints. I know I find it difficult to see any other solution than pushing on through the rough stuff. Anyone who has spent time in the UK knows that soldiering on is often taken as something one must do to get by on a daily basis. Shattering this paradigm is proving a little difficult as my usual way of dealing with a difficulty is actually the problem. Even the previous sentence shows how deeply held it is, that I would even view it as difficult. 

        The solution lies in learning to see an easy solution, or seeing the solution as easy. Once this is done then the difficulty in each situation will fall away and I will be able to find shortcuts and simple solutions. Believing that there is an easy solution is the first step, this will stop me "giving up" on a shortcut and resorting to the long arduous path. This will keep me conscious in the situation and prevent me from falling back into unconscious patterns which I am looking to dissolve. I have already build the "character" that hardship imbues one with and any further difficulty begins to look like laziness on my part.

2012 and the new awakening

  My monitor died this morning. It didn't happen with a bang, just an almost inaudible buzzing before the screen went black. It is the latest in a series of electronics that have given up on me in the last year. It seems like the universe is trying to give me a message and up until now I don't think I have been listening. The message isn't that technology is doomed and that we are going back to a medieval subsistence farming paradigm (at least I hope not!), it is more personal than that. I think mostly the universe speaks to us in a personal way, about our lives and what we can do to make things better.
   2012 is already upon us and many of us are looking to see something extra-ordinary happen. Whether it is the collapse of the financial institutions to aliens descending from the skies, I think we are all looking for a change in our lives. 2011 was a pretty crappy year for me and I have high hopes for this year. But it is entirely plausible that when 2013 arrives (as it inevitably will) we will look back and wonder what if anything happened. I for one would like to be someone who can say something profound did happen. If I continue to look outside myself for something to happen in order to change my life then I may well be waiting till 2013 and beyond.  Sure, something may happen on an external level and I do think it is time for a change...but I cannot sit and wait for that to occur.
     A fellow blog writer (http://www.jaimemintun.com/) recently wrote that the changes in 2012 are up to us, that we cannot sit and wait for all our wishes to be delivered to us on a plate. I am starting to see the sense in that idea. If nothing does change globally then at least it will have changed personally and I can look back at 2012 and say in all honesty that 2012 brought a great awakening.
      Luckily my monitor has a three year warranty and the nice gentleman at LG said they would even take care of delivery. It is also possible since my current monitor is discontinued that they will supply me with an improved model. None-the-less my days plan has collapsed. As my mind tried to scrabble for what I could do instead, I saw a spark of insight dancing in my being. The day suddenly seemed filled with new possibility, instead of blasting undead with lightning deep underground in the mythical land of Skyrim I could do a myriad of other things. Sure, I would have to stop work on my latest piece of art and also put off completing a teaching manual I was working on, but this ray of light seemed fleeting and would soon disappear if I let it slip from my grasp.
    Another friend of mine writes a blog on truck driving interspersed with philosophical musings (http://isterlings.blogspot.com/) and he recently asked me to give him my opinion on an article related to healing and the dynamics of healing. The article was very long and complex, but one piece stuck in my mind. It was a section on the base chakra (check out the tab at the top for more info on chakras). The interesting part of this article for me was that it related difficulties in the lower chakra to unconsciousness. That once we liberated this unconsciousness, it could be transformed into apathy (the energy of the chakra above) and so on until it was fully released.
     The cord that this struck was that I tend to get pulled back into unconsciousness, or at least semi-conscious states quite regularly. There are a number of different behaviours and habits I have adopted that bring me back out of higher states and lower my vibration. So in the interest of growth I took that spark of inspiration I felt and created a list of all the behaviours that take drag me into states of either unconsciousness or semi-consciousness. Doing this I realised that I needed to do something about this before I was overcome by another one of these habits. So I composed a list of 7 behaviours and 7 replacement habits I could cultivate in their stead. What I intend to do is to have my own 2012 awakening and do my part for global enlightenment by sticking to this throught 2012. It's kind of a challenge, but I think that is the point!

  Anyway here are the lists:
 Behaviours that create unconscious or semi-conscious states:
 1. Listening to my ipod (this is actually one of the piece of electronics that malfunctioned and no longer allows me to update my song list. I am literally stuck in the past when I listen to it..or at least my song choices from 2008).
  2. Playing Video games. This one is pretty difficult for me as I tend to play them to chill out and really enjoy them, plus I don't wish to martyr my enjoyment on the altar of growth. In order to do this I will not play games I have already finished, have not been waiting for or are for the purpose of killing time (and consciousness).
  3. Watching TV shows online. I don't have a problem with a weekly show, but I have fallen into the habit of watching them to pass the time or to distract me while I work on something else. So, like video games, no repeat show watching or for time or consciousness killing.
  4. Browsing Online. This is anything from forums, articles, flash games to craigslist or other supposed "constructive" uses. Facebook would be here if I liked or spent time here!
   5. Eating badly. For me this is sugary or chocolaty snacks mainly. Although some foods make me sleepy which is the same things as lowering my vibration.
   6. Working in jobs that limit my enjoyment. Not that I have such a job now, but I have a tendency to spend huge swathes of time making money at the expense of joy or growth. Realising that these jobs are not beneficial to my consciousness and it's growth should be enough. Such jobs are one in which I am counting down the hours till I finish or make me feel bad about myself and my life.
   7. Oversleeping or dozing. I tend to sleep long and late and will occasionally use dozing or napping as a way to pass time. This is spending time in unconsciousness in its purest form and if I can cut it back to the simple amount my body needs for rest then I will not be wasting opportunities.

Rather than just going cold turkey on them all I have also created a list of things I can do to replace the time that becomes available.

  1. Stretching or exercising. I often feel I have little time to do this, but it is simply not true. What happens is I get stuck in an unconscious or semi-conscious pattern.
  2. Un-distracted artwork (or creative endeavor). I like artwork, but the truth of it is I sometimes find it difficult to do so without a form of distraction (which inevitably gets turned off once I really start). Often finding a suitable distraction will take up more time and energy than the actual creation of the artwork!
  3. Meditation. This is simple enough and always beneficial.
  4. Conversation on enlivening topics. I wanted something on the list that wasn't solitary and would help me avoid listening or partaking in gossip or discussion of people's problems.
   5. Body or Energy work. This includes for myself and others.
   6. Productive or constructive work. From writing blogs, to creating value for my products or services that will eventually benefit others. This may include jobs that are growth inducing or learning new skills (languages, instruments, techniques).
   7. New or enjoyable experiences. Whether this is starting a class, going somewhere interesting or new or trying something different. Providing it is dropped if it is not enjoyable or productive.

  Hopefully I can maintain this, but putting it out there means I have to take it a lot more seriously than if I just wrote it in my journal!
  I believe increasing my own consciousness is a good way accelerate the process of global enlightenment and feel good about myself at the same time.

3 of Swords. Heartbreak and break up.

  The symbolism of this card is pretty apparent, the three swords piercing the heart through with a cloudy backdrop just shouts heart ache and sorrow.
   I was concerned when I drew this card and Zoe gave this card a look and said we might be in for some friction. I left the card to sit for a while, because quite honestly I wasn't feeling a great deal of heartache. The card has sat for a few days now and I have not noticed any unusual friction within my own life. I have however noticed a great deal of it going around.
    Many of the women in the periphery of my life have been struggling to extricate themselves from difficult relationships, relationships that have included abuse emotionally and sometimes even verbally. Friction is not uncommon within relationships, but sometimes it is more than simple two individuals rubbing each other the wrong way. In these instances breakup is only ever going to be the healthy option.
    The heart in the card is pinioned by three blades from above, the clouds are dark and rain falls. Yet behind the heart is illumination showing that beyond the heartache something new and fresh lies beyond.
     Heartbreak is difficult, but sometimes the heart needs to be broken open so that it can feel once more. The walls we build around our hearts are often strongly re-enforced and nothing short of a sundering will bring them down. This is not the falling walls of The Tower card, it is an energy that can be felt and risen above regardless of its intensity.
   The three swords in the card also speak of a trinity connected to the heartbreak. This may be another person in the dynamic or an external event outside two individuals. Wherever three instances occur there is often something greater happening.
    A colleague of mine (who I am yet to meet) has informed everyone at the healing centre that we all currently going through a process of letting go of old emotions as our spirits are being elevated. I am unsure of whom he is meaning when he states this (I get the feeling he is talking globally) asI usually don't connect easily to these mass trends occurring. Although in this case I have felt rather emotionally unusual in the last few days and have heard similar reports from those around me. It may be astrological, circumstantial or synchronous but it is definitely occurring, at least to me and those within my immediate circle.
     I was able to cast of this unusually morose upsurge of emotions this afternoon and I feel it may be related also to witnessing people throwing off unhelpful energetic structures and attachments.
    But back to the subject of heartbreak. When we release these old attachments, it can feel like our hearts are pierced through. One interesting thing to note is that this card falls in the suit of swords which are in the mental realm. One would assume heartache should fall within the realm of cups or emotions, yet it doesn't. What are we to make of this unusual detail? Is it possible that this heartache is occurring due to damage to the ego?
      The swords are piercing and destroying the heart and in doing so are removing our illusions about love and its influence in our life. Nothing can actually harm our immortal spirit, but the emotional constructs we build up around ourselves can certainly be shattered and if we are strongly attached it can certainly feel like our spirits are being torn asunder. The true connections we have with one another can never really be harmed, it is only our frail emotional bodies that suffer when we break up. It is the attachments we held in our hearts that are really sundered. It is an illusion that is painfully real that has been pierced. If there is nothing left when the attachments are lost then it suggests that there was nothing there to begin with, but those we are truly connected with are not lost through simple emotional turmoil.
   You can love someone dearly, lose them and yet not suffer heartbreak through an understanding of the continuation of spirit. When heartbreak and pining for the lost attachment occurs, it is not the person you mourn but the loss of illusion and what you thought was real. This difficult moment can be used to see what illusion you were so attached to in the other and then use it realise that part actually lies within you. Heartbreak is a powerful lesson and many people try and leave it behind as quickly as possible without seeing that within it are the seeds to avoid it happening again to us, if we would only stop to see what it is we feel we lost.
   So if you are suffering from heartbreak or loss, remember that we never truly lose loved ones, it is their influence or what they represented to us that we are mourning.
   
   

Page of Pentacles. The sensualist.

   The character of the Page of Pentacles is an earthy one.  The figure in this card has a masculine look even though the Page's are often regarded as the "Princess" cards, representing either young or female characters.
   He gazes raptly upon the pentacle in his hands, similar to all the court cards with the suit of pentacles. This suit has a very absorbing quality which causes many people to get caught up in the material aspects of their lives. The pentacle itself looks almost weightless in his hands, as if it were ready to float away.
    The card itself is very green and verdant and the colours particularly stand out with a lot of contrasts between the greens and reds and the oranges and blues. There are flowers beneath his feet and a copse of trees behind him, while to the right one can make out a field which appears in the Knight of Pentacles.
    There isn't a great many clues as to the nature of this individual other than he represents the earthy aspect of earth. In such, he is enraptured by the very element of earth. He is likely to prize the sensory nature of his being as being paramount. Taste, touch, smell, sight and sound are all important to him. He is a sensualist in the purest sense of the word. He is the child of the earthy court cards and as such is still very much like a child learning to experience the world through their body.
     This character has not learned enough yet to be pragmatic or set in his ways, he simply is too absorbed within his own experience to give it much thought. His lack of all the other elements can have him come across as emotionless or lacking in the finer aspects of being, but he is simply uninterested in them.
   The pentacles themselves are related to money and this is important to him, it is gateway that allows him to pursue greater sensory indulgences. Touch is also a primary sense for him and any career or occupation that allows him to be tactile works well with this character, he likes to be physical and to work directly with his hands. The predominance of green suggests he could be a gardener or be somehow connected to the vegetative world.
   This card is not an aspect I have a great connection with and is an element I find difficulty embodying. My astrological chart has no earth in it and until recently green has held little or no interest to me as a colour. The appearance of this card does relate to an aspect of my life that I am attempting to bring into fruition though. I have recently been in touch with a massage school here in the hopes of being able to add this modality to my skills. I have done energy work for almost 10 years now and have been happy to continue to build and grow my skills there. But, recently I have found the need to expand and add an earthy element to my practice. There are simply some difficulties within the energy system and body that are much easier to deal with physically. Most problems have a physical element at least somewhere in the process and that has been an element that I have been unable to work with.
    The sticking point has been money. My business has picked up a little, certainly enough to feel a little more comfortable with how things are progressing and there is certainly hope for the future. But it is not quite at the level where I am comfortable also paying for a course in massage along side it. This is a shame as I have the time, but not the resources to make it work at the moment. Since I am a relatively new resident in the US I am unable to get any kind of loan as my credit score has to start from scratch.
   I have definitely been feeling the need to add an earthy component and this card is another nudge in that direction. The page however is never likely to take financial risks, he is too practical for that and I feel in this he is right. I have certainly undertaken more than my fair share of risky ventures and been burned just as many times.
  However there is also the part of me that understands that I may well be trying to make this choice because it is the seemingly best of available options. Settling for a choice that doesn't fully fulfill simply because it is available is a difficulty I have faced before and I often have trouble with this especially when it comes to material choices. There are often better ways to be fulfilled and leaping for a boat that is passing close by, but not stopping for you can be a risky proposition. Unless you are certain of course and I don't feel certain about this.
   I believe in the end the card is showing me a possibility, certainly one that could become a reality. But is also a chance for me to see how strongly I want it and right now I am wavering, so I don't feel I will be leaping for this anytime soon.