10 of Swords. Defeat and failure.

  The 10 of Swords is one of those cards that people dread to draw, the imagery alone is enough to frighten people away from understanding the meaning behind this card. I had been a little nervous of drawing this card, as my life usually reflects the energy of the card that is currently in play, when it arrived yesterday I immediately knew what it pertained to.
   The figure in the card has been pinned to the earth by the ten swords and his life blood pools below him. Above him dark clouds gather as he gazes sightlessly out towards the ocean before him.
   Failure, defeat and humiliation are the bywords of this card and its energy. Of course, they are not pleasant and pain is doubtless going to ensue. It the the fulfillment of a road not followed, a path ignored. This can only lead to pain, humiliation and outright failure. Each one of his thoughts has come back to destroy him and immoblise him with their weight and deadly force.
    This card can be the culmination of a series of bad or uninformed choices that eventually leads us to this point. The weight of all these choices finally brings us down and gives us no choice but to buckle under their weight. It is the end of a phase, it is a stage of completion and from it something new will emerge. The tens are always completion and as such, even though it is difficult to see in this card, presage a new beginning.
     Each of the swords is driven into the spinal column, creating a line down his back. The spine is the vessel for the energy of awakening and it shows that in order to awaken one must go through a painful initiation, on all levels.
    In my own life the symbolism of the card speaks directly to me. During the last stretch of my life I have ignored my own health and fitness, choosing to focus on other areas of my life. As a result there are deep tensions in my body that need to be worked out. In order to do this I have found a friend who is willing to work on these deep tensions in exchange for energy work of my own. He uses a technique known as the Spiral technique, which involves massaging out the stuck and calcified spots in my musculature and tendons. Regardless, there is pain involved as these spots are pressed on and straightened out. At some points the pain is very intense as I can literally feel the tense muscles coming apart and releasing their toxins. The massage actually involves me laying face down and having a blanket lain over my body similar to the pose adopted in the card. It does indeed feel as though swords are being pushed into the super tense areas.
    I understand now that in order to release this mindset I must fully release all these blockages, even though it is a very painful process. I must take greater account of my health and fitness if I am to continue in the field of health and well-being. Don't get me wrong, I am hardly unhealthy or weak, but I am certainly far from my ideal and as a result there is no way that I can advocate being physically healthy and at the peak of fitness without sounding hypocritical.
   I only arrived at this juncture by not listening to my physical needs and not keeping on top of things. There have been mitigating circumstances that have not made it easy up until this point, but I also have to accept that I did not do all that was possible. The road to recovery will be hard, painful and most likely humiliating. But if I accept this as my journey, then I can rise above it, even as I push through it.
  In the card you can see in the distance on the horizon, that there is a light creeping in, even if the current prognosis is grim. This card is a what happens when you ignore the wake-up call in an area of your life and must eventually face your own failure. Drawing this card alerts us to areas we may have ignored or given up on. It shows us that from this point progress is possible, but to do so we must go through the difficult and painful process or removing the fruits of our ignorance. These toxins have to be removed and doing so is painful as we have to see exactly where we have failed. It can serve to grant us a new level of humility, which is borne from suffering humiliation and raising ourselves above it. 

10 of Wands. Co-dependency and carrying burdens.

   The 10 of Wands is the culmination of the suit of wands. Being a ten means it has reached the end and is preparing to begin again at the beginning. But looking at this card you can see he is not quite there yet and in fact seemingly has the hardest part of his task still yet to overcome.
     Yesterday I realised that I still have more than half of the deck still to go and that this task is far from done. It has not been a burden though and I enjoy finding a new relationship with each card, or reaffirming an old one.
    This card is about being overwhelmed and carrying too many staves all by oneself. I fear for this figure's back the way he is carrying all those wands. He is hunched over and can't possibly see where he is going with his face buried in the pile like that.
     I feel like this poor fellow at the moment. I have a myriad of obligations to fulfill, both to myself and to others and the burden of it is pretty heavy. It is hard to see anything but those obligations as they are right there in my face and it feels like if I can just make it to my goal of financial security I can lay all my burdens down.
   He wears a bright red tunic which symbolises his passion and the inherently physical element of carrying such a burden. His blonde hair stands in stark contrast and represents his golden aspirations. He is not carrying the staves for a selfish reason, there is a greater purpose behind his struggle. His white sleeves represent his purity and innocence in carrying all these staves. It is quite possible he is carrying the burdens of others as well as his own. This is an idea that came up in a dream I had last night.
     In my dream, in the first part I was walking along a parkway and I witnessed a woman running through the snow, she fell or dived to the ground and a car speeding up behind her drove over her and crashing into a tree. My first thought was that it was an accident, but then the driver got out of the vehicle and the two figures started to struggle over a dossier. Both pulled pistols and shot each other simultaneously. A stranger and I ran over to the scene of the struggle and realised that the dossier contained some very important secret information, there was a moment we considered fighting each other for it, but the moment passed and we silently agreed to work together. We dumped the rest of her belongings in a nearby drain and ran to a bus stop as we knew we would soon be followed.
     This first part represents coming to find some information that has been kept secret, most likely because two elements hiding the information have neutralised each other. There are four elements in all, representing the totality of my pysche. My character represents conscious awareness and the other three, given their shadowy nature are subconscious elements. A shift in the balance of power in my unconscious has meant that the other two unconscious elements have eliminated each other, leaving a conscious and an unconscious element. My moment of considering whether to fight was pivotal in the re-emergence of the information as both the remaining elements decided to work together, conscious and unconscious. The subsequent flight is a recognition that the unconscious will likely want to reclaim the possibly damaging information and the bus stop represents that information being brought to an area of mass consciousness.
      In the second part I was in an underground mechanics workshop, in which cars where being cleaned and refueled with hot water. The cars looked old and there was a suggestion I could purchase one if I desired, an offer which I was not very enthusiastic about. An old friend of mine was working there from my hostel days (I'll call him J). J was happy to see me and we began to talk about the days when we worked together. At one point during the conversation the subject turned to an ex of mine, at this point J passed a look to another of his co-workers (also an old friend of mine I believe whom I will call H). It was apparent to me that there was something unspoken passing between J and H, something not very pleasant and possibly embarrassing. Usually I would notice this and let it go, but because of recent understandings I have come to, I called them on it. It turns out that there was a lot of information on my ex that I wasn't aware of that was actually not very pleasant.
      This part actually reflects the information that came to light in the first part. The old cars being cleaned with hot water suggest that hot emotions have been scouring the old ways of thinking (cars representing means of moving consciousness).
      I awoke this morning with an unpleasant feeling in my gut and the realisation that I may have given my old ex too much of the benefit of the doubt with several situations. That she may actually have been engaged in some very unpleasant situations, of which there was no clear evidence, but only gut feelings. If this is so and I am beginning to fear that it makes a great deal of sense, then it means I have been carrying several burdens which are not really mine. It would explain a great many of her actions and reduce my own burden of guilt. It appears I may well have been carrying issues that were not my own and need to be returned to their original owner.
   The figure in the card is carrying too many burdens and this indicates we need to figure out which are really ours, or if there is a way to reduce the load somehow. The strain is breaking the back of the figure and though in many instances we wish to soldier on with our loads especially when salvation is in sight (as the castle in the background represents) it might be wiser to reduce this burden.
   It is not our responsibility to carry anyone's woes or karmic responsibility. This situation can be exacerbated in relationships, where both partners will pass off their woes to the other for them to carry on in a kind of "why don't you carry the stuff I don't want to look at and I will do the same for you!". This is the shadow side of sharing...co-dependency.
      It does have a brighter side though, if both partners can remain conscious of this effect then this sharing can be beneficial. The other partner can often be better equipped to deal with issue and so long as there is a level of conscious awareness the issues can find resolution quicker than if worked on alone. This can be a precarious balancing act and making sure one partner does not carry all the burdens alone requires a high level of awareness. For Zoe and I there are several issues that we are helping the other with and this balance can quickly become overwhelming if one person is trying to deal with all the issues at once. It is easy to want to reject the issue of the other as not being one's own, but we often forget the other might be still carrying ours! Working to create a balance of two healthy individuals should always be the end goal of such an endeavor. When this happens it is not a responsibility but a mutually beneficial gift offered by each individual. Taking such a sacrifice upon oneself, if consciously done has great karmic reward. But this must remain a gift and not an obligation otherwise resentment can blossom.
    I now recognise, thanks to my dream that some of my burdens are actually the responsibility of another and it is past due to return them. I no longer wish to suffer a burden of guilt, when the responsibility lays totally within the purview of another.

10 of Pentacles. Wealth and inheritance.

  The 10 of Pentacles has been a rare card in my readings. It is a good card, with a lot of positive elements.
  The suit of Pentacles is concerned with money, health and family. The last card in the suit of Pentacles as a number 10 it signifies the end and culmination of material matters. The Pentacles are a symbol for the element of earth and earth, like water, only strengthens with multiplicity. Therefore, this card is very positive when it comes to material endeavours as the suit has come full circle to the full embodiment of material power that was present in the Ace.
   The card is full of rich imagery and it is hard to tell where things begin and end with the fullness of the card. The pentacles themselves are laid out in a pattern that reflects the Tree of Life (the ten sephiroth from the Kabbalah). The tree is a map of human consciousness and the universe based on the idea of what is above is also reflected below and that all creation can be seen in a single grain of sand. The 10 of Pentacles is really the last in the series of Minor Arcana with what was begun with the Ace of Swords (the original expression of a thought, if one is using the kabbalistic school of thought ). Being the last, it also reflects the beginning as all cycles do and the symbol of the tree is homage to that.
    Looking at the card one can see the full range of life played out in the card: there is a child, a couple and an elder with several dogs around him. This shows the connection to the family and the idea of generations. One can see how it can be connected to the idea of inheritance or family wealth. The card is also set within a house as evidenced by the archway with a city view, which suggests security but not in a restrictive fashion. There is so much detail as to be overwhelming, which is only right given the Pentacles as the ruler of the material realm. Pictures of castles and boats adorn the inner walls of the house along with a fresco on the left of the image, all showing material wealth and extravagance.
    The city beyond shows a tower, a house and the city wall, all depicted in a rather neutral orange/yellow almost as if it were reaching dusk and the sunset were reflecting off the walls. Each of the symbols represent security and stability in a very man-made fashion and the flash of green above the walls shows it is not unconnected with nature.
   The child represents youth and he reaches out to touch the tail of the dog, who is in turn at the lap of the elder creating a cycle between all the players. The male figure in the couple is a guardsman with his spear at the ready, although he is engaged in friendly dialogue with the mother of the child. This represents the idea of safety and protection and no immediate danger. The elder represents the final phase of the cycle and so he is richly adorned in a robe of earthy colours, covered in patterns and geometric shapes. These elements are not the typical metaphysical symbols and look certainly more like fashionable or aesthetic choices. The chair in which he sits is green with grapes upon it, again symbolising abundance and fruitfulness.
    As I previously stated, this card appears rarely for me and my relationship with this card is an unknown. Since it is Minor Arcana it is related to an energy that is prevalent at the particular time. It does reflect some of the changes that have been going on in my life.
   Last night I had a dream in which I was travelling to an unknown destination, it was getting late in the day so I decided to pull my car over to the side (a red muscle car with white stripe which I knew as a Mustang) and try and find somewhere to stay. I entertained the idea of continuing on through the night, but my final destination seemed foggy in my mind and I decided that stopping would be best. There was a general feeling of disorientation and lack of stability, given I wasn't quite sure where I was going or where I would be staying.  I ended up entering a temple which consisted of several floors and seemed to be themed in a Celtic fashion with Triskells on the walls. Within were several welcoming priestesses who asked me about my journey as to ascertain my purpose and my connection. I started to recount my journey and its ups and downs and the various animals that had aided me thus far. I mentioned a Kingfisher, an Otter and a Crane and said I had footage of them coming to my aid. At this, they offered me a place to stay for the night and the dream ended.
    Looking at the symbolism of these particular animals I am struck by the fact that they all are linked to two elements. The Kingfisher and Crane to air and water and the Otter to water and earth. All of the animals felt like they had a numinous quality to me (one that carries beyond the dream) and I am heartened by their appearance. They are also all animals that are linked to the Celtic pantheon and their environs and they are not collage-like scraps from my day (unlike the Mustang...which I feel is sheer wish fulfillment).
   What this dream relates to me is that with adopting a level of certitude in my choice of career, it brings up several different elements. It seems like my endless wandering without a final destination is at least taking a break in order to create a bond to the earth and for me to set down some roots. My connection has always strongly been to movement and flight as evidenced by the bird symbolism, but all these animals make their homes in or close to the earth and the river bank in particular.
   Creating a level of fixedness and stability does bring up some fears in me that I will not be able to travel so freely as I have, but I feel these fears may in fact prove to be completely unfounded. The card is about a healthy flow of income, one that even allows for and suggests extravagance as shown by the boats and castles  on the walls. With a level of security, taking flight may be even easier as I don't have to carry all my belongings with me on each trip. My journey has had its ups and downs and I know I would not have made it without inner assistance.
   Finding a castle and a temple for me is paramount for me, even if it is only a nest to launch myself from and to take rest in. This card talks to me of the feeling of homecoming and material security I have been seeking to build for myself for the greatest time. Allowing myself to recognise and enjoy those creature comforts, knowing that I am motivated and strong enough for them not to become traps for me.

10 of Cups. The happy ending.

I was a little nervous in drawing the first card for the beginning of this blog given that it would to some degree influence the entire situation. 

This card actually seemed to leap out of the deck as I was shuffling the cards to begin. 

The 10 of cups is one of the minor arcana and as such usually symbolises the energy of a situation. They are not as powerful or as archetypal as the major arcana, but they are very helpful in giving a feel for how things are. 

The Cups of course are related to water, emotions and fluidity. In this particular card the ten cups are arrayed as if in a rainbow above the happy family. Being a ten it symbolises the end of a particular cycle, in this case a happy ending. It is a card of family and accomplishment in an emotional sense. The family appears happy and content, which is how I feel the energy of this card manifests. It suggests a happy family situation and contentment within that. The river leads you towards a house in an idyllic green setting. It suggests enjoying the fullness of life and a celebration of contentment, usually after a long period or difficult patch. 

Of course since the 10 is the end of a cycle, it will be followed by a new beginning, but this is not indicated by the card, only by its position in the suit.

This card has a lot of meaning for me and my wife. This was the card that kept coming up as we planned to get married, suggesting that all would turn out well and we would find contentment and happiness. At the time this card came up we were having difficulties with the green card process I was undergoing and whenever there was a disagreement between us this card would without fail show up for us. The number of times it re-occurred was beyond belief, often occurring consecutively in reading after reading. 

So I see this as a positive indicator of the emotional gains to be made with this tarot blog and that there will be a happy ending to it. Unusual to start with an ending, but somehow fitting :)