9 of Pentacles. Financial independence and superiority.

     This card is about plenty and the freedom granted by financial independence. It has brought up a great deal of personal baggage in trying to get myself into the right frame of mind to discuss it. Sometimes entering into the mind state of the card is harder than usual, certainly if the card represents a state that is not resonant for me at this time.
     None-the-less I will discuss the card before delving into the more personal aspects. The nine is close to the end of the material cycle represented by the pentacles, we are almost at fullness within this suit. The lady in the card is enjoying all the fruits that material security and independence can buy. She is leisurely enjoying her estate in a fine robe covered in Venusian symbols. Venus being the planet of beauty it shows that her finery is of the greatest opulence. It is a golden robe, which again exemplifies the wealth this card represents. The trim on the robe, along with the hat she wears is a vivid red. Red being a colour of vibrancy, material power and vigour.
        Behind her is a golden sunset, the composition balanced by two trees either side of her. The Venusian symbolism, the finery and the balance all suggest this card has links to Libra.  To either side of her are the pentacles stacked alongside the rich bunches of grapes, suggesting she can afford to enjoy the finer things in life. The hooded hawk itself is another symbol of aristocracy, also showing her freedom to move about and return to a comfortable resting place. It's hood remains in place as it is not now the time to hunt, but to relax.
       At the foot of the card is a snail showing the leisurely and sedate pace created by the secure foundation of wealth. There is no hurry and what one has is simply to be enjoyed.
      The card itself seems simple in its analysis but it has been difficult for me to feel the energy behind it. My current financial situation does not reflect the energy of the card, if anything it reflects its opposite. For me my life does not include a material stability or the ability to take things easy and enjoy the finer aspects of living. This created a great deal of conflicted feelings as most of the cards I have drawn have had a real life situation occur that allowed me to understand the energy. Instead this card has raised frustrations and ugly feelings.
      Rather than feel stuck, I have looked at the feelings that have emerged in trying to emulate this mindset in attempt to understand why I cannot bring this energy into fruition in my life. Much as when trying to flush out a blocked pipe the first thing to emerge is the cause of the blockage and all that has caused the clogging.
     What arises in me is envy. Envy is not an emotion I am used to. Although once I look at it, I see how pervasive it has become in my own life. Being brought to my financial knees has magnified the envy I feel for all those around me in such a way that it has become an intolerable noise. Upon further examination I see that it goes even deeper into my psyche. Last night as I drifted off to sleep I asked for a dream to elucidate my situation so I could better understand how this feeling may be blocking me.
      I dreamt that I was in a department store in which several high-tech stands were set up. I was there with my younger brother, although he was much younger in the dream...little more than a young child. I was in possession of a large felt block or box which strapped onto my back by virtue of a Velcro strap. When I put the pale green box onto my back I could hover about at a height of a foot or two. It was quite a pleasurable experience and the box itself felt weightless. As I was hovering about, my brother threw a toy or figurine into a glass display case shattering the front. One of the shop workers came over and scolded me for my brother's actions and informed me that I wouldn't be able to work there because of his action. I felt non-plussed by this as I wasn't really interested in it in the first place. I was considering offering the box to my brother when the dream shifted. It then moved into another aspect about another area of my life which does not seem relevant.
      Symbolically the green represents envy and the block...well that represents a block. But, the dream suggests that I am willingly donning the block because it elevates me. I can understand how this may be. I can feel elevated by my envy, I can even feel an element of superiority (aerial superiority!). If I feel elevated then I would naturally feel envious of those who are below me from possessing what I do not. My desire is not born of a genuine desire, but from a righteousness derived from a false sense of superiority. Letting go of this envy and the superior elevated position, although less pleasurable immediately will lead to me finding my own level. It will put me in contact with the earth and ground me in reality.
      It is easy to find the source of this. Growing up I was the smallest in my year...bar the kid with a growth disorder. I was also one of the youngest, struggled with my school work and was naturally shy. My family was not wealthy so seeing others with more was a regular occurrence. My father also had a serious inferiority complex, often claiming that Italians were responsible for every single good thing in civilization and therefore by extension he was part of that legacy. I could go on, but it does not serve as there are many factors in this stew and no one thing is fully responsible.  It is natural that I would want to feel bigger, better and superior to those who surrounded me, if only to be able to compete.
      I can see that this constructed sense of superiority disconnects me from the earth and my true self. I know I possess many good qualities and this envy exists because of my childhood difficulties. It is difficult for me to feel a desire for something without going through a sense of entitlement born of an elevated sense of self. But it is not connected, it is not genuine and only serves to feed this dynamic of envy.
     The block in the dream is only connected by a strap of Velcro, yet the desire to feel elevated is strong. Finding a block that doesn't weigh me down is novel, as in my experience they often possess a weight which creates a lethargy and feelings of heaviness. Letting go of the block means letting go of a safety mechanism that has been in place for a long time and has served to keep me afloat when things should have buried me. I know now that I can rely on my own self worth and do not need to keep an aid to buoyancy with me. It is only keeping me from connecting fully with the earth.
      In the end I have to let go of this barrier to financial independence, the feeling that has kept me safe for so long. Because it no longer serves and only suffices to keep me disconnected. The elevated sense of self. It is the shadow side of the 9 of Pentacles, an elevated sense of superiority. Granted by things real or imagined.

6 of Pentacles. Generosity and conscious giving.

 The sixes are cards of harmony and balance. They correspond to Tiphareth in the Kabbalah, which is the mystical heart of the tree. The Pentacles themselves relate to material things such as money, goods and our physical bodies.
   This card is known as the card of charity and it is easy to see why. In the centre of the card stands a wealthy merchant who is redistributing his wealth  to the less privileged. The scales, again reminiscent of the Justice card and Libra point to the balancing of material forces. In this card the high gives to the low so the scales are equalised. The scales are raised showing that fairness is the order of the day, rather than in the Justice card where the sword is raised over the scales, suggesting a time of reckoning.
    The merchant wears a multitude of different colours, the reds symbolising material vigor, the upright blue stripes representing the link from heaven to earth and the green of his boots suggests a loving groundedness. He also wears a purple scarf and sash upon his hat, which depict his spiritual royalty.
    The two lowly recipients of the coins being distributed are clad in robes which cover all but their outstretched hands and beseeching faces. Their simple attire is in direct contrast to his and suggests that their powers are still cloaked by the heavy layers they are wearing.
    The six pentacles above the scene are set out in an uneven pattern, which is bringing home the idea that this is a process of redistribution which is not yet complete. We have only just moved from the poverty of the five and now there is the steady and slow rise to the material strength of the later pentacles. The two beggars in this scene are being brought upwards by the kindness and generosity of the merchant. In the background one can see the city which seems to be present in the four of pentacles, the card of the miser. It shows that there has been movement away from this man made state of mind towards one which will allow a correct flow.
   When I first drew this card, I felt a little uneasy as my financial situation feels somewhat similar to the transition happening with the 5 of Pentacles to the 6. I feel that I have let go of the poverty mindset a great deal after finally being able to step aside from it, even if things have not been fully re-distributed yet. After asking Zoe's thoughts on the cards I realised that I was personifying myself as the rich merchant and the idea of giving away my money was causing some consternation to me. I wondered, is this card asking me to give away what I have?
      We went for lunch today with a friend of ours and I am always in awe of the way in which he seems so in touch with the material world. He simply asks and it is delivered to him, he is often giving out food to the less fortunate, clothes to those who need it and advice and solace to the afflicted. It is like the universe perceives him as a quartermaster for its distribution route. He has helped us and countless people out and asks for nothing in return, yet he is never lacking for things he needs. He considered going camping and within a week he had acquired 2 sleeping bags, a 4 person tent, 3 sleeping mats, a stove and 3 ice chests. All donated to him by people who simply did not need them any longer. No sooner than he receives them does he redistribute what he feels is not his. I learned not to hoard anything through his actions too, at first there was so much stuff he would offer that I would typically just say yes to it...knowing full well I probably would not use it but would keep it anyways...just in case.
        Now, I just ask myself if I do need it or is it destined for someone else? He still gives freely and it is a great thing to witness, even if it is simply on the periphery for now. It is making me consider my own way of thinking with regards to being free to the flow.
     I volunteer at the local hospital doing Reiki for those going through cancer treatments and there has always been a part of me that is irked by the giving of energy freely. My own thoughts have been that I am not looking after my own interests by working for free. I understand that it is valuable work and beneficial to those who receive the treatments, but I have been looking at it all wrong. I am not working for free, I am giving value to a worthy cause. Each of my work hours is of inestimable value and this is energy that is being released back into the cycle where it is most needed. It is the same with this blog. I am providing valuable information that can help people see their lives with greater clarity and open their consciousnesses up to higher planes. It is I who have valued it at zero and therefore have not really been giving. I have viewed my ideas and energy of being zero value, so when I release them out into the world I am programming my consciousness that I have contributed $0 value to my goals.
         It is no surprise that materially I get so little return. I do not doubt it returns to me on many other levels since I get so much out of giving treatments and working to raise people from their living slumber. It is better to understand that I am giving $90 treatments to those who need it.
   So for me this card is telling me to re-calibrate my material values about what I am putting out there. I really am the rich merchant in the card, I have learned that unless I am giving away something I perceive as valuable, then I restrict the ways in which it may return to me. You cannot give poverty and hope for the universe to return abundance...it just doesn't work that way!

XI-Justice. Part 2. Judgement and Intolerance

Yesterday I pulled the Justice card from the deck and talked about Karma and my views upon it. It seems that the card still has more to share as I spent time this morning in meditation and several pertinent issues arose for me.
   The issue of judgement is one that naturally arises when one considers any form of justice. The phrase "Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven" is a biblical quote from Luke. This falls in with what I was talking about in my last posting, that what you create returns to you.
   During my meditation this morning I suddenly became aware of a hypocrisy within the way that I live and it was related to the idea of judgement and intolerance.
    I find it difficult to be tolerant of issues cropping up in others that I have already worked through. My patience for dealing with such things seems to be limited as though part of me is saying "What? You haven't learnt this already?". Even if I only just figured it out myself in that moment! It is like I suddenly flip to having known it all along and become frustrated with the ignorance of the person still struggling for clarity... I am aware of how silly and irrational this is..now at least. 
   Yet at the same time if I haven't figured something out yet, I will plead for clemency and ask for more understanding from the judging person. It is as though I embody both the judge and the accused. It is though I can see myself in both roles, I judge a person ignorant, condemn them for it and I am merciless until they are proven "innocent" by overcoming the ignorance. At the same time in the other role I find it hard to overcome certain obstacles and encounter a cold judgement from what seems the universe until I figure it out. Often being placed in a type of purgatory until I can remove the difficulty.
    Seeing it this way allows me to understand the judge within me that is also the accused party. I can sense the energy of judgement within me and in return I find myself judged, all on an internal level. This in turn affects how I live my life in the world and the way that it reacts to me.
    Others in my life have pointed this hard judgement out to me before, but I have not been able to understand  it on a deep enough level and so I have faced their judgement...which in turn is only a reflection of my own self.  The key to this..the antidote energy as it were, is compassion and understanding. I need to be able to see myself in the role of the accused and feel an empathy for their struggle. To be able to reach out a hand to those that still suffer in compassion rather than judgement and in doing so the world will lend a hand to me out of the same feeling. 
     Because I understand now the mechanisms that underlie the issue, when the feelings of intolerance and judgement arise in me once more, then I can note them and move beyond them to treat the situation with compassion and understanding. This will help reprogram my own patterns and I will be able to avoid getting stuck that groove again. 
    Looking back over how I deal with myself I see that I sentence myself to periods of purgatory until I "learn", rather than rehabilitating myself with more positive behavioural methods. The judicial system is alive within me it seems...thank goodness  I don't practice capital punishment for my inmates! 
    There is also another part that is still unresolved which is preventing me from closing this blog just yet. It is the way in which I treat the inmates I guess and maybe even than I see them as inmates. I don't wish for my life to resemble a correctional facility for unruly elements. It is in trying to find a balance with helping these elements grow and reach their potential without placing them in confinement until they reach maturation. Ideally each element would be loved and nurtured regardless of their unruly nature but firmly prevented from ruling or governing any other parts until they have reached the point they can successfully do so without causing harm.  

XI-Justice

This is the first Major Arcana card that I have drawn so far. The Major Arcana are some of the most powerful cards in the deck and pulling one usually suggests something going on beyond just the mundane. If a reading has plenty of these cards then the issue may be especially relevant.
    This card has alot of rich colours and the central figure similar to the typical figure of justice is a woman (although it is kind of difficult to tell with this card!). The royal purple suggests a heavenly appointment and the crown signifies the authority to dispense justice. The reds and greens create a striking contrast, as does the purple against the yellow crown. These complementary colours show the power inherent in the card. The scales in her hand connect the card to Libra and also to Venus..its planetary ruler. The upraised sword is perfectly straight and poised to dispense whatever measure may be necesary. Everything in this card suggests balance, equanimity and fairness..even her scarf is symmetrical.  The only imbalance is her foot poking out and pointing to the right, which I feel doesn't need to be explained further.
    One very important consideration with this card is that she, unlike our statues of justice has no blindfold. While human justice is blind, it appears that divine judgement suffers no errors or bias. One of the major aspects of this card is the understanding of the workings of karma. In a way she very directly portrays karma in action, impartial, but all seeing.
     Now, the general idea of karma can be very limiting. What you sow is what you reap. While this is true, it can lead to some very basic errors about how it functions. It can give the impression that it is like an inexorable wheel turning and crushing all those beneath it that have done "Wrong" and handing out sweets and feathery wings to those who have done "Good" deeds. That at some point in the future you will pay for your crimes or those acts of kindness. This can create tremendous fear and worry in those that have done wrong and a kind of smugness in those that commit charitable acts as they squirrel away good karma points.
    While this is the basic premise and it does function in such a way, there are far more elements to consider. If we imagine that every action we commit to is colour, so red is passionate actions, green is compassionate and caring, black is hate and so on. Each of these actions colours us, so the more we hate, the blacker our soul becomes and so forth, so that eventually we appear to be a record of every action we have ever taken. Now if we image that these clouds of colour hang around us and tint the world we live in, so a loving person sees the world in hues of rosey pink and and hateful being sees everything in shades of black.
    Now of course it is easy to see that the hateful person is already living his own punishment. Each action is rarely a pure colour and many times these actions become muddied (such as by smugness). But it is possible to clear away these colours through truly forgiving and reparations, which is effectively neutralising the colour with its opposite. So love cancels and reduces hatred in a very real sense.
    This model has the advantage of showing us that if you do something bad, it is not out of your hands to prevent that by neutralising it before it arrives. Of course, one must actually neutralise the right action, a murderer could not make things right by devoting money to charity..all he is doing is adding a different hue..not canceling the other out.
    So karma as I understand it is happening now..in the moment, we decide what kind of world we will see and how the future will turn out by the actions we commit in the moment..and if you don't like it..change it.
    On a personal level this card is showing me something..a choice I believe I have to make. In my last post I mentioned how with my clairvoyant sight, I find it somewhat clouded as if I was wearing a gauze over my eyes. Of course in this card, Justice has no such blindfold, even though her human counterpart does and it is ironic that it is a point to be discussed now. It has become apparent to me that playing so many video games is impairing the further growth of my abilities, as well as being a considerable time sink when I could be doing something a great deal more constructive. This has left me feeling like I have to make a choice which route I can follow. I do love playing video games, but I lose track of the time and basically fall into a trance in which the outside world becomes less relevant. Coming out of that fugue makes me feel like I have lost or wasted time..now this could be a throwback to my childhood where playing games was seen as something negative and I was often restricted as a form of punishment for bad behaviour. I don't wish for it to become some form of self flagellation or abnegation.
   But I feel I could be a great deal more productive if I didn't get stuck in it so often. I don't think there is anything inherently wrong with games and gaming, in fact I think they are a great deal healthier than TV and good for developing imagination and remaining connected to child-like states of wonder.
   In the end the choice is up to me, I can attempt to reach my full potential without the games and live more in the world and in the moment.
   Or I can continue to play games and live at a lower level than I know I am capable of.
    The card is saying I can choose my path or my poison, neither is wrong, but I will get exactly what will come from each choice and must not close my eyes to the repercussions. For me there is no middle ground in this, I barely have enough will power to resist it, so I must make a clean cut either way. There is no one else to blame for my actions in this but myself.