Radio talk on Reiki

     I got chance to do a small segment on talk radio about Reiki with a friend of mine Nick Sucik. He asked me a couple of questions and you can hear me discuss them if you follow this link
    If you want to skip straight to my segment it can be found at 25:45.

Dealing with Psychic Vampires Part 2

 In the last posting I discussed my first experience with a psychic vampire. You can find it here.

   After that encounter I didn't run into anything similar for a long while. Recently however I have run into another situation and I was unprepared for it the first time I encountered her. Before I get into the situation I would like to discuss psychic self defense a little as this played a continuing role. 

   Psychic Defense is creating a shield of energy around yourself to ward off unwanted intrusions or attacks on a psychic level. By imagining yourself shielded in a bubble of light or other configuration, it provides an element of protection. This is a very simplistic description and I will write in greater detail shortly on this subject. It may sound like a fantastical concept, but it does help significantly in repelling unwanted energies.

    The shielding I had been using had been relatively unsophisticated. I found that simply pouring out a level of healing was enough to discourage people who don't want to grow and attract and help those that do. This didn't cause harm to anyone and provided help to those in need. Unfortunately I hadn't considered how this might attract vampiric types who look to feed on subtler levels of energy.
   Like the previous vampire I discovered that this one whom I will call L also took to hooking in at the heart level. I got to see her doing it both to myself and to a close colleague, by closing in then simply going for a reassuring back rub. When it happened I immediately felt it happen, but was too preoccupied in a separate conversation to do anything about it. Once I had extricated myself from the situation and gone home I took the time to clear my field and take a look at what she had put in. It was as though she had hooked into my heart centre and the "hook" would supply her with a small amount of my energy every time I opened my heart. I was able to clear it out with incense and meditation (although I found using a chunk of Pyrite removed it almost instantaneously). She had also placed similar hooks in some of my personal items, which also had to be cleared out.
   This instance taught me that my shielding was particularly useless against this type of intrusion. Like most shields, some experimentation is best to figure out how one can adapt it to different circumstances. I fully did not expect to encounter L again, but I did think it was due time to change my protection up.
   During a workshop I was doing later in the week we ended up doing a meditation for shielding and I found that my ideas on how to modify it came together. I had toyed with the idea of having a thorny shell on the exterior, but I decided that this would not be good for people I wanted to be close to. In the end during the meditation, my shield altered to still incorporate the previous healing sphere along with thorns that would emerge if my energy system was under threat.
   It turned out that I did run into L a few weeks later under different circumstances and I felt my defenses go up. She refused to make eye contact or engage with me, even though I was prepared to have some stern words if she got into my space again. While I wasn't affected in this instance, another person had been and I ended up removing similar hooks from her and several items.
   What was surprising to me was that many people were unable or unwilling to see this side of L. Another clairvoyant friend of mine confirmed what I had perceived and later that even I got some serious confirmation from L herself (even if she didn't fully recognise it herself). It was as though people either did not expect such a thing to happen or exist and they let it fly under their radar, or that they did not want to seem judgmental.
   The confirmation came later in the evening as a group of us sat together to discuss some of the more unusual events in our life. We moved onto the topic of other worldly beings, or supernatural encounters and L stepped forward. She claimed that one evening she had stepped out of her house to be confronted by a bright humanoid light (somewhat like an angel as she described it) that shot an electrical bolt into her heart where it burned a mark onto her skin. She explained it as feeling like she was being tazered. After this event her eyes turned the colour of blood for a week and she has not slept since. Several people commenting on how it must have been a "healing" event...which I guess in the very broadest sense it was. Although I think if I was blasted by a bolt of light from an angelic being which burned a mark onto my skin, I would be seriously considering my life up until that point.
    Still, I guess I am still far from the point of suggesting to her that she might be a vampire and so I can't really point any fingers. What I can do though is continue to shield myself and watch out for those close to me to make sure they aren't being drained by this or any other psychic energy sucker!
    As for further speculation on what to do when confronted with this type of person I do have several suggestions. If possible shield yourself by calming yourself and imagining a white ball of light around yourself and loved ones. Stay away from such individuals and try not to let them touch you or get into your personal space. They may also attempt to draw you in with their stories or illnesses and remaining neutral is your best bet. At a pinch, folding your arms over your heart and solar plexus will provide a natural barrier to the areas they tend to hook in ( although this doesn't protect your back). Eventually they will cease to bother you if there is no way for them to feed on you.
    From my small experience they seem to be drawn to more passive giving sorts, usually those with large hearts who are unlikely to confront them. If possible they will seek out more refined energies rather than baser energies. Their energy fields are usually so compromised that they need to draw energy constantly to maintain their own well-being and are often unhealthy themselves unless they can draw large quantities.
  Looking at the mythology of vampirism there seems to be several interesting parallels, some of which I discussed in the last segment. Garlic is useful for cleaning the blood, which I doubt would have any real effect on a psychic vampire. Running water also has proven to be a useful barrier on a few occasions against incorporeal beings (not sure why)..but that is another story...and not much help in this case (they would just find a bridge). Obviously plunging a stake into a person's heart is to be avoided, there are lots of legal ramifications and it would be a terrible way to find it doesn't work.
    In the case of night attacks, it is possible to shrug these attacks off (having done it myself once (another story)) but it requires some level of mastery of your energy body (your physical one is usually paralysed). If you feel you might come under this kind of attack, use the shielding exercises I outlined above. Or if you find yourself victim to one and have the presence of mind, you can call upon Jesus, God, angels or any other goodly being whom you feel an affinity to (the spirit of science or mathematics will not work...trust me).

   

  

II - The High Priestess.

 The High Priestess is a powerful feminine force, she stands at the forefront of the Major Arcana and also as a high point on the Tree of Life within the Kabbalah esoteric school of thought.
    I feel she is the mystical consort of the Magician, although her aspect can be reflected in the Hierophant (Exoteric rather than esoteric knowledge) and the Hermit (a male correspondence to inner knowledge).
   Like all the Major Arcana it is rich in symbolism and allegory. She sits between the twin pillars of Boaz and Joachim, which where foundational supports for the temple of Solomon. Which can also be understood to represent the twin paths of mercy and severity, again upon the tree of life.
    She sits dressed in pale blue, the colour of communication, representing a connection to the throat chakra and the ability to hear the inner voice and its wisdom. Upon her head she wears a triple moon headdress, symbolising the three moon phases and linking her to many triple form goddess deities (Hathor and The Morrigan being prime examples). At her feet lies a crescent moon, similar to the depictions of Mary, but in reality speaking of more ancient traditions.
     In her hands can be seen a scroll with the inscription "Tora" upon it. This is somewhat similar to the letters on the Wheel of Fortune card and links us to the Tarot, Rota and Torah. The scroll represents the knowledge that lies in her hands and is partial concealed from casual observance.
    Even more striking and not readily apparent from a cursory examination is the that veil behind her actually hides an entire landscape complete with a sea and landmass. This veil is decorated with pomegranates an ancient and multifaceted symbol which relates to the underworld, or land of the dead. Therefore one would not go far wrong to assume that this veil hides the great undiscovered country that lies behind the veil of death, of which she is a guardian. The story of Persephone and her journey into the underworld, only to become trapped there by Hades for consuming a few pomegranate seeds is the connection we can see here.
    The High Priestess is the Guardian at the Gate for esoteric inner knowledge, for passage to the land of the dead and to the energies of the feminine, yin energies of Water and Earth.
    On a more superficial level she represents the stillness before action to contemplate and get in touch with your inner feminine knowing (whether you are woman or man). She is the oracle, the priestess and the seer. The wise woman and gentle feminine knowing. Her power is not as overt as the Magician, yet you ignore her advice at your own peril.
     I drew this card in the midst of my own individual process. In the last weekend I attended a Shamanic Workshop for advanced healing practices and during the many journeys I embarked upon a common theme emerged. It was of facing my own death through being devoured by an aquatic creature (a shark to be specific). Journey after journey took me to face this, even when we took a break for the night I had a dream of being on a sinking truck under which a shark swam waiting for me to be unable to escape. Finally on the last day I let myself be eaten. This didn't bring any immediate epiphany, it seldom works that quickly. But, I did feel as though a new boundary had been crossed.
     Later in the week it came home to me. I have only included a few of the many symbols and synchronicities that occurred through the workshop and the time preceding and following the journeys. There have been several themes involved, the main ones being death and female energy. In a book I have been reading called the Magus of Java the author discusses the energies of yin and yang as being oppositional forces that truly tangibly exist, rather than only being the philosophical mental constructs that people consider them to be. He posits that yin energy is the energy of the Earth and of Spirits and that Yang energy is solar energy that exists in all living beings. Yang is hot and is the energy I feel I primarily work with in healing sessions, the masculine energy of life and light.  The energies are not complementary as many would believe and they have an antagonistic relationship to each other. Yin energy is cold and is what one sense when spirits are present. The greater the quantity of yin present (either in the individual or in the being), the greater the ability to perceive these beings.
    My journeys and dreams spoke of the fear of yin energy, of the male Yang energy being consumed by opposing energy. It is the Jungian archetypal fear of the all consuming terrible mother, the castration fear in its purest form. Most men on the road to self awareness are willing and able to be in touch with their female energies, but how many are unafraid of being completely overcome with this energy? I don't doubt that it exists in women too to an equal degree for its masculine counterpart. The fear of death, of annihilation in the void of the female is a primal fear (at least for men).
     I had gone into the store where I work and sat talking with the ladies that run the store and told them of what I was going through and discussed the nature of being absorbed into the pure consciousness of the opposite energy (yin in my case). As we spoke I could feel the fear rise, the fear of losing my masculinity by getting too close to the female energy. Betty suggested a visualisation in which I imagined my body being transformed to that of the female form as a grid moved from my feet up to my head. After it was complete I could feel cold energy running up my spine and my hands begun to shake. The process lasted a good few hours and at one point my teeth were even chattering. A few days later there is still movements of the energy and I do not yet feel it is entirely complete, but I understand that the yin energy is necessary for completeness.
    The Yin or female energy is what allows us to part the curtain to the land of the dead and of spirits, it is the energy of the High Priestess, she is the psychopomp who takes us into that undiscovered country.

Getting out of the way of yourself.

  Too often we are in our own way. Many times we are too much in our own heads and can't let go of the control our egos like to exhibit. I learned something valuable today and it surprisingly came from my own mouth. It began with advice about doing a tarot reading, but has expanded into something greater.
   When one goes for, or gives a tarot reading posing the question is one of the oft most overlooked piece of the encounter. Yet the question is the crux of the answer and we forget that at our own peril.
   I was talking with a colleague today about setting up the question for a reading. How the question is phrased is of the utmost importance. I liken it to programming a computer...any mistake is because of human error. People have a tendency to limit their options for an answer to a simple yes/no or and either/or, but the answer may need to be much more far reaching. Limited views, preconceived notions of what is possible or leading questions can all lead the question astray before you even begin. Spirit will do its best to get the to heart of the matter, but a badly worded question can provide a significant block to interpreting what the cards are saying.
    Badly worded questions are limited and closed, not allowing spirit to answer in its fullness. Asking an either or question limits you to two possibilities, when there may be a third you are not even aware of. Yes or no questions can be just as bad.
      This is not limited to reading tarot cards, but any interaction with spirit that is limited by our vocabulary. Words have a structure of their own, often with narrow meanings compared to the energy that motivates the question. They can be wonderful tools if crafted well, but often they fall far short.
     I sat down this evening to pose a question to my own deck. The question broadly was to be, how to return the magic to my life. Don't get me wrong, I like my life currently, but it is not magical and it has been before. I set out several decks and took a moment to prepare myself before doing the reading.
   As I prepared, I focused inwards and relaxed allowing the question to coalesce into being. Sometimes as I do this the answers come before I have drawn the cards. In this instance I realised that I should pose my question as a prayer rather than a reading. What started to form was "How can I best bring magic back into my life" , which changed to "Help me bring magic back into my life". As I focused on this prayer one thing immediately stood out....me.
     I was asking spirit to help me bring back the magic, rather than getting out of the way and asking them to do it. I realised it might not be within my finite ability to bring this effect into being. Even with spirit's help, I might not be able to pull off what I was asking for. It is like asking for spirit to give me the strength to get over an obstacle, rather than having spirit remove the obstacle or provide a way to bypass it. My own limitations as a finite being stand in the way of every request in which I ask for help for me to do something.
    I do not need to be the one that overcomes the obstacle, that is what my ego would like, but not really what I want. There are instances where it is relevant to me to do something with spirit's help, but this is not one of them.
    There is a fine line here that I tread with this, between what I believe is possible for myself and what is possible for spirit to achieve above, beyond and for me. It reminds me of exercise we did in the Celtic workshop in which we do a healing, but the guides do all the work and we watch. For me it was difficult to step aside and let spirit work through me even though the end result might be more effective. There is a part of me that wants to be responsible for the healing directly. It wants the gratification, it wants to believe that it is the source of the healing. But it isn't. It is spirit. It has worked through me, but how much better might it work if the me got out of the way?
   Instead of asking spirit to help me, I asked for spirit to return the magic to my life. It involves a faith and a trust and not so much meddling on my behalf. I get to witness the magic occur through the act of faith and in the end, what is the difference? It feels more like commanding than pleading and that can only be a positive step. Spirit doesn't have a problem saying no.
 
   
     
     

XXI - The World

  The World card stands at the end of the Major Arcana, signifying great completion...a conjunction of all the elements in success.
    Where the Fool began his journey with the Magician he finishes it with the cosmic dancer in the World card. The laurel wreath, a symbol of victory is written large here forming a circle, a zero which draws one back to the start. Like all great cycles the end is only a prelude to a beginning. In this case, it is not a cycling back to the start but a step up to a new plateau.
    This card has a great deal of power behind it. The four elements are represented in the corners by their astrological fixed signs. A bull for Taurus, a human for Aquarius, an eagle for Scorpio and the Lion for Leo. These elements balance each other and form a unity.
      This card is completion, the end of a cycle, the great victory. It is preparing one for the next phase.
     When I received this card late last night I was not sure how I was going to write about it. Things did not feel very complete at all, in fact there was a lot of loose ends. What this day did do was string together a great deal of synchroncities together and end certain cycles.
    I started the day going and volunteering at the Medical centre and working on a colleague of mine who has been having treatments for her cancer. It was good for me to get out and do something positive, especially in helping someone else. During the treatment I felt a surge of new energy entering my Reiki. For possibly the first time Earth energy was beginning to enter into my healing. This energy is not the bright red of the base chakra, but an earthy brown. For me it is the integration and balance of the energies that I have been looking for. All four elements are now present in my healing and I look forward to working with this new element!
       The previous night I had done a reading for myself regarding what I should do to promote my business better. In it I was led to realise that I need to offer a free treatment to the two ladies who run the centre I operate out of. So I stopped by the store to let them know. When I arrived I got talking about my experiences in journeying that had occurred over the weekend. It just so happened that the girl I had done the journey for came in through the door as I was finishing the story. I let her know I had a message for her about the journey and she told me the information I had to pass on had already been told to her earlier in the day by another! Apparently it was only the second time she has visited the store, so it was quite unusual for me to run into her. I was about the leave the store when a lady walked in and asked if I was available to give a treatment, so I ended up staying to do a second treatment. Strangely this treatment was on the same chakra as the earlier treatment and the journey! I was also able to give clarification on an issue that was also troubling one of the ladies who run the store.
       I finally left the store to run into another friend of mine who was walking past the corner as I left. We walked together for a few blocks, before we parted ways and I ran into another friend not two blocks later. I got home at last to find out that Zoe had managed to get a cheque she was looking for, bringing relief to a financial issue we were facing. I had to go back for a meeting at the store later in the evening and as I was leaving, I ran into the same friend again in exactly the same spot, but several hours later!
       It seems that this card is showing me its powerful influence for completing cycles. I was not expecting anything of the sort today and I have only noted the most major of the synchronicities that I encountered. The addition of the fourth element to my healing practise is the final balancing factor. For me it means the end of a huge cycle in trying to bring in that element into my life and my healing work.
       In the card, the centre piece is the woman dancing. She holds two wands in her hands like batons which symbolise the connection between heaven and earth, but doubled. A purple sash swirls around her, purple being the colour of royalty and higher spirituality. She is otherwise naked, but unashamedly so. She is celebrating her freedom, balance and the successful completion of the journey. She is moving through the portal of the wreath, into another energy...a higher frequency. All the trials and tribulations find fruition in this card and we become ready to move forward to a new dimension in our lives.
     The World card is seen as the most powerful of the Major Arcana in its power to bestow real change to a sitaution. It has the four elements/directions and upper and lower symbolised by the wands. It means growth and change on ALL levels...spiritual, material, emotional and mental. They have reached their apex of power as evidenced by the fixed signs.
       I am hoping that this new influx of Earth energy spells the end of this particular cycle and the beginning of a new episode for me. Certainly as we all head into 2012 there are going to be some surprises for us!
 

Cutting attachments

  We often hear about cutting ties and attachments and it is done with alarming regularity within our culture. Certainly within the healing community the practice of cutting away negative attachments is very popular. Is this really necessary all the time? In some cases is it even possible?
   Before we get into the nitty-gritty of cord cutting, I want to explain what these cords actually are. When we meet with another individual we often connect to that person and this happens on more than a metaphorical level. When we connect with another individual, be it social, romantically or through our work we create a bond that stretches from one person to another. These invisible filaments of light go from our chakras to theirs, the chakra that connects determines in which area of our life we feel connected.
    Ideally lovers connect primarily through the heart, but we can also make intellectual and emotional connections just as easily. People we feel strongly connected to are often attached at more than one chakra and those we feel little connection to may only have a single attachment if any. Through these cords we pass energy to one another which dictates the type of relationship that occurs.
      The cords themselves have as much variety as the energy fields, some are like fluid light, others are as thick and pliable as old rope. At best they are a beautiful way to communicate our energies with other beings, free of restriction and like a profound network of light. At worst they can feel like toxic hoses that drain you of your energy or pump you full of poison. Mostly they are a combination of both.
     When lovers or friends part amiably, the cords naturally detach over a period of time so that new connections can be made. If they part on bad terms, it can feel as if something has literally been wrenched out of you..this is especially painful when it occurs in the heart and often takes a good chunk of your energy to boot. This wrenching can cause all types of problems if it doesn't heal well and many times people's heart have the old remnants of attachments still embedded where they have been unable to let go fully.
    The way in which we attach and detach cords is a function of how we have learned to do so in the past, which of course leaves the door open for a lot of less than ideal situations. Some people, in order to maintain their own "power" will tear their cords out when they leave (fearing the same might happen to them), leaving a trail of damaged individuals in their wake claiming it is their own fault for not being able to handle the situation. Others will not have the strength to be so brutal and maintain toxic connections long past their sell by date.  Some will refuse to connect because they understand their own destructiveness and try and "protect" the other while covertly sapping the energy of those who try and connect. There are those who will try and connect with everyone and you can feel their tentacles searching for a purchase.
     As you can imagine, families are often the worst case scenarios for bad connections. We are born connected...quite literally! From there we build our understandings of how and when to connect and what types of connections to maintain and which to get rid of.
     This process is a mostly unconscious one and so at some time or another we are all guilty of one or more of these types of behaviour. It is not a case of berating ourselves or others for doing so, but uncovering the reasons why it occurs within ourselves and cultivating more conscious relationships.
      But what about the toxic cords? How is one to deal with these once they are discovered. A great deal of sources will say that it is best to simply cut all toxic connections and walk away and in some cases this really is the best way to deal with a negative attachment. But quite often I will see that a cord does not want to be cut, it literally will reform the moment it is sliced. From this I can see that there are deeper issues that need to be considered, or lessons to be learned.
     There are also other ideas to consider. How many times do we hear the phrase "We are all connected"? Quite a few times I'll wager, especially if you have devoted any time to self development or spirituality. I wonder how we can all be connected if people are constantly trying to cut themselves off from those parts of the universe that they don't want to be associated with. So, do we simply cut ourselves off from everyone who doesn't agree with our world view or our ideas of positivity? Then there is karmic considerations and please don't think that means you HAVE to stay connected to someone who is really not right for you! With Karmic considerations there are certain individuals that you have made agreements to work with through multiple lives and simply cutting the cord and walking away means you are abandoning that agreement. There is no inherent good or bad choice, but there are always consequences for our actions. Abandoning a friend in need because we are sick of their negativity is a lost opportunity for healing.
     Of course there are times when the cord reforms simply because a part of you is not ready to let go, be it some damaged part or your higher self with an eagle eye view of the situation.
     The best course of action is to put a truly heart felt request out to your inner self to resolve the situation or attachment.  If you don't feel this is working, or you can't feel that then there are other methods I would recommend before the fateful cutting of a cord.
    Communicating the issues is always the first port of call and it is amazing how often we bypass this, authentically speaking our feelings in a non-judgmental way can work wonders. With communicating we both have to honour our truth, but we also have to bear in mind the awareness level of the recipient or what they may have difficulty hearing. Anyone will have a hard time hearing that they sap someones energy and only the most conscious individuals will be able to hear that and do something about it without freaking out. Let them know how their actions impact you and what could be done to improve things so that you are both happy and feel nourished.
    Some people of course will still refuse to hear it and place the responsibility back upon you. There is a school of thought that espouses the idea that we are all responsible for our feelings, while this is well intentioned and speaks to the highly evolved beings we wish to become, there are certain energetic realities to contend with before we reach that point.  Each persons actions affect those around them and there is a level of responsibility for those actions. As an example, jumping into a no diving swimming pool causes a wave to spread from your point of impact. You would not say that a splashed person was responsible for the wave soaking them and while a small part of them bears a fragment of responsibility for their presence on earth and in that pool, it is trifling compared to the person doing the splashing. This splashing can occur on an emotional level and setting a boundary for how much you wish to be splashed is perfectly acceptable, just let the person know that their continued action may have you leaving the "pool".
     Another is a little more complex but is an ideal solution if it can be implemented. Toxic attachments require two points of connection, one within your energy field and one within theirs. If you raise the vibration of your point of entry and the cord, this forces the other to do the same to maintain the connection or it drops away no longer having a point of purchase. In laymans terms what you need to do is find out how and why it is affecting you in such a way and work on increasing your awareness about the issue. When the issue no longer affects you, they will not be able to attach to it.They will either evolve with it, or they will find another outlet that is not so difficult to reach (which may or may not be in you).
      This is the optimal approach as it encourages healing, fosters understanding and connection and serves as an unparalleled opportunity for personal growth.  Just remember that you need to set workable boundaries in order for this to function.
       Cutting the cord is always an option of course, but don't be surprised if another situation just like the last crops up again...

The Necessity of Negativity.

   Negativity gets a lot of bad press. There is always someone going on about how bad it is for you.
    I honestly think this needs to stop. At first this may seem like a bad idea...but read on and you may just change your mind...
  Most of us have enough trouble feeling emotions without someone telling you there are certain ones we shouldn't feel.
   The idea that your body produces emotions that are bad for you is rather silly and quite a regressive idea. I too have fallen into this trap over and over again, this is especially true if you decided that you are someone who has decided that goodness is your chosen route.
     We have been told that such emotions as jealousy, anger, hatred, pity, sadness and disgust are all to be avoided as much as possible. Most of the religions are pretty much behind this message, polarising people one way or another. Buddhism for example is quite happy to tell us that ignorance, anger and lust are totally off limits, while suffering is a-okay. Christianity is alright with self-flagellating martydom, sacrifice and poverty, but you can't feel pride, envy or any form of desire relating to something that is not "yours". We get these mixed messages all the time. I picked some of the major religions there, but it is just as endemic in the new age philosophy in which hatred is giving a thorough drubbing along with fear.
    These are totally natural emotions to feel! All of them! There will definitely be periods in your life where you  have to feel them or risk dangerously suppressing them in order to remain OK with which ever philosophy you have chosen for yourself or the way in which you are living your life.
   All these emotions are giving us vital signals about things that are wrong with the way we are living. You feel jealousy that your lover is lusting after another..great! It means that you are getting a signal that things are not going the right way. You feel hatred your boss has fired a great co-worker? Wonderful!..now you can see that there is something up. You feel sad that you are single? Spot on! It is showing you that there are parts of a relationship that make you feel good.
     Now don't take what I have said the wrong way,  what the real message is, is that you should not let these feelings dictate your actions. Feeling hatred for your boss's callousness is all well and good and allows the emotion to pass through you, but throwing him/her out of the window is no good for any one, because face it, they will just hire another.
    What is really important is allowing yourself to really feel these negative emotions, let them up...let them out of whichever part of you that you have been squirreling them away in. Let the anger or the sadness rise up. Yes, you may feel bad for a while, but it is going to leave eventually once it has all come up. Once this is done then you will feel much better and maybe when it is all gone you can see what the real reason is that caused it in the first place. If this is a particularly powerful emotion, you may want to seek professional help in releasing it or finding a safe place to do so.
     This squirreling away of negative emotions is what causes those raw wounds that never heal, because you are not allowing the puss and foulness to leave your body so it is constantly fighting it. Another scratch in the same area and you feel it all over again! This is why we armour ourselves in the places we have been hurt so much. But if you let it out..then you won't need the armour!
    This has been a process for me and I am still learning to be okay with negative emotions surfacing. I let myself be angry for almost a whole year...that was pretty good for me. I now have my fire back. I had to warn people away of course, so I did no un-necessary burning. I recently let myself be okay with self -loathing..so now it doesn't have to slink around like a bad dog and try and avoid my gaze and in return it gave me back my motivation. Today self-pity meekly raised it's hand to be noticed. I don't know what gift it will give to me once I am cool with it, but I am looking forward to my new relationship with it. Maybe tomorrow disgust will wave a slimy tentacle and we can be friends too...
 

Prying open the third eye

 Last night I had a dream that was pretty disturbing, but I think it relates to the opening of my third eye, or at least the difficulties I have been facing in doing so.
  The third eye is actually one of the chakras located over the brow, the opening of which permits one to see clairvoyantly and to be subject to visions and visual insights. It is also known as the Ajna chakra in the Hindu systems of thought.
  The third eye can be momentarily opened through the use of hallucinogenic drugs such as peyote or DMT. I believe these drugs just give a chemical jump start to the pineal gland and have no lasting affect. They can open one up to the possibility although this is heavily negated by the fact that it was chemically induced and this makes people doubt its veracity, believing it was the drugs and not them even though it is merely activating chemicals already present in the body. I would not recommend such a course as it typically will bring up all the debris that is preventing it opening in the first place...usually resulting in a "bad trip".  Much better to clean the area out and have it open naturally.
     The Ajna chakra laying towards the top of the energy system is one of the later chakras to open on the path to individuation and that is why there is so few people who have active third eyes, literally the number of individuals reaching this stage of personal development is so small. It does function to some degree in most people, especially those with active imaginations although it is usually limited in its function by other belief structures overlaying this which naturally filter out anything which the person would deem abnormal.
     I will go into great depth about the form and function of each of the chakras in time, but for now I am going to take a look at the dream that initiated all this.
     Dreams are a great way to make progress, they are totally individual and suited to the recipient, although most people remain unaware of the meaning of dreams and it took me many years to begin to understand the language of dreams. I would strongly recommend it to anyone with an interest in personal or spiritual growth.
    Dreams speak to us in ways that paradoxically are so simple we fail to understand them. We often don't look at things in such a simplistic or instinctual fashion and therefore miss the point as we logically try and understand them. Dreams speak in symbols and in feeling, through both personal and archetypal imagery, often both at the same time. An image can be worth a thousand words and a symbol is worth much more than an image. Think of all the associations one has with just the image of something so simple as a dog. For many people this could bring up a personal wealth of feelings, sometimes good and sometimes bad depending on our past experiences. It also speaks to us on a primal level, we understand that it is a creature that doesn't have the same higher cognitive functions as us, that it is closer to the ground, that it is a symbol of loyalty and domestication. So when we dream we often don't even consider these levels or ideas and so can miss what should be an obvious meaning.
     In the dream I had, I was viewing a box car on a tram or a train. I was floating somewhere in the third person perspective (which suggests I don't feel particularly connected to any of the participants). There were two soldiers at the end of the car and one of them was trapped under some boxes. He was dark skinned and had a shaved head. He looked like one of the faceless evil minions I saw in a movie last night..that is bland and unremarkable. There was a third person... a shooter whom I could not see, but was closer to my viewpoint. He was firing a machine gun at the two soldiers and hit the soldier trapped under the boxes. He kept spraying the soldier with bullets and shot a line of bullets across his brow. I felt my own squeamishness in the dream and as if in response the scene became larger and more powerful. The shooter kept firing bullets into the face of the dying soldier, so much so that bullets actually started to leak from him. At this point the solider transformed in a demonic being, as if the extreme violence had created a new monster.The dream moved on at this point, to other incidental scenes.
     When I awoke I naturally did not want to confront this imagery, but I have learned that the most repulsive elements are usually the most important. Looking through my dream book ( I shall provide a link to it below..it really is a great book and would thoroughly recommend it!) I started to tease apart the meanings in each of the symbols.
    The trapped soldier is a helpless, although not blameless individual (what soldier does not carry some darkness in him). He represents an every-man to me, but someone who is defenseless against the unremitting barrage that is sent his way. That his brow is the first target suggests a connection to the third eye, given my intense introspection on the matter. He is also shot in the mouth which is relevant to later analysis. His transformation is suggestive of a darker element to this situation and a somewhat revelatory idea that his death creates a monster. That is demon is birthed through the violence and anger of the situation.
     It became apparent that the bullets were missiles cast at a helpless being who was deemed somewhat guilty of an unknown crime, therefore a worthy candidate for his punishment. What it reminds me of is an attitude I had hoped to leave behind. In the UK where I was raised it is popular to "shoot someone down" as a form of humour. If you can make the person look bad, then you yourself become elevated at their expense and if you can make everyone laugh at the same time all the better. This has been perfected to an art form in the UK and everyone is fair game, even yourself providing you can make sure that it is more humorous than damaging. There are entire TV shows based on this premise. I grew up in such and environment and naturally learned to develop this form of humour both as a defence mechanism and as a social prop.
    When I first arrived in the US on my travels I was immediately struck by something. That this cutting form of humour was not really present and many times it simply went over the heads of the recipients. My first rather uncharitable thought was that the people were not sophisticated enough to get it (barring a few alert individuals). Given that there was no riposte or defence from them, it started to very quickly just feel cruel. It felt like lashing out at puppies.  I soon started to relax and let go of this as a social prop or as a form of humour and found that I could open up to more genuine conversations without fear of reprisals.
   What I now realise is that although I have mostly let go of this type of humour, it still lives within me. I do on rare occasion poke fun at likely individuals and even if it never leaves my mouth, such ideas still rise up within me. While it would seemed harmless to continue this gentle form of ribbing, it obviously affecting how I perceive things and the benefits of letting it go outweigh the occasional jape at the expense of some helpless individual. Sending compassion rather than scorn for a weakened individual would be a better use of my energy and a more mature and wholesome attitude. It also allows more positive energy to flow through the chakra, rather than projecting outwards which disrupts the integrity of the third eye.
      While I would love to go into more depth about how to go about opening the third eye the journey is personal to each individual and it typically involves removing our own preconceptions about how we see the world. This can mean both how we physically see and allow ourselves to see with our mind's eye. But in the interest of including more, I have information on the Chakra tab near the title bar. Opening the third eye can be helped by using exercises or consulting a professional energy healer, the latter which I would recommend if it is a serious consideration for you.
   

Getting to the core of it.

  Yesterday I encountered the ghost of poverty past and now it is time for me to get the the actual core of the issue. So far whenever the issue of money is raised, it is followed by a spectre who believes it is in my best interest to be worried, concerned and at all costs...frugal.
   Even with this limited exposure to this new awareness I am aware that he is simply protecting a core belief which would be challenged if this issue were to suddenly disappear. The core belief is what creates the necessity for a guardian, without the belief the guardian simply disappears, or more correctly is re-assigned to a more relevant duty.  Rather than protecting an outdated ideology he becomes a proponent of the new more beneficent thought model (of course until that model becomes outdated).
    So I have been digging past the spectre to uncover what moldering belief systems he is actually trying to protect. Since I am aware of his concern, I can be gentle and understanding in that this part of my psyche is only trying to protect me.
    The thought pattern he adheres to is that I don't have enough and he is happy to inform me of this whenever I get it into my head that I want to expand in certain areas, typically financial..although taking a quick look at the core suggests it is significantly more important that that alone.
    Digging down I am finding that the belief is that spiritual energy is not able to directly affect matter. This is not an uncommon belief system and I would imagine that typically this belief is actually held by the majority of the populace, those who don't agree with this usually belong to fringe elements and are typically seen as great candidates for snug white jackets. Whether they are right or not seems largely irrelevant.
   My own belief system as it stand as of writing this article is that spiritual energy can affect matter, but only in an indirect fashion. With healing, I am affecting the dormant systems of the body to heal at a greater rate through some undiscovered but still very real method. There is certainly enough evidence to go along with this and typically is only hardcore materialists who have a problem with mind affecting body. This belief has worked great for me, and it makes it easy to try and explain my actions to skeptics and materialists. I don't have to lose their possible respect and can still be a pioneer standing on the edge of discovery. I am not quite one of those madmen wandering far from the defined borders of conventional wisdom who should definitively be avoided.
   Of course, if spiritual energy did directly affect materiality then I would hardly need to be concerned with the opinion of those who were clearly uninformed. The problem with this is that I understand that one's belief system does very clearly affect the way in which one interacts with the world. The very fact that I don't believe it can affect matter directly causes that particular reality to become concrete for me, so I never have to run into that particular bugbear.
   Money has and is the biggest example of this in my life. Trying to manifest money has led to no real tangible success for me, but beneath it all I don't really believe that I can direct the flow of money into my pocket. This very fact prevents it from occurring. Sure I can believe that I can affect it indirectly..being more positive is likely to affect my outlook in a job search or in an interview therefore smoothing the turning of the cogs. A positive frame of mind is always a boon and even the most difficult of materialists would have a hard time disputing this in a balanced fashion.
   But the very fact that this has emerged as an issue suggests that the inherent belief is faulty. One can find that even the workings of quantum mechanics suggest that the observer directly affects the outcome of the experiment, even if no verifiable proof of it occurring on larger scales than the molecular level is possible (a problem with the difficulty of such an experiment as I understand). Bringing up this idea of course meets resistance and I have been in many situations where talking about these ideas creates friction and disbelief.
   So, the question remains. If the belief that spiritual energy cannot directly affect matter is faulty and while I hold onto that belief all I do is cement that system in my own psyche how do I step beyond this without just floating away on clouds of fantasy?
    This leads to an impasse that cannot be surmounted without a level of faith which would then logically furnish one with the proofs I have been seeking. So there is no progression beyond this without a leap of faith and as I understand it there is no real risk. My current system of belief has led me to the impasse and it will allow no further growth. Since I am left with either sticking with a broken system or exploring out into the hinterlands of faith in the hope that I will find the necessary puzzle piece, it seems that there really is no realistic choice but to try it out...

Motivation and Kundalini

 In the previous post Kundalini Surges I had talked about how I had been suffering from the jolting pains of a kriya in my legs and lower torso. A kriya for the uninitiated is a forcing of energy through the energy meridians which has the purpose of clearing out lower vibrational debris in one push. This is similar to a low capactity wire trying to take a higher voltage. It literally burns away the resistance or punches it out of the way. A kriya doesn't have to be painful, but sometimes pain can accompany it, especially if there is a great deal of resistance. The closest example can be when one falls asleep at night and wakes up with a jolt when consciousness returns to the body and you get the feeling you just tripped or fell, although the kriyas occur during wakefulness and often without letting up. This can in some situations be mistaken for nerve damage or sciatica if it occurs in the legs (not that these can't accompany a kriya!).

     Anyway, these kriyas have been with me for a long time and only recently did I get to a point in which I have actually been making significant progress. I found that the jolting actually originated in my sacral area and would cause my legs to jerk spasmodically if I relaxed too much. Nothing really helped, although I did find laying on my side and letting it get on with it for a few hours meant that I would fall into a deeply restful sleep afterwards. Never-the-less it didn't resolve the issue, it just meant it passed through and the tension returned as soon as it got the chance. The actual root issue was not touched and therefore no real healing would occur. Letting it do its thing did give me an acceptance of the process though, which was invaluable as I could start to look at where the root was.

     The breakthrough came a few weeks ago and although there a great number of periphery issues that tied into this(such as my creative block), there has been one major block that needed to go first. A seemingly separate problem actually also found resolution with this too. In order to fully understand the situation, this needs to be discussed. 

     I had previously found it very difficult to motivate myself. Now, this may seem like a common complaint and in many ways this is what stopped me from fully giving it the credence that it deserved. But the best way to describe this was as though every action I wanted to take, I had a resistance to. As if I had to overcome this barrier every time I wished to do something. Now, the barrier to me doing things wasn't particularly tall or hard to bypass, but it did require me to apply my willpower to do so and over the course of a day would become prohibitively costly. This gave people the impression that I was lazy or not really wanting to try hard enough..which actually could not be further from the truth. It was as though I had 100 points of willpower to assign during a day and every action regardless of how hard or easy would require an extra 10 points to begin with. This was outside of the regular cost of the task. On the upside, it has given me quite a heroic level of willpower, the sad thing was that I had to use this to achieve even a standard level of accomplishment. Any particularly difficult task might leave me exhausted and unable to act for a while afterward while I recovered. This lack of motivation only seemed to occur when it came to material or worldly tasks, mental or emotional issues seemed to not be part of this. I had been aware of this difficulty for some time now, but had been clueless as to how to actually resolve the matter. They say that being aware is half the battle, but sometimes it is just the easier half. 

     Another factor has been the financial situation I have found myself in. I had to leave my job for many different reasons and this left my wife Zoe taking the burden of keeping up with the bills and everyday costs. Even though I have been working on things that really needed working on, because of the aforementioned issue it has meant that she had been carrying more than her fair share. When I tried to do more than I could handle, then I would get burned out too and this was not a good situation for us. 

     This confluence of forces pushed me into a place I have been many times before and a place I have not particularly enjoyed. I felt powerless and unable to remove myself from the situation which I viewed as untenable and unfair. At this point I began to recognise something in myself that I didn't particularly like the look of. I regularly state that in order to move down the road of self-discovery one must have the courage to face the darker parts of oneself, but this is often harder to put into practice than simply to state.

    I started to see that I supported myself with other people, that through my own inability to stand for whatever reason I was taking advantage, albeit unknowingly of others. This had happened financially and physically  in all quarters of my life, often getting people to take up my slack with chores or tasks. It is a very ugly part of myself to face and one which I am not at all proud of. As soon as I recognised this I was hit with a terrible wave of self-loathing and disgust at my own inability. Why couldn't I get a job? Why would I let someone else take the strain for me? Why was I just so damn weak? 

     I am grateful that I have had the opportunity to practice meditation, since this allowed me to pull my awareness out of this poisonous swamp of negativity and watch it swirl past and through me. As soon as I had opened Pandora's box then this negativity was free to come out and flow into the world at any point I was even reminded of my powerlessness. I realized that it was feeding itself, simply by the sheer fact that I would feel even more disgust at my disgust and so forth. I noticed a pattern within it that it was usual for it to occur later in the evenings, just before I would attempt to sleep. This was usually when the kriyas would be worst. So in evening I would let the feelings flow through me and try not to get attached, to feel that it was the old negative karma leaving my body. That this was the swamp of my inertia was the insight that occurred to me.

      One evening a few nights after the first recognition of this and an hour or so after the feelings had moved through me. I decided to see if I could get to the root of this, I felt weighed down and heavy from all the feelings that had been moving through me and so it was easy for me to slip into a deep reverie. I asked where all this was coming from and I became aware of a triangle shape in my sacral area and memories arose. When I was still very young I recall that I had issue with wetting the bed after an age when it should no longer have been an issue. My memory was of my parents coming to take my sister and I from our beds and to the bathroom. This generally occurred late at night, often before they were going to bed and was as regular as clockwork. I recall a feeling coming up that "I can't do it" and being too young to articulate this sentiment to my parents, along with not wanting to disappoint them. This, I realised was what was re-occurring every time I was attempting to do something that had a material component! I was having to use my willpower to overcome this childhood concern, which had become so deeply embedded that I was unaware of its influence. 

     I recall I moved into Child's pose (a yoga position) and I could literally feel the knot of tension in my sacral bone. I relaxed the area and informed myself that I was an adult and did not need to hold onto this concern, that I was capable of discerning and putting forth my own needs. All of a sudden there was a rush of feeling and energy and a pop from the bones in the area. I understood my body was simply one large circuit, with thoughts or energy passing from my head to my feet. If my energy stayed within my head, or in my emotional body then there was no resistance, but if it need to pass down into materiality...into the world then it was running into the band of resistance around my pelvis.

     With this done, all of a sudden I did not have the barrier to bypass any longer. It is now simple for me to choose what I want to do and to do it... it is immensely liberating. I no longer feel I can't do it. The self loathing still occurs from time to time, but I feel I am still releasing myself from all the constraints and networks I am in, so I am gentle with myself. 

     I also realised that the time in which I suffered from the Kriyas the most was also the same time in the evenings when as I child I would have been taken to use the bathroom. My body was still reacting as a 6 or 7 year old child, waiting for permission or forcing myself when I was not ready.

    It is not an easy practice, but I am grateful for the process. There are times when waves of self-loathing will hit when I see what I have asked of others because of my inability. I am still extricating myself from the deeply held patterns of dependence on others and I do my best to remain compassionate towards myself throughout.  What is most amazing is the lifting of the barrier that had defined so much of my world. On one hand it saddens me because I wonder about all the opportunities I never had the energy to pursue, the relationships that collapsed because of my unconscious lethargy and who I might have been without this restraint. Yet, it also give me hope that I might still become that person and that I will have the energy to meet those opportunities. Before it would not have been possible for me to continue a blog while exercising, keeping in touch with old friends and cultivating new options and for that I am grateful.

    

Kundalini...a description

Kundalini refers to the energy that coils at the base of the spine around the sacral bone. It can be awakened through yoga, meditation or in many different ways. When it awakens, the energy moves from the base of the spine up to the crown of the head activating and clearing the energy centres it meets along the way. This process can be as sudden and shocking as a lightning bolt, or as slow and gentle as a lover's caress. Often..as in my experience it can can vacillate between the two!  The awakening is often accompanied by uncontrollable shaking (Kriyas) and mystical insights. The Kriyas are often caused by old, stagnant and deeply embedded patterns, toxins and belief systems being released rapidly. This process can be surprising to anyone not expecting it as it can be accompanied by other stimuli such as buzzing, tingling, unusual sensations in the body and emotional releases.

Of course, every ache or pain is not to be attributed to a Kundalini awakening and I fully recommend making sure that any process is treated with care and attention. Often a kundalini experience may be behind a physical complaint, but that does not negate the fact that there is a physical complaint! 

I have gone through a variety of amazingly joyful and darkly painful experiences on my own journey into the depths of my self over the years.

I have called this blog Kundalini Surge as experiencing my own Kundalini awakening has been profoundly powerful. The information on the Kundalini experience is difficult to find and often extremely limited. Many people who end up going through one of these awakenings are often alone and without guidance and can often end up diminishing their own experience in order to fit it in with the currently limited views of society.


There is no simple way to deal with this broad issue as the experiences are as unique as the individuals who find themselves in the midst of them. I make no claim to be in receipt of all the information and all I can do is to pass on my own subjective experiences in the knowledge that it will find its way into the hearts and minds of those who may benefit from it.
 
This blog therefore is primarily a journal of my own experiences and thoughts through my own process. If I talk with certainty, it is only the certainty borne of my own (often repeated) subjective experiences.