9 of Pentacles. Financial independence and superiority.

     This card is about plenty and the freedom granted by financial independence. It has brought up a great deal of personal baggage in trying to get myself into the right frame of mind to discuss it. Sometimes entering into the mind state of the card is harder than usual, certainly if the card represents a state that is not resonant for me at this time.
     None-the-less I will discuss the card before delving into the more personal aspects. The nine is close to the end of the material cycle represented by the pentacles, we are almost at fullness within this suit. The lady in the card is enjoying all the fruits that material security and independence can buy. She is leisurely enjoying her estate in a fine robe covered in Venusian symbols. Venus being the planet of beauty it shows that her finery is of the greatest opulence. It is a golden robe, which again exemplifies the wealth this card represents. The trim on the robe, along with the hat she wears is a vivid red. Red being a colour of vibrancy, material power and vigour.
        Behind her is a golden sunset, the composition balanced by two trees either side of her. The Venusian symbolism, the finery and the balance all suggest this card has links to Libra.  To either side of her are the pentacles stacked alongside the rich bunches of grapes, suggesting she can afford to enjoy the finer things in life. The hooded hawk itself is another symbol of aristocracy, also showing her freedom to move about and return to a comfortable resting place. It's hood remains in place as it is not now the time to hunt, but to relax.
       At the foot of the card is a snail showing the leisurely and sedate pace created by the secure foundation of wealth. There is no hurry and what one has is simply to be enjoyed.
      The card itself seems simple in its analysis but it has been difficult for me to feel the energy behind it. My current financial situation does not reflect the energy of the card, if anything it reflects its opposite. For me my life does not include a material stability or the ability to take things easy and enjoy the finer aspects of living. This created a great deal of conflicted feelings as most of the cards I have drawn have had a real life situation occur that allowed me to understand the energy. Instead this card has raised frustrations and ugly feelings.
      Rather than feel stuck, I have looked at the feelings that have emerged in trying to emulate this mindset in attempt to understand why I cannot bring this energy into fruition in my life. Much as when trying to flush out a blocked pipe the first thing to emerge is the cause of the blockage and all that has caused the clogging.
     What arises in me is envy. Envy is not an emotion I am used to. Although once I look at it, I see how pervasive it has become in my own life. Being brought to my financial knees has magnified the envy I feel for all those around me in such a way that it has become an intolerable noise. Upon further examination I see that it goes even deeper into my psyche. Last night as I drifted off to sleep I asked for a dream to elucidate my situation so I could better understand how this feeling may be blocking me.
      I dreamt that I was in a department store in which several high-tech stands were set up. I was there with my younger brother, although he was much younger in the dream...little more than a young child. I was in possession of a large felt block or box which strapped onto my back by virtue of a Velcro strap. When I put the pale green box onto my back I could hover about at a height of a foot or two. It was quite a pleasurable experience and the box itself felt weightless. As I was hovering about, my brother threw a toy or figurine into a glass display case shattering the front. One of the shop workers came over and scolded me for my brother's actions and informed me that I wouldn't be able to work there because of his action. I felt non-plussed by this as I wasn't really interested in it in the first place. I was considering offering the box to my brother when the dream shifted. It then moved into another aspect about another area of my life which does not seem relevant.
      Symbolically the green represents envy and the block...well that represents a block. But, the dream suggests that I am willingly donning the block because it elevates me. I can understand how this may be. I can feel elevated by my envy, I can even feel an element of superiority (aerial superiority!). If I feel elevated then I would naturally feel envious of those who are below me from possessing what I do not. My desire is not born of a genuine desire, but from a righteousness derived from a false sense of superiority. Letting go of this envy and the superior elevated position, although less pleasurable immediately will lead to me finding my own level. It will put me in contact with the earth and ground me in reality.
      It is easy to find the source of this. Growing up I was the smallest in my year...bar the kid with a growth disorder. I was also one of the youngest, struggled with my school work and was naturally shy. My family was not wealthy so seeing others with more was a regular occurrence. My father also had a serious inferiority complex, often claiming that Italians were responsible for every single good thing in civilization and therefore by extension he was part of that legacy. I could go on, but it does not serve as there are many factors in this stew and no one thing is fully responsible.  It is natural that I would want to feel bigger, better and superior to those who surrounded me, if only to be able to compete.
      I can see that this constructed sense of superiority disconnects me from the earth and my true self. I know I possess many good qualities and this envy exists because of my childhood difficulties. It is difficult for me to feel a desire for something without going through a sense of entitlement born of an elevated sense of self. But it is not connected, it is not genuine and only serves to feed this dynamic of envy.
     The block in the dream is only connected by a strap of Velcro, yet the desire to feel elevated is strong. Finding a block that doesn't weigh me down is novel, as in my experience they often possess a weight which creates a lethargy and feelings of heaviness. Letting go of the block means letting go of a safety mechanism that has been in place for a long time and has served to keep me afloat when things should have buried me. I know now that I can rely on my own self worth and do not need to keep an aid to buoyancy with me. It is only keeping me from connecting fully with the earth.
      In the end I have to let go of this barrier to financial independence, the feeling that has kept me safe for so long. Because it no longer serves and only suffices to keep me disconnected. The elevated sense of self. It is the shadow side of the 9 of Pentacles, an elevated sense of superiority. Granted by things real or imagined.

9 of Wands. Holding the line.

 The nine of wands can tell a story. It is one of those cards that could have been pulled out of any story book scene. You see the hero before a wall of staves planted in the ground and a bandage upon his brow. He looks wearily off to the side trying to catch his breath while he rests on his staff.
    But like any scene pulled out of a book, it is missing a vital context. We place the context upon the card by the very fact that we try and ascribe meaning to a picture of situation.
    Taking the time to look at this card and using a little bit of imagination you can actually see different possibilities within. The band around his head may in fact be a sweatband rather than a bandage. The staves may actually be budding branches and not a wall to keep something in or out.
   Regardless of these minor details there themes within this card that speak of its real meaning. He has obviously completed some great task or trial, whether it is the planting of the staves, the defense of a barrier or the ascent of a mountain path. The number of staves is reaching its limit and is close to completion. Even though the task is not yet complete, the bulk of the work has been done and will be complete with one final push.
   The suit of wands is a fiery passionate story. It begins slowly like any fire and like the nature of fire encompasses battles, victory and strife. The previous cards are of movement and battle and speed and this is the card in the deck that is a little bit of a breather.
     The figure in the card wears the clothes of a labourer and with his sleeves rolled up he looks ready to work. You can see from his worried look to the side that he doesn't quite believe that his work is done. He has one final rod to plant, then his work will be complete. This is the most important rod as it covers the gap in the wall in which he has his back to. This may mean that you are unaware of the final step you need to take to fully complete the process, but it isn't far and you will soon be done.
  This card has appeared for me in several recent readings and has come up time and time again in the past. It signifies a battle that is not yet over, but one that you will ultimately win. In all likelihood it points to a situation that has occurred numerous times but in this instance you have the past experience to really move past it for good.
    For me it is the financial issue. Today Zoe also heard back from a job, so we are now both employed. We both have a few expenses we need to pay for, which for us symbolises the final push for which we are already prepared.
  Ultimately this card is a positive one as it means the closing of a chapter which has been painful and which has left you battered and bruised.

9 of Swords. Stress and suffering.

 The 9 of swords is one of the darker cards in the deck, certainly in the minor arcana. Although like with all the cards, it is not necessarily "bad". It simply is a signifier of a certain type of energy and making you aware of the energy allows you to bypass it.
   This card is one of nightmares, stress, anxiety and mental overload. The swords represent the mental plane and they are the suit that is least favourable, certainly in multiples. Both the Swords and Wands, being air and fire respectively are more suited to subtler refined amounts and tend to become heavy and damaging the more you have of them. This is in opposition to Pentacles (money, earthiness) and Cups (emotions) in which it is generally preferable to have more of.
     The scene in the card shows a person with their head in their hands, presumably after being awoken by nightmares, or being unable to sleep because of a proliferation of thoughts. We have all had those nights when you just can't get to sleep because your mind won't stop turning. This card represents that very situation.
    The patchwork blanket alternates between roses and stitched depictions of mystical and astrological symbols. This adds to the multiplicity and confusion of the scene, as though there is just too much going on.
   The 9 in the card is showing that completion is near and the swords that point to the east suggest that this is only a temporary situation and this too shall pass. Given the nature of the swords, it is entirely possible that all the suffering is being caused by fears and anxieties and that they actually have no ground in reality. Much as a nightmare, switching on the light of consciousness will show you that it is only a mirage and a gross exaggeration of a fear.
    When I received this card it spoke to me of various tensions and stresses that have been going on in my life and in the lives of those around me. Many people I know have concerns about their situation, which could rapidly spiral out of control and induce decisions based out of fear. In fact simply talking about this has raised concerns regarding a close friend of mine and I realise this card may be talking of situations going on around me, rather than within me.
      Otherwise the symbolism of the card did have a message for me. The figure in the card has his hands placed over his eyes which is a form of meditation I have been experimenting with to help with opening my brow chakra. The idea being that complete darkness would provide a better ground for visualisation than the semi-light conditions I usually meditate in. When this is not comfortable I have been experimenting with an eye-mask  The card itself related to negative thoughts and thinking and I have understood that this is what is holding me back in this area, especially those related to judging others or seeing the negative more clearly.

9 of Cups. Satisfaction.

  It seemed like the deck was giving me a little bit of a break when I was handed the 9 of Cups. The previous cards, while maybe not as intense as they can get were still quite revelatory to me.
   The nine of cups is all about pleasure and emotional and hedonistic pleasures at that. The gentleman in the card seems very pleased at the array of cups behind him on the table. The bright yellow of the card tells you it is a positive card and the blue contrasts in a pleasing way.
   My first impression when examining this card was that the cups are there, not for him, but for all those he has invited. I can imagine him proudly hosting a gathering for all his friends and being the generous host. He sits with his arms folded in satisfaction and that is the real meaning behind the card, satisfaction and pleasurable rest after hard work.
   After all the work I have done recently on my self and dealing with the great amounts of negative energy that have been pouring forth, this card suggest a time of pleasurable self indulgence.
  I spent the day at the gym working out all the kinks in my system and I have really been quite hard on myself recently. I have made a great deal of progress and as is my wont, I usually don't allow myself to rest upon completion of a task. I was going to write a blog on all the issues that were still pending, but instead found myself taking a hot shower, reading some light hearted websites and deciding that this card was not to be put off. I am glad I did so, as I was feeling a little burned out from the intense introspection. There is also a stack of books I should be reading and I do genuinely wish to read them, but I have to be aware of my own limits.
   I have done the work and now it is time to step back and enjoy myself before I apply myself once more. It has taken me a few days to actually get around to this card as I felt I had so much input from so many sources. The card also speaks of the abundance of things to come and it  is a 9 which suggests the nearing of fullness, although not just yet. After breaking through several blocks that have dogged me for years, it does feel like the future is going to be bright and the array of cups is showing me that.
    The Tarot book I am using (see my beginning post) suggests that this is the best card in the minor arcana and is called the wish card. That when you draw this card that all you desire will come to pass. I had already stated a wish before I drew this card..now all I need do is watch it come to fruition.