VII- The Chariot. Balanced forward movement.

  The Chariot is the warrior king returning home after a successful battle. He is one of the Major Arcana and I have had plenty of time over the weekend to consider this enigmatic figure. There are several powerful issues he speaks to, but we should look at the large amount of symbolism to begin with.
    The warrior-king sits in a chariot that directly faces the viewer and his strong and unwavering gaze looks directly at the viewer. He himself is adorned with battle armour that is scalloped and fluted and futher reinforced with scale mail beneath it. His pauldrons (shoulder plates) have crescent shapes on and moon like faces embossed onto them, all of which points to the roots of this card in Cancer. The shell, the scales and the moons point to their heavy armouring and connection to the seas and tidal patterns. He wears both a crown and a laurel wreath which symbolises his rulership is one based on martial victories and conquests. His battle smock and belt are covered in runes and symbols of unknown origins which to me talks of his having ranged far afield to foreign shores in his pursuit of martial victory.
     In his hand he holds a sceptre like rod with which he can direct the flow of battle from his place in the chariot. One further item of note concerning the central figure is the fact that he seems one with the stone chariot, as if he has grown out of the very stone, as if he and his vehicle are one and the same. It is almost as if he is an embodiment of the chariot that he commands. Such is his mastery over the beasts that pull the vehicle that he needs now reigns as if they are simply an extension of his will.
       The chariot itself is composed of a cube like section of stone. Looking at the card one can see a steady doubling of figures within the card, the single being commanding the chariot becomes the two beasts pulling it. There is a four sided square upon his breastplate and he sits within a cube of stone with eight sides. All this suggests a steady balance and a strong foundation for the card, which is one of balance and equilibrium.
       A chariot has but two wheels and is pulled forward by the balance between the these two, like a bicycle it only is truly balanced when it is in motion. The crest on the front of the chariot shows a spinning top, or a single spindle with a wheel on it. This again is a symbol of equilibrium through motion, similar to the way that a king who rules through conquering can only maintain his equilibrium by the constant application of movement or force and can never maintain his rule without it. The wings above the crest are connected to Zoroastrianism, that ancient religion that believed in the absolute good and evil or light and dark and their constant battle. Above the figure is a canopy covered in draped blue cloth adorned with stars, which speaks of the night and the canopy of stars which is the realm of cancer and the moon.
       In front of the chariot lay two sphinxes, fabulous beasts of Egyptian mythology, beings with the bodies of lions and the head and breasts of women. The sphinx was a guardian creature protecting great treasures with their knowledge of cryptic riddles. They would pose riddles and a correct answer would result in access to the treasure (or wisdom) and an incorrect guess would result in death. They were often gatekeepers of ancient secrets. In this image one is black and one is white, symbolising the forces of light and darkness. The charioteer in order to move forward must keep them in absolute balance lest he be pulled off course.
     Behind him is a great river and a castle wall protecting the city within. The Charioteer is the aggressive protector of the city, even though it may already be well guarded by its moat and walls.
     For me this card speaks of aggressive masculine energies and the mastery thereof. This type of energy has a terrible reputation and it is responsible for some of the worst atrocities within human history, yet when one looks at the card there is no negative element present. Learning to master these energies can be fraught with peril as they can so easily be applied to tyranny and destruction, yet they are ultimately necessary forces in our life lest we be overtaken by with their use for negativity. The same forces are necessary for the destruction of evil and ignorance within our lives and those we care about. The city behind the charioteer appears able to hold off any attacker with its moat and walls, yet while this may be so, the source of attack can never be defeated by defense alone.
    In my own life this has brought up several issues both in my present life and in memories of previous ones. When I was younger I was never particularly troubled myself by bullies, not that I wasn't occasionally picked upon but for the most part they found I was never particularly responsive. My first memory of such an event was when I was in school and there was the typical playground bully from a few years ahead. He would come up to me and my friend and chant "baby blue eyes" at us. This didn't really affect me given that I had brown eyes and explaining this to him only seemed to confuse the poor lad, but it did affect my friend and often if he was alone would be terrorized by this bully.
    I have witnessed this type of behaviour several times in my life where I am on the periphery of another being subject to a form of bullying. As I have gotten older, this has taken less physical forms but it still somewhat present.
    For many years I took up Kung Fu and would practise diligently, I was never involved in a fight myself although I have been on the edge of several but had chosen not to get involved. I have been told that I was a natural at several points, but always came to the same point that caused me to stop and leave. My father is a bully, not a physical bully but an emotional one. He takes pleasure in hurting, teasing or demeaning those he feels superior to and because of his cowardly nature often hides it behind a sense of humour. He was the kind of father that would not let his children win against him because of his own innate fear of inferiority. I have met many types of bullies who use different forms of tyranny to enslave, weaken or demean those they feel superior towards. Those who are not afraid to use the shadow side of the chariot to bolster their own weakened egos.
      I for one have never wanted to be one of these individuals and so for me I keep a lid on this aggressive type of energy as I have had very few examples of individuals who use it wisely. I have not understood how to apply this energy fully without it harming or hurting those it is applied towards. This occurred in martial arts especially as I was unsure how to fully apply my power without it possibly resulting in hurting my opponent. This meant I ended up often being a purely defensive fighter...one who in the end is totally ineffective.
    What I am realising is that without a compensatory force to counteract these acts of aggression there is no balance. For all the atrocities that occurred in WW2 without the intervention of the Allies, the situation would have become much worse. Bullies and beings who use negativity as a weapon cannot be left to use their powers in a way that harms the innocent, simply defending oneself is not enough. The shadow side needs to be compensated for and sometimes this can only be achieved through the use of force correctly aligned.
   The chariot is a symbol of that force correctly balanced. Too much force and there is a danger of falling into the shadow side, too little and you risk being overwhelmed by the shadow.
   For me this is a lesson in confronting that shadow side and compensating its course, this can only be done if I am unafraid of using all the power at my disposal to oppose tyranny and aggression in its negative capacity. Aggression itself is not negative, its is simply a masculine energy capable of either great creativity or destruction, how we use that is up to us. Both creativity and destruction are neither good nor bad and only become so when applied in a context. Tyranny can be both created and destroyed as can peace.

Queen of Cups. Pandora's box and emotions.

   When I first drew this card I felt relatively nonplussed by this card and unconnected to the figure or the symbolism of the card. After a day of introspection on the card its meaning for me became very clear and actually held the key to a problem I have struggled with for some time. Before I get into the depth of my own personal interaction I want to take you through the general meaning and symbolism of the card.
        The Queen of Cups is the embodiment of watery emotion, connected to the astrological water signs Cancer, Scorpio and Pisces. She sits upon her stone throne with a sea view, yet her gaze is fastened upon the strange chalice she bears in her hands. All the court cards in the suit of cups creep closer and closer to the water, until the King of Cups sits above it. Here the Queen sits at the waters edge, the tide lapping at her feet.
        Coloured stones lay at her feet in subdued reds, greens and blues. The throne she sits on is decorated with motifs of watery looking merfolk. The one above her head gazes upon her with an angry look on his face, the one behind her appears disinterested and the one on the side appears happy with his catch. These tiny elementals show the fickle temperament of the water signs, happy, then sad, then angry. All the water signs are at the mercy of their inner ocean, their emotions moving like the tides and never still. Even the solid looking throne is sat at the edge of the sea, ready to be submerged should the tides rise. The cliffs behind her, solid as they are, can still be eroded by the constant movement of the water.
         The Queen herself wears an ornate crown, which seems to match the even more ornate cup she holds. She wears a plain white dress with simple stitching up the side and a cloak with a water like pattern on the side. There is a level of innocence and purity about the Queen, as if she was not meant for all the harshness of the world and her clothing represents that watery nature in its pastel hues. There is a pale violet clasp at her throat which shows that there is a connection to a deeply intuitive knowing to which she is able to give voice.
      Of most interest is the expression upon her face, which appears to encapsulate sadness, disappointment, wonder and longing as she looks upon the cup. The cup itself appears of a fearsome design and what at first can be mistaken to be sharp talons, actually appear to be angels on closer inspection. This I feel represents the apparently cruelty and fickleness of the ocean and the incisive intuitive nature of the water signs (Scorpio....I am looking at you in particular) which can be either healing or damaging. The Queen ponders this golden contraption in her hand as if it may contain either the answers to all secrets or cruel horrors to be unleashed upon the world, or like Pandora's box...both.
     For me the Chalice is what draws my eye most in this card. It represents the secret, the unknown mystery of the emotionally complex woman. For all her apparent innocence, she holds in her hands a great key, that of  emotional insight. This emotional insight can be a terrible thing to unleash, or a beautiful gift and the Queen has the unenviable task of trying to figure this out before delving into her own depths and opening her feelings up to the world.
     We spent the day at a lake walking along the waters edge and finding clams, crawdad scraps and fishing lures. It seemed a good place to contemplate the Queen of Cups and it really felt as though we were walking along a beachfront, albeit a cold windy one. This strange synchronicity is just one of the many I am encountering on a daily basis as I explore the tarot and my own understandings of the cards.
      This card for me, has opened it's own Pandora's box and I wish to share some emotional events from my own past. When I look upon the card, it reminds me of my own mother, who happens to be Cancerian and prone to their very sensitive but emotional natures. Typically a Cancer is particularly driven by their emotional mood swings and becomes more overwhelmed by them than arguably any other sign. My mother embodies all the elements of this card, she is very sensitive and intuitive, kind, compassionate and loving. She is capable of feeling all emotions fully and deeply and anyone around her cannot help but feel them through her.
    When I was relatively young, my parents (both Cancerians) went through a particularly difficult financial period that lasted late into my teenage years. They did their best to shield us from seeing the worst of it and always made sure the home was a comfortable place to be and that we lacked nothing of creature comforts.
    Yet, there was one thing they could not shield me from which was their own disappointment in how things had turned out for them. The sadness and disappointment in the air was always tangible as it is around a Cancerian. For a young Leo, searching for encouragement and attention I felt living in this cloud of disappointment was very difficult for me and I internalised a great deal of it. I grew to feel that it was me they were disappointed in, for what young child can differentiate between what they feel and what their parents are feeling? For me seeing my own mother in a place of suffering that I could do nothing about gave me a deep sense of powerlessness.
   This carried across for me, for as soon as I was able I started to fulfill that disappointment myself. My grades soon dropped below average and I felt a constant disappointment to both my teachers and my parents. I can recall the disappointed looks on the faces of my teachers and parents when I arrived at parent's evenings when they would ask why I was not performing as well as someone of my intelligence was obviously capable of.
    I now realise that this sense of failure and disappointing others comes really only from my own ill-conceived  perceptions as a child. I know my parents are proud of me and spoken to me of such feelings and that what I picked up was simply their quite understandable feelings at the time. With this realisation comes a sense of liberation from this and the knowledge that I am capable and do not need to let myself or anyone else down. Not that I consciously did this, but this underlying belief is strong enough to cause problems with confidence in anyone.
   I am choosing to let go of the old belief that I am a disappointment and embrace the knowledge that I am capable and competent and that there are people in my life who are proud to know me.