7 of Wands. Standing your ground.

  The 7 of Wands is all about standing your ground and fighting on against the odds. This card has been very relevant for me and it's timing is perfect in arriving as I have been dealing with this very issue.
    The figure in the card holds staff across his body, ready to defend both himself and the piece of ground he is fighting to maintain. Below him are six staves, which appear to be threatening or menacing him. The landscape beneath him also looks like a miniature landscape, as though the figure himself is a giant.
   Standing my ground is something I have preferred to avoid, certainly when it has been against overwhelming odds or the threat of violence and harm is present. I have preferred to surrender the ground and move to a better vantage point, rather than hold one particular spot. While mobility is a great thing as many times dropping back will allow you to re-assess and find a better avenue, there are times when you must hold your ground.
   This concept emerged strongly during the Shamanic workshop I undertook this past weekend. My first journey into the state of altered awareness revolved around the concept of standing my ground. I found myself reliving several memories in which I had surrendered my position in order to keep the peace, even though I knew I was in the right. As a result I lost a piece of myself in these situations and made it easier to give it away in the future.
     In the journey I was taken back to an event in my teenage years in which a friend overstepped his bounds and I ended up having to forcefully eject him from my parent's house. His social position in my group of friends however meant that unless a compromise was reached I would remain on the fringes of my own social group. They had remained stoic and unwilling to step down on either side of the disagreement (for fear of taking sides), even though I was clearly in the right. It became a situation in which I felt I had to surrender my higher ground in order to reach a compromise and remain in good graces with my social group. This laid the road for further situations in which surrendering my moral high ground became the norm, especially if I was in the minority. In the journey I was able to find all the pieces that I had surrendered and re-attach them. In doing so it laid the groundwork for me realising something about the whole process. In the journey a guide appeared to me and informed me that "ground is never lost, it is only given".
       With this profound piece of information I was able to look upon the situation under an entirely different light. In all the situations that arose during my journey, it was I who chose to let go of my ground. I was not defeated, I simply surrendered that ground when I felt the stakes had become too high. The bar of which I measured the stakes progressively became lower and lower as the instances occurred, so as to the point in which surrendering my ground under the most trivial of difficulties became the typical response.
     In the card, the figure maintains a higher ground. He defends against threats from below himself and to compromise his position would lead to defeat and a loss of power and self. He fights not from a position of ego (as in the 5 of Swords) but from a spiritual understanding of right and wrong. He may be outnumbered and beleaguered, but his position is in alignment and he can and will triumph. He would not only be surrendering ground, but he would also be surrendering right.
     The idea of right and wrong can be a thorny one and many people will argue that there is no "right " or "wrong". This ideology can leave you in a very dangerous position, unable to defend or fight for what is right or to recognise when one is wrong. It is true that life is more than a simple black and white, that there are many different hues and tones. But we live in a relativistic world and so both extremes must necessarily exist in order to create a spectrum, otherwise it results in a simplistic world of grays. There are times when people will commit actions that are "wrong" and this can clearly be felt on an internal level. Mental justification for these wrongs in order to maintain a simplistic world view or to preserve one's own ego is wrong and must be avoided at all costs.  It whittles away one's integrity and ability to stand against injustice and evil.
      A minor detail on this card is that he wears differing footwear. On one foot, he wears a boot, on the other a shoe. This is representative of his unusual standpoint, of his unorthodox methods or ideologies. Often times this is what can spur these types of situation, defending an unorthodox perspective from the lesser ideologies that threaten it.
     The figure will vanquish his detractors, he holds the high ground and therefore the universe stands behind him regardless of the odds he faces.
     

5 of Wands. Battle and conflict

  When this card appeared as the next card for me to review I understood immediately what it was telling me about my personal life. The five figures in the card are in battle against one another, using their staves as weapons. Just the day before I had taken my old wooden practice sword out of my cupboard and was going through some practice moves. It has been many years since I used it and the idea to take up martial arts once more had been surfacing in my thoughts. So when this card appeared from my shuffling the deck, it made sense.
    The five figures on the card are all clad in differing tunics and so the idea arises of a clashing of ideas, of individual attitudes and opinions. The staves are a fiery suit, so the battle is impassioned, even if there is no malice intended. The five precedes the six (The card of victory), so one comes to the conclusion that victory is the intended outcome of the battle. Whether or not one arrives there is another matter.
    Getting to the martial arts class was a battle for me. Things have been going much better for us recently and the money has begun to flow in as a regular stream of clients has begun to arrive at my door, I presume attracted by positive reviews of my work. Of course, paying for classes, uniforms and taking the time from my newly busy schedule is a consideration that was weighing upon me. The typical fear arose that I would not have enough and it was a battle to not want to retreat and bury my head in the sand, to engage in some less "costly" endeavor. The fact that I had drawn this particular card, showed me that there may be something deeper going on, so I pushed through my fears and went.
      The class, did in fact bring up something deeper. Something I fear I have been avoiding. Something that does require my attention. Over the last few days, I have have several dreams and an encounter or two that has pushed on my boundaries, in fact pushed them down and camped directly in my living room. I don't shy particularly from conflict, or at least that is what I have believed of myself. But I have seen of late my own tactics of giving ground. It was particularly apparent in sparring with the other martial artists. Being somewhat out of shape, I am not as fast on my feet as I once was and I found myself back-peddling, giving ground and retreating.  It also happened several times with people who invaded my personal space and rather than pushing back, I gave ground. It seems I am okay when I can keep things where I want them, but if they get up close I find myself instinctively panicking. My lack of fitness and agility meant that this retreating element was brought to the fore. Previously I would have responded with equal speed and swift ripostes, but now without that speed it outlined the instinctual fear of letting someone in close for fear of being hurt. A big part of me wants to shrug this off, but it was there staring me in the face and I cannot say it was not so. Whether it goes deeper than mere intimidation and confrontation I cannot say yet.
    The card tells us that a battle is inevitable, how we deal with that fact is up to us. I have found that while I do not give up, I certainly give ground. While before I would have rather have given ground rather than hurt another, I am wondering if that is truly always the best course of action. Surely there are times when one must stand their ground, both literally and figuratively, even if it means possibly harming another. By robbing another of the consequences of their actions we harm ourselves in their place. By building the courage to stand my ground I develop the ability to help others learn from their actions and to not give up a part of myself  by the giving of ground. How this will translate into my martial arts practice and daily life is yet to be seen!

3 of Wands. Struggle and success.

   

The Three of Wands is an interesting card for many reasons. At first glance it is similar to the previous card, the Two of Wands. It has a figure surveying the land with a stave in hand. This card has a different feel to it though.

    I feel a connection to the figure in this card, his mismatched clothing suggests he has travelled far through many different lands to get to the position he is enjoying now. His patchwork cloak suggests this traveller has adopted many differing attitudes and mixed them together. The sufi's would often caper around as fools in patchwork cloaks, similar to the idea of a jester's motley. To the average man, the jester would seem a ridiculous figure garbed in bright and unfamiliar colours. His actions would seem bizarre and nonsensical, yet he would be the only figure in the court who would be able to speak candidly to the King or Queen without fear of reprisal. His role as fool would protect him from repercussions and would often allow him to be party to conversations or knowledge that others would never hear. 

     The traveller in the card though seems as though his destination is in sight. He has climbed to a pinnacle and now looks down upon the next leg of his journey. Before him spreads a golden sea with ships upon it. It is left to the observer to project their own consciousness onto the card as to what the final destination is. For some simply arriving at this point after struggle may signify success and it does, but one that is not fully complete. Complete success is found in the next card, the 4 of Wands. The success enjoyed in this card is transitory at best, it as arriving at the crown of a hill to see the real peak still laying before you. 

     For me the destination is the mountains beyond the sea. How I will get there is the question. Drawing this card has raised some interesting thoughts and feelings in me. It, coupled with recent events in my life have brought forth an interesting aspect of my own consciousness. The idea of struggle and success are relevant to me at this point in my life. I have certainly seen struggle, but it raises the question of whether it needs to be present in every situation. It seems as though I have enjoyed no short cuts in my life. But how much of that is my own doing?

    Zoe said to me that I always take the most difficult route to success and that it is not always necessary to do so. She is right in that and I am hoping this card may offer a key to change that dynamic. In order to better understand this I allowed myself to visualise myself within the card's environs. I found that naturally my expectation would be that I would not find passage on the ships to cross the sea and would end up walking around the edge of the sea to get to my destination or by bartering my labour for a space in the hold. I do understand the need for determination and tenacity, but when my own imagination makes me walk around the sea I understand that something else is going on here.

    I know that when such things have occurred in my life I have hardened my anger and frustration into resolve to push on through. I guess maybe it is the English stiff upper lip that is responsible, the part of me that responds to extreme difficulty by battening down the hatches and carrying on. History is replete with such English stoicism and while somewhat admirable I can't help but feel that that mindset may help perpetuate the problem. The reality I give it my own mind creates the problem in my external reality. 

     This hardened anger and resolve has formed a pattern that has crystallized around my hips as I have literally 'girded my loins' to push on. As a result I have deep tensions in my hip joints. I know I find it difficult to see any other solution than pushing on through the rough stuff. Anyone who has spent time in the UK knows that soldiering on is often taken as something one must do to get by on a daily basis. Shattering this paradigm is proving a little difficult as my usual way of dealing with a difficulty is actually the problem. Even the previous sentence shows how deeply held it is, that I would even view it as difficult. 

        The solution lies in learning to see an easy solution, or seeing the solution as easy. Once this is done then the difficulty in each situation will fall away and I will be able to find shortcuts and simple solutions. Believing that there is an easy solution is the first step, this will stop me "giving up" on a shortcut and resorting to the long arduous path. This will keep me conscious in the situation and prevent me from falling back into unconscious patterns which I am looking to dissolve. I have already build the "character" that hardship imbues one with and any further difficulty begins to look like laziness on my part.

8 of Wands. Movement and speed.

   The Eight of Wands has no figures in the card, which makes it somewhat unique. Usually the cards will include figures in order to create a connection with the viewer, but this card harks back to older decks which didn't always include them. Instead we are treated to the eight wands angling downwards as if they were arrows falling from the sky.
    In the majority of the cards I have tried to connect to the element of each of the cards without recourse to looking for their meaning detailed by another. In the case of this card I found it difficult to connect without looking at what others had written about this card. In most decks and in other books on the Tarot, there is some discrepancy between the supposed meaning. When I first read on the Tarot I understood this card to mean quickness, movement and fiery electric energy. I have, however read that this card can also mean blockage or hold up. I don't particularly subscribe to this element, other than it could relate to this energy not being present and thus causing a blockage.
    Since the wands in the card resemble arrows falling to earth, at least to me, I connect to the meaning of things happening quickly and use it as such in my readings. When you do this, that is what the card becomes to you. There is also an element of uncertainty as everything in the card is up in the air.
     The way I understand the energy of this card, it is similar to the sense of timelessness one gets when you are watching something moving very quickly and it appears to hang motionless for a moment. The arrows in this card have been fired into the air and are rapidly moving to their destination, but while they are in the air there is a silence and timelessness. There is a beauty in these moments, the eternal pause while moving rapidly.  The card speaks of the energy of movement, yet not frenetic movement such as in the Knight of Swords who charges madly forward.
     There is a precedent for this type of energy in my life at the moment. All my arrows are in the air and I must wait and watch them speed to their destination. The moment of action has been set in motion and the energy is carrying forward without my influence any longer. All that remains for me is to see which arrows strike their target and which miss.
      In my life I have set forward in many different projects. I have begun to pursue my art a little more actively as well as launching many different ideas into motion at my workplace. They centre is planning to create retreats for tourists to a plot of land in the painted desert and it is already in motion. Along with several other side projects that have been initiated.
      The background of the card is pastoral and suggests relaxation and calm while your ideas speed their way to their targets. The card has a certain zen aspect of being in the moment and still even in the midst of action. It reminds me somewhat of my martial arts background in which great speed is achieved without thought, that instinctual moving followed by a calm observation of the moment that follows. Any other energy is extraneous and unnecessary.
 

Queen of Wands. Occupying centre stage.

    The Queen of Wands is one of the brighter court cards. She represents the female aspect of fire in its ruler-ship position and that of water and fire. It is also difficult to ignore the Leo symbolism within this card, there are lions on the back of the throne along with a sunflower.
     The sunflower is also represented within the Sun card. The sunflower itself is seen as a symbol of happiness and joy. The open face of the sunflower follows the progress of the sun making it an extremely active plant.
   Whenever I get this card it is linked to strong and vivacious women, usually Leos. Leo women tend to be pretty straightforward and are able to keep a good amount of optimism throughout situations that would have the less fiery signs sobbing into their tissues.
   The queen in this card is clad in a bright yellow gown, which immediately stands out and this is the way that this queen would have it. She is a bright individual who stands out from the wallflowers and is not afraid to stand up front and take the spotlight. You may also notice the soft lavender cloak she wears over her yellow attire, you might not see this soft tender side immediately as the yellow can be so overpowering, but it is certainly there. Lavender is a soft spiritual colour linked to a higher form of feminine intuition which this lady has in spades.
     At her feet sits a black cat. Black cats are symbols of luck, both for ill and for good. Each country seems to have its own ideas on whether they are good or bad, or even if the cat has to be walking in a certain direction! In this instance I would say that the queen is lucky as the cat sits at her feet and is a further representation of the queen herself. She can be somewhat fickle and prone to chase the limelight.
    There is also a further aspect to this fiery queen, the ability to voice her thoughts on matters large and small. She fully believes in her ability to speak the truth of the matter, not in a logical and intellectual way like the Queen of Swords but in an inspired and impassioned way. She is intuitive, intelligent and somewhat psychic and her Leonine demeanor gives her the strength and courage to voice her feelings and insights. At best she can captivate and illuminate a room, at worst she can come off as condescending and rude. Her fiery spiritual nature connects her to greater and deeper truths than those of the trodden masses and she is not afraid to make sure everyone knows it.
      Being a Leo myself (albeit a male one!) I can connect to this card somewhat and it has caused me to examine a way of being that I have encountered in my life. Recently I have found need to stand up for myself a great deal more as an individual, to not take abuse active or passive. This has been all well and good but there is a further element that has until now escaped my attention.
     It seems that I have encountered a greater number of people who have the ability to drone on for extended periods without a break. Most of these individuals come across as somewhat harmless. But they do have the ability to bore a room or to get people to roll their eyes or glance at their watches once they begin. It is like they have an internal monologue that they feel the rest of the world needs to hear. Even their own eyes glaze over once they begin, like they have left their mouths running while their brain rummages through the meaningless thoughts and ideas they stored up in their mental filing cabinets. It just happens that one of these people is a Leo. Now I am aware of the irony of this and I may well have the same problem myself once I get going on a subject I believe I am informed about...but hopefully not to this degree.
    I do feel a little exposition is helpful in bring a point across...but there are limits. My problem with them is that they continue to speak regardless of the fact that the person(s) they are addressing have shut up shop and are waiting for the next available out.
    How does one get them to either stop or get to the point without hurting their feelings? What occurred to me was that if I do this, then how would I like to have my attention drawn to the matter? I settled on the simple line of "You're rambling" if they get out of control, or a sharper "Does this have a point?" if it has gone on for a significant length of time. Hopefully I can be aware and courageous enough to use a softer line earlier on as ideally this is how I would like to be brought back to the present. Sometimes the person does it long enough to start sapping your patience and your energy and it becomes harder and harder to make an effective escape. In these circumstances being harsher is totally justified as they can kill a conversation and occupy centre stage.
    I recognise my own absence of power in letting these situations over run me and then feeling trapped or powerless as they chunter on to the point in which they finally shut up and leave the room. It is a form of energy vampirism, just on a minor level and in many cases totally unconscious. Letting it continue is a form of cowardice in wanting to avoid possible conflict. Nobody wants to come across as a bad person and these individuals can often use it to their advantage as they are unlikely to be challenged for such a minor matter.
     This of course is the shadow side of the Queen of Wands and can be avoided with a little bit of courage and the strength to confront, after all they are just trying to help!   
   
     

Page of Wands. Free spirit.

    The Page or Princess of Wands is the young element of fire, that part that is connected with the earth.
     I always see the young page as an adventurer, a globetrotter. She is stood grasping her staff, her eyes on the sky. Behind her stand the pyramids and a desert with a blue/white sky. She wears the same tones as the Earth beneath her, which links her with the earth realm. Therefore she is grounded and sensual, the fire element combining with this means that she is never dull or lacking in excitement.
     Looking at this card, one element stands out. The wand the figure carries has a very phallic shape, it is difficult not to notice it once seen. Nothing within the cards is there by chance, each element is chosen to be evocative. Rather being a crude symbol the phallus means the active driving and creative force. Since she is a page, she represents the youngest and freest element of the wands.  There is no heaviness in this card and a feeling of positivity and humour pervades. She has somewhat of a wry smile upon her face as if she is aware of the symbolism and rather than being offended she takes it lightly.
       Her garb is covered with salamanders which are transformative elements ( I discuss them further in the King of Wands). She also wears a blue hat with a feather in it. The hat itself draws the attention as it stands in strong contrast to the rest of her clothing. Blue is the colour of communication and hats are symbols of the our mental attitudes. The hat is obvious in its incongruency, it even looks a little ludicrous. In this instance I would say that this means she is unafraid to communicate what is on her mind, if it goes against one's first impressions of her and doesn't fit with the rest of her attitude.
      The page of wands is a happy traveller, creative, active but yet grounded in reality. She looks upon this odd mixture of fire and earth with a wry sense of humour. Like a traveller she doesn't get entangled emotionally, nor does she spend time over thinking a situation. She is looking for the next thing over the horizon, or happily enjoying what is right now. If she does have a fault is that she has a tendency to overlook emotions or her intellect as getting in the way of having fun. This can come across as somewhat distant as she happily flits from one enjoyable situation to another without a care for what this means for anyone else.
       Personally for me this card has brought up some questions within myself about the connection of earth and fire. They represent to me the twin forces of passion (fire) and materiality (earth) and how they function together. Zoe and I have been working on not guilting each other over various situations in our life and it has had some interesting side effects. Last night Zoe went to bed early as she had yoga to go to and usually this would mean she would ask if I was coming along too (even if I don't have to get up early). Instead of doing this she went early and fell asleep before I arrived. This meant I had some time to myself, without being concerned that I should be also going to bed.
      It brought up some feelings that usually don't appear when I am in a relationship. Removing the guilt my life and from going to bed when Zoe does, has given the space for these feelings to emerge. It is too early to speak clearly on what they are, but I feel they are linked to deeper feelings of guilt, shame and loneliness. I recognise them from when I have been single for a long time, feelings of shame and isolation..not fully connected to anything, but rising like a horrible tide. I mention them in conjunction with this card as I have an intuitive feeling that these elements are to do with sexual energy. The sexual symbolism is strong in this card and something is stirring deep in my unconscious, the mud has been disturbed and it is not yet apparent what is lurking down there. Whatever it is doesn't seem too pleasant, but digging through the muck is what inner work is all about.
     

Knight of Wands. Fiery crusader.

   The Knight of Wands is a spiritual crusader. His energy is vibrant and passionate and suffers no lack of zeal.
   This card has appeared with great timing for me and there are synchronicities abound within the symbolism. Over the weekend I attended  an advanced Celtic healing workshop. Within the class we journeyed several times both for ourselves and for other people within the group. Journeying is going into the inner realms to achieve a certain goal, in this case it was centred around recovering pieces of ourselves or others that had become lost or trapped. These pieces can be anywhere, sometimes they are within the middle world, the world we know but displaced in time or space. The soul pieces are parts of our psyche that fragmented due to trauma or events in our lives and become stuck at that point, unable to progress or stay with us. As shaman it is our jobs to go and seek these pieces out and bring them back. They are often emotional fragments which bring memories of ways of feeling back to us we have thought lost to us.
      There were too many journeys to relate here, but there was a journey in which I was brought back a staff of fire (which related to my ability to be brutally honest and be a more active warrior in my own life). Several took place in Egyptian style settings (either in the past or fantastical realms) which also fits with the card's background.
     Two journeys however were very pertinent to the topic of this card. The first was a journey I undertook for another. In the journey I found myself travelling to the Hopi reservation and confronting a person who had taken a piece of my partner. He didn't seem apologetic and tried to laugh it off as him just finding it, but didn't stop me retrieving the piece. When I returned to wakefulness I discussed this with my partner, she was struck by my physical description of the man and his mannerisms. She had indeed met this individual and had been through recent difficulties for which she had been forced to leave abruptly to avoid making the situation for herself worse. He had been involved in black magic and mistreatment and abuse of those who worked under him. After the journey we were both a little shaky from the experience as though it had been a physical interaction.
     I was thankful for the ability to stand up for another's rights and deal with the situation in a way I was proud of. I was able to be the spiritual crusader in this instance, even if I was informed that dealing further with this individual was not my job.
     The journey she did for me brought up several elements which have taken a while for my psyche to filter and deal with. In the journey I offered someone my heart in a town square, after which I was dismissed and rejected. My heart had turned to sand and run through my fingers. When she described it to me, it was initially difficult to understand the situation as there were several events it could pertain to, although none of them really took place that close to a town square. I put it aside to examine a little later at my leisure.
    Today after some introspection I sat down to look at my card and to understand how it fit into the scheme of things. The card itself shows a figure clad in armour astride a rearing horse. He holds his staff aloft as if it were a lance. The figure faces to the left of the card, which suggests he rides into adversity (against the usual flow). The yellow tabard he wears is covered with salamanders which are symbols of transformation and fire (see the King of Wands for a further discussion of these creatures). His armour has several flame like plumes adorning it, which are indicative of his fiery nature.
   As I regarded this character I realised that it related to the journeys I had been involved in over the weekend. Usually when you pull a court card it is a suggestion that it might be wise to embody some of the traits of the card if it doesn't directly pertain to another individual. In this case it was the former. It was advocating becoming a spiritual champion.  As I thought further about this I realised that I need to become my own champion as well as one for others.
    Many spiritual schools of thought advocate against vengeance, violence or acts of retribution. Yet this card seems to suggest that very notion. He rides forth with his club raised and he is prepared to do battle with adversity rather than passively accepting it. Common ways of thinking stand very much against the idea of the crusade or the Holy war or battle. It is often seen as an oxymoron. Yet when one looks at the pictures and hears the descriptions of angels we often find them depicted as carrying flaming swords. How can we as humans say that it is unspiritual to carry a weapon when the Arch-angels themselves do? The soft sanitised versions of angels we are bombarded with these days are corrupted interpretations of a divine force. Without them there is no divine justice, no karmic retribution and no peace. We must use the tools we have, but use them only in the application of right. The young knight in the picture runs the risk of being too zealous in his approach, but his motivations are pure and so will stop him from creating any real trouble.
    In my own journey for my partner I encountered a being clad in armour wielding a spear and a shield. She informed me that having a shield alone is not enough, that one must have an active defence against those that would seek to do harm.
    Looking then at my own fragmented soul I saw that what had been lost would not return unless it could be be promised safety and recompense for its own loss. Looking deeply at my wounded elements I began to see what they were and from where they came.
      The Town square is a place where people come together from all places and for me that place is best represented by the hostel. I worked there for many years and it was the site of my greatest sadness. A friend of mine whom I had loved dearly had spurned my friendship and turned her back on me. I realised that I had lost more than just a friend, it had also spelled the end of my belief in a benevolent universe. How could someone I cared for so deeply and offered no harm turn upon me so viciously. I lost a piece of myself that day. From that day on my universe had been plunged into a darkness so filled with ennui and hopelessness that I found it difficult to find reason to go on.
     Over the years I see glimpses what was lost occasionally. It manifests as a feeling of profound happiness that disappears as abruptly as a breeze. It is a weight that keeps me tied to the earth, stops my heart from lifting in song and ensures that ennui is never far from my door. My basic nature is one of optimism, even in spite of this weight and I have no doubt I will one day find a way to lift my spirits back to that point. I understand my mistake in trusting a person who would abuse my trust in such a fashion, yet that still doesn't help.
     This card though gave me an idea. I need to find that piece myself and make sure it is protected once more. I took it upon myself to give myself that piece of justice, to rescue those pieces back. I have no way of getting that back in the real world, no telephone number to call, no address or no email. So in journeying to find those elements is the only way it will happen. I journeyed back and was able to find the pieces, to take them back. Now comes the task of re-integrating them back into myself so I can feel them once again. For this there is no manual and I must trust to my own inner sense on how to do so. I do have the spiritual warrior to protect me from further harm and that in itself is a valuable lesson.
 
 
   

2 of Wands. Elevated perspective.

  The 2 of Wands is about elevated perspective and taking in the bigger picture. I feel there are a few other cards that cover the idea of patience, such as the 7 of Pentacles. But this card has a slightly different take on the situation.
    The figure stands upon the crenelated battlements of a castle, gazing down upon the glob in his hand. Both instances suggest elevated perspectives, one of the globe and the other of the countryside spread out before the castle. Not only is his perspective elevated in terms of a viewpoint, but he is also physically above the landscape.
    This morning I woke up with a different perspective, one that is mirrored by this card. I woke up feeling somewhat elevated because of certain understandings I came to last night. After drawing the 10 of Wands as my last card, I felt able to let go of certain burdens I had been carrying. I shuffled the deck and drew again and again drew the 10 of Wands, I figured the odds were low for this occurring and took it to mean I wasn't fully finished with processing the lesson. I spent time talking it through with Zoe. I recounted a situation in which my ex had once accused me of putting her on a pedestal. It didn't make sense at the time, as I felt I treated her with the respect I would any person. It now occurred to me that I wasn't elevating her above normal, but actually treating her as a worthy being. It turns out now that she was not acting as one and that created the disparity.  I then shuffled the deck (even more fully than before) before the drawing the 10 of Wands a third time! At this point I left them for the evening and decided to sleep on it.
        Upon awakening I felt different. It is as though a shift occurred while I slept. Suddenly I felt as though I am worthy of all the things that have been lacking in my life. By listening to all the statements of doubt others had said about me I had internalised them. I realised that I wasn't less than those who tried to intimidate or take advantage of my good nature. I understood on a visceral level that those people are less for acting in such a way. I do believe all people are good and worthy, but only once they stand up and accept it. Before that they live out the roles they choose for themselves, myself included. It feels as those who sought to oppress me or plant doubt in me no longer have any power over me and all I feel is sadness for them. I had believed their lies that I was less, or worthy of doubt, that I should not trust my internal knowledge and listen to them instead.
       Like the figure in the card, it seems as though I am seeing the world anew. Not as something beyond me or out of my league. He stands in a position of confidence, knowing that the world or anything in it can be his. The two flowers on the crenelation are a lily and a rose, the symbols of purity and passion respectively. With the help of these there is nothing that cannot be encompassed with his elevated vision and materialised. Within his view are several castles which symbolise security and prosperity...in fact he is already stood upon one!
     He grips the first wand, showing that he is already in touch with his fiery nature and ready to bring forth his vision. The second wand is behind him and stands in reserve, firmly attached to the castle wall. This I feel symbolises that part of his fiery nature is tied up in materialisation already. He may not be aware of it, but it stands upright and ready, a reserve ready to be tapped. His orange robes are a strong contrast with the greenery beyond him and the uniformity of the colours speaks that he is firmly focused.
     The idea of rising above a situation is one that is well documented as being the best way to see one's way out or forward. In this case, it permits the figure to see the whole and make plans accordingly. In my case, the elevation was due to an understanding about the true nature of things, which then granted me a better perspective. I do actually feel greater as a person because of it and because I am no longer measuring myself by the standards of the unworthy.

10 of Wands. Co-dependency and carrying burdens.

   The 10 of Wands is the culmination of the suit of wands. Being a ten means it has reached the end and is preparing to begin again at the beginning. But looking at this card you can see he is not quite there yet and in fact seemingly has the hardest part of his task still yet to overcome.
     Yesterday I realised that I still have more than half of the deck still to go and that this task is far from done. It has not been a burden though and I enjoy finding a new relationship with each card, or reaffirming an old one.
    This card is about being overwhelmed and carrying too many staves all by oneself. I fear for this figure's back the way he is carrying all those wands. He is hunched over and can't possibly see where he is going with his face buried in the pile like that.
     I feel like this poor fellow at the moment. I have a myriad of obligations to fulfill, both to myself and to others and the burden of it is pretty heavy. It is hard to see anything but those obligations as they are right there in my face and it feels like if I can just make it to my goal of financial security I can lay all my burdens down.
   He wears a bright red tunic which symbolises his passion and the inherently physical element of carrying such a burden. His blonde hair stands in stark contrast and represents his golden aspirations. He is not carrying the staves for a selfish reason, there is a greater purpose behind his struggle. His white sleeves represent his purity and innocence in carrying all these staves. It is quite possible he is carrying the burdens of others as well as his own. This is an idea that came up in a dream I had last night.
     In my dream, in the first part I was walking along a parkway and I witnessed a woman running through the snow, she fell or dived to the ground and a car speeding up behind her drove over her and crashing into a tree. My first thought was that it was an accident, but then the driver got out of the vehicle and the two figures started to struggle over a dossier. Both pulled pistols and shot each other simultaneously. A stranger and I ran over to the scene of the struggle and realised that the dossier contained some very important secret information, there was a moment we considered fighting each other for it, but the moment passed and we silently agreed to work together. We dumped the rest of her belongings in a nearby drain and ran to a bus stop as we knew we would soon be followed.
     This first part represents coming to find some information that has been kept secret, most likely because two elements hiding the information have neutralised each other. There are four elements in all, representing the totality of my pysche. My character represents conscious awareness and the other three, given their shadowy nature are subconscious elements. A shift in the balance of power in my unconscious has meant that the other two unconscious elements have eliminated each other, leaving a conscious and an unconscious element. My moment of considering whether to fight was pivotal in the re-emergence of the information as both the remaining elements decided to work together, conscious and unconscious. The subsequent flight is a recognition that the unconscious will likely want to reclaim the possibly damaging information and the bus stop represents that information being brought to an area of mass consciousness.
      In the second part I was in an underground mechanics workshop, in which cars where being cleaned and refueled with hot water. The cars looked old and there was a suggestion I could purchase one if I desired, an offer which I was not very enthusiastic about. An old friend of mine was working there from my hostel days (I'll call him J). J was happy to see me and we began to talk about the days when we worked together. At one point during the conversation the subject turned to an ex of mine, at this point J passed a look to another of his co-workers (also an old friend of mine I believe whom I will call H). It was apparent to me that there was something unspoken passing between J and H, something not very pleasant and possibly embarrassing. Usually I would notice this and let it go, but because of recent understandings I have come to, I called them on it. It turns out that there was a lot of information on my ex that I wasn't aware of that was actually not very pleasant.
      This part actually reflects the information that came to light in the first part. The old cars being cleaned with hot water suggest that hot emotions have been scouring the old ways of thinking (cars representing means of moving consciousness).
      I awoke this morning with an unpleasant feeling in my gut and the realisation that I may have given my old ex too much of the benefit of the doubt with several situations. That she may actually have been engaged in some very unpleasant situations, of which there was no clear evidence, but only gut feelings. If this is so and I am beginning to fear that it makes a great deal of sense, then it means I have been carrying several burdens which are not really mine. It would explain a great many of her actions and reduce my own burden of guilt. It appears I may well have been carrying issues that were not my own and need to be returned to their original owner.
   The figure in the card is carrying too many burdens and this indicates we need to figure out which are really ours, or if there is a way to reduce the load somehow. The strain is breaking the back of the figure and though in many instances we wish to soldier on with our loads especially when salvation is in sight (as the castle in the background represents) it might be wiser to reduce this burden.
   It is not our responsibility to carry anyone's woes or karmic responsibility. This situation can be exacerbated in relationships, where both partners will pass off their woes to the other for them to carry on in a kind of "why don't you carry the stuff I don't want to look at and I will do the same for you!". This is the shadow side of sharing...co-dependency.
      It does have a brighter side though, if both partners can remain conscious of this effect then this sharing can be beneficial. The other partner can often be better equipped to deal with issue and so long as there is a level of conscious awareness the issues can find resolution quicker than if worked on alone. This can be a precarious balancing act and making sure one partner does not carry all the burdens alone requires a high level of awareness. For Zoe and I there are several issues that we are helping the other with and this balance can quickly become overwhelming if one person is trying to deal with all the issues at once. It is easy to want to reject the issue of the other as not being one's own, but we often forget the other might be still carrying ours! Working to create a balance of two healthy individuals should always be the end goal of such an endeavor. When this happens it is not a responsibility but a mutually beneficial gift offered by each individual. Taking such a sacrifice upon oneself, if consciously done has great karmic reward. But this must remain a gift and not an obligation otherwise resentment can blossom.
    I now recognise, thanks to my dream that some of my burdens are actually the responsibility of another and it is past due to return them. I no longer wish to suffer a burden of guilt, when the responsibility lays totally within the purview of another.

King of Wands. Transformation by fire.

 This card has been sat on my desk for almost a week while my life has taken several different turns and I had been unable to continue on with blogging. After I look at the card itself I will go into a little detail about these transitions and where I am at now.
   The King of Wands is often my card...let me explain. Each of the court cards represents a certain character type, often with an astrological aspect. My sun sign is Leo and Leo falls in several other areas in my chart. The King of Wands is representative of the fire signs and as can be seen a lion sits emblazoned on the throne just behind the King's head. Often when I do a reading and this card shows up, it symbolises for me my place in the reading or offers me some other insight.
    The King in this card appears almost to sit at the edge of his throne as if he is eager to be up and off. His gaze is fixed on the horizon and he is ready with his staff to be away and moving. As with all fire signs, sitting still is not a virtue they often readily possess and it needs to be cultivated. The little lizard at his feet is a perfect symbol of this quickness of character, never staying in one place too long and even when apparently basking can move with unnerving speed.
    This speedy motion should not be confused with a nervousness, the King has long since past cultivated a purpose and motivation for his actions. This King does not dither, he knows where he wants to be and has the drive and passion to get there. He has a burning desire to follow his passions and his purpose and that is what has him moving with alacrity. This character is not one that does well with periods of enforced waiting, especially if he feels he already has a goal on the horizon he needs to be getting to. This can be a weakness for this character, that of moving too quickly and before things are fully in motion.
   The King wears a red robe which speaks of his passion and vigour which is openly on display, the green mantle on his shoulders shows that this activity is compassionate, caring and heart based. The yellow and orange cloak he wears along with his sandstone throne all speak of his bright and upbeat nature which is openly on display. The King has no hidden motives and cannot abide duplicity, his speech is forthright and to the point.
   The throne and his cloak have symbols of both lions and salamanders covering them. The lion is a symbol of courage, strength, royalty and has great alchemical significance as it appears in several forms in the alchemical process of individuation. Its devouring qualities are highly transformative, as being devoured has the connotations of death and rebirth through a destructive breaking down and reforming of the self. Just think of the many tales of the hero being devoured or swallowed before being released at their destination (such as Jonah and the Whale). The salamander is also a symbol of transformation through rebirth in flames. Like the mythical phoenix the salamander is also birthed in the flames of purification. The phoenix must die in the fire in order to be reborn, but the salamander is immune to the fire and flame by virtue of its resilience and was reputed to be able to quench flames such was its affinity. A greater understanding of the fire signs leads to the understanding of transformation through being tempered by the fire, or re-forged.
    The phoenix is related to Scorpio and therefore rebirth through spiritual death. The lion and salamander are related to Leo and transformation through being reforged or tempered. This is a nuanced difference as it doesn't require the destruction of the prima materia to become something new, but has a regenerative quality. In layman's terms transformation through death requires the complete destruction of prior form, as being reduced to ash and a new form arising from the ash. Transformation through flame is when the destructive qualities of the flame bring out a regenerative aspect in the element...a good example being the cowardly lion in the wizard of oz. He transforms through a difficult situation which brings forth latent qualities in him, unlike the Scarecrow who has to be dismembered in order to be reborn.
   The meaning behind this of course is that the King is a much transformed individual although at some level he remains the same, his worldly travails and adventures have tempered and reformed him.
     The past and current situations in my life have definitely been such for me. I undertook a Celtic Shamanic workshop a week back and it has opened up a whole new realm of understanding for me. I have found connection to a level of grounded spirituality that has been unavailable to me for the longest time. It has connected me to my roots in way I wasn't sure was possible. Being of dual heritage, Italian and English has mostly been a boon to me, but there have been a few areas that were not all positive. I have found it hard to find my own roots without being able to call either place fully home. Having an Italian name constantly reminded me of my difference growing up. I grew up in a predominantly white area, but to label it as that would be woefully inaccurate. Growing up in England people seemed unaware of such differences, the primary differences being that of class or income. Never-the-less I was seen as a minority and not in a bad way given that the majority of Italian stereotypes are mostly positive, but instead my heritage was always dismissed when it did come up. I would hear, you aren't Italian you are English..or similar sentiments. Then on the other hand I would be expected to understand and speak Italian from others and to be familiar with the Italian way of life, or the fact that military service in Italy was a strong possibility if I ever wanted to live in Italy during my youth. Somehow I got it into my mind that my connection was somewhat faulty on the Italian side.
    But in doing this course I realised that my deep connection to all things Italian was fine and healthy, I felt more connected to Ancient Greek mythology (The south of Italy was actually part of the Greek civilization when it was thriving and it was likely that many great "Greek" thinkers actually lived there (Pythagorus definitely was!)). Instead it was my understanding of my English roots that was unsure. I will discuss this more later on a post dedicated to Celtic spirituality.
  What this did do however was cause me to question several things deeply. At the same time events in the "real" world were also picking up speed...or should I say losing momentum.  Our money diminished to zero. The job Zoe was counting on for some income continued to push back her actual start date and the jobs I have lined up are not beginning until November. For the first time in my life I went to bed hungry without any real option to do anything but hope the next day would bring new hope. The workshop had brought up lots of things to work through and I found meditating extremely difficult, so no reprieve there. Then my graphics card exploded with a loud crack putting my computer out of commission. I was able to use Zoe's little laptop to check mail, but was unable to continue blogging or using the internet. Facebook also decided that it wasn't going to give me any updates or emails for 3 or 4 days (I didn't realise this until they all arrived at once).
     Luckily my family came to our rescue and have gifted us with enough money to make it through the next week or so and for me to start providing healing treatments at a local business once I drum up some clients.
     This card really does symbolise how I feel...ready to go. I feel as though I am sat at the edge of my seat, ready to go forward, but unable to until November. I am hoping that these situations are bringing out qualities in me that will transform me into a better person. We have certainly been through a fire and chewed up by our situation, we just hope it will spit us out somewhere positive!
   
 

9 of Wands. Holding the line.

 The nine of wands can tell a story. It is one of those cards that could have been pulled out of any story book scene. You see the hero before a wall of staves planted in the ground and a bandage upon his brow. He looks wearily off to the side trying to catch his breath while he rests on his staff.
    But like any scene pulled out of a book, it is missing a vital context. We place the context upon the card by the very fact that we try and ascribe meaning to a picture of situation.
    Taking the time to look at this card and using a little bit of imagination you can actually see different possibilities within. The band around his head may in fact be a sweatband rather than a bandage. The staves may actually be budding branches and not a wall to keep something in or out.
   Regardless of these minor details there themes within this card that speak of its real meaning. He has obviously completed some great task or trial, whether it is the planting of the staves, the defense of a barrier or the ascent of a mountain path. The number of staves is reaching its limit and is close to completion. Even though the task is not yet complete, the bulk of the work has been done and will be complete with one final push.
   The suit of wands is a fiery passionate story. It begins slowly like any fire and like the nature of fire encompasses battles, victory and strife. The previous cards are of movement and battle and speed and this is the card in the deck that is a little bit of a breather.
     The figure in the card wears the clothes of a labourer and with his sleeves rolled up he looks ready to work. You can see from his worried look to the side that he doesn't quite believe that his work is done. He has one final rod to plant, then his work will be complete. This is the most important rod as it covers the gap in the wall in which he has his back to. This may mean that you are unaware of the final step you need to take to fully complete the process, but it isn't far and you will soon be done.
  This card has appeared for me in several recent readings and has come up time and time again in the past. It signifies a battle that is not yet over, but one that you will ultimately win. In all likelihood it points to a situation that has occurred numerous times but in this instance you have the past experience to really move past it for good.
    For me it is the financial issue. Today Zoe also heard back from a job, so we are now both employed. We both have a few expenses we need to pay for, which for us symbolises the final push for which we are already prepared.
  Ultimately this card is a positive one as it means the closing of a chapter which has been painful and which has left you battered and bruised.

4 of Wands. Successful stability.

 The suit of wands is one of creativity, passion and fire. The number 4 is related to stability, foundation and security. They almost seem qualities that should stand apart. Fire and passion always seem so fleeting, certainly not qualities you imagine hang around for a while.
   Yet in this card it is exactly that. Combined they bring lasting success and that is the feeling behind the 4 of wands.
     The four wands stand upright at the front of the card creating a structure that is held together by a hanging garland. The garland falls naturally into a crescent shape, showing the natural receptivity of the shape. It combines both masculine and feminine symbolism in one structure.
   In the background two celebrants raise their arms in triumph holding bunches of flowers and wearing laurel wreaths. The laurel wreaths can be found in several places in the tarot and they symbolise success and a temporary elevation to a position of power.
    The red roofs of the buildings behind them are indicative of material success (red being the colour of the base chakra). There is a tower and city wall behind the people, although it is unclear if they are inside or outside of it. The walls and tower show stability, strength and protection in a man made form. In this instance it is a positive situation as the entire card is a bright yellow, which indicates that it is a mental structure, but one founded on a good foundation of creativity and passion.
       When you receive this card it shows that you will have success in a creative endeavor that is being made concrete, such as a new business or project. The wands represent a foundational element the celebrants; that it is a joyful occasion.  The robes being worn by the two figures in the centre of the card are violet and red, which are the colours of the top and bottom chakras. This means that there is a successful joining of spiritual and material elements.
   What this card means for me is a fresh look at the way in which I do things. I have been looking to start up my own spiritual practice and offer counsel and service as a career. I have tried several times before, but always fallen short of the mark for several reasons. Mainly it has been because of self-defeating patterns that emerge, but I have been unaware of how to remedy these particular problems. There has been several roadblocks on this particular journey. Receiving money for spiritual work was a major one. But feeling good enough to offer my advice has been the biggest current issue.
     I have suffered from the difficulty of believing that my advice was sub-par or that the information I have been getting from my guides is not 100% accurate. There has been many instances where this has been proven wrong, but doubts have an insidious way of creeping up on you even when you should know better.
    Spending time with this card has helped me understand this roadblock to my own success and see that it is all to do with phrasing.
    When one contacts your guides and higher self and even in reading tarot, there is one thing that is very important to understand... How you frame the question. I have found guides to give exactly what is asked for. This means understanding loaded questions, leading questions and the exact phraseology of the request. It's not that guides are trying to screw you over, but they have a different language set and these misunderstandings can lead to critical errors. It is almost like the wishes you hear about in faerie tales. When I began learning about spirit communication I realised that my very ideas about the universe were badly flawed and this itself would lead to jumbled answers. For example asking how old an eternal spirit is and expecting a reasonable answer. In this example I got the figure 8...which I didn't realise until later was actually indicating  the infinity symbol.
     A great deal of the time, our questions are saturated with presupposition, which leaves spirit with no real way to respond without seriously breaking down your belief structures. When they start doing this, we are often confused about how that is related to the question we asked. It is like trying to answer a child's question about how the sea comes out of a faucet with a simple phrase. The question is correct in a very roundabout way, but cannot be satisfactorily explained within the limits a child may want.
    My own background has been one of energetic healing and knowing the exact problems and dynamics of the situation can be very helpful in resolving a treatment. I have found that I have been asking about the problem and trying to relay this to a client has led mostly to resistance, frustration and an inability of the client to assimilate the information. I didn't realise that this problem has been to do with one of phrasing. Instead of asking my guides, what is the problem and how do we fix it? I need to ask...What does this person need to know to heal this?
   I used to watch Scrubs (a medical comedy) and in this show there was an ongoing issue that the surgeons had no bedside manner. The surgeons had the right idea when it came to surgery and the information they needed was critical to a procedure, but relating this to a patient often led to panic and shock. I guess I am guilty of exactly the same issue!
   With this knowledge firmly in hand I can approach the situations in a much more client friendly manner. They don't need to know the details of their energetics and in some cases this can outright scare them. All I need do is asks my guides what I need to convey to them and trust them to give me the right way to approach the issue.
 
     

Ace of Wands. Creative flowering.

   The Aces represent primal elemental energies. In this case it is fire. This is the first wand I have drawn so far and is one of the most potent wands.
   The Wands represent creative energy in its purest form. When an Ace arrives it heralds the dawning of something new and in this case it is usually a creative endeavor.
   The wand itself is very phallic in nature and looking at the symbolism of the card it is very difficult to ignore that. The vitality of the wand is so great that even though it is no longer attached to a tree, it is still sprouting leaves.
    This card is one of awakening and there is something that I read while researching about this card which seemed relevant.

And the day came

when the energy it took to remain tight in the bud

was more painful than the risk

it took to blossom.

 
        The card is one of awakening from limitation in a fiery column, bursting bonds with a strength that can only be understood by the way in which a tiny plant can push its way through solid concrete, cracking it open as it grows.
      In the card a glowing divine hand proffers the wand as it emerges from a cloud. That signifies a divine gift that has been offered directly from the universe itself. In the background of the card one can see a lush backdrop, verdant and green with a river running through it. Atop a hill stands a white castle, similar to the symbol of the lost Camelot. The white symbolising purity and the castle itself as being an end point and representational of prosperity, spiritual treasures and fulfillment.
      Powerful emergence is one way to describe this card, explosive flowering is another. Avoiding the sexual connotations of this card is almost impossible, as sexual energy is understood to be at the root of creativity and spirituality. It is not the staid passionless religion this card speaks of, but the vibrant, vital and the very much alive passion found in living creative essence.
     Similar to the Magician's wand, the wand in this card is a conduit for heavenly creativity. When one receives this card it shows that very soon there is going to be a creative rebirth occurring, a breaking free of the bud, so the flower can bloom in all its glory. There maybe a feeling of tension present which shows the need for the expansive release.
       There is a tendency to look for immediate correspondences in ones life when one draws a card. But in my experience the Aces tend to represent energy that is about to emerge into our lives breaking old patterns with their vitality.
    In my own life, things have been snowballing with my own progress of awakening. The kundalini energy is awakening and before it my old life is falling away, even if it is a scary process for me to behold in some areas of my life. But, in others I can only look with growing joy as the staid way of living is falling to pieces. At times it can be a little much, as over the previous weekend I woke up seeing migraine auras, with a headache and my eyes looking (According to Zoe) as though I had been given black eyes even though I had slept for over 11 hours. I have been taking a physical beating as this energy awakens. On Sunday I woke to a dream of someone getting their legs mangled and by the evening after a game of soccer I could barely walk.
    Another instance of this has been the increasing number of synchronicities that have been occurring in my life and even in the lives of others around me. Today, Zoe, M and I went down to Sedona to enjoy a day out in nature. M drove us to Red Rock Crossing and walked along the side of the creek...this of course is another synchronicity as you can see a river running through the lush green of the card.
     The entire area was buzzing with nature and animals. We saw spiders, lizards, bright green grasshoppers, damsel flies, ants and best of all for me a hawk. As we returned to our vehicle I saw a hawk land in a tree not 20 feet from us in the car park. It is unusual to see such a bird of prey in the sky, but for it to land next to us in a car park was a very unusual experience. It even allowed us to walk up and take several photographs of it as it flew down to eat a worm not 10 foot away from us. The hawk has always been my own particular spirit animal, often appearing during meditations or on shamanic journeys. So for it to appear so close to us and pose for pictures was a profound moment for me.
    The test for me in this is not to panic and to fall into old ways of thinking which have only held me back as the energy creates new opportunities for me in my life. The Ace of Wands asks us to grasp these new opportunities as they are presented.

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