VI - The Lovers. Integration of Opposites

    

     The sixth card of the Major Arcana is The Lovers card. This card is traditionally one of the most commonly known, along with the Death card and the Hanged man and is just as often erroneously simplified to the point of losing it's meaning. It is a card you will often see depicted in movies as being the quintessential card for romance and unions. The card actually has far greater depth than it seems at first glance, pointing to deep esoteric meanings...of course it can also mean romance! It's all in how you read it.

    The card itself depicts a woman and a man in the biblical garden of Eden, behind them the two trees of Life and Knowledge of Good and Evil. Upon the Tree of knowledge of Good and Evil sits a serpent. Above them, emerging from a cloud is an Angel who seems to be offering a benediction upon the two. Already we can see the card is heavy with allegory and religious symbolism. You may also notice a triangular aspect to the card, both with the three figures and the mountain behind them. This triangle is ascending upwards and so has a heavenly symbolic quality, suggesting something more than just a simple romantic coupling. The couple in the card are wearing no clothes, and while this can be seen as a direct interpretation of a biblical passage, I believe it relates to the lack of pretense between the two. That both elements come forward unadorned and free of ego.

     What the card is talking to is the integration of opposites, of male and female and of heaven and earth. The couples approach, heaven descends and the earth rises and all is well. Integration is strongly mentioned in the other cards such as Temperance and the Devil (which has many interesting parallels to this card if you lay them side by side!). Whereas the Devil suggests being bound by a union, the Lovers is about being set free by a union. That the Union of opposites in this case creates something far greater than just the sum of it's parts.

   When this card appears in a reading is concerned with bringing two opposites together. Those opposites don't always have to be male and female, it could relate to business mergers, to colours in a painting or sweet and sour in a dish. What is important is that this union is expansive and liberating, two parts that work better in conjunction. The angel is appearing because of the union of the two partners, symbolizing the higher aspect of the pairing. Unlike the Devil card, which is oppressive in it's nature and both elements are subjugated, bound and lessened by their union, this card holds powerful lessons in true synthesis as an act of expansive creativity. 

   The card is the sixth of the Major Arcana and the number six is a harmonious number, especially when it relates to the Kabbalah and the Tarot. Each of the elements has passed the halfway point and is well on it's path to completion. 

   For me in my life right now it symbolizes the need to further connect my spiritual life with my material life, that the two can come together to create something better each one lived alone. Many live their lives in only one sphere, hoping that when one is fixed they can then work on the other. It always leaves one feeling unfulfilled and lacking something. It also relates to relationships, of course, that when two beings come together it should be for something greater than what they can achieve individually. That such a union can create a powerful energy and magic, that can be used for creative and enlightening endeavors.

    The real meaning behind this card of course is Love, for Love is that powerful and energetic magic that appears between the two. That draws the Lover and the Beloved together, that springs not from either, but from their being together. As Jung said "The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemicals substances; if there is any reaction are transformed". It's positive aspect being The Lovers and it's shadow aspect being The Devil. 

   

King of Pentacles. Manifestation, fire and earth.

   The King of Pentacles is a strong earthy presence. His aspect is that of earth and fire. This card has had a lot to teach me, it has been sat on my desk here for a couple of days while I have come to understand some of what he has to bring.
    More than 5 years ago now I spent time with a gentleman name Craig Junjulas. He ran classes down in Sedona (as still does as far as I am aware) and I had the pleasure of having several private sessions with him in which he offered insights and helped me open further up in my own practise. At one point in a meditation we were doing he commented that I was like a King in armour sat upon a throne whose armour was covered in vines and roots and had become rusted and inflexible. That I occasionally would stir and break the bindings that had grown up around me, before settling down once more. The imagery stuck with me as it was a very apt description of myself. Upon drawing this card I am reminded again of that peculiar analogy.
   The King sits in a garden that has become overgrown and rampant. Branches, frond and leaves all creep up around the dark stone throne he sits upon. Rather than appearing dormant he looks very much aware, even if with his rich gown he appears to disappear into the background. His robes are covered in blue vines, somewhat reminiscent of veins or arteries. Each of these pathways leads to a bunch of succulent grapes a potent symbol of the fruits of life, abundance and the enjoyable things we can partake in.
      Looking upon the card and seeing such abundant life, growing free and wild I was struck how in control of it all he seems. He is absolutely secure in his place, almost rooted to his throne. His roots run deep and hold him fast to his base. His sceptre and the pentacle in his grasp show his grasp of the earth plane. He is a master manifestor, able to bring his desires into fruition.
     His card is the marriage of earth and fire, of bringing the spiritual fire down to the earth plane and creating what he wants. His robes are a riot of colour and pattern of fecund growth. Behind him stands the city walls and towers and minarets of red and blue. The red being a symbol of passion and the blue symbolising communication and transmission of energy. Beneath his robe hides a suit of armour that can be glimpsed on his left leg which rests upon a stone shape resembling the head of a bull or a dragon. He is ready and capable of defending his ground and self assured in his mastery of his element. The placement of his foot on the stone object asserts his absolute dominance.
   Another strong symbol that appears strongly in this card is the bull. Being closely linked to Taurus this card is about a figure who is stable (note the four bull's heads, four being a number of stability). Obviously there is a tendency for this type of individual to be strong willed to the point of bull-headedness and implacable once set into motion. He is not without creativity, but it often applied in a practical manner, his fire applied to earth creates physical objects. Just think of all the objects that need to be smelted or subjected to heat to create their final hardened form.
    For me there is a far greater meaning behind this card. It means applying one's fire or spirituality in a very practical manner. Many spiritual endeavours end up drifting around in the ether, never really finding completion. I have known Taurean artists capable of producing a prodigious amount of artwork, by just seem to be able to sit down and produce piece after piece of artwork. They take great pleasure in creating things of beauty, even to the point of  shutting the rest of the world out. My problem has been there has been so little earth in my chart that the flood of ideas and creativity that runs through me tends to burn away in spiritual or mental matters without ever touching the earth.  Even when I am inspired to create art it is in between all the mental and spiritual things I have going on. I don't know if I will ever be a prodigious producer of art, or even of earthly creations.
    What I have realised though is that this attitude would be most beneficial for me to adopt and to apply in my own life. This occurred very recently for me as I was performing a treatment for a client. He has been coming for several weeks and has had some very beneficial results. He was very complimentary about my work and telling me about all that was going on. Part of me felt jealous of this. How does this guy get to change things so fast? But I realised the ludicrousness of the situation. It was through my work that he was making this progress and I just haven't done that for myself on a practical level for a long while. The king is challenging me to apply my own energy in a practical fashion in my own energy system. So very often I get caught up in the theoretical aspect and ephemeral nature of understanding healing that I never actually get around to fully applying that process to myself. Of course when a client comes through the door I am down to business and apply the energy in a very practical way. I don't spend hours umming and ahhing about what the problem could be or ways to possibly fix it. I know I have a limited amount of time and that is best spent pouring energy directly into the situation on a practical level. After that is done then there is time to talk, but not before the work is done. Somehow I have failed to apply this in my own life.
    With this understanding I can really start to understand there may be something to applying a level of practicality to my own life. The King of Pentacles is nothing if not a practical man, what I have failed to apply in my own life is the time to sit down and actually do the work. To not spend so much time thinking it over, but to simply get it done. I made the mistake of thinking that because my energy exists within my own system then it is working on those parts that need work, but in reality those parts need dedicated attention. I need to put the time into them, not for them to only get the energy residue that occurs when I perform healings for others.
    Part of the problem has been I have viewed the magnitude of some of the issues as insurmountable, while if a client came to me I wouldn't spend time considering this, I would simply do it. Of course I do believe that getting to the point of being able to work directly on myself has not always been available. When I first began my healing work, I could only really pick up on the issues of other, much the same thing happened with readings. For others the readings and healings work great...for myself...not so great. Most people begin with this blockage I feel, they are simply not able to get the level of distance from their own issues to work objectively on them. This was certainly true for me! But as time passed I found that I was able to see some of the problems, but was not able to work on them effectively in the same way that a doctor cannot perform his own surgeries. This caused a great deal of frustration as I had trouble finding people open and aware enough to actually see the problem, let alone work on it..even with my prompting.
    Getting to the point where I can actually perceive and then work on a problem is a new thing for me, so I guess I should go easy on myself. For that I have the King of Pentacles to thank, for without him I don't think I would have tried to do it once again!

Page of Wands. Free spirit.

    The Page or Princess of Wands is the young element of fire, that part that is connected with the earth.
     I always see the young page as an adventurer, a globetrotter. She is stood grasping her staff, her eyes on the sky. Behind her stand the pyramids and a desert with a blue/white sky. She wears the same tones as the Earth beneath her, which links her with the earth realm. Therefore she is grounded and sensual, the fire element combining with this means that she is never dull or lacking in excitement.
     Looking at this card, one element stands out. The wand the figure carries has a very phallic shape, it is difficult not to notice it once seen. Nothing within the cards is there by chance, each element is chosen to be evocative. Rather being a crude symbol the phallus means the active driving and creative force. Since she is a page, she represents the youngest and freest element of the wands.  There is no heaviness in this card and a feeling of positivity and humour pervades. She has somewhat of a wry smile upon her face as if she is aware of the symbolism and rather than being offended she takes it lightly.
       Her garb is covered with salamanders which are transformative elements ( I discuss them further in the King of Wands). She also wears a blue hat with a feather in it. The hat itself draws the attention as it stands in strong contrast to the rest of her clothing. Blue is the colour of communication and hats are symbols of the our mental attitudes. The hat is obvious in its incongruency, it even looks a little ludicrous. In this instance I would say that this means she is unafraid to communicate what is on her mind, if it goes against one's first impressions of her and doesn't fit with the rest of her attitude.
      The page of wands is a happy traveller, creative, active but yet grounded in reality. She looks upon this odd mixture of fire and earth with a wry sense of humour. Like a traveller she doesn't get entangled emotionally, nor does she spend time over thinking a situation. She is looking for the next thing over the horizon, or happily enjoying what is right now. If she does have a fault is that she has a tendency to overlook emotions or her intellect as getting in the way of having fun. This can come across as somewhat distant as she happily flits from one enjoyable situation to another without a care for what this means for anyone else.
       Personally for me this card has brought up some questions within myself about the connection of earth and fire. They represent to me the twin forces of passion (fire) and materiality (earth) and how they function together. Zoe and I have been working on not guilting each other over various situations in our life and it has had some interesting side effects. Last night Zoe went to bed early as she had yoga to go to and usually this would mean she would ask if I was coming along too (even if I don't have to get up early). Instead of doing this she went early and fell asleep before I arrived. This meant I had some time to myself, without being concerned that I should be also going to bed.
      It brought up some feelings that usually don't appear when I am in a relationship. Removing the guilt my life and from going to bed when Zoe does, has given the space for these feelings to emerge. It is too early to speak clearly on what they are, but I feel they are linked to deeper feelings of guilt, shame and loneliness. I recognise them from when I have been single for a long time, feelings of shame and isolation..not fully connected to anything, but rising like a horrible tide. I mention them in conjunction with this card as I have an intuitive feeling that these elements are to do with sexual energy. The sexual symbolism is strong in this card and something is stirring deep in my unconscious, the mud has been disturbed and it is not yet apparent what is lurking down there. Whatever it is doesn't seem too pleasant, but digging through the muck is what inner work is all about.
     

VII- The Chariot. Balanced forward movement.

  The Chariot is the warrior king returning home after a successful battle. He is one of the Major Arcana and I have had plenty of time over the weekend to consider this enigmatic figure. There are several powerful issues he speaks to, but we should look at the large amount of symbolism to begin with.
    The warrior-king sits in a chariot that directly faces the viewer and his strong and unwavering gaze looks directly at the viewer. He himself is adorned with battle armour that is scalloped and fluted and futher reinforced with scale mail beneath it. His pauldrons (shoulder plates) have crescent shapes on and moon like faces embossed onto them, all of which points to the roots of this card in Cancer. The shell, the scales and the moons point to their heavy armouring and connection to the seas and tidal patterns. He wears both a crown and a laurel wreath which symbolises his rulership is one based on martial victories and conquests. His battle smock and belt are covered in runes and symbols of unknown origins which to me talks of his having ranged far afield to foreign shores in his pursuit of martial victory.
     In his hand he holds a sceptre like rod with which he can direct the flow of battle from his place in the chariot. One further item of note concerning the central figure is the fact that he seems one with the stone chariot, as if he has grown out of the very stone, as if he and his vehicle are one and the same. It is almost as if he is an embodiment of the chariot that he commands. Such is his mastery over the beasts that pull the vehicle that he needs now reigns as if they are simply an extension of his will.
       The chariot itself is composed of a cube like section of stone. Looking at the card one can see a steady doubling of figures within the card, the single being commanding the chariot becomes the two beasts pulling it. There is a four sided square upon his breastplate and he sits within a cube of stone with eight sides. All this suggests a steady balance and a strong foundation for the card, which is one of balance and equilibrium.
       A chariot has but two wheels and is pulled forward by the balance between the these two, like a bicycle it only is truly balanced when it is in motion. The crest on the front of the chariot shows a spinning top, or a single spindle with a wheel on it. This again is a symbol of equilibrium through motion, similar to the way that a king who rules through conquering can only maintain his equilibrium by the constant application of movement or force and can never maintain his rule without it. The wings above the crest are connected to Zoroastrianism, that ancient religion that believed in the absolute good and evil or light and dark and their constant battle. Above the figure is a canopy covered in draped blue cloth adorned with stars, which speaks of the night and the canopy of stars which is the realm of cancer and the moon.
       In front of the chariot lay two sphinxes, fabulous beasts of Egyptian mythology, beings with the bodies of lions and the head and breasts of women. The sphinx was a guardian creature protecting great treasures with their knowledge of cryptic riddles. They would pose riddles and a correct answer would result in access to the treasure (or wisdom) and an incorrect guess would result in death. They were often gatekeepers of ancient secrets. In this image one is black and one is white, symbolising the forces of light and darkness. The charioteer in order to move forward must keep them in absolute balance lest he be pulled off course.
     Behind him is a great river and a castle wall protecting the city within. The Charioteer is the aggressive protector of the city, even though it may already be well guarded by its moat and walls.
     For me this card speaks of aggressive masculine energies and the mastery thereof. This type of energy has a terrible reputation and it is responsible for some of the worst atrocities within human history, yet when one looks at the card there is no negative element present. Learning to master these energies can be fraught with peril as they can so easily be applied to tyranny and destruction, yet they are ultimately necessary forces in our life lest we be overtaken by with their use for negativity. The same forces are necessary for the destruction of evil and ignorance within our lives and those we care about. The city behind the charioteer appears able to hold off any attacker with its moat and walls, yet while this may be so, the source of attack can never be defeated by defense alone.
    In my own life this has brought up several issues both in my present life and in memories of previous ones. When I was younger I was never particularly troubled myself by bullies, not that I wasn't occasionally picked upon but for the most part they found I was never particularly responsive. My first memory of such an event was when I was in school and there was the typical playground bully from a few years ahead. He would come up to me and my friend and chant "baby blue eyes" at us. This didn't really affect me given that I had brown eyes and explaining this to him only seemed to confuse the poor lad, but it did affect my friend and often if he was alone would be terrorized by this bully.
    I have witnessed this type of behaviour several times in my life where I am on the periphery of another being subject to a form of bullying. As I have gotten older, this has taken less physical forms but it still somewhat present.
    For many years I took up Kung Fu and would practise diligently, I was never involved in a fight myself although I have been on the edge of several but had chosen not to get involved. I have been told that I was a natural at several points, but always came to the same point that caused me to stop and leave. My father is a bully, not a physical bully but an emotional one. He takes pleasure in hurting, teasing or demeaning those he feels superior to and because of his cowardly nature often hides it behind a sense of humour. He was the kind of father that would not let his children win against him because of his own innate fear of inferiority. I have met many types of bullies who use different forms of tyranny to enslave, weaken or demean those they feel superior towards. Those who are not afraid to use the shadow side of the chariot to bolster their own weakened egos.
      I for one have never wanted to be one of these individuals and so for me I keep a lid on this aggressive type of energy as I have had very few examples of individuals who use it wisely. I have not understood how to apply this energy fully without it harming or hurting those it is applied towards. This occurred in martial arts especially as I was unsure how to fully apply my power without it possibly resulting in hurting my opponent. This meant I ended up often being a purely defensive fighter...one who in the end is totally ineffective.
    What I am realising is that without a compensatory force to counteract these acts of aggression there is no balance. For all the atrocities that occurred in WW2 without the intervention of the Allies, the situation would have become much worse. Bullies and beings who use negativity as a weapon cannot be left to use their powers in a way that harms the innocent, simply defending oneself is not enough. The shadow side needs to be compensated for and sometimes this can only be achieved through the use of force correctly aligned.
   The chariot is a symbol of that force correctly balanced. Too much force and there is a danger of falling into the shadow side, too little and you risk being overwhelmed by the shadow.
   For me this is a lesson in confronting that shadow side and compensating its course, this can only be done if I am unafraid of using all the power at my disposal to oppose tyranny and aggression in its negative capacity. Aggression itself is not negative, its is simply a masculine energy capable of either great creativity or destruction, how we use that is up to us. Both creativity and destruction are neither good nor bad and only become so when applied in a context. Tyranny can be both created and destroyed as can peace.

Ace of Wands. Creative flowering.

   The Aces represent primal elemental energies. In this case it is fire. This is the first wand I have drawn so far and is one of the most potent wands.
   The Wands represent creative energy in its purest form. When an Ace arrives it heralds the dawning of something new and in this case it is usually a creative endeavor.
   The wand itself is very phallic in nature and looking at the symbolism of the card it is very difficult to ignore that. The vitality of the wand is so great that even though it is no longer attached to a tree, it is still sprouting leaves.
    This card is one of awakening and there is something that I read while researching about this card which seemed relevant.

And the day came

when the energy it took to remain tight in the bud

was more painful than the risk

it took to blossom.

 
        The card is one of awakening from limitation in a fiery column, bursting bonds with a strength that can only be understood by the way in which a tiny plant can push its way through solid concrete, cracking it open as it grows.
      In the card a glowing divine hand proffers the wand as it emerges from a cloud. That signifies a divine gift that has been offered directly from the universe itself. In the background of the card one can see a lush backdrop, verdant and green with a river running through it. Atop a hill stands a white castle, similar to the symbol of the lost Camelot. The white symbolising purity and the castle itself as being an end point and representational of prosperity, spiritual treasures and fulfillment.
      Powerful emergence is one way to describe this card, explosive flowering is another. Avoiding the sexual connotations of this card is almost impossible, as sexual energy is understood to be at the root of creativity and spirituality. It is not the staid passionless religion this card speaks of, but the vibrant, vital and the very much alive passion found in living creative essence.
     Similar to the Magician's wand, the wand in this card is a conduit for heavenly creativity. When one receives this card it shows that very soon there is going to be a creative rebirth occurring, a breaking free of the bud, so the flower can bloom in all its glory. There maybe a feeling of tension present which shows the need for the expansive release.
       There is a tendency to look for immediate correspondences in ones life when one draws a card. But in my experience the Aces tend to represent energy that is about to emerge into our lives breaking old patterns with their vitality.
    In my own life, things have been snowballing with my own progress of awakening. The kundalini energy is awakening and before it my old life is falling away, even if it is a scary process for me to behold in some areas of my life. But, in others I can only look with growing joy as the staid way of living is falling to pieces. At times it can be a little much, as over the previous weekend I woke up seeing migraine auras, with a headache and my eyes looking (According to Zoe) as though I had been given black eyes even though I had slept for over 11 hours. I have been taking a physical beating as this energy awakens. On Sunday I woke to a dream of someone getting their legs mangled and by the evening after a game of soccer I could barely walk.
    Another instance of this has been the increasing number of synchronicities that have been occurring in my life and even in the lives of others around me. Today, Zoe, M and I went down to Sedona to enjoy a day out in nature. M drove us to Red Rock Crossing and walked along the side of the creek...this of course is another synchronicity as you can see a river running through the lush green of the card.
     The entire area was buzzing with nature and animals. We saw spiders, lizards, bright green grasshoppers, damsel flies, ants and best of all for me a hawk. As we returned to our vehicle I saw a hawk land in a tree not 20 feet from us in the car park. It is unusual to see such a bird of prey in the sky, but for it to land next to us in a car park was a very unusual experience. It even allowed us to walk up and take several photographs of it as it flew down to eat a worm not 10 foot away from us. The hawk has always been my own particular spirit animal, often appearing during meditations or on shamanic journeys. So for it to appear so close to us and pose for pictures was a profound moment for me.
    The test for me in this is not to panic and to fall into old ways of thinking which have only held me back as the energy creates new opportunities for me in my life. The Ace of Wands asks us to grasp these new opportunities as they are presented.

Click here to purchase: "Sedona Hawk"

Creative block

There has been a significant block in my creative life that I have (hopefully) banished within the last few weeks. I am still going through the debris that is left behind after you shatter a block and keeping my eyes open to make sure it doesn't re-establish itself if my attention wanes.

An old friend recently commented on my most recent artwork and I began to relay why it had been such an ordeal for me to create. As I was doing so I realised that I had kept this particularly ugly incident in my life under wraps all those years ago and those closest to me at the time had no idea what I had been going through. This was pretty much par for the course all those years ago, I had no idea that I could share my burdens and have the support of my friends and maybe they could have helped the skewed perspective that I left within.

I have always had a great love of fantasy, I recall reading the Greek myths when I was only 6 or 7 years old (in a children's format of course!) and imagining what it was like to ride a Pegasus to battle and defeat the Chimera. My love of drawing was something that I also developed, although I remember most of my school projects revolving around shoes and actual still life objects. When I got to my teens I do recall drawing dragons and knights along with the typical space ships and ninjas. Although I think that my life drawing was better and I preferred the attention those got rather than my imaginative drawings.

My experiences at high school and college were less than thrilling with regards to my art. With the exception of a few talented life drawing teachers my artistic aspirations were struggling through a barren wilderness. Most of the art teachers felt it was perfectly acceptable to leave the class room and often not re-appear till the end of the class. I was a child that needed constant direction and I often felt lost in those times and my artwork would suffer. College was worse and it could often number in the weeks before I could spot a teacher lazily drifting down the hall with a mug of tea in their hands and the projects often consisted of little more direction than "do whatever you want". This was great for the driven artists (of course there are always a few) who decided to create exhibits of rotting meat, curtains of used nappies (diapers) and images of women attached to milking machines. I yearned for the days of the simple project...just draw your shoe. But alas those simpler days had gone.

University dawned brightly for me and for the first few years I got back into my stride. Many of the projects I was given as an Illustration major were a challenge to me. We learned to master the different mediums and unusual techniques in watercolours, acrylics, chalk, charcoal, etching....you name it, we learned it. Then the second year dawned and we moved onto individual projects and "briefs".  I recall doing a project in which we combined parts of an animal together from various reference to make a "chimera" in the most technical sense. I loved the project and it must have awoken something in me because I realised that if I could draw anything I wanted then surely I could begin to draw fantasy pictures once more.

The next project I decided to paint a wizard casting a spell surrounded by a celtic knot-work border. It took me a while to master how to draw the intricacies of the knot-work, but eventually I finished my piece. When it came time to show our tutor our work I happily showed my work to her, hoping for some encouragement. Unfortunately she seemed to consider the piece and then said to me " You aren't good enough to do this kind of work, you never will be. It would be better if you tried to do something that uses what skills you have. Fantasy art is so competitive and you need superb references. Better to do something that will sell."

I guess I should have just disregarded what she said, but to me, a person who needed that firm direction it seemed like good advice. I could see how I might not be good enough. She was the tutor, what did I know about fantasy artwork? I didn't want to be poor did I? So I put away my ideas of pure fantasy and concentrated on what I was good at.

Unfortunately things didn't get any better. The three female teachers who ran the course had been in a review with one of the female students and had remarked that they believed men had it easy in life compared to women and that to rectify that they lowered the grades of all the male students. The female student decided that it was not really her place to do anything or say anything (other than to let some of the guys know). This meant there was no ground to lodge a complaint.

In the third year I decided that I would try my hand at computer artwork..maybe get a job in the games industry, another of my passions. So I spent my time learning the software by myself to produce some artwork. They didn't respond to well to that either. They said that computer art was cheating and there was no future in it and that I had better stop trying. At this point my stubbornness kicked in and I kept on with my projects. This was stopped when they said if I kept trying they would simply fail me regardless of how good my work was.

At this point exhaustion took over and I decided that I would at at least like to come away with a passing grade. As you can imagine, I stepped away from artwork as soon as I finished my schooling and didn't touch pencil to paper for almost 8 years. What caused me to pick it up is another story, but the block remained.

I realised this year that I could no longer abide having listened to their "advice" and would not be free until I had produced a piece of fantasy work in 3D. The picture below is the result of that thought. I used no reference and it came wholly from my imagination.