II - The High Priestess.

 The High Priestess is a powerful feminine force, she stands at the forefront of the Major Arcana and also as a high point on the Tree of Life within the Kabbalah esoteric school of thought.
    I feel she is the mystical consort of the Magician, although her aspect can be reflected in the Hierophant (Exoteric rather than esoteric knowledge) and the Hermit (a male correspondence to inner knowledge).
   Like all the Major Arcana it is rich in symbolism and allegory. She sits between the twin pillars of Boaz and Joachim, which where foundational supports for the temple of Solomon. Which can also be understood to represent the twin paths of mercy and severity, again upon the tree of life.
    She sits dressed in pale blue, the colour of communication, representing a connection to the throat chakra and the ability to hear the inner voice and its wisdom. Upon her head she wears a triple moon headdress, symbolising the three moon phases and linking her to many triple form goddess deities (Hathor and The Morrigan being prime examples). At her feet lies a crescent moon, similar to the depictions of Mary, but in reality speaking of more ancient traditions.
     In her hands can be seen a scroll with the inscription "Tora" upon it. This is somewhat similar to the letters on the Wheel of Fortune card and links us to the Tarot, Rota and Torah. The scroll represents the knowledge that lies in her hands and is partial concealed from casual observance.
    Even more striking and not readily apparent from a cursory examination is the that veil behind her actually hides an entire landscape complete with a sea and landmass. This veil is decorated with pomegranates an ancient and multifaceted symbol which relates to the underworld, or land of the dead. Therefore one would not go far wrong to assume that this veil hides the great undiscovered country that lies behind the veil of death, of which she is a guardian. The story of Persephone and her journey into the underworld, only to become trapped there by Hades for consuming a few pomegranate seeds is the connection we can see here.
    The High Priestess is the Guardian at the Gate for esoteric inner knowledge, for passage to the land of the dead and to the energies of the feminine, yin energies of Water and Earth.
    On a more superficial level she represents the stillness before action to contemplate and get in touch with your inner feminine knowing (whether you are woman or man). She is the oracle, the priestess and the seer. The wise woman and gentle feminine knowing. Her power is not as overt as the Magician, yet you ignore her advice at your own peril.
     I drew this card in the midst of my own individual process. In the last weekend I attended a Shamanic Workshop for advanced healing practices and during the many journeys I embarked upon a common theme emerged. It was of facing my own death through being devoured by an aquatic creature (a shark to be specific). Journey after journey took me to face this, even when we took a break for the night I had a dream of being on a sinking truck under which a shark swam waiting for me to be unable to escape. Finally on the last day I let myself be eaten. This didn't bring any immediate epiphany, it seldom works that quickly. But, I did feel as though a new boundary had been crossed.
     Later in the week it came home to me. I have only included a few of the many symbols and synchronicities that occurred through the workshop and the time preceding and following the journeys. There have been several themes involved, the main ones being death and female energy. In a book I have been reading called the Magus of Java the author discusses the energies of yin and yang as being oppositional forces that truly tangibly exist, rather than only being the philosophical mental constructs that people consider them to be. He posits that yin energy is the energy of the Earth and of Spirits and that Yang energy is solar energy that exists in all living beings. Yang is hot and is the energy I feel I primarily work with in healing sessions, the masculine energy of life and light.  The energies are not complementary as many would believe and they have an antagonistic relationship to each other. Yin energy is cold and is what one sense when spirits are present. The greater the quantity of yin present (either in the individual or in the being), the greater the ability to perceive these beings.
    My journeys and dreams spoke of the fear of yin energy, of the male Yang energy being consumed by opposing energy. It is the Jungian archetypal fear of the all consuming terrible mother, the castration fear in its purest form. Most men on the road to self awareness are willing and able to be in touch with their female energies, but how many are unafraid of being completely overcome with this energy? I don't doubt that it exists in women too to an equal degree for its masculine counterpart. The fear of death, of annihilation in the void of the female is a primal fear (at least for men).
     I had gone into the store where I work and sat talking with the ladies that run the store and told them of what I was going through and discussed the nature of being absorbed into the pure consciousness of the opposite energy (yin in my case). As we spoke I could feel the fear rise, the fear of losing my masculinity by getting too close to the female energy. Betty suggested a visualisation in which I imagined my body being transformed to that of the female form as a grid moved from my feet up to my head. After it was complete I could feel cold energy running up my spine and my hands begun to shake. The process lasted a good few hours and at one point my teeth were even chattering. A few days later there is still movements of the energy and I do not yet feel it is entirely complete, but I understand that the yin energy is necessary for completeness.
    The Yin or female energy is what allows us to part the curtain to the land of the dead and of spirits, it is the energy of the High Priestess, she is the psychopomp who takes us into that undiscovered country.

Knight of Wands. Fiery crusader.

   The Knight of Wands is a spiritual crusader. His energy is vibrant and passionate and suffers no lack of zeal.
   This card has appeared with great timing for me and there are synchronicities abound within the symbolism. Over the weekend I attended  an advanced Celtic healing workshop. Within the class we journeyed several times both for ourselves and for other people within the group. Journeying is going into the inner realms to achieve a certain goal, in this case it was centred around recovering pieces of ourselves or others that had become lost or trapped. These pieces can be anywhere, sometimes they are within the middle world, the world we know but displaced in time or space. The soul pieces are parts of our psyche that fragmented due to trauma or events in our lives and become stuck at that point, unable to progress or stay with us. As shaman it is our jobs to go and seek these pieces out and bring them back. They are often emotional fragments which bring memories of ways of feeling back to us we have thought lost to us.
      There were too many journeys to relate here, but there was a journey in which I was brought back a staff of fire (which related to my ability to be brutally honest and be a more active warrior in my own life). Several took place in Egyptian style settings (either in the past or fantastical realms) which also fits with the card's background.
     Two journeys however were very pertinent to the topic of this card. The first was a journey I undertook for another. In the journey I found myself travelling to the Hopi reservation and confronting a person who had taken a piece of my partner. He didn't seem apologetic and tried to laugh it off as him just finding it, but didn't stop me retrieving the piece. When I returned to wakefulness I discussed this with my partner, she was struck by my physical description of the man and his mannerisms. She had indeed met this individual and had been through recent difficulties for which she had been forced to leave abruptly to avoid making the situation for herself worse. He had been involved in black magic and mistreatment and abuse of those who worked under him. After the journey we were both a little shaky from the experience as though it had been a physical interaction.
     I was thankful for the ability to stand up for another's rights and deal with the situation in a way I was proud of. I was able to be the spiritual crusader in this instance, even if I was informed that dealing further with this individual was not my job.
     The journey she did for me brought up several elements which have taken a while for my psyche to filter and deal with. In the journey I offered someone my heart in a town square, after which I was dismissed and rejected. My heart had turned to sand and run through my fingers. When she described it to me, it was initially difficult to understand the situation as there were several events it could pertain to, although none of them really took place that close to a town square. I put it aside to examine a little later at my leisure.
    Today after some introspection I sat down to look at my card and to understand how it fit into the scheme of things. The card itself shows a figure clad in armour astride a rearing horse. He holds his staff aloft as if it were a lance. The figure faces to the left of the card, which suggests he rides into adversity (against the usual flow). The yellow tabard he wears is covered with salamanders which are symbols of transformation and fire (see the King of Wands for a further discussion of these creatures). His armour has several flame like plumes adorning it, which are indicative of his fiery nature.
   As I regarded this character I realised that it related to the journeys I had been involved in over the weekend. Usually when you pull a court card it is a suggestion that it might be wise to embody some of the traits of the card if it doesn't directly pertain to another individual. In this case it was the former. It was advocating becoming a spiritual champion.  As I thought further about this I realised that I need to become my own champion as well as one for others.
    Many spiritual schools of thought advocate against vengeance, violence or acts of retribution. Yet this card seems to suggest that very notion. He rides forth with his club raised and he is prepared to do battle with adversity rather than passively accepting it. Common ways of thinking stand very much against the idea of the crusade or the Holy war or battle. It is often seen as an oxymoron. Yet when one looks at the pictures and hears the descriptions of angels we often find them depicted as carrying flaming swords. How can we as humans say that it is unspiritual to carry a weapon when the Arch-angels themselves do? The soft sanitised versions of angels we are bombarded with these days are corrupted interpretations of a divine force. Without them there is no divine justice, no karmic retribution and no peace. We must use the tools we have, but use them only in the application of right. The young knight in the picture runs the risk of being too zealous in his approach, but his motivations are pure and so will stop him from creating any real trouble.
    In my own journey for my partner I encountered a being clad in armour wielding a spear and a shield. She informed me that having a shield alone is not enough, that one must have an active defence against those that would seek to do harm.
    Looking then at my own fragmented soul I saw that what had been lost would not return unless it could be be promised safety and recompense for its own loss. Looking deeply at my wounded elements I began to see what they were and from where they came.
      The Town square is a place where people come together from all places and for me that place is best represented by the hostel. I worked there for many years and it was the site of my greatest sadness. A friend of mine whom I had loved dearly had spurned my friendship and turned her back on me. I realised that I had lost more than just a friend, it had also spelled the end of my belief in a benevolent universe. How could someone I cared for so deeply and offered no harm turn upon me so viciously. I lost a piece of myself that day. From that day on my universe had been plunged into a darkness so filled with ennui and hopelessness that I found it difficult to find reason to go on.
     Over the years I see glimpses what was lost occasionally. It manifests as a feeling of profound happiness that disappears as abruptly as a breeze. It is a weight that keeps me tied to the earth, stops my heart from lifting in song and ensures that ennui is never far from my door. My basic nature is one of optimism, even in spite of this weight and I have no doubt I will one day find a way to lift my spirits back to that point. I understand my mistake in trusting a person who would abuse my trust in such a fashion, yet that still doesn't help.
     This card though gave me an idea. I need to find that piece myself and make sure it is protected once more. I took it upon myself to give myself that piece of justice, to rescue those pieces back. I have no way of getting that back in the real world, no telephone number to call, no address or no email. So in journeying to find those elements is the only way it will happen. I journeyed back and was able to find the pieces, to take them back. Now comes the task of re-integrating them back into myself so I can feel them once again. For this there is no manual and I must trust to my own inner sense on how to do so. I do have the spiritual warrior to protect me from further harm and that in itself is a valuable lesson.
 
 
   

Knight of Cups. Idealism and the Holy Grail.

  The Knight of Cups is one of the court cards that I feel a connection to. This connection may lay somewhat in my past, but this card still holds a resonance for me.
    The Knight in the card reminds me of the Grail legends, of one of King Arthur's Knights. He has an air of chivalry and romance about him, dressed in armour of old bearing a chalice before him.
   In the legends, each of the Knights of the round table was charged with seeking the Holy Grail and returning to King Arthur's court at Camelot. Now depending on which legend you read, several of the Knights were successful in their quest to retrieve the Grail. These are typically Galahad, Percival and Gawain (although Bors was accounted to have witnessed it).
   Regardless, the idea of the virtuous knight on a holy quest is what resonates with this card and the figure therein. When I was younger, this archetype held a great deal of resonance. I am not sure if many boys still imagine themselves to be goodly knights, but it was the ideal that I looked up to.
   The idea of chivalry and good conduct, of virtue and honour was something I felt very deeply. I loved the stories and for me they represented the paragon of the male ideal. Someone strong, brave and powerful, but only willing to apply that to a virtuous cause.
     The knight in the card is astride a white charger, a symbol of innocence and virtue and he pauses before a river. The water shows that this is a sensitive individual, one given to dreaming of white knights and princesses...an idealist. The fishes on his tabard relate to dreams and this individual has a very active dream life, which he wears proudly.
     One element to note is that the knight has no weapons and rides only bearing the cup of his emotions. He rides for love alone and that he believes is all he needs. He is no cynic and he wears his heart on his sleeve, ready to trust and even to lay down his life for another if necessary. The wings upon his armour relate to the element of air and thus to intellect. While he may carry no sword, he is armoured as he understands that the world may not be able to live up to his ideals.
     The chalice itself is a holy vessel and relates to the sacred feminine. The quest for the holy grail was nothing other than a quest to find completion for the male aspect in ascendance. The attainment of the Grail was a symbol of the integration of the sacred feminine. As a result this character is in touch with his female side and while others may feel this makes him weak, it actually makes him whole.
    He is still a young knight though and this card relates more to the story of Percival the first time he finds the grail. In this tale, the young knight Percival is tasked by the dying king to find the grail so that he can restore the land that has been blighted. At the beginning of his journey the young knight finds the grail at a castle, but doesn't recognise it for its holiness and as a result is unable to obtain it. Once he leaves the castle, it promptly vanishes and the knight realises his error. The rest of the tale is of his quest to find his way back to the castle and retrieve it having many adventures along the way. He does succeed in the end and manages to return the land to virility and fullness, but only after a stretch of long arduous years.
       The knight has not reached maturity yet and although his ideals are true, they are untested in the world. The grail legends are actually an initiatory journey for the masculine spirit of the west, mirroring the journey each man needs to pass through before he can become whole. Many men never even begin their quest for understanding, a great deal are lost after achieving their initial goal and cannot bear to think they had the answer in their hands, but some do find wholeness and this is the path they take. These stories hold many keys to understanding the archetypal trials that every man must face in order to find wholeness. There are also such stories for women such as Beauty and the Beast and Cinderella which continue to live on and inspire.
    For me the card brings back my idealistic past, of how I believed the world could won through love alone. That one only needed high ideals and great moral fortitude in order to change the world. That part of me still lives on, but he is wiser now and has faced a great number of trials. Maybe at some point I will still be able to deliver the grail to the king and bring back vitality to the land.
    It is easy to become jaded, to be a cynic, to see life as nothing but dry and desiccated. These are the lost ones on the road, who have given up their quest and wait for be proven right as they are swallowed by their own empty oblivions. I still believe in magic and in hope, for without belief in these then there is no chance we will ever find them in our lives.
     

10 of Pentacles. Wealth and inheritance.

  The 10 of Pentacles has been a rare card in my readings. It is a good card, with a lot of positive elements.
  The suit of Pentacles is concerned with money, health and family. The last card in the suit of Pentacles as a number 10 it signifies the end and culmination of material matters. The Pentacles are a symbol for the element of earth and earth, like water, only strengthens with multiplicity. Therefore, this card is very positive when it comes to material endeavours as the suit has come full circle to the full embodiment of material power that was present in the Ace.
   The card is full of rich imagery and it is hard to tell where things begin and end with the fullness of the card. The pentacles themselves are laid out in a pattern that reflects the Tree of Life (the ten sephiroth from the Kabbalah). The tree is a map of human consciousness and the universe based on the idea of what is above is also reflected below and that all creation can be seen in a single grain of sand. The 10 of Pentacles is really the last in the series of Minor Arcana with what was begun with the Ace of Swords (the original expression of a thought, if one is using the kabbalistic school of thought ). Being the last, it also reflects the beginning as all cycles do and the symbol of the tree is homage to that.
    Looking at the card one can see the full range of life played out in the card: there is a child, a couple and an elder with several dogs around him. This shows the connection to the family and the idea of generations. One can see how it can be connected to the idea of inheritance or family wealth. The card is also set within a house as evidenced by the archway with a city view, which suggests security but not in a restrictive fashion. There is so much detail as to be overwhelming, which is only right given the Pentacles as the ruler of the material realm. Pictures of castles and boats adorn the inner walls of the house along with a fresco on the left of the image, all showing material wealth and extravagance.
    The city beyond shows a tower, a house and the city wall, all depicted in a rather neutral orange/yellow almost as if it were reaching dusk and the sunset were reflecting off the walls. Each of the symbols represent security and stability in a very man-made fashion and the flash of green above the walls shows it is not unconnected with nature.
   The child represents youth and he reaches out to touch the tail of the dog, who is in turn at the lap of the elder creating a cycle between all the players. The male figure in the couple is a guardsman with his spear at the ready, although he is engaged in friendly dialogue with the mother of the child. This represents the idea of safety and protection and no immediate danger. The elder represents the final phase of the cycle and so he is richly adorned in a robe of earthy colours, covered in patterns and geometric shapes. These elements are not the typical metaphysical symbols and look certainly more like fashionable or aesthetic choices. The chair in which he sits is green with grapes upon it, again symbolising abundance and fruitfulness.
    As I previously stated, this card appears rarely for me and my relationship with this card is an unknown. Since it is Minor Arcana it is related to an energy that is prevalent at the particular time. It does reflect some of the changes that have been going on in my life.
   Last night I had a dream in which I was travelling to an unknown destination, it was getting late in the day so I decided to pull my car over to the side (a red muscle car with white stripe which I knew as a Mustang) and try and find somewhere to stay. I entertained the idea of continuing on through the night, but my final destination seemed foggy in my mind and I decided that stopping would be best. There was a general feeling of disorientation and lack of stability, given I wasn't quite sure where I was going or where I would be staying.  I ended up entering a temple which consisted of several floors and seemed to be themed in a Celtic fashion with Triskells on the walls. Within were several welcoming priestesses who asked me about my journey as to ascertain my purpose and my connection. I started to recount my journey and its ups and downs and the various animals that had aided me thus far. I mentioned a Kingfisher, an Otter and a Crane and said I had footage of them coming to my aid. At this, they offered me a place to stay for the night and the dream ended.
    Looking at the symbolism of these particular animals I am struck by the fact that they all are linked to two elements. The Kingfisher and Crane to air and water and the Otter to water and earth. All of the animals felt like they had a numinous quality to me (one that carries beyond the dream) and I am heartened by their appearance. They are also all animals that are linked to the Celtic pantheon and their environs and they are not collage-like scraps from my day (unlike the Mustang...which I feel is sheer wish fulfillment).
   What this dream relates to me is that with adopting a level of certitude in my choice of career, it brings up several different elements. It seems like my endless wandering without a final destination is at least taking a break in order to create a bond to the earth and for me to set down some roots. My connection has always strongly been to movement and flight as evidenced by the bird symbolism, but all these animals make their homes in or close to the earth and the river bank in particular.
   Creating a level of fixedness and stability does bring up some fears in me that I will not be able to travel so freely as I have, but I feel these fears may in fact prove to be completely unfounded. The card is about a healthy flow of income, one that even allows for and suggests extravagance as shown by the boats and castles  on the walls. With a level of security, taking flight may be even easier as I don't have to carry all my belongings with me on each trip. My journey has had its ups and downs and I know I would not have made it without inner assistance.
   Finding a castle and a temple for me is paramount for me, even if it is only a nest to launch myself from and to take rest in. This card talks to me of the feeling of homecoming and material security I have been seeking to build for myself for the greatest time. Allowing myself to recognise and enjoy those creature comforts, knowing that I am motivated and strong enough for them not to become traps for me.

Celtic roots and atheism

  Just a few weeks ago I took part in a Shamanic workshop based on Celtic and Pagan beliefs. I have wanted to talk about this since I was involved but I have needed a few weeks to let things settle.
   My previous understanding of Celtic and Pagan beliefs was based on what scraps are currently available in the media such as Buffy the Vampire Slayer...not the best reference I know... and my interactions with the tradition while I had lived in Scotland and Wales for a few years.
   Being brought up in the North East of England I was not really exposed to any of these beliefs. The predominant belief system in the majority of England is that of atheism (discounting areas near Glastonbury and more progressive areas dotted sparsely around the country). There was a common consensus that being an atheist is somehow more intelligent and is the only choice for a forward thinking individual, even if many of the people who hold and espouse these ideas have only gotten there by the virtue of them being the predominant way of thinking. I found that honest belief was extremely rare and I am hard pressed to think of individuals who didn't believe either in oblivion, atheism or were holding the belief that we cannot know anything beyond our basic senses (agnostics). This was despite a fervent and dogmatic belief in scientific doctrine...which was usually held with an incomplete understanding of scientific thought, the basis for these beliefs being here-say and peer pressure from opinionated know-it-alls.
    I have never really understood the reason for the depth and strength of this spiritual void that exists in England and previously the only possible answer had been the strength and prevalence of the Church and a strong and resilient resistance to the doctrines they bring. That there is great resistance to the blinkered and often dogmatic opinions of the church comes as no surprise and England has had a chequered past with the Church abusing its power. I was brought up in an irreligious environment as were all my peers (to my understanding) which is often very different to the upbringing many Americans have had. Even though I went to a church school and attended Sunday school (admittedly I just liked drawing pictures of lions eating Christians) I found that even the so-called "religious" folks had a world weary outlook and were simply trying to stem the tide of rampant atheism destroying their foundations.
    When I tried to discuss the more spiritual leanings I was finding in myself through meditation and the eastern thought I had been exposed to in my readings, I found that most people had a kind of knee jerk reaction. They seemed pinned between atheism and Christianity and could not step out from behind this dualism, that if someone rejected one, it simply meant accepting the other. It reminded me of a guy I met when I first came out to the US. He had been raised as a Christian in one of the more fundamental sects, one that didn't allow drinking, wearing shorts or other obviously heathen practices. He had rejected all of that and had fled his home and all he knew in order to find his own way, but like a butterfly whose wings are most vulnerable when its escapes its chrysalis like imprisonment he was in danger. Because his indoctrination was so strong he felt that there was only two choices and so had adopted Satanism through his rebelliousness. I recall sitting and talking with him and seeing the world as only consisting of two sides..even in spite of the great evidence that there were more than two simple routes. The practices of Satanism he was espousing seemed morally and socially dubious to me and I knew that this kind-hearted individual would not last long in that world. Unfortunately this meant that after finding Satanism was not to his liking he, felt that Christianity offered his only sanctuary. Sadly, he went back to his past re-adopting all its beliefs.
     In the US it seems that being an atheist or an agnostic is a kind of quirky belief that is just as fringe as any other myriad of beliefs out there. For me it is a relief to be out from that suffocating dualism and the scornful mocking and insufferable superiority that always accompanies it. None-the-less I have always been curious as to its true roots as the church alone doesn't seem powerful enough to evoke the strength of response you find in most individuals.
    Being British in a Celtic workshop in the US presupposes an affinity to Celtic lore and way of life... after all I have Celtic roots somewhere back in history and I was raised close to the land it talks of. Seeing things in this way gave me a fresh perspective. While I was living in Scotland and Wales, there are much closer ties to pre-Christian ways of thinking. Pagan festivals are a common occurrence even if you don't attend them there is an awareness of them occurring. While in Edinburgh there were several celebrations that involved leaping over fires and people painting themselves in very vivid colours and costume during the various pagan holidays. I started to wonder what had happened to our roots in the North of England. We are sadly so far cut off from any connection to our true Celtic roots that Morris dancing is our only link.
    Part of the workshop involved bringing a drum or a rattle to help with journey work and I had to make one myself as my funds have been extremely low. I have a book on Celtic knot-work, which I had always felt an affinity for and looking through the book for designs to add to the rattle I found several patterns that are attributed to North Yorkshire. Long before the Saxons, the Vikings and the Romans came and pillaged and destroyed our homes in the North we must have had our own beliefs and connections to the land.
    While in Scotland and Wales one of the sad elements I had to encounter was the hatred the Scottish and the Welsh have towards the English. I always felt a little removed because of my Italian ties, but I could definitely sense a hostility and several times in Wales I had had to avoid gangs of thugs who would have been quite happy to put an end to me or my friends. One birthday event even ended in a trip to the hospital for a friend of mine as we went to celebrate and encountered a select group of Welshmen who didn't like his face.
      I have understood that the English have had great deal to answer for in the treatment of our outlying brothers, but I had never really considered that the true English have suffered a much worse fate. We have become alienated from our roots and lost our Celtic heritage. No wonder there is such great resistance for any group that has attempted to land, conquer and tell us how to think. Even to the point where we became the bully we so greatly feared to many other cultures and countries. Our spirituality was lost to us all those long centuries ago, taken forcibly as we were made to believe in the Gods and beliefs of another. We have become so caught up in resisting, that our own connection to the land and our old ways has fallen to ash.
     Seeing the Celtic festival here in Flagstaff has always made me consider what has been lost in England. That Americans are able to celebrate their Celtic roots more readily than those who live on the land that once held that magic. We have become so bitter and alienated without a heritage to call our own we hide it behind false pride and a mocking deprecation of our own culture and that of others.
    By connecting with my Celtic heritage I have found a strength that has always been lacking, one that has been buried so deep as to be lost. It allows me to understand the loss the Native Americans feel, or any other culture who's way of life has been threatened and torn away from them. All I can do is offer my heartfelt apologies for the races, cultures or peoples that my ancestors have damaged and hope that maybe they can show us the way back to our own roots in the Earth.

King of Wands. Transformation by fire.

 This card has been sat on my desk for almost a week while my life has taken several different turns and I had been unable to continue on with blogging. After I look at the card itself I will go into a little detail about these transitions and where I am at now.
   The King of Wands is often my card...let me explain. Each of the court cards represents a certain character type, often with an astrological aspect. My sun sign is Leo and Leo falls in several other areas in my chart. The King of Wands is representative of the fire signs and as can be seen a lion sits emblazoned on the throne just behind the King's head. Often when I do a reading and this card shows up, it symbolises for me my place in the reading or offers me some other insight.
    The King in this card appears almost to sit at the edge of his throne as if he is eager to be up and off. His gaze is fixed on the horizon and he is ready with his staff to be away and moving. As with all fire signs, sitting still is not a virtue they often readily possess and it needs to be cultivated. The little lizard at his feet is a perfect symbol of this quickness of character, never staying in one place too long and even when apparently basking can move with unnerving speed.
    This speedy motion should not be confused with a nervousness, the King has long since past cultivated a purpose and motivation for his actions. This King does not dither, he knows where he wants to be and has the drive and passion to get there. He has a burning desire to follow his passions and his purpose and that is what has him moving with alacrity. This character is not one that does well with periods of enforced waiting, especially if he feels he already has a goal on the horizon he needs to be getting to. This can be a weakness for this character, that of moving too quickly and before things are fully in motion.
   The King wears a red robe which speaks of his passion and vigour which is openly on display, the green mantle on his shoulders shows that this activity is compassionate, caring and heart based. The yellow and orange cloak he wears along with his sandstone throne all speak of his bright and upbeat nature which is openly on display. The King has no hidden motives and cannot abide duplicity, his speech is forthright and to the point.
   The throne and his cloak have symbols of both lions and salamanders covering them. The lion is a symbol of courage, strength, royalty and has great alchemical significance as it appears in several forms in the alchemical process of individuation. Its devouring qualities are highly transformative, as being devoured has the connotations of death and rebirth through a destructive breaking down and reforming of the self. Just think of the many tales of the hero being devoured or swallowed before being released at their destination (such as Jonah and the Whale). The salamander is also a symbol of transformation through rebirth in flames. Like the mythical phoenix the salamander is also birthed in the flames of purification. The phoenix must die in the fire in order to be reborn, but the salamander is immune to the fire and flame by virtue of its resilience and was reputed to be able to quench flames such was its affinity. A greater understanding of the fire signs leads to the understanding of transformation through being tempered by the fire, or re-forged.
    The phoenix is related to Scorpio and therefore rebirth through spiritual death. The lion and salamander are related to Leo and transformation through being reforged or tempered. This is a nuanced difference as it doesn't require the destruction of the prima materia to become something new, but has a regenerative quality. In layman's terms transformation through death requires the complete destruction of prior form, as being reduced to ash and a new form arising from the ash. Transformation through flame is when the destructive qualities of the flame bring out a regenerative aspect in the element...a good example being the cowardly lion in the wizard of oz. He transforms through a difficult situation which brings forth latent qualities in him, unlike the Scarecrow who has to be dismembered in order to be reborn.
   The meaning behind this of course is that the King is a much transformed individual although at some level he remains the same, his worldly travails and adventures have tempered and reformed him.
     The past and current situations in my life have definitely been such for me. I undertook a Celtic Shamanic workshop a week back and it has opened up a whole new realm of understanding for me. I have found connection to a level of grounded spirituality that has been unavailable to me for the longest time. It has connected me to my roots in way I wasn't sure was possible. Being of dual heritage, Italian and English has mostly been a boon to me, but there have been a few areas that were not all positive. I have found it hard to find my own roots without being able to call either place fully home. Having an Italian name constantly reminded me of my difference growing up. I grew up in a predominantly white area, but to label it as that would be woefully inaccurate. Growing up in England people seemed unaware of such differences, the primary differences being that of class or income. Never-the-less I was seen as a minority and not in a bad way given that the majority of Italian stereotypes are mostly positive, but instead my heritage was always dismissed when it did come up. I would hear, you aren't Italian you are English..or similar sentiments. Then on the other hand I would be expected to understand and speak Italian from others and to be familiar with the Italian way of life, or the fact that military service in Italy was a strong possibility if I ever wanted to live in Italy during my youth. Somehow I got it into my mind that my connection was somewhat faulty on the Italian side.
    But in doing this course I realised that my deep connection to all things Italian was fine and healthy, I felt more connected to Ancient Greek mythology (The south of Italy was actually part of the Greek civilization when it was thriving and it was likely that many great "Greek" thinkers actually lived there (Pythagorus definitely was!)). Instead it was my understanding of my English roots that was unsure. I will discuss this more later on a post dedicated to Celtic spirituality.
  What this did do however was cause me to question several things deeply. At the same time events in the "real" world were also picking up speed...or should I say losing momentum.  Our money diminished to zero. The job Zoe was counting on for some income continued to push back her actual start date and the jobs I have lined up are not beginning until November. For the first time in my life I went to bed hungry without any real option to do anything but hope the next day would bring new hope. The workshop had brought up lots of things to work through and I found meditating extremely difficult, so no reprieve there. Then my graphics card exploded with a loud crack putting my computer out of commission. I was able to use Zoe's little laptop to check mail, but was unable to continue blogging or using the internet. Facebook also decided that it wasn't going to give me any updates or emails for 3 or 4 days (I didn't realise this until they all arrived at once).
     Luckily my family came to our rescue and have gifted us with enough money to make it through the next week or so and for me to start providing healing treatments at a local business once I drum up some clients.
     This card really does symbolise how I feel...ready to go. I feel as though I am sat at the edge of my seat, ready to go forward, but unable to until November. I am hoping that these situations are bringing out qualities in me that will transform me into a better person. We have certainly been through a fire and chewed up by our situation, we just hope it will spit us out somewhere positive!
   
 

Ennui and the Green Man

    I had another dream last night and I wanted to get the words down before they disappeared back into the ether. The dream was one in which I found myself wandering the streets of New York. I have never been there outside of playing Grand Theft Auto in a city based on it (This actually helped me navigate in the dream!).
   In the dream I had the day to spend in the city before returned back to my hostel/hotel. I think I was a tourist there as I was alone and didn't know anyone. The streets were busy and I wandered with no sense of purpose, just spending time.
   I have spent several years travelling so being in a new strange city on my own is not something particularly usual to me. So I was ready to just pass the dream off as irrelevant.
   Since the last few night's dreams have had greater relevance when examined more thoroughly, I felt I should do the same for this one.
    I started with the tone and feeling of the dream which I had at first discounted as usual. When I started to examine how I felt in the dream, I began to realise something. What I had felt in the dream was a great sense of ennui..now this word is not one I particularly use often, but it fits perfectly. It means disinterest through boredom. But it also speaks of a more existential feeling. It is pronounced ON-WE and is French in origin, and as as is known, the French are masters of existential thought and feeling. I felt that the world was uncaring, unsympathetic and indifferent to my loneliness and separation. Anyone who has ever spent time alone in a city when they know no-one has probably encountered this (if not watch Lost in Translation).
      That I would regard this terrible feeling as normal allowed me to look once more at the feelings it evoked and its roots. I think this is a follow on dream from the dinosaur dreams in my last blog posting and it speaks to my feelings at a slightly older age, when the immediate threat to survival had disappeared, or at least had evolved to a philosophy that included it in my burgeoning world view.
     I must have been around seven years old, when I first recall strong feelings of ennui. Which I am guessing isn't something that is usual in a seven year old outside of independent French films. My parents worked very hard in a cafe below where we lived and I recall spending large amounts of time watching the rain falling from the upper stories of our house. They were too busy to devote time to looking after us and there was a great number of babysitters, many of whom would watch TV while they "looked after us". It seemed like the rain would fall endlessly and the hours would drag past, until they would emerge exhausted from below. It is not that my family was restrictive or that they didn't care. We just lived in the centre of town on a busy road, so I couldn't play outside, even if there were any kids to play with. We had a rather smelly backyard, which was slimy and had mint growing up through the broken cobblestones and looked rather like some dreary set from a Dickensian story about urchins.
   Looking more at this I was struck by another memory from some years ago when I was ill with flu. I spent the day in bed with a hot water bottle and the day outside was dreary and raining. I had positioned the hot water bottle under my shoulders and fallen asleep. When I awoke, I found that my shoulders had really relaxed, but it also brought with it a terrible emotion, one of crushing despair and loneliness. It was too much to deal with at the time, so I regrettably had to suppress it. I think that it is likely still there and I think this may well be connected.
    I realise that if this philosophy of an uncaring and unsympathetic world still has purchase on my psyche, then it will likely prevent me from recognizing anything that might disrupt it.  The way in which energy works in conjunction with belief systems is that it lets in data that corresponds with its own ideology and rejects data that might disrupt its homeostasis. It even goes so far as to set itself up to encounter situations that re-enforce its ideology. This means one does not often run into situations that would threaten the status-quo of your belief system. Typical examples I have noticed are; skeptics invariably end up visiting fraudulent psychics,  abusees ending up with abusers, thieves robbing the financially paranoid etc etc. All because the situations continue to re-enforce the dynamic and we are subconsciously always steered towards the path of least resistance. Most of the time it is easier to be robbed, than to change your opinion about robbery ...as absurd as this initially sounds.
    What I am coming to the conclusion is that my own perceptions about the universe were initially loaded from very early on by circumstantial situations. Had my family been extremely wealthy and been able to holiday regularly and spend more time with each other, chances are that my perspective on the benevolence of the universe might have turned out a little different. Of course this may have brought up its own issues.
    This alerts me to the fact that my preconceptions of the universe are likely incorrect and I must learn to de-programme this childish perspective in order for it to more closer resemble the true model. Otherwise I will continuously be drawn towards systems that attempt to validate the way I understood the universe to have run.
    I have certainly witnessed the benevolence of the universe to others, so this makes the job a great deal easier.
    Another chord was struck when I recalled watching an episode of Battlestar Galactica late last night. In the episode Gaius Baltar is preaching about feeling that God loved him and that we are all perfect. Now, although I certainly feel a divine presence pretty much all the time nowadays, I would hardly say that I feel a stream of love coming forth. It is more like an impassive spectator to my daily triumphs and follies. It is happy to offer helpful advice and guidance, but I have never noticed any emotional connection or bond. There is more of an inscrutable Chinese martial arts mentor vibe going on than loving guru.
     This causes me to question if this is not my own doing, that is some way my own perspective is screwing up such a subtle and fine vibration. Crying out for mercy would have little effect if my own belief system denies the possibility of it ever actually occurring. I may even receive it yet have it filtered out in order to maintain the status-quo. I have tried before with little apparent success and I don't like spending much time at my own pity parties.
    This led me to take a look at it from a more energetic perspective on where such a problem may actually be occurring. The natural choice is the heart chakra, certainly given the incident with the hot water bottle. Now for those not familiar with the heart chakra, its colour is green (Each chakra has a corresponding colour which resonates). I had always wondered why green? I know it would mess up the entire spectrum thing, but I thought maybe pink would be better for the heart. Green always seemed such a silly colour. I remember getting angry with my mother for buying me a green shirt and specifically asking that if she was going to get me clothes for Christmas, that they better not be green. I also recall my father saying that his favourite colour was green... this again made me feel irrationally angry...who in their right mind would pick green as their favourite colour?
    Suddenly I recalled when I meditated, often green was the first colour I would see. I would often be a little disappointed that it wouldn't be a more "spiritual" colour...like violet..or purple. I don't think I have ever owned a stitch of green clothing and don't talk to me about St. Patrick's day...Never mind my allergy to anything green in nature.
    It all started to make sense.. I have been holding off this type of energy. I have rejected all things green. Unsurprisingly, I stayed indoors with my hay fever during summers and walks in the woods were not really something I would consider enjoyable. Going to the local new age store this morning, I intended to pick up a green stone and I ended up also getting a small Green Man pendant.
    The Green man is an entity that is connected to life, vibrancy, the forest, foliage and the British isles. He is commonly known as Jack in Green and is known to Pagan and Wiccan beliefs. Given my obvious connection the British Isles I felt a kinship to this being that I had never been able to find in the Goddess worship that is so commonly accepted as being related to the Earth. Whenever I tried to connect the "Goddess" I never really felt anything and that she wasn't really all that interested, but in conjunction with the Green Man, it all makes a lot more sense to me. Neo-Pagan beliefs often have these two as beings who are wed and have a cyclical relationship similar to that of Persephone and Hades.
     It also makes sense with some of the other dreams I have had connected with my lineage on the masculine side. For some reason I always looked to the Italian side of my heritage to find my masculinity, given that I have learned a great deal from my mother about femininity. It was always my Grandfather who taught me the most about being a man and he was English. It has brought a renewed sense of connection for me and I plan to look into the Celtic side of shamanism. I am thankful all this can be gleaned from a simple dream about wandering alone in a city...
 
     Also the image at the top of page is a design that can be purchased at the following address: http://www.celestialachelois.net/

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