8 of Cups. Card of leave taking

   The 8 of Cups is a gloomy looking card, it has a dark background and a sad faced moon overseeing the figure as he departs leaving his cups behind.
    I have found as I pursue this blog that the energy of the cards has began to seep into my life and so drawing a gloomy looking card is not always my favourite thing as I wonder what it is that I am going to leave behind.
    Whatever is in the cups, it is enough for the figure to have grabbed his walking cane, his cloak and leave without even a glance over his shoulder. The somber blue of the sky and the strange moon face give an aura of sadness that hang over the card. The face of the moon itself seems to be confined within a circle of its own and I can only imagine that it is representing the dark side of the moon, even if it remains bright. This unusual symbolism suggests what would seem to be dark and sad, might actually not be all that bad.
    The last few mornings I have woken with a kind of sadness over me, a resignation. My business has taken off a little more, but for some reason the lull I am experiencing at the beginning of this new month in my work has affected me. Saying I was mooning over this slackening in business would not be far wrong. By drawing this card it forced me to consider my line of work and what it means for me. The creeping sense of dissatisfaction and boredom is at the fringes of my awareness and coming close on the heels of the last card (ironically, the 7 of Cups) it has allowed me to sink into the boggy ground of a certain ennui. The obvious thought is that I am dis-satisfied with my level of income and how it has restricted me and Zoe in our life and that of course that is what I wish to leave behind. On a certain level that is true, I would like nothing more than to be able to leave that chapter behind.
    In the card the traveller, for that is what he is regardless of what he may have been before he left, is prepared to leave it all behind. The eight cups, precariously balanced upon one another give no indication of what they carry. The upper layer of cups has an unusual gap, in which the traveller stands. It is if a small break in the situation has given him the impetus to step away from it all and set out on a journey. The destination of the journey is not as important as what he has been left behind.
   When I first left the UK and my call centre job for a bank I had the opportunity to work with a rocket scientist. What he was doing at the bank in a call centre I do not know, other than maybe to keep himself occupied after the military. I had told him of my plan to leave the bank and to go travelling on a journey, but I was unsure where to go. He told me that with getting a rocket to leave the atmosphere of the earth, it was not so important as to where it was going, but in generating enough force for it to push away from the ground so it could break free.
     The mountains that make up the background of the card are jagged and large and although the traveller appears to have a paved road ahead, his journey is not likely to be an easy one. It is the leave taking that is going to be difficult. The moon and the tides of the waters are holding him back. Gravity and inertia are his enemies and the small break is enough for him to set his intention and to push away.  The red of his cloak shows his vigour and passion to make a break for good and his green trousers show that his heart is also in this endeavor.
     As I considered my feelings this morning in bed, one thing occurred to me. It is not the situation that is frustrating me and bringing me down, although that doesn't help. It is the feelings themselves that I wish to leave behind. I will doubtless encounter further lulls in my business and even in my life. I cannot seriously expect that everyday will greet me with the promise of exciting work or wonderful opportunities. If everytime I find a lapse or a lull in the flow of things I engage with these feelings, then I will find they play a larger role in my life than I would like. The feelings of disappointment, of boredom or inertia are the feelings I really wish to leave behind. Outside of those worries it is a beautiful day and there are plenty of opportunities to enjoy my life or to choose to engage in positive activities.
     This card challenges us to face upto those parts of our lives that have dragged us down, those emotions that we would rather project onto external situations and to leave them behind. It is about leaving negative behaviours, patterns, emotions or even relationships behind us and to push onto greener pastures, regardless of how hard it is to break out of their gravitational pull.

4 of Cups. Dissatisfaction and false expectation.

   Pulling this card I wondered how my day would turn out. So far each card I have pulled has affected my day in some form or another, so drawing this card I have been concerned as to what may transpire.
   The four of cups is about boredom, dissatisfaction and feeling like your expectations are not being fulfilled. The figure in the card is sat cross legged under a tree, his arms are also folded across his chest indicative of a defensive and closed off posture. His gaze is firmly fixed on the three cups arrayed before him and his expression leads you to believe is not happy  with his three cups and he probably won't be happy with four either.
     Surprisingly the rest of the card is not all that glum. The grass is green, the sky is blue and there is no immediate threat or danger he is having to face other than his own petulance.
     Today I was in danger of feeling the same way, but since the card had primed me I was kind of prepared. I was to spend the day at the healing centre waiting for new clients to come in, or just be around should anybody wish to have a treatment. I usually go in and be there so that if someone has questions I am there at set hours during the week.  I had a call from a lady half way through the day who wished to come in to see me. Knowing this card was in the offing I didn't set any expectations so as not to be disappointed. It turns out she wanted to talk and share her experiences in Northern Italy and meet all of us at the centre. We talked for a while and she shared her experiences, then she left taking several of my cards with her. It was a pleasant way to spend the remainder of the day there and I had plenty of chance to talk with R and H who were also at the centre. I realised that it is very easy to become disappointed if you have expectations about certain things occurring in a way you would like them to be.
    We all have expectations, it is hard not to. We all want things for our lives and it is difficult to not get caught up when it looks like those things are getting closer or moving away. I find myself getting attached to outcomes that are not certain...counting my chickens before they have hatched. Yet this only ever seems to lead to disappointment and those expectations being let down. Worse than that, like the figure in the card, we can miss the gifts that are right there in front of us.
    It is only the attitude of the figure in this card that makes this a card of dissatisfaction. If he were smiling or happy to be where he was, then this could easily be a more positive card. The minor arcana are all about energies and once we understand this we are not beholden to them, or so we do not act in a manner that will make the situation worse.
   In the card a fluffy white cloud brings another cup to the disconsolate figure under the tree. So dejected is he, that he is not even aware of this divine gift that is being presented to him. He is danger of missing out on getting more, because of his maudlin attitude.
    Because I became aware of the energy dynamic as it was occurring I was able to turn the situation into a positive one. I enjoyed spending time at the centre sharing stories and listening to R and H and when the lady arrived later in the day I was receptive to the information she had to share, rather than being expectant that it may be a possible client. My expectations could have been my downfall. I wonder how many times we miss divine gifts because we are busy being glum or caught up in our own little dramas.
 

3 of Cups. Celebration of the female.

   The three of Cups has a simple design and a simple message. The three women on the card are raising their glasses in celebration. What is interesting about this card is the triplicity. In astrology if three points on a chart are 120 degrees from each other they form a triplicity or a trine. This means that there is a element of kinship, comfortableness and co-operation between the three similar facets.
    The three ladies on the card here look as though they could be sisters. Each wears a different coloured robe, but the colours function well together and there is no antagonism between those elements. The red represents passion, the white purity and innocence and the yellow clear thought.
   The number three has always had magical connotations, especially where it concerns the female element. Three witches, three sisters, three phases of the moon and the triple faced goddess. This card represents the cups or emotional element and as such the female aspect is ascendant. This doesn't mean that men are excluded, it simply means that the female aspect within us all is ascending powerfully.
    As such it represents a time of celebration. For me it is bringing an awareness of thankfulness for the women in my life, for without whom I would not be where I am today. The card represents union and support, kinship and the bond between friends. One source calls this the card of sisterhood, but I feel that doesn't quite fully touch upon this energy. As a man, I naturally am excluded from sisterhood, but that doesn't mean this card is excluding me. I would use the phrase the fraternity of man, but then I fall into the other side.
        Today I started to understand what this card means to me. I have had some recent financial woes and I have found that there has been a outpouring of support from the women in my life. Zoe is always there for me, standing beside me even when things look dark. The women at my workplace have been very understanding of my situation and offered to work with me through this time. Lilly, a recent friend of mine has offered to induct me into the deeper mysteries of the shaman despite my troubles and her own. Laura has stepped up with advice on how to move through this situation without me even asking! I can only feel deeply thankful and grateful for these and other women in my life and the support they offer.
      As a man, I have learned to soldier on through life on my own. We are taught to shoulder our burdens without complaint, to do everything oneself and that any mistakes or slips are our own faults. In this I am learning that being open the female element within oneself opens up a great power, one that many women enjoy naturally. Men do have camaraderie and brotherhood and these too are open to women also. They feel different though, more like warriors together to combine strengths than gently supportive of ones weaknesses. Often in our moments of weakness we need that support more than the gruff goading. It is a shame that more men cannot be open to this element, even within themselves and with other men and women. We all have weaknesses that need supporting and an admission of that is often a more powerful show of strength than a misguided show of bravado.
    Within the card fruits litter the floor and one can see oranges, grapes and pumpkins. I am sure everyone is aware of the symbolism of the pumpkin in relation to the story of Cinderella. It is only through the guidance of the good fairy (the higher female element) that Cinderella is able to transcend the mundane triplicity of her false sisterhood. In that instance the shadow side is apparent in which women rather than supporting each others weaknesses seek to take advantage of them.
    This card however relates to the fruits that can be gained from partaking of this trine and celebrating a common cause in which kinship is the important ideal. This itself is a cause for celebration. It is the conjuction of passion, purity and clear thought.

    Oh and if you would like to read an alternative Cinderella short story by Zoe you can find it here!
       

0 - The Fool

 The Fool card begins the journey of the tarot. It is numbered zero and stands both above and before the rest of the Major Arcana. It plays a role similar to the joker in the regular decks in that it is a card that stands outside the regular numbering.
  The tarot can be seen as a journey through the Major Arcana and the Fool card represents the querent as he begins his quest. He is the innocent who begins his journey in honest naivete and is able through beginners luck to avoid the pitfalls laid before him. The hobbits in Lord of the Rings represent this kind of energy, through lack of guile and purity of heart they are able to avoid many pitfalls that should fell them. They initially leave the shire and manage through instinctual fumbling to avoid the terrible danger of the ring wraiths.
     The Fool represents both innate wisdom and purity of instinct, though not consciously manifested.
      This is a very powerful card and when it appears it indicates a level of divine providence provided one releases guile and cunning and trusts innately.
     In my own life there have been several instances when the energy of the Fool card has been instrumental in my successes. Recently I have been struggling with several issues, that seem to leave me wondering how to proceed. It is a confluence of forces and circumstances that leaves me exhausted and endlessly analyzing how to progress to no avail. Then several nights ago when I was first pondering this card I had a dream. In this dream I encountered an alien who showed me several very brightly coloured layers of a crystalline substance. These crystal layers covered the soles of the feet and to me had a somewhat unknown quality. I was trying to see them on people, but could only see them with his help, but he assured me I would be able to do so eventually.
   Although the symbolism is a little confusing, it is to do with the tension I have been feeling in the soles of my feet recently. The soles of the feet represent connection to the earth and given my financial difficulties of late, there is obviously some obstruction that I am not fully able to perceive. The energy is crystallizing, which is what happens if energy stagnates for a period of time and I need to find a way to break through this as yet unknown and invisible substance.
   What is most striking to me is the vivid colours in the dream. When I dream of very vivid colours they are always significant in a profound and spiritual way. They occur very rarely and they always indicate the areas in which I should put the main of my attention.
   When I first felt a draw to the US I had a profound dream in which I was led to a cliff side which had four very large luminous bears standing at the summit and I had to climb the treacherous cliff to reach them. This was the dream that really initiated me into being here and on this journey.  Many years later when my attempts to move to the US had failed, I was then shown another vivid dream with the Pleiades star system lit by unearthly colours. The Pleiades or the seven sisters is the first constellation to appear over the horizon in spring and that is when I decided to return to the US. All along the way my journey has been illuminated by these profound dreams and they always signal to me that spirit is on my side and I just need to step out and trust.
    In many of those instances I felt like the Fool. I was beginning a journey and only by trusting in spirit to guide my journey and protect me from the pitfalls, many of which I could not see or begin to understand.
   In the card the fool has his eyes firmly fixed on the heavens unaware or uncaring of the dangerous drop right ahead of him. He carries all his belongings in a bag over his shoulder and a white rose of pure love in his hand.  His tunic is adorned with vivid colours and depicting hearts, wheels and plant like patterns. These symbols are newly formed and do not have the strength or integrity of some of the later symbols, but are no less powerful because they are driven by innocent virtue. He is still growing yet into his fullness and this youthful energy imparts a measure of strength and protection. Upon his head sits a laurel wreath and a feather in his cap, both symbols of attainment, though he seems unaware of their existence and it is likely he wears them without understanding their meaning. He is a victor without knowledge of such, a humble champion.
    Behind him the sun shines upon him and is at his back, reinforcing his solar aspect as a yet unproven hero. The dog nipping at his heels represents his instincts which, like lassie guide him away from danger unseen. There is a foppish nature to this young youth, a fresh innocence and a belief that there can be no danger that he cannot overcome with this attitude. The thing is, because his belief is so strong and pure, at this point in the journey he is absolutely right.
    For me the appearance of this card at this time is very fortuitous. I have worried that my own desire to create a secure financial base for myself is one based on personal need alone. That I have taken "time out" from my journey to pursue this quest. Similar to a side mission in a video game...not the main story, but an irrelevant refueling event that is only slowing me down. The appearance of this dream suggests that I am actually on track and can relax into the role of the Fool and not carry all these guilt worries that I am not doing what I am "meant" to be. More than that I can fully trust the universe to help me out and not feel as though I am doing this out of selfish desire. This is the beginning of a new journey for me and stepping into that lighter, more innocent role is to my advantage, rather than carrying the burdensome concern about picking the right trail.
    The interesting aspect of the Fool card is that it exists both at the beginning of the Major Arcana, but also outside of the numbering. He doesn't have a fixed position and technically as he progresses he visits each of the Major Arcana. The journey through the tarot represents an archetypal evolution through life and each of the different experiential encounters we meet on the road. The Fool however is omnipresent and we should not leave him behind at the beginning of the journey but carry him through till the end. While we must not forget the lessons of the past, we can meet each new challenge anew as the Fool. Rather than fumbling through the book of our experiences, we must meet new challenges as the Fool, the open but humble hero with the sun at his back and his faithful hound ready to protect him from danger.
 

2 of Wands. Elevated perspective.

  The 2 of Wands is about elevated perspective and taking in the bigger picture. I feel there are a few other cards that cover the idea of patience, such as the 7 of Pentacles. But this card has a slightly different take on the situation.
    The figure stands upon the crenelated battlements of a castle, gazing down upon the glob in his hand. Both instances suggest elevated perspectives, one of the globe and the other of the countryside spread out before the castle. Not only is his perspective elevated in terms of a viewpoint, but he is also physically above the landscape.
    This morning I woke up with a different perspective, one that is mirrored by this card. I woke up feeling somewhat elevated because of certain understandings I came to last night. After drawing the 10 of Wands as my last card, I felt able to let go of certain burdens I had been carrying. I shuffled the deck and drew again and again drew the 10 of Wands, I figured the odds were low for this occurring and took it to mean I wasn't fully finished with processing the lesson. I spent time talking it through with Zoe. I recounted a situation in which my ex had once accused me of putting her on a pedestal. It didn't make sense at the time, as I felt I treated her with the respect I would any person. It now occurred to me that I wasn't elevating her above normal, but actually treating her as a worthy being. It turns out now that she was not acting as one and that created the disparity.  I then shuffled the deck (even more fully than before) before the drawing the 10 of Wands a third time! At this point I left them for the evening and decided to sleep on it.
        Upon awakening I felt different. It is as though a shift occurred while I slept. Suddenly I felt as though I am worthy of all the things that have been lacking in my life. By listening to all the statements of doubt others had said about me I had internalised them. I realised that I wasn't less than those who tried to intimidate or take advantage of my good nature. I understood on a visceral level that those people are less for acting in such a way. I do believe all people are good and worthy, but only once they stand up and accept it. Before that they live out the roles they choose for themselves, myself included. It feels as those who sought to oppress me or plant doubt in me no longer have any power over me and all I feel is sadness for them. I had believed their lies that I was less, or worthy of doubt, that I should not trust my internal knowledge and listen to them instead.
       Like the figure in the card, it seems as though I am seeing the world anew. Not as something beyond me or out of my league. He stands in a position of confidence, knowing that the world or anything in it can be his. The two flowers on the crenelation are a lily and a rose, the symbols of purity and passion respectively. With the help of these there is nothing that cannot be encompassed with his elevated vision and materialised. Within his view are several castles which symbolise security and prosperity...in fact he is already stood upon one!
     He grips the first wand, showing that he is already in touch with his fiery nature and ready to bring forth his vision. The second wand is behind him and stands in reserve, firmly attached to the castle wall. This I feel symbolises that part of his fiery nature is tied up in materialisation already. He may not be aware of it, but it stands upright and ready, a reserve ready to be tapped. His orange robes are a strong contrast with the greenery beyond him and the uniformity of the colours speaks that he is firmly focused.
     The idea of rising above a situation is one that is well documented as being the best way to see one's way out or forward. In this case, it permits the figure to see the whole and make plans accordingly. In my case, the elevation was due to an understanding about the true nature of things, which then granted me a better perspective. I do actually feel greater as a person because of it and because I am no longer measuring myself by the standards of the unworthy.

Knight of Cups. Idealism and the Holy Grail.

  The Knight of Cups is one of the court cards that I feel a connection to. This connection may lay somewhat in my past, but this card still holds a resonance for me.
    The Knight in the card reminds me of the Grail legends, of one of King Arthur's Knights. He has an air of chivalry and romance about him, dressed in armour of old bearing a chalice before him.
   In the legends, each of the Knights of the round table was charged with seeking the Holy Grail and returning to King Arthur's court at Camelot. Now depending on which legend you read, several of the Knights were successful in their quest to retrieve the Grail. These are typically Galahad, Percival and Gawain (although Bors was accounted to have witnessed it).
   Regardless, the idea of the virtuous knight on a holy quest is what resonates with this card and the figure therein. When I was younger, this archetype held a great deal of resonance. I am not sure if many boys still imagine themselves to be goodly knights, but it was the ideal that I looked up to.
   The idea of chivalry and good conduct, of virtue and honour was something I felt very deeply. I loved the stories and for me they represented the paragon of the male ideal. Someone strong, brave and powerful, but only willing to apply that to a virtuous cause.
     The knight in the card is astride a white charger, a symbol of innocence and virtue and he pauses before a river. The water shows that this is a sensitive individual, one given to dreaming of white knights and princesses...an idealist. The fishes on his tabard relate to dreams and this individual has a very active dream life, which he wears proudly.
     One element to note is that the knight has no weapons and rides only bearing the cup of his emotions. He rides for love alone and that he believes is all he needs. He is no cynic and he wears his heart on his sleeve, ready to trust and even to lay down his life for another if necessary. The wings upon his armour relate to the element of air and thus to intellect. While he may carry no sword, he is armoured as he understands that the world may not be able to live up to his ideals.
     The chalice itself is a holy vessel and relates to the sacred feminine. The quest for the holy grail was nothing other than a quest to find completion for the male aspect in ascendance. The attainment of the Grail was a symbol of the integration of the sacred feminine. As a result this character is in touch with his female side and while others may feel this makes him weak, it actually makes him whole.
    He is still a young knight though and this card relates more to the story of Percival the first time he finds the grail. In this tale, the young knight Percival is tasked by the dying king to find the grail so that he can restore the land that has been blighted. At the beginning of his journey the young knight finds the grail at a castle, but doesn't recognise it for its holiness and as a result is unable to obtain it. Once he leaves the castle, it promptly vanishes and the knight realises his error. The rest of the tale is of his quest to find his way back to the castle and retrieve it having many adventures along the way. He does succeed in the end and manages to return the land to virility and fullness, but only after a stretch of long arduous years.
       The knight has not reached maturity yet and although his ideals are true, they are untested in the world. The grail legends are actually an initiatory journey for the masculine spirit of the west, mirroring the journey each man needs to pass through before he can become whole. Many men never even begin their quest for understanding, a great deal are lost after achieving their initial goal and cannot bear to think they had the answer in their hands, but some do find wholeness and this is the path they take. These stories hold many keys to understanding the archetypal trials that every man must face in order to find wholeness. There are also such stories for women such as Beauty and the Beast and Cinderella which continue to live on and inspire.
    For me the card brings back my idealistic past, of how I believed the world could won through love alone. That one only needed high ideals and great moral fortitude in order to change the world. That part of me still lives on, but he is wiser now and has faced a great number of trials. Maybe at some point I will still be able to deliver the grail to the king and bring back vitality to the land.
    It is easy to become jaded, to be a cynic, to see life as nothing but dry and desiccated. These are the lost ones on the road, who have given up their quest and wait for be proven right as they are swallowed by their own empty oblivions. I still believe in magic and in hope, for without belief in these then there is no chance we will ever find them in our lives.
     

Seeking Joy

  This morning I couldn't help but ponder the way in which we live our lives. I was picking over old memories to understand where a big change had happened in my life. This was the change from a joy-seeking mindset to a pain-avoidance way of living. I think this happened when I was around 7 years old.
    It seems to stand to reason that we should want to live in a way that maximizes our joy, but how many of us do that?
   A few days ago I became involved in a topic of conversation regarding the cell structure of the human body and how each individual cell appears to have a basic form of consciousness. If a cell in our body encounters a foreign or possibly harmful cell then it alerts the rest of the organism to its presence thereby causing white blood cells to be released to combat the invader. The crux of the conversation revolved around how the cell "knew" what a foreign body was given the size and scope of the entire body organism and  what it needed to do in that situation. It stands to reason that the cell has a rudimentary form of consciousness, at least the ability to be able to perceive what is beneficial and what is harmful.
   Thinking back to how we are as children, we are preset to be in this joy seeking mode. Every sensation is a wonderful experience. We taste, we touch, we smell and interact with every object our budding senses can manage. Looking on a newborn or young baby we can see how joyful they are to be experiencing the world this way.
   Occasionally as the child begins to grow they start to encounter situations that are unpleasant or harmful. This creates a shying away in the organism of the body as it seeks to avoid destruction or damage.So it appears there are two drives at work. That of seeking pleasurable sensation and that of avoiding harm.
   I recall when I first encountered homework as a child. For me it was a pleasurable sensation, I got to learn and in exchange I met with praise and encouragement. What more could one want? I used to ask for extra homework and enjoyed completing tasks and being rewarded.
   It was not long before I encountered the pain of not being able to complete it on time and the punishment that came along with this outcome. At this point I feel we are at a crossroads. If our environment allows the rewarding scenario more then the punishment outcome then we are likely to stay within a pleasure seeking and fulfilling mindset. We can be "good" students through either path. Either through the avoidance of punishment or the seeking of encouragement.
   Taking the school analogy further, once this mindset has been established then most of our teachers simply discover which motivational method works best for us and employ it. Half the class is propelled into learning for the joy of learning and the enjoyment of the encouragement they are given and the other half are motivated by the desire to avoid the punishments when they don't meet the standards.
   Given the continuing likelihoods of meeting more ways of suffering harm as adults we tend to all end up at least in some areas of our life seeking the ways to minimise pain. This results in us trying to be as successful as possible within this mindset, the pinnacle of which is the complete avoidance of pain within ones life. We can be 100% successful and this doesn't result in any joy, but simply the avoidance of any negative encounters or harmful situations.
     Going back to the cell, it is possible for the cell to function effectively whichever perspective it may have. If the cell has a joyful perspective it finds pleasure in discovering a foreign body and the resulting completion of a task. The pain avoiding cell tries to minimise the greater pain in the organism and also completes the task.
    When the joyful cell completes its task it is suffused with pleasurable sensations. The pleasurable cell can be 100% successful AND this outcome leads to a joy filled life.
     It stands to reason then that having a joyful mindset is a far more efficient and enjoyable way of living. But how do we get back to this primal joy seeking perspective?
    The answer is to change the way we look at the the world and surrounding environment. Stop considering the ways in which we will suffer or be punished if we fail and start thinking of the joy of succeeding. A 5% success in finding joy is far greater than a 5% avoidance of pain.
   For me, I remember back to that time in my life when I actively sought out ways to maximise my enjoyment and feel that way again. Look at the positive outcome and shoot for that!