XIV - Temperance. The Higher self or guardian angel.

  Temperance is an unusual card. It is difficult to understand it's meaning with just a simple glance and the name temperance doesn't really do justice for a Major Arcana.
    Temperance is derived from tempering which is a term used when metals such as steel are made tougher by alternatively heating them in a forge and then cooling them by quenching them in water. It also means moderation on a lesser scale, although that is a more superficial approach to this card and does not touch upon the greater truths existent within this key.
    The superficial attribution of this card is to apply moderation in ones life, to cut back on extremes and curb passions or desires that would be harmful in greater quantities. Temperance is itself a virtue in which one seeks to moderate excesses in thought, feeling or emotional outbursts.
   To understand the more esoteric side of this card we have to delve into the symbolism involved. The first aspect that is obvious is the angel stood in the centre of the card. This angelic being represents our own guardian angel. The job of the guardian angel is to watch over us and to keep us safe from harm, they are the spiritual protectors of our soul. This angel is also synonymous with the higher self or the super consciousness we all possess.
        In the unregenerate or vegetative person this aspect is more a function of the unconscious and they will be unaware of the influence this force plays in their life. This force or element has a very refined consciousness and is available to all and any who would also bring their own consciousness up to a similar level. It will still act on a vegetative person, but they will perceive it as an urging towards moderation by instinctual forces. The average person will recognise it as the voice of conscience which alerts us when we stray into danger or fall into excess. A refined consciousness will recognise it as an intelligence which can offer guidance, advice and solace. It is quite capable of communication, provided we have not shunned our conscience overmuch and are willing and open to our inner landscape.
    Once we are open to our conscience as a guide then the angel begins its real task, that of tempering the soul. The angle guides us into life situations that temper us to bring out the greater, stronger qualities we possess. Just as the sword blade must be alternatively be plunged into heat and water to bring forth its inherent strength so must we. The angel is in charge of making sure that these challenges are not sufficiently dangerous or difficult so that we become shattered and providing aid for us when things are hard.
    In the card we see that the angle has a upward pointing triangle upon his chest, this symbolises the element of fire. His flame red wings also speak of both fire and air, the elements which are often attributed to masculinity and the heavenly realms. His feet stand on both earth and water, the two female elements which are also connected to the earthly realms. He is in the process of mixing a liquid substance between two chalices, as if carefully measuring an elixir.
     This card, like The Lovers card is about syzygy (conjunction of opposites). This card however is talking about that work as concerns one individual. That being's ascent into selfhood, as evidenced by the path by the angel's side. It is talking of an alchemical process with that being, or carefully mixing all the elements together to create a perfect elixir for enlightenment. The Lover's card is primarily concerned with masculine and feminine forces and often relates to an external individual or situation.
     The pathway to the angel's side leads to a mountain and beyond to a radiant sun with a blazing crown within. This crown and sun talks of the mystical centre, the point at which conversation with the higher self is possible only after the conjunction of oppositional elements. It relates to Tiphareth in the Kabbalah. The Temperance card, when placed in pathworking falls between Yesod (the subconscious) and Tiphareth (the heart centre). The crown represents the symbol of rightful leadership which is only be granted to the heart that is connected to the light of the source. The angel of Temperance clears the way, working on all the subconscious elements to make the pathway open to the devoted seeker. This pathway is known as the rainbow bridge, created by the archer's arrow which shoots forth the pierce the heart. It is not a surprise then that Sagittarius is the zodiac sign that is attributed to this card. It was known as Bifröst in Norse mythology, the bridge that connected the world of man with the world of the gods.
       On the opposite side of the angel, we find a stand of Irises, which mean rainbow in Greek. This of course corresponds to the aforementioned rainbow bridge.
      On a personal level this card means a level of transformation and growth after a trying period. Things have been very rough for me recently and 2011 was a difficult year. It has left me a little battered and bruised and this card is here to show me that the crucible was a necessary journey for me. I could have been shattered by the events, but the carefully measured situation has allowed me to become tougher. I feel a new transformation is necessary for me, that I need to grow and open up in a different direction. It is giving me the strength to trust my heart to lead me in the right direction. This last year has shown me I have been willing to bend to the will of those who would not serve my best interests all too easily. Only what I know in my heart can lead me, not the will of those who cannot and do not listen to their own. The voice of my heart and conscience is the only and rightful ruler of my life and I have needed to have that pathway cleared.
      Interestingly I had a dream the night I drew this card in which I was talking with a man and I was explaining the virtue of kundalini energy. I was explaining that it was like embodying the serpent and the dove. I can think of no better symbol to explain the forces that need to be combined for kundalini energy to flow.
 
 

6 of Cups. Nostalgia and reminiscence

    Nostalgia is a powerful bittersweet emotion. It can be wonderful and terrible at the same time, bring aches to your heart and tears to your eyes.
    The 6 of Cups is all about that emotion, even in spite of its somewhat confusing imagery. The brightly coloured card shows a figure passing a cup  filled with flowers to a younger girl...possibly a child. It takes place in a secure walled town, complete with a guard protecting the meadow where they meet.
    I have spent many of my hours of my life lost in nostalgia, recalling the emotions of past times. Mostly I spend it recalling how I felt, emotions that feel out of reach except in bittersweet memories. People say that these emotions are a trap, that they hold you in the past, grasping for things that will never be again. There is an element of truth in their words, but there is also a reason we feel so drawn to these types of thoughts.
   There was one element in this card that I could not figure out at first. All of the cards are very well drawn, depicting with skill the elements they talk of. So as an artist there was one thing that stood out to me as I looked at this card. Barring the somewhat ambiguous depiction of a child, there seems to be a strong artistic flaw in this picture.  Looking to the left of the card we see steps and a pathway on which a guard with a spear is walking. The pathway is sloping upwards and the lines of perspective point in that direction too, yet the crenelations on the square tower point downwards towards the horizon line. This creates a discontinuity in the image. It is easy to think this may well be an artistic mistake that was overlooked, but if we are to remain in keeping with the idea that all elements have been included for a purpose then it may speak of more beneath the surface of this card.
       There are two options I can think of. The first is that the skewed perspective is a commentary on the warped perspectives we often show when we look back on the past, certainly on childhood experiences. The second is that the perspective is not incorrect and it is showing a bridge that is arcing up before suddenly dipping down. This would mean there was a river or some other obstacle we could not see that needed to be surmounted.
    There may be an element of truth in both of these statements. As a shaman I understand that memories of the past, regardless of how painful can be keys to certain lost emotions. There are some wounds that do not heal with time and our memories serve to bring us back to these psychical scars time and time again as if probing a missing tooth.
    I had a simple dream a few nights back that I have been puzzling over that I believe is somewhat related, at least for me. In the dream I had just emerged from a deep cave system, which has treacherous pathways and narrow ledges. I came upon a town in which I encountered a new car which apparently I had just bought. It was a deep red sporty looking vehicle, somewhat like a Mustang but with a slightly different design. I got into the vehicle and pulled out a map to find my way back home. The map showed a mountain range (somewhat like Colorado) with lots of names upon it. I was trying to find either where I had come up, or Flagstaff so I could return home with my new car. The dream was frustrating in that I could not find either on the map and I didn't want to start driving a new car not knowing where I was or where I was going.
    Looking back on the dream I can understand my feelings, having felt like I have just emerged from a very difficult period and found a new way of moving through the world. The problem is in how to bring that home to myself. I look on the map trying to find places I knew, yet not finding them. It is like I can't bring that piece home yet as I don't know the route. I search for a recognizable route but find none.
    Often nostalgia is like this. We can find a piece of ourselves trapped somewhere, but there is no point of reference on how to bring it back. So we go again and again to this place to taste the fruit that we have become disconnected from.
   Maybe that is the bridge unseen in the card. A link between that sweet memory and the security of our own being. It crosses an unknown obstacle and the route drops out of sight.
   The nostalgia in me points to a time when I did feel that great sense of adventure which the sporty car represents. Yet that time is gone and I am yet to understand how to bring it back to my home. I could live it once more by adopting the same attitudes as I had before and embarking on carefree endeavors. I could live in that disconnected dream world, but I have done that many times before. I know eventually the fuel would run low and I would need to rest my head, but I would be in unknown territory and far from home. So I chose not to adopt the mindset of the old...yet there is something there still to be integrated.
    In the card we see the larger figure gifting the smaller figure, a possible representation of our own inner child. So the card suggests that nostalgia does offer a gift if we can accept it and find a way to bring it back across the bridge. The way is safe, but unknown and that in itself can be a terrifying prospect.
    What I understand is that we have to find these lost fragments of ourselves, the parts of us that have been lost to time, or to hurt and find a way to bring them back to ourselves as we stand now. Otherwise we will never feel complete. It is a process of unearthing, like pulling an artifact from the ground and following the wire as it pulls out from the grip of our memories. By doing so we can see why it got stuck or buried, what was lain atop it or caused it to be disregarded. We must walk that mysterious bridge half glimpsed for ourselves for only then will we become whole. It can be a painful and beautiful journey as we step back into ourselves, but we must not lose hope that these pieces are gone forever. They are us, they are our soul and we must not abandon them.
    Many times we even feel that they are the property of others, that another made us feel that way. But by doing so we lose our power, it is our life and our feelings, they were just a trigger and it is within us to find it again.
    For me music is often that bridge to the feeling. The music can transport you back to a painful or difficult moment and allow you to relive it once more. By doing so it allows us to re-integrate that part back into our current awareness. I have been recently listening to the Pixies (Where is my mind? and Monkey gone to heaven) and a few other songs that remind me of feelings I had felt were lost to me and learning how to make them my own once more. Stripping them of their negative associations and taking only the good back.
     

Creative block

There has been a significant block in my creative life that I have (hopefully) banished within the last few weeks. I am still going through the debris that is left behind after you shatter a block and keeping my eyes open to make sure it doesn't re-establish itself if my attention wanes.

An old friend recently commented on my most recent artwork and I began to relay why it had been such an ordeal for me to create. As I was doing so I realised that I had kept this particularly ugly incident in my life under wraps all those years ago and those closest to me at the time had no idea what I had been going through. This was pretty much par for the course all those years ago, I had no idea that I could share my burdens and have the support of my friends and maybe they could have helped the skewed perspective that I left within.

I have always had a great love of fantasy, I recall reading the Greek myths when I was only 6 or 7 years old (in a children's format of course!) and imagining what it was like to ride a Pegasus to battle and defeat the Chimera. My love of drawing was something that I also developed, although I remember most of my school projects revolving around shoes and actual still life objects. When I got to my teens I do recall drawing dragons and knights along with the typical space ships and ninjas. Although I think that my life drawing was better and I preferred the attention those got rather than my imaginative drawings.

My experiences at high school and college were less than thrilling with regards to my art. With the exception of a few talented life drawing teachers my artistic aspirations were struggling through a barren wilderness. Most of the art teachers felt it was perfectly acceptable to leave the class room and often not re-appear till the end of the class. I was a child that needed constant direction and I often felt lost in those times and my artwork would suffer. College was worse and it could often number in the weeks before I could spot a teacher lazily drifting down the hall with a mug of tea in their hands and the projects often consisted of little more direction than "do whatever you want". This was great for the driven artists (of course there are always a few) who decided to create exhibits of rotting meat, curtains of used nappies (diapers) and images of women attached to milking machines. I yearned for the days of the simple project...just draw your shoe. But alas those simpler days had gone.

University dawned brightly for me and for the first few years I got back into my stride. Many of the projects I was given as an Illustration major were a challenge to me. We learned to master the different mediums and unusual techniques in watercolours, acrylics, chalk, charcoal, etching....you name it, we learned it. Then the second year dawned and we moved onto individual projects and "briefs".  I recall doing a project in which we combined parts of an animal together from various reference to make a "chimera" in the most technical sense. I loved the project and it must have awoken something in me because I realised that if I could draw anything I wanted then surely I could begin to draw fantasy pictures once more.

The next project I decided to paint a wizard casting a spell surrounded by a celtic knot-work border. It took me a while to master how to draw the intricacies of the knot-work, but eventually I finished my piece. When it came time to show our tutor our work I happily showed my work to her, hoping for some encouragement. Unfortunately she seemed to consider the piece and then said to me " You aren't good enough to do this kind of work, you never will be. It would be better if you tried to do something that uses what skills you have. Fantasy art is so competitive and you need superb references. Better to do something that will sell."

I guess I should have just disregarded what she said, but to me, a person who needed that firm direction it seemed like good advice. I could see how I might not be good enough. She was the tutor, what did I know about fantasy artwork? I didn't want to be poor did I? So I put away my ideas of pure fantasy and concentrated on what I was good at.

Unfortunately things didn't get any better. The three female teachers who ran the course had been in a review with one of the female students and had remarked that they believed men had it easy in life compared to women and that to rectify that they lowered the grades of all the male students. The female student decided that it was not really her place to do anything or say anything (other than to let some of the guys know). This meant there was no ground to lodge a complaint.

In the third year I decided that I would try my hand at computer artwork..maybe get a job in the games industry, another of my passions. So I spent my time learning the software by myself to produce some artwork. They didn't respond to well to that either. They said that computer art was cheating and there was no future in it and that I had better stop trying. At this point my stubbornness kicked in and I kept on with my projects. This was stopped when they said if I kept trying they would simply fail me regardless of how good my work was.

At this point exhaustion took over and I decided that I would at at least like to come away with a passing grade. As you can imagine, I stepped away from artwork as soon as I finished my schooling and didn't touch pencil to paper for almost 8 years. What caused me to pick it up is another story, but the block remained.

I realised this year that I could no longer abide having listened to their "advice" and would not be free until I had produced a piece of fantasy work in 3D. The picture below is the result of that thought. I used no reference and it came wholly from my imagination.