7 of Wands. Standing your ground.

  The 7 of Wands is all about standing your ground and fighting on against the odds. This card has been very relevant for me and it's timing is perfect in arriving as I have been dealing with this very issue.
    The figure in the card holds staff across his body, ready to defend both himself and the piece of ground he is fighting to maintain. Below him are six staves, which appear to be threatening or menacing him. The landscape beneath him also looks like a miniature landscape, as though the figure himself is a giant.
   Standing my ground is something I have preferred to avoid, certainly when it has been against overwhelming odds or the threat of violence and harm is present. I have preferred to surrender the ground and move to a better vantage point, rather than hold one particular spot. While mobility is a great thing as many times dropping back will allow you to re-assess and find a better avenue, there are times when you must hold your ground.
   This concept emerged strongly during the Shamanic workshop I undertook this past weekend. My first journey into the state of altered awareness revolved around the concept of standing my ground. I found myself reliving several memories in which I had surrendered my position in order to keep the peace, even though I knew I was in the right. As a result I lost a piece of myself in these situations and made it easier to give it away in the future.
     In the journey I was taken back to an event in my teenage years in which a friend overstepped his bounds and I ended up having to forcefully eject him from my parent's house. His social position in my group of friends however meant that unless a compromise was reached I would remain on the fringes of my own social group. They had remained stoic and unwilling to step down on either side of the disagreement (for fear of taking sides), even though I was clearly in the right. It became a situation in which I felt I had to surrender my higher ground in order to reach a compromise and remain in good graces with my social group. This laid the road for further situations in which surrendering my moral high ground became the norm, especially if I was in the minority. In the journey I was able to find all the pieces that I had surrendered and re-attach them. In doing so it laid the groundwork for me realising something about the whole process. In the journey a guide appeared to me and informed me that "ground is never lost, it is only given".
       With this profound piece of information I was able to look upon the situation under an entirely different light. In all the situations that arose during my journey, it was I who chose to let go of my ground. I was not defeated, I simply surrendered that ground when I felt the stakes had become too high. The bar of which I measured the stakes progressively became lower and lower as the instances occurred, so as to the point in which surrendering my ground under the most trivial of difficulties became the typical response.
     In the card, the figure maintains a higher ground. He defends against threats from below himself and to compromise his position would lead to defeat and a loss of power and self. He fights not from a position of ego (as in the 5 of Swords) but from a spiritual understanding of right and wrong. He may be outnumbered and beleaguered, but his position is in alignment and he can and will triumph. He would not only be surrendering ground, but he would also be surrendering right.
     The idea of right and wrong can be a thorny one and many people will argue that there is no "right " or "wrong". This ideology can leave you in a very dangerous position, unable to defend or fight for what is right or to recognise when one is wrong. It is true that life is more than a simple black and white, that there are many different hues and tones. But we live in a relativistic world and so both extremes must necessarily exist in order to create a spectrum, otherwise it results in a simplistic world of grays. There are times when people will commit actions that are "wrong" and this can clearly be felt on an internal level. Mental justification for these wrongs in order to maintain a simplistic world view or to preserve one's own ego is wrong and must be avoided at all costs.  It whittles away one's integrity and ability to stand against injustice and evil.
      A minor detail on this card is that he wears differing footwear. On one foot, he wears a boot, on the other a shoe. This is representative of his unusual standpoint, of his unorthodox methods or ideologies. Often times this is what can spur these types of situation, defending an unorthodox perspective from the lesser ideologies that threaten it.
     The figure will vanquish his detractors, he holds the high ground and therefore the universe stands behind him regardless of the odds he faces.
     

XX - Judgement

  The Judgement card is one that is easy to mistake the meaning of. It's the title and the heavily christian allegorical symbolism that can throw one off. If you are looking at Judgement in terms of the judiciary meaning then take a look at the Justice card, it is not about crime and punishment.
   What is immediately obvious to anyone with more than a passing relationship to the Book of Revelations is that the symbolism...the angel blowing the trumpet, the dead arising and a possible tidal wave in the background, is striking.
    Rather than meaning an actual end of the world "Judgement Day", it is about our own personal reckoning.
    The card is speaking of soul fragments that have either "died" or become trapped being raised from their confinement. In the journey of the Fool, when he encounters this particular situation it is when he must face the parts of himself that have become lost, trapped or relegated to the past. The clarion call of the angel resurrects the parts of himself that have been left behind so they can be re-united in wholeness.
    The idea of facing parts of our past we want to have buried can be somewhat disturbing. We may have buried them for a reason...or so we feel. They may be associated with terrible times, traumatic events or feelings of deep shame or denial. They may even be happy parts that we no longer feel we have a right to, or that belong to another time, or are so polluted with attachments to bad memories we don't want to look.
     Drawing this card has meant for me a long hard look at the choices and difficulties in my own life. I have worked heavily on this area, but I could feel something birthing through the process. It forced me to consider my relationship with Zoe in a honest and straight forward light. We have a great relationship, but there are elements that could be improved upon. Elements we both need to be happy with ourselves and with each other.
      Many years ago Zoe lost a very important person to her. She felt a great connection to him, so when he passed away suddenly it left a hole in her life. They were both in their teens and so it was very unexpected and shocking. It didn't help that Zoe was going through several already difficult experiences in her family life at the time, or that there were elements that made her feel indirectly responsible for his passing. For her the joy and excitement of teenage feelings were stripped away in a horrifying manner leaving a void and a powerlessness in their wake. So, for her those happy feelings are tainted with the circumstances in which they were lost and resurrecting them can seem like a disturbing consideration. Talking about the situation alone is enough to bring tears to her eyes.
     In the struggle for wholeness, we cannot leave any parts of ourselves behind. For in truth, there is a part of us forever living that trauma and that deeply affects the quality of our lives and the relationships we form with others. A certain level of bravery is required to face our fallen pieces, to see our choices, our mistakes, where we fell and where we were hurt. We all like to believe we are infallible and seeing our loss reminds us of our humanity. But those pieces deserve to enjoy freedom, to be able to step out of their confinement, because they are us and if we do not care for us...who will?
       The angel on the card is often described as being Gabriel and I feel this is appropriate. When I first worked with someone to retrieve a piece of their childhood that had been torn away by abuse, it was the image of Gabriel who wrapped his wings around the injured child and carried them from the site.
      The flag that flies from his trumpet is reminiscent of the English flag, the symbol of Saint George. Saint George was a knight who was famed for rescuing an imprisoned damsel from a dragon. While we may in our modern minds chuckle at what seems an outdated act of chivalry, there is a greater truth to the story we must consider. We must all become the knight who rescues those imprisoned pieces from the dragons of past. This world needs more than ever people who are unafraid to face their inner demons and claim their souls back. It is this call to action that Gabriel is sounding with his trumpet.
       In the Book of Revelations there is talk of seven seals and seven angels with their trumpets. These I feel are analogous with the chakras and the call to open these seals, to raise the dead from their restless slumber is to bring about a new age of wholeness after our own personal reckoning. We need more than ever to forgive ourselves for failing, for being hurt and to reject our imprisonment. The mountains are behind us and to be whole we must make peace with all our pasts.

Learning to have faith

  Faith is one of those prickly topics. It is inextricably tied up with belief and by association with religion and spirituality.
   It is a word used with scorn by skeptics and as a shield for those who lack the necessary evidence to have certainty in their views.
   Never-the-less it is absolutely necessary to have this quality in ourselves and those we trust. Life is not a science experiment that can be measured, repeated and subject to peer review. There are far too many permutations in our daily lives that we can have absolute certainty in every action we do. We must take action every day, that much is a certainty. Even not acting has consequences that cannot be measured before time.
    Faith is trusting in something even though there is not enough evidence to make it a certainty. Its opposite, doubt, is mistrusting because we lack the necessary evidence to make it a certainty. You can see they are exactly the same action but with either a negative or positive mindset attached.
    Applying doubt or faith to an external source such as a human being or a belief system is a luxury that we have the option of not choosing. But this doesn't hold true for ourselves. We must all make choices in this imperfect system without the benefit of absolute certainty. Thus we are given the choice to have faith or doubt in ourselves that we will make the best choices for our lives.
    Doubting oneself is a terrible burden, for with it carries guilt for every action that was not completed perfectly. For myself I have found that doubt has been at the root of many of my own personal recriminations. That I listened to the whispered voice of personal doubt, which makes feeling guilty so much easier. If I already doubt my choices to begin with, then guilt is so much easier to overlay.
      Trusting oneself is what lays beneath this. Without trust in oneself, it is easy to doubt...then from there to accept guilt for our choices. Fostering the goodness within us, we learn to trust and from there to have faith in ourselves and our choices even in the face of having no certainties.
      There are times when I have felt a certainty in my choices and then trusting myself becomes easier, times when I have felt totally attuned or a faultless sense of conviction in my actions. But these times are intermittent at best and you cannot live your life only from these moments. Doubts will assail us all, but only by having a faith in ourselves can we banish these imps back to the shadows.
       Recently I have had reason to doubt myself and it has caused a cascade of doubt to run through my self and to cause cracks in the walls of my convictions. It was as simple as missing a call. Working part time at the healing centre means I am on call if someone should show up and need a treatment. I missed the call by 10 minutes because I chose to take a walk and return long after it would be possible to do anything about it. It is one of those silly situations you see in movies but minimized to almost triviality, where a character doubts themselves for some consequence they feel they could have prevented by making an earlier choice differently. I know that there is no way I could have known to stay in, yet still the doubt lingers. Unlike other situations there is no-one but myself making me feel guilty.
       This guilt is made possible by my doubts. I don't doubt the bigger decisions in my life, the ones backed by righteousness, conviction or insight. I trust and have faith in my decisions on a larger scale. I know I am a good person and don't doubt I will make the right choice. It is the little everyday choices, the ones that have little or nothing resting upon them where doubt lives.
     Another incident occurred recently during my snow shovelling job. It was my first day and there was a pretty heavy snowfall I had to clear. I was working with new colleagues and it was laborious and physically demanding work. At one point I ended up working with the maintenance supervisor to clear a pathway. He is not part of my work detail, but the building's head maintenance guy so I was unsure of my hierarchical position in regards to him. He asked me to clear a certain pathway and then came back later I get the feeling to "check-up" on me. I was clearing a section of pathway that had tiny rivulets running through it and he told me that I should shovel it with the rivulets, rather than across them. I had found it made no discernible difference, yet he continued throughout the day to make tiny observations about our equipment, how much we had cleared and the time taken. My instinctive reaction was that the guy is behaving like a jackass, but my own doubts stopped me from putting a stop to the comments.
       These situations have a gravity of their own and after a multitude of minor hesitations on my part it all adds up to a major hesitation. The sense of independence, personal strength and integrity comes tumbling back down again. Realizing that a battle can be lost not through a major defeat but through steady attrition of faith in oneself makes it all the more important to stop the trickling losses.
       So the question remains. How does one learn to have faith in oneself if you are prone to self-doubt? The answer lies in trust. Trusting that you will make the right choices, even if they do not occur reflexively at first. This unconsciously doing the right thing does not immediately occur as soon as you understand it. For most of us it requires time and patience, it requires making mistakes, trusting the wrong people and being taken advantage of at first. Not everyone has a hyperactive defense system and for me coming from the position of giving people the benefit of the doubt too much...of caring and not wanting to hurt unnecessarily, it means that a mistake is the cost of learning. Over time I will get better at it, I will see the danger in the grass before stepping. I will trust my inner knowing, that gut instinct and give it credence and eventually be able to put it immediately into play.
     
     

Queen of Wands. Occupying centre stage.

    The Queen of Wands is one of the brighter court cards. She represents the female aspect of fire in its ruler-ship position and that of water and fire. It is also difficult to ignore the Leo symbolism within this card, there are lions on the back of the throne along with a sunflower.
     The sunflower is also represented within the Sun card. The sunflower itself is seen as a symbol of happiness and joy. The open face of the sunflower follows the progress of the sun making it an extremely active plant.
   Whenever I get this card it is linked to strong and vivacious women, usually Leos. Leo women tend to be pretty straightforward and are able to keep a good amount of optimism throughout situations that would have the less fiery signs sobbing into their tissues.
   The queen in this card is clad in a bright yellow gown, which immediately stands out and this is the way that this queen would have it. She is a bright individual who stands out from the wallflowers and is not afraid to stand up front and take the spotlight. You may also notice the soft lavender cloak she wears over her yellow attire, you might not see this soft tender side immediately as the yellow can be so overpowering, but it is certainly there. Lavender is a soft spiritual colour linked to a higher form of feminine intuition which this lady has in spades.
     At her feet sits a black cat. Black cats are symbols of luck, both for ill and for good. Each country seems to have its own ideas on whether they are good or bad, or even if the cat has to be walking in a certain direction! In this instance I would say that the queen is lucky as the cat sits at her feet and is a further representation of the queen herself. She can be somewhat fickle and prone to chase the limelight.
    There is also a further aspect to this fiery queen, the ability to voice her thoughts on matters large and small. She fully believes in her ability to speak the truth of the matter, not in a logical and intellectual way like the Queen of Swords but in an inspired and impassioned way. She is intuitive, intelligent and somewhat psychic and her Leonine demeanor gives her the strength and courage to voice her feelings and insights. At best she can captivate and illuminate a room, at worst she can come off as condescending and rude. Her fiery spiritual nature connects her to greater and deeper truths than those of the trodden masses and she is not afraid to make sure everyone knows it.
      Being a Leo myself (albeit a male one!) I can connect to this card somewhat and it has caused me to examine a way of being that I have encountered in my life. Recently I have found need to stand up for myself a great deal more as an individual, to not take abuse active or passive. This has been all well and good but there is a further element that has until now escaped my attention.
     It seems that I have encountered a greater number of people who have the ability to drone on for extended periods without a break. Most of these individuals come across as somewhat harmless. But they do have the ability to bore a room or to get people to roll their eyes or glance at their watches once they begin. It is like they have an internal monologue that they feel the rest of the world needs to hear. Even their own eyes glaze over once they begin, like they have left their mouths running while their brain rummages through the meaningless thoughts and ideas they stored up in their mental filing cabinets. It just happens that one of these people is a Leo. Now I am aware of the irony of this and I may well have the same problem myself once I get going on a subject I believe I am informed about...but hopefully not to this degree.
    I do feel a little exposition is helpful in bring a point across...but there are limits. My problem with them is that they continue to speak regardless of the fact that the person(s) they are addressing have shut up shop and are waiting for the next available out.
    How does one get them to either stop or get to the point without hurting their feelings? What occurred to me was that if I do this, then how would I like to have my attention drawn to the matter? I settled on the simple line of "You're rambling" if they get out of control, or a sharper "Does this have a point?" if it has gone on for a significant length of time. Hopefully I can be aware and courageous enough to use a softer line earlier on as ideally this is how I would like to be brought back to the present. Sometimes the person does it long enough to start sapping your patience and your energy and it becomes harder and harder to make an effective escape. In these circumstances being harsher is totally justified as they can kill a conversation and occupy centre stage.
    I recognise my own absence of power in letting these situations over run me and then feeling trapped or powerless as they chunter on to the point in which they finally shut up and leave the room. It is a form of energy vampirism, just on a minor level and in many cases totally unconscious. Letting it continue is a form of cowardice in wanting to avoid possible conflict. Nobody wants to come across as a bad person and these individuals can often use it to their advantage as they are unlikely to be challenged for such a minor matter.
     This of course is the shadow side of the Queen of Wands and can be avoided with a little bit of courage and the strength to confront, after all they are just trying to help!   
   
     

Ace of Swords. Standing up for truth.

     All of the Aces stand at the beginning of their own suit of elements. The Ace of Swords represents the element of air, of thought and mentality. It is a new beginning an influx of primal unsullied air energy being ushered into our lives.
      The suit of swords is often given a rather unfair descriptor of being one of the more negative suits. True, it does include a greater number of cards that seem outwardly negative, but without this element things would be a whole lot worse.
     The card depicts a large glowing sword being thrust forward, held by a divine hand emerging from a cloud. Swords themselves really only have one purpose...cutting. This purpose can be applied in several different ways and it can certainly be used for harm or evil purposes. Because of the fearsome power of the sword, this makes people afraid of it. But this awesome power can also be used for good and its power rightfully then belongs in the hands of those who would use it for that.
     The crown atop the sword is an indicator of its primacy, that it is used for rulership, hanging from the crown are two branches. One is an olive branch, the other a palm leaf. These two plants signify the dual nature of the sword. The olive branch is a symbol of peace, while the palm is traditionally a symbol of the successful vanquishing of the enemies of the soul. Often this was viewed in the context of spirit vs flesh, but I feel have moved past that archaic dichotomy. It truly symbolises spirit vs the misuse of power.
       The white and purple surrounding the card are symbolic of higher energies, typically those emerging from the crown chakra. That of universal mind. It suggests that this energy is in the employ of higher service.
        The Ace of swords represents the use of the intellect in the service of the highest good, that of universal mind. Too often the good are afraid of their own power and fail to utilise their own innate strength for fear of being like those who use their strength for misguided aims. This card is the pure essence of mentality and showing that it truly belongs in the hands of the good and if they do not grasp it, they cannot prevent its misuse.
      I have realised in my own life that not being prepared to use force to defend the good allows evil to triumph. That in itself is an evil. "All that is required for evil to triumph, is that good men do nothing". There is often a great fear that by accepting power it will immediately corrupt any goodness. But only the good will hold this thought in their minds as they wield power and be on constant guard for its misuse, both within themselves and in others. That is why it must be used by those who would call themselves goodly.
     Recently I have had to use this energy to create a new space in my life. I have had to accept that being brutally honest within communication sometimes is the only way to protect goodness. I have felt deep in my gut that something is wrong and I have used my intellect to find its root and to sever it without guilt or qualms. Just as a doctor may need to apply the scalpel to a cancer, any less measure than eradication is only going to allow the cancer to flourish. There is nothing inherently evil about this, even if it is a process that seems painful and severe.
     Talking with a couple of friends last night this conversation came up. A friend talked about several guys she knew who were too "nice" to complain about their food at a restaurant. Instead they griped and moaned rather than applying their power to change anything. This passive aggressive behaviour is not really good or nice. It causes those around them to suffer their petulance and creates an air of discomfort. By not grasping the power of truth and applying it, they perpetuate an evil...albeit a very minor one in this case. Aggressively pursuing truth is not an evil. By alerting a server to the inadequacy of the meal, they are doing themselves and the restaurant a service.  This of course is a minor example, but where someone fails in a minor way, they are not going to succeed in something major. Using the excuse that they are nice to not complain is merely covering up a personal weakness. Often they are afraid of any greater confrontation and the appearance of aggression.
      Applying aggression in the cause of goodness or right is not bad, in fact it is a greater level of goodness than mere passivity. But only when it is applied for the right cause. If you are not sure it is right, then do not use this power. Trust your gut and your heart, find what is wrong. Reason it out, find the best, most efficient and compassionate way to resolve it and apply your power. It may well involve cutting through someone's ego. That person may react as though you have cut them, but if you have followed your gut, applied your instinctual knowing you can be sure it is for the good.
     Allowing someone to use their ego to diminish or make another suffer is not a good action. That person may believe they are not hurting anyone else or that they are just being themselves. But people are not their egos. They are not their bad behaviour. Cutting this away may seem painful to them, but sometimes it is necessary. We all secretly love those who can speak openly and not stand for bad behaviour. That is a power we all have, one we should all be unafraid to embody. Imagine the good that could be done if people all stood up for their truth.